Title:...I'll Come In Again
Rating/Warnings: Gen, PG, SPOILERS FOR 5.10, random silliness and crack. And obviously totally not what happened ever. Also one of the OC's has a bad British accent. He wouldn't stop. I'm so sorry.
Format: Kind of scriptish? o.O
Word Count: Not many
Disclaimer: Deepest, most abject apologies to Eric Kripke and Monty Python.
Summary: Sacrificing minions - is there any problem it can't solve?
A/N: Things could have gone very differently in Carthage, had the demons standing around waiting to be sacrificed been permitted to speak freely. Or something. Since "five things the Colt can't kill" this has been running through my head in one form or another.
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...I'll Come In Again
by CaffieneKitty
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"Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as fear, surprise,
ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope, and nice red uniforms!"
~ The Spanish Inquisition, Monty Python ~
Lucifer: There's only one thing that the Colt cannot kill and I-
Demonic Minion 1: -two things.
Lucifer: What?
Demonic Minion 1: Sir. Two things. That the Colt cannot kill. It can't kill you and it can't kill Death, sir.
Demonic Minion 2: Yeah! Can't kill Death! That's an oxy.... an oxy-whatsit.
Demonic Minion 1: Moron?
Demonic Minion 2: Hey! That was uncalled for!
Lucifer: Okay, fine. There are two things the Colt can't kill. Me and Death.
Demonic Minion 3: Ooo, ooo! Three! Three!
Lucifer: Three. Seriously? What's the third thing?
Demonic Minion 3: The smell of fish, sir.
Lucifer: Me, Death and the smell of fish!?
Demonic Minion 1: Well, that's just stupid.
Lucifer: Agreed.
Demonic Minion 1: I mean, how would you even shoot the smell of fish?
Lucifer: Exac- ...what?
Demonic Minion 3: I dunno, but if they managed to shoot the smell of fish, the Colt wouldn't kill it.
Demonic Minion 2: Wouldn't that apply to all smells then, not just the smell of fish?
Lucifer: Why would anyone want to use the Colt to kill the smell of fish!?
Demonic Minion 3: You've never been near a spawning stream in the fall, have you sir? Worse than the Styx.
Lucifer: Fine, fine. Whatever! There are three things the Colt cannot-
Demonic Minion 4: *koff*
Lucifer: What?
Demonic Minion 4: Four.
Lucifer: Four??
Demonic Minion 4: Yeah, well, it couldn't kill anything what wasn't alive in the first place, sir. Like a rock. Or dirt.
Demonic Minion 2: Dirt's alive.
Demonic Minion 4: Naw, dirt's just got squirmies in it. There's a difference.
Demonic Minion 2: So the Colt could kill a tree, but not a rock?
Demonic Minion 4: Yeah, 'cause the rock wasn't ever alive, see?
Demonic Minion 2: What if it was a fossil? That was once alive.
Lucifer: Ahem.
Demonic Minion 4: Well a fossil's already dead, innit? That's another thing it couldn't kill there; stuff what's already dead. So that's five things.
Demonic Minion 3: Hey, what about the sun? Could the Colt kill the sun?
Lucifer: Ahem.
Demonic Minion 1: Well, that counts under the fourth thing, because it's not alive, it's just on fire.
Demonic Minion 3: Couldn't the Colt kill a fire?
Lucifer: ...you know what? Screw this.
Demonic Minion 1: Look. Fire's. Not. Alive. And the Colt could never hit the sun anyway, it's too far away.
Demonic Minion 3: But what if the Colt was super-rocket-powered-
Demonic Minion 4: Oi! Where's the Boss gone?
Demonic Minion 1: Oh, great. Now look what you've done. He's surrendering to the Winchesters.
Demonic Minion 2: Not my fault! Not my fault! They got into the argument about fire!
Demonic Minion 3: I wasn't arguing, I was trying to make a point! You were arguing!
Demonic Minion 1: I wasn't- Look, it doesn't matter; the Apocalypse is over, you've driven the Boss back to the Light and we're all going back to Hell now. I hope you're happy.
Demonic Minion 2: ...yeah. I guess? Am I supposed to be happy?
Demonic Minion 3: I'm itchy. I think my meat-suit has fleas.
Demonic Minion 4: I'm hungry. I was told there would be cake?
Demonic Minion 2: Yeah, cake!
Demonic Minion 1: *heavy sigh*
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(that's all. Obviously this never ever happened. *facepalm*)