When we were kids we would run off and hide together when the yelling got too bad, it would be over the dumbest stuff, not that that mattered to Mother. I used to steal you sweets from the candy jar and you and I would hide under my bed hoping Mother wouldn't notice. She did. I got better though, I was a right little pickpocket back then.
You were my best friend back then, you were always afraid though, afraid we'd get caught (we usually did ) afraid we'd be punished (we always were) afraid you would make them ashamed (we did, but they deserved it) It didn't bother me, I was never able to hold my tounge, when I wanted something said, I said it; it got us both into lots of trouble.
The cousins would come over, they were always in a straight line as they walked through the door, first Bella, then Annie, then Sissy. Sissy and Bella didn't pay us much mind they were always together, Sissy stopping Bella from whatever evil deed she had planned, but Androdema would play with us when she was there, we always had fun! She was a bit like you back then, quiet and smart, smarter then me, of course it was her that taught me to love a good prank, and to never prank Bella, both good life lessons.
You remember it don't you? Even if you hate me I hope you at least remenber that fondly, remember the good parts, remember how I used to tell Mother and Father that you didn't have anything to do with it, the first time I must have been seven you would have just been five, funny how it feels like yesterday.
It was you that time, you had broken one of those priceless Black artifacts we had everywhere. Mother was swearing up a storm at us, even I nearly peed my pants. I don't know why I did it excect you were about to say you had done it and I couldn't watch you in pain.
"Mother, it was me." I said, shaking to the core of my being. I got a smack across the face just for speaking out of turn. Funny thing is I don't remember what punishment I got for that, what I remember is your face right then, so shocked like you couldn't believe someone would do that for you, so awed like just for that moment you wished you could be as brave as me.
Remember when I was starting school? You didn't want me to go, I didn't want to leave either, not that what we wanted had any say in what happened. It was such a great year, Remus was hiding something, but trying to figure that out just added to the fun! I wrote some letters, you never wrote back.
When I came home everything was different, Mother and Father seemed to hate me. You wouldn't look at me, I tried to talk to you, tell you about how great school was, but you just said "I'm not intersted in what a Gryffindor thinks of school." and then quieter you added "I'm not suppose to talk to you, Sirius, Mother said." So they had pulled it off in the end, they took the one thing from me I thought they couldn't, my brother.
I was afraid to leave you again at the end of the summer, you had started following Bella and Sissy around like a little lost puppy. We weren't talking but I was afraid I wouldn't recognise you if I left, but I left anyway. It was such a great year I nearly forgot about you, our pranks were better than ever and we finally found out what Remus was hiding. It wasn't really something I could write home about. Peter had a great idea too, he started mapping out the castle, recording all the serect places we found,and then I went home and you were acting just like them. You'd decorated your room in Slytherin colors, before you had even started school! So I did the opposite, I took my money and bought Gryffindor stuff I put it everywhere in my room, it was gone the next day. Kreacher must have gotten orders to take it down during the night or asked to. So I wrote to Remus and asked for a spell to stop Kreacher from doing that. He wrote back with a spell his father told him, but warned it was way above our year, I didn't care, I praticed it for weeks with nothing better to do, Androema helped me learn it, and soon I was a master, up again went the Gryffindor colors, I lay back on my bed proudly smiling, when I woke up the next morning they were still there.
Looking back I'm not sure if we exchanged more than two words at a time that summer, we got on the train together, you kept close to me looking nevorus, I wanted to say something, but I wasn't sure what. James ran over, followed by Remus, and Peter. James threw his arm around my shoulders "Sirius, I've got some great ideas for this school year-Who's this?"
You were glaring at him. "Regulus." I muttered, not wanting him to know I cared about you.
" Your brother? " Remus said, surprised.
" Only by blood." You spat at him, he seemed surprised, then an afraid, almost angry look came into his eyes.
"I'm going to find my real friends, enjoy your freaks." You said, even though I could see you holding back tears. You stormed off, I took a step after you, but James's arm still around my shoulder stopped me.
"What a little freak." He said, glaring after you "Hard to believe he's related to you."
"Yeah." I muttered.
" What did you tell him?" Remus asked, a harshness to his voice I wasn't used to.
" What?" I asked, confused, then it dawned on me. "Nothing, Remus, I didn't tell him about you furry little problem."
