The Calm Before The Storm
It would be a few hours until they hit the Mu Relay, until Shepard and her crew plunged headfirst into an unknown outcome. She sipped her whiskey. She didn't normally drink it, but felt that now was as good a time as any. She relished the feeling of the liquid slowly warming all the way down to her belly. She'd had just enough to relax her. A hot shower had helped and now she sat in her quarters at her terminal display in a basic white tank and gray cotton pants. She would try to get some sleep soon.
There was nothing more she could say to comfort the crew. They all knew this might be a one way trip. There was no sugar coating it. She had no real hope to offer any of them. She hoped they were all dealing with in their own way, finding ways to pass the idle hours in the calm before the storm. Her terminal screen stared back at her, but she wasn't really paying attention to it. Her thoughts strayed to Kaiden then and she sipped the amber liquid in her glass once more.
A few days ago, when they'd all dealt with the death of Ashley, and she'd come to terms with her decisions, she was also forced to admit to herself her true feelings for the lieutenant, whatever those were. She'd made the right decision, on many levels, back on Virmire, and hadn't second guessed, but the relief she'd felt knowing that Kaiden was alive, on the ship, with her forced her to think about things. It wasn't simply flirting anymore. Perhaps, she realized, it never was.
In the wake of Ash's heroic demise, Shepard and Lt. Alenko had shared a moment that would be difficult to ignore later…if they made it out of this alive. She finished the last sip of her drink and poured a little more into her tumbler. She didn't want to think about regulations and the consequences of ignoring them, about his arm around her waist as she clumsily fell into him. She didn't want to think about the warmth of his body that could be felt through her clothes. She didn't want to think about his dark eyes meeting hers in that moment and the clear sobering message of truth that was burned into her by them. There were more important things to think of, like saving the universe. She laughed a little to herself. How small it all seemed now, everything – relationships, money, politics, love. She rolled her head to one side, cracking her still stiff neck and she pushed a strand of her jaw-length, dark hair behind one ear.
The chirp of the call button at her door made her look up.
"Come in," she said in a clear voice. She stood to meet whoever it was and as the door slid open with a hiss, Kaiden entered. Her stomach fluttered just a moment at the pleasant surprise. "Kaiden," she said. He walked towards her.
"Commander." She was almost disappointed at his formal tone.
"What is it, Lieutenant?" She asked. She saw him hesitate, saw his face change and was suddenly aware that this was no official business visit. His eyes met her and communicated the same thing they had before in their brief moment together. He stepped closer to her. She was sure she was witnessing an epic battle happening within him in that moment. He looked concerned, intense, conflicted, as if he was unsure of the reaction he would face after whatever he said or did next. She witnessed then that the battle had been won by one side of him and her heart sank as he broke eye contact with her. She'd never met anyone more by the book than the lieutenant. Except for maybe herself. In the second before he spoke, a thousand jumbled thoughts rushed through her mind. When he looked up again he spoke quietly.
"I just… wanted to say –"
"Say what?" she cut him off with a soft voice and their eyes met again. Hers pleaded with him. She suddenly didn't care. Everything else besides this moment could go to hell. She watched again as the rational, logical side of Kaiden Alenko gave up. His shoulders fell and she felt his hand on her face and then his lips on hers.
The kiss was firm, his lips soft and it was very still. She breathed softly through her nose. His face smelled ever so faintly of aftershave. After a few seconds he pulled away, looked at her trying to gauge her reaction. His eyes were begging permission to kiss her again, but they didn't have to. Shepard held his face in her hands and pulled his lips to hers again.
Strong arms slid around her body, warm hands lay on her back. Gentle lips urged hers to open, a soft tongue grazed hers lightly and a hard body pressed against her. Every slight movement of him became more insistent as he kissed her and she realized there would be no more hesitation from him this night.
Her body overtook her mind. The swift removal of their shirts and the travel of her hands down his strong torso were a blur to her, as was his lifting of her onto him for the short few steps to her bed. The mattress was soft on her bare back as remaining attire melted off of the both of them. Hovering over her, he paused then, looked at her face, stoked her cheek, and everything snapped back into focus for her. As if she was suddenly aware of what was happening, her body's ache for his doubled in intensity. She saw a small smile turn the corners of his mouth up as he kissed her again.
