So this a new story I've been working on. I'm not sure how often I can update because I'm starting a new job soon. But I hope you'll like it!
Edward held my hand gently. Despite the fact that his hand was cold, I felt his radiant love from his unbeating heart to my beating heart. Not a word was spoken as we were lying down on our meadow. The warm breeze from the wind made my hair tangle up, but I didn't care. I was happy, could anything be better? If I could, I would spend every second being around Edward, I just couldn't get enough of him, I almost wanted to crawl inside his skin and be there forever.
A smile on my lips, I was happy he couldn't read my thoughts, he would commit me to a hospital if he could. "Take this crazy girl, she is insane of love for me!" A laugh bubbled out from my mouth.
"What?" Edwards voice sounded amused and curious.
"Well, I'm just thinking about what you would do to me if you could hear my thoughts." I tapped my forehead with my index finger and smiled. It was a joke, he would never do anything I didn't want to do and likewise.
"Bella, don't tease me. I always want to know what you are thinking, the good things and the bad things." He turned around to see my face, still holding my hand. "You know I love you more than anything, you are the reason of me existing."
His words, always so straightforward and honest. How could I ever doubt his love? I now knew his true feelings for me, and I knew I could go through fire and ice with him by my side. He had all my trust and I had his.
"I know you do, but some things a girl wants to keep to herself. You know Alice and especially Rosalie. They go mad if you tell something out loud they've tried to keep as a secret."
"Not any more, it's no use. I always know in the end." I heard his attempt to keep his voice calmed, but I knew it was hard for him too, to hear everything and keep quiet about it.
"Well, Rosalie and Alice have gotten real good at thinking of other things when you are around. Maybe you don't know everything that's going on in the house." I turned my face towards his and winked.
"Oh Bella, you will be my death, teasing me like this. Is there something I need to know?" He moved closer to my aching body, knowingly what he did to me when his hand caressed the arch of my back.
"Edward, you know you're not getting anything out from me. If there is something you don't know, any secret, you just have to deal with it, like everybody else." As he continued on to stroke my stomach, arms and face I tried to think about one of the secrets I actually had. A dream. Dreams don't usually means anything, but this time I couldn't stop thinking about it. In the last month or so I had this dream about ten times, and it got more and more detailed. The first night I heard a car in the dark, the tires screaming as the driver tried to steer the car in the right direction. I woke up, cold of sweet. Edward weren't there, as always when I had this dream, he wasn't there in my bed. It's not his fault or anything and I'm not blaming anyone, Edward has to drink blood the feel somewhat safe to be around me.
As the dreams went on, the more detailed they got, and the other night I woke up screaming. Charlie was already out, fishing with Billy so he didn't hear my scream. It felt like a panic attack, the kind when you are so scared you think you might die. Edward wasn't there, not even Alice who used to see if anything was wrong or going to happen.
The dreams started as usual with me in the middle of the road, it was pitch black and I felt scared. I was all alone, no one there by my side. I heard the tires screaming and I saw the headlights from the car. It moved from side to side, it looked like it couldn't decide if to use the right or the left lane of the narrow road. I tried to make my legs work, to get to the side of the road. I screamed to myself as the car got closer and closer. I somehow knew he was going to hit me and it was nothing I could do about it. He was only a few yards from me when I felt it. A serenity in my body, I had my chance for happiness in life and I had taken it. With Edward in my heart I had no regrets.
The car hit me right in my chest and I flew away, laying on my back in the ditch, alone. The car speeding away from my, now, dying body. I felt no pain, I just knew I was about to die. And as my soul left my body I felt at peace.
At that point I woke up, screaming. Alone in the house, alone in my mind.
I shrugged and Edwards eyes looked straight into mine. I almost got lost in those golden eyes. "Is something wrong? Do you wanna go back to the house? I can fix some food for you." He wrinkled his nose. He preferred his animal diet over mine.
"Yeah, I think it's time to go back, the sun is almost setting and it's getting chilly." I actually didn't feel cold, but I wanted to talk to Alice about my dreams, maybe she could help me understand.
"Jump on, love!" Edward smiled with his entire face. The same smile I loved so much. So I did what he told me, jumped on his back, feeling like a doll and hanged on for my dear life. Edward would never let me fall off, but I liked having his body tight in mine. An excuse to kiss his neck and bit his ear gently. He loved that, and could handle it while he ran. I could never do that in bed, he would force me of his urging body with the same explanation as always. But when he ran, he could handle it.
We got back to the house in no time, Alice was waiting for us outside on the big porch, surrounding the white house. I couldn't read her face, she had a peculiar look on it and I got worried. Had she seen my dreams? The nights when I woke up screaming? Could she help me?
"Alice, what's up? Why are you singing Abba tunes in your head? I didn't know Abba was one of you're favourite bands." Edward sounded smug, but helped me down, of his back.
"Jasper wants to see you, something about a rematch of chess?" She giggled and opened the front door for him.
Edward turned around so he could look me in the eyes, there was something in his eyes who made me a bit anxious, but I couldn't exactly say what that meant. Maybe I was the one who made myself anxious, and not him."I sense Alice wants to have a word with you about something she doesn't want me to know about. A new shopping spree perhaps? Count me out this time if you can." A fast kiss on my cheek and his was off through the door.
"Alice, what's up?" I put my hands in my jeans pockets, I didn't want her to see the small tremble on them.
"Maybe you can tell me?" She grabbed my wrists with her hands and lifted my hands up, out of the pockets. " What's wrong? I've seen you waking up at nights, screaming. But I don't know why and it's getting me angry and I feel useless. What's making you scared? Is there something I could do? Have you told Edward?" She looked me straight into my eyes.