"Furry little problem? It's a bit more then a-"
"Guys, calm down." Peter said.
" Yeah," James cut in. "Guys, come on, Sirius, can't help it if his brother as evil as the rest of them and Remus, can't help it if he has a furry little problem. That's what we're for, brothers forever. " He said it with a playful grin.
Neither Remus nor I was in a playful mood, "Yeah," we both muttered. "Exactly!" Peter said nodding "Brothers Forever!"
It was that year we took the name, murauders, united under one name we wreaked havoc upon the school, it became James's battlecry-"brothers forever!" He would say, with that grin before we would execute whatever crazy plan we had next. Lucius was head boy at that point, you fell into his trap, happliy ate out of his hand, he always kept a few poisoned kind words waiting there.
That's the way our school days flew by isn't it? When did we talk? When did we even look at each other? Once or twice I would see you with Snape, I'd offer to play quidditch with James just to make sure he didn't see.
I couldn't stand living in the house, not with her, not with everything, I couldn't even look at you, Androdema was married with a kid, got blasted off the tree for that one, no surprise there.
I packed a bag in the middle of the night. I looked about my room for the last time, over the years I'd added muggle pictures to it, one of my friends, posters of muggle woman, posters of muggle bikes, the woman was to make mother mad, the bikes I actaully liked, I was building my own at school, Hagrid let me keep the bits in his hut; he said it might keep me out of trouble, all it did was make me nearly blow up the hut.
"What are you doing?" You said behind me, I turned to look at you. You were standing in the doorway, glaring at me. I couldn't remember the last time you had smiled.
"What do you care?" I asked, wishing I could bring the posters and picture with me, but I'd made that impossible, anyway it would make mother throw a fit and that was nearly as good.
" I don't want you to do something so dumb you can't fix it, there's a war coming; I want you to be on the right side." You said, you were fourteen, I should have told you not to worry about a war, I should have told you that it wasn't your problem, I should have told you that children shouldn't fight in wars they should do school work, but I didn't.
"I think we have a different opinion about what the right side means." I snapped at you.
"You'll reget this."
"Me? Regret leaving this place, you of all people should understand why I have you leave! Come with me, James will let you, come with me, please."
"Like I want to grovel to some blood traitor scum that can't stay out of trouble for five seconds!"
"Better him the the pureblood scum that you currently grovel to!"
"I don't grovel! Why did I even try to talk to you? You're impossible, if you could just keep your head down and mind you own business then none of this would happen! "
"Like you?" I said " Never saying what I think, and pretending everything is perfect? You do whatever they want it's like you don't even have your own mind!"
" I can think for myself enough to know I wish you weren't my brother !"
I froze looking at you, "Fine, good thing I have a real brother, he's waiting for me so I should probably go."
I throw my bag over my shoulder and walked out the door, looking back I saw you staring after me, but I turned away from you and kept going. James and his parents welcomed me, and I felt more at home there than I ever had at home, the only thing that would have made it better was if you were with me.
We didn't talk during the school year I wished we had, I wished i'd told you how sorry I was, but I didn't. You left school after your fifth year, joined the death eaters at the same time I joined the order. I was so afraid for you, afraid we'd have to cross wands. We never did, I saw you a few times but neither of us seemed willing to fight the other.
I guess I just never thought you would die. I mean I've worried about James and Remus and Peter, and even Lily, more now because she'll have a baby any day now. But somehow I've been so worried about loosing you, about fighting you, about what you could become. That I never thought you could die. I am holding the note in my hands you see, It isn't signed I have no idea who is telling me this. I know it's true, I feel it,
Sirius Black
Your brother betrayed the Dark Lord,
I don't know what he had planned, but he's dead.
I don't know who killed him.
There's no signature, there's no information, except that you betrayed him, what does that mean? Did you chicken out of some suicide mission? Or did you realise that what he is doing is evil? Did I give up on you too soon? Truth be told, did I ever try enough to give up? I can't mourn you, they wouldn't understand, I won't tell them your dead, because they would be glad. If I knew who killed you I would hunt them to the ends of the earth. The only way to revenge you now is to keep fighting, and to bring down as many death eaters as I can, I'll just hope one of them is the one. James can't understand he's an only child, but here's the big serect about brothers, there's not a limit to how many you can have and gaining a new one can never replace the one you lost, you were my brother, you are my brother, and we will always be brothers forever.