Their lovemaking changed from time to time; gentle, dizzying, frenzied and calm. He whispered words into her ear that intoxicated her, she called his name, breathless and desperate, felt his hands and mouth blanket every tender part of her, tasted his skin, pleaded requests into the heat of his mouth and shuddered and shook until at last they became a heaving mass of tangled limbs, descending from their high slowly and with each still labored breath.
They sat, face to face, pressed against each other, calming their breathing. Kaiden's hands still pressed against Shepard's back. She was trembling, satisfied, sweaty, euphoric. She pressed her forehead to his and opened her eyes to find his looking back at her. He smiled at her then and she smiled back. She knew they were thinking the exact same thing at that moment. They'd both suddenly realized where they were and what had just happened. There was no awkwardness, simply the recognition between them that something was different now. Kaiden kissed her neck as a short, deep laugh tickled her skin there. She giggled a little, out of character for her, and they collapsed onto the bed, finally pulling from their embrace.
As she lay on her back, staring at the ceiling, Shepard was hit with the sobering reality of their situation. Very soon they would be headed toward Ilos, toward an unknown outcome, toward a likely death. She hadn't noticed that Kaiden, now propped on his side was studying her face. And then he spoke quietly.
"I know that look," he said. She turned her head to face him. "You're right back in your head right now aren't you? Back to business." She smiled sympathetically. He was right. The gravity of reality had come slamming back into her. She hated it with every fiber of her being, but that wouldn't make it go away.
"I'm sorry," she said. "it's...I'm just..." She sighed as he kissed her cheek.
"Me too," he whispered. She turned to face him. She was chilly now and must have been shaking a little because Kaiden instinctually pulled the sheet up over them.
"We're going to make it through this," Shepard said. It seemed like a silly thing to say, but she couldn't think of anything else. Kaiden's hand rested on her arm, warm, safe.
"I didn't come here tonight thinking we were going to die," he said. He pulled her close and she rested her fingers lightly on his chest. "I want you to know that. Your crew trusts you. So do I." he brushed hair out of her face. His optimism relaxed her. Even if he was just saying it to make her feel better, she was glad he'd said it. Her tension eased again and she laughed. He looked at her questioningly.
"I'm just thinking how quickly they'll slap us with a court-martial for this." They laughed.
"I think we've officially broken every rule in the book now."
"Guess so" she laughed. She was getting sleepy. "I hate politics."
"Maybe we should just let the Reapers come." he kidded. "Just let Saren win and we won't have to deal with all that bullshit anymore."
"I like that idea." He kissed her. "So," she continued. "What was it you were going to say when you first walked in here? When I interrupted you."
"Oh," he said, remembering. He seemed embarrassed. "I uh...didn't really have a plan. Suppose I was hoping some grand romantic gesture would inspire me, but I chickened out. So I was going to say it had been an honor serving under you." He shrugged. "Of course...now..." They laughed and she play punched his arm a couple of times. He caught her hand in his and kissed it. "I mean that though." His face got serious and she saw not Kaiden, but Lt. Alenko for a moment. "I'm proud to serve on this crew. And I put my job first, just like you. I think you know that. I got your back, Shepard. "
Shepard let herself fall back into her comfortable role as his commanding officer for a moment. "I know you do," she whispered. "You're a damn fine LT, Kaiden." She stared at his kind brown eyes, lingered there a few moments, allowing herself the indulgence.
"How long until we hit the relay?" he asked. She could see sleep creeping onto his face.
"Should be about three hours." Her eyelids were heavy too. Kaiden pulled her closer to him and closed his eyes. She watched him a moment as he fell asleep, watched his breathing even and slow until she was certain he was out. She ran her fingers over a scar on his shoulder, made a note to ask him later how he'd gotten it.
Shepard closed her eyes slowly, suddenly full of a sense of hope that she hadn't had earlier. In a couple of hours she would have to forget this had ever happened. She would have to be the Commander. She would have to lead her crew. For now though, she felt peaceful, lying in Kaiden's arms, hated the shortness of the few hours they had left there, but made her mind up to stop thinking too much and enjoy it as she drifted off to sleep.