I suddenly realised I couldn't tell her, or Edward. If I did... I couldn't live with myself, feeling like I weak girl who couldn't take care of herself. I didn't want to get back those feelings I had when Victoria came back. Someone always watching over me so I wouldn't get hurt, and I felt so bad. These people had other things to do, than watch my back all the time. They had a life and I didn't want to be in the centre all the time, taking cared of like a baby. I could handle things, and especially after the wedding when Edward promised to make me a vampire too. I sighed, tried to think of an explanation, and it was easy, to easy.
"Some of the dreams I had when Edward was gone has came back. But it's okay, I now know he's not leaving me, and I know he love me more than ever." I also knew that Alice would buy my explanation, because she knew how bad I was when Edward was gone.
"Well, if that's what you say, I trust you. But if there is something you ever need to talk about, I will always be here for you, and you know that. I love you Bella, you are my sister!" She gave me a hug and kissed me on my forehead. I felt such gratitude, but at the same time I felt ashamed for lying to her that a single tear came down my face.
"No need for that Bella, I'm just telling the truth." She wiped of the tear and took my hand. "Ready to go inside, to give the boys a good tip or two about the chess?
I felt really bad for lying to Alice so I thought I'd do something she really liked to do. "No, what about some online shopping? I think I need a new pair of jeans, and maybe some converse shoes."
"Really? Are you sick perhaps? That don't sound like you, Bella. But I'm not hard to persuade, so come on!" Alice dragged in into the big living room where Jasper and Edward was playing chess. Jasper eyed me worryingly and I felt serenity around me, he was good and I tried not to give him a reason to ask me why I felt anxious.
Edward looked up with a question mark on his face. "Bella, do you actually want to shop with Alice? I'm surprised that you gave her that idea."
"Well, someone needs to be nice to Alice, you lot are playing chess all the time so I thought I could be the one being nice. Where is Rosalie?" It was easier for me, pretending to be interested in all the shopping sites if Rosalie was there.
"I'm here, and I want to shop!" Her high voice almost startled me. She and Emmett were watching some movie on the big screen TV Carlisle had bought in Japan.
"But babe, we were watching this movie, and I kinda like it." Emmett complained loudly.
"Emmett, darling. I know you've seen The Notebook about twenty times, and I think it's boring now. I rather shop!" She rolled her eyes and sighed.
She took my other hand and it surprised me, maybe she'd finally accepted me as one in the family?
It was hard to put the thoughts about the dreams away during the shopping and I think Alice ordered me more cloths than I'll ever wear. Poor Jasper and Edward got new cloths as well, and I think Carlisle got himself a new wardrobe too.
Edward interrupted my thoughts a he walked into the room. I never got used to his beauty. "Ready to go home? Charlie already has a hard time with me because of the wedding and I don't want to get him more upset then he already is."
"No, I think Alice have ordered up too much things as it is. No more is what I say!" Alice gave me smug look.
"Don't be like that Bella. This was your idea, remember?"
"Yeah, well, I think we're done for now. I'm sleepy." The perfect excuse.
"Let's go then." Edward was ready to go.
So I gave Alice a hug and said good bye to her and Rosalie. I did the same downstairs to Emmett and Jasper.
"When is Esme and Carlisle coming back?" They had been away for a couple of days and Edward didn't want to say exactly where the were.
"I think in about a week or so."
"And you are still not telling where they are?"
"You are right. Don't be so nosy." He leaned over and kissed my nose. I forgot my questions as his lips touched my warm skin. I loved that feeling, his lips on my body.
Too soon we got back home and I saw Charlie move around in the living room as he heard Edwards car slow down outside the house.
"I'm sorry Bella. But I can't stay this night. Emmett had something he wanted me to help him with. I tried to talk me out of it, but I couldn't. But I know Charlie is going fishing early in the morning so I promise to be here when you wake up. Is that okay?"
I tried to swallow my anxiety, I knew this would be a hard night and I wasn't ready for that. But I didn't have a choice. I couldn't ask him to stay, no way. "Of course it's okay. Do what you have to do and I'll see you in the morning!" Now I felt the panic working up in my body and I swallowed hard.
"Are you sure Bella? I can stay if you want, I'm fairly sure that Emmett won't mind if I skipped this one out." Of course I couldn't make him stay so I tried to persuade him to go by looking him straight into hies eyes.
"It's okay Edward. I'm a big girl, I can manage. Go now before Charlie throws a fit and starts screaming for me to get inside."
"Alright, see you in the morning. Love you Bella." He ended the sentence with giving me one fast kiss on my lips.
"Love you too, bye." I got out from the car, eager to get inside, out from the darkness. As always, Charlie waited for me in the narrow hallway.
"Hallo Bells, did you have a good day with Cullen?" He grunted when he said Cullen.
"Good evening to you too dad. And yes I did. And now, off to bed, I'm tired." I tried to get by him, but he didn't move.
"Dad, bed please?"
"Yeah, okay. I just wanted to let you know that Billy and I are going out fishing early tomorrow, so I won't be up when you wake up, if that's okay?
"Of course dad, why wouldn't it be?" He never asked me before if it was okay, and my panic got worse. But I did as I always did when I got panicking, I swallowed hard and focused.
"No, nothing, just wanted you to know. And you know I love you right?" This was making me really anxious.
"Yeah, I know dad, and I love you too. Can I please go to bed now?" He took me in his arms and hugged me hard. When he realised that I tried ease up the hug, he let me go and kissed me on my forehead, exactly the same place where Alice had kissed me a couple of hours ago.
"Off to bed Bella, see you tomorrow afternoon. I'll bring some nice fish for you to cook, sounds good?"
"Yeah, night dad." I ran up the stairs into my room. What did he mean by all that?
I think I will post the next chapter pretty soon, and if you liked it or has something to ask or anything, please review!