WinterWonderings

TITLE - Winter Wonderings
AUTHOR - Tammy M. Parnell
EMAIL ADDRESS: LaLapine@aol.com
DISTRIBUTION STATEMENT: Anywhere, as long as my name & disclaimer are on it
SPOILER WARNING: Christmas Carol rumor, Memento Mori
RATING: PG
CLASSIFICATION: S
SUMMARY: Scully reflects upon a life decision made for her, accepting it with Mulder's help
DISCLAIMER: The are not mine. They belong to Chris Carter, 1013 Productions, Fox Television, and the very talented, award-winning actors who portray them. :)
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story was based on a rumor about the episode A Christmas Carol.

Winter Wonderings
by Tammy M. Parnell

Small flurries danced randomly against the reflecting pool, but the small woman on the nearby bench was lost in thought, ignoring the light snowfall that strayed into her windblown hair. The biting cold took second place to her overburdened emotions. It had been one thing to be dying of cancer and know that she had no future before her; but to have the future given back to her, only to have its outlook bleak, was something else entirely.

When she had discovered that she would never be able to have any children of her own, her maternal instinct had gone into overdrive. Given a new chance at life, she wanted to make up for the time she'd thought she'd never have. One of her first decisions was to visit an adoption agency.

The professional and too-true words replayed hurtfully in her mind: We have decided, Dana, that because of your workload and the dangers involved in your profession, that you cannot provide a safe environment for a child. We're terribly sorry. But if your situation changes, please let us know. It has nothing to do with you as a person, Dana. But looking at your professional history, we don't feel that it's in a child's best interest to be placed with you in your current position.

Dana sighed heavily, her breath visible in the chill December air. As hurt as she had felt at the social worker's words, she knew they were the truth. Monsters like Duane Barry, Donald Pfaster, and even Alex Krycek would certainly use any child of hers to their advantage. Of course, she could always go back to teaching--a nice, safe profession, one which would enable her to adopt a child and raise him or her in a relatively normal environment. But that would mean giving up her status as a field agent, giving up the X-Files and their search for the truth--giving up Mulder.

As if having read her thoughts, a tall figure appeared close at her side. He smiled somewhat apologetically, knowing he hadn't been around much the past few days, but understanding also that she had needed some time to herself after all they had recently been through. She scooted over slightly, and he seated himself beside her.

I'm sorry, he said after a moment. I know how much you wanted this.

With a catch in her voice, she answered, But they're right, Mulder. I'm not in a position to be a mother right now. It wouldn't be fair to the child.

That's up to you, Scully, he replied gently, causing her to look at him. He put his gloved hand over hers and continued, When you're ready to be a mother, Dana, you'll know. You can request a transfer, go back to teaching at Quantico... You don't have to give up who you are... just redefine yourself. Any job you have will be just as challenging as where you're at now--if you've got a kid at home who's driving you crazy.

She matched her partner's quirky grin as a warm feeling spread through her. She asked seriously, But will *you* be ready for me to leave?

Never, he said silently to himself. Without you the X-Files are just a hopeless dream. But aloud he said, Only if I get to be Uncle Mulder.

She laughed for the first time in days and poked a finger playfully in his chest, feeling relief at his words. Uh-uh. You're not getting off *that* easy. My kid's calling you Uncle *Fox.*

He groaned goodnaturedly as he put an arm around her and pulled her close. Only *your* kid could get away with that, Scully.

They sat in friendly silence for awhile until the bitter cold and steadily increasing snowflakes forced them to head back to their respective cars.

I think, Mulder, Scully said as they departed, that I need to readjust myself to living--period. It feels strange to suddenly have a future again. His hand reached out to squeeze hers briefly at this comment, and she smiled. We have answers to find still. When we have discovered that truth, then it will be time to reevaluate. Then will be the time for me to move on. For both of us to.

We're so close to it, Scully, he affirmed. We *will* find the truth. It's only a matter of time. Time that we both have now. He paused thoughtfully. But just don't be afraid to tell me when you want out, Scully. It's *your* life.

She knew what that statement had cost him, and she appreciated it more than she could say. He had grown to think of her life as his, just as she had become accustomed to seeing his life as hers. Sometimes, that feeling of complete unity was overwhelming, smothering almost. But it was the basis for the most fulfilling relationship either had ever had. And that solid bond could never be severed, even if in order to find their individualism, other things had to change.

She patted his arm lightly as she unlocked her car door. I'll see you in the morning, Mulder.

G'night, Scully. He smiled and watched as she drove off before heading to his own car. He walked slowly, enjoying the winter weather, knowing that change would eventually come, but realizing that it would not be an ending--rather a new kind of beginning.

He leaned down, scooped up a handful of snow, shaped it into a ball, and boyishly pitched it against a nearby tree. Uncle Fox, he repeated, smiling quietly into the sharp chill of the night. Maybe change wasn't such a bad idea after all....

THE END