Chapter 1: The Reason Why.

The small droplets of rain on the window pane were all that took Lovino away from his brothers constant droning, along with the occasional sip of coffee from time to time. He knew deep down that his brother meant well, but that didn't stop him from being annoyed too, damn it. He grimaced as he noticed that Feliciano had stopped talking and was once again giving him that look, the look that one would give to a terminal cancer patient or a kicked puppy.

"…Che?" Feliciano jumped a bit at the sharp question from seemingly nowhere. He looked down immediately and occupied himself, suddenly very interested in a loose string on his button up. Lovino sipped at his coffee and reveled in the rare silence, treasuring it. "…..Fratello…the doctors said you should talk to help forge-""TO HELL WITH THE DOCTORS! NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR A BIT! I CAN'T HEAR THE VOICES IN MY GODDAMN HEAD!" Lovino fumed and glared at Feliciano, the dare for the redhead to keep speaking at his own risk understood without the threats ever being verbally expressed.

He sat back, having been on the edge of his seat while yelling. There they sat for a while, neither wanting to speak now. Of course, that didn't stop Feliciano from taking secret glances at his brother. Lovino had lost a lot of weight and his usual olive skin was a paper white. He didn't eat much at all, or anything else that humans require to live for that matter. It had been just over a year, and Feliciano knew why Lovino was not taking care of himself.

Antonio was buried 14 months ago, and with him went all of Lovinos will to live. Then again, Feