A/N: Hey all! So this is the first story I've posted! It's been roaming around in my head for awhile, so I figured it was time to let it out. I already have the first few chapters written and plan on uploading those all within the next few days. So check 'em out. Leave me a review and let me know what you think! If you like it then I'll continue with more chapters. Enjoy.
And Of course, Stephanie Meyer owns Edward, Bella, Jacob…Who am I kidding she owns it all! But here's to hoping she'll rent me the characters for a day or two. :)
"Think only of the past as its remembrance gives you pleasure." –Jane Austen
As I sat there burning alive I needed something, anything to take my mind off the heat. It had invaded every corner of my body and was now threatening to take over my mind, but I couldn't let it touch my mind. My mind, the one thing that made me, well, me—the thing I was almost positive made Edward love me, the thing I needed to most protect. And I would. I feared nothing would be strong enough for me to escape the burning that was rapidly taking me over, but that wasn't going to stop me from trying. As far as distractions go, I was pretty sure the past would be as good as any.
If remembering the past was supposed to give you pleasure, then I was obviously doing something wrong, because the past, my past, only brought pain. But that pain was a slight distraction from the current torture I was facing, and for that I was grateful. It was true, the pain wasn't fun, but it had significant intent. It cautioned. It shielded. It educated. And it was necessary for growth and development.I would have welcomed pain all those months ago. I would have given anything to feel pain, but I felt nothing. I was a shell of myself, so to finally experience the pain of it all—let's just say I was grateful for it.
Every happy memory I had of my time in Forks was scarred by the one that mattered most—the one that changed my life forever—the one that, in effect, ended it. This was the day Edward realized the truth, the day he left me. Of course, you already know that story. Boy smells girl and yearns for her blood. Girl falls unconditionally and irrevocably in love with boy. Boy realizes the truth about his feelings and leaves said girl heartbroken in the forest. What you don't know is what happened afterwards. But that is not where this story begins.
Our story begins with another type of pain—a pain so intense that nothing, not even Edward himself could have completely distracted me from it. But oh, how I longed for a distraction from this torture. Anything to divert my attention away from my current torment and the life I was inescapably being trapped in. I could wish for death, yes. But living in a world in which Edward and the Cullens did not exist was not an option for me. Even if I couldn't have them, at least knowing that they were alive was enough to slightly diminish my own emotional hell without them.
The burning was magnifying with each second that passed. It started in my finger tips and toes and was slowly gaining strength as it made its way towards my heart. I knew this pain. I had felt it once before, only that time it had been sucked out before it could spread far enough. But this time there was no one here to stop the spread of this pain, no one to protect me from the life for which I had once longed. I wondered what it would be like to be like him yet, not to have him. How could I live forever and never be able to touch him again, hold him, kiss him? What would he say when he found out? Would he hate me? Would he think I did this on purpose to trap him? I wasn't sure, but I was positive I didn't want to find out. I could protect him from himself by staying away. Forks was home, who said I ever had to leave?
By now the burning had completely taken control of my body, and it was no longer my own. I was a prisoner to the heat and could only imagine the scars it would burn into me. I wanted it to be over—all of it. I wanted my pain gone, forever, and soon it would be. But how it would end I never saw coming. So as I waited for the end, I soaked up my memories of Edward and surrounded myself with the pain of my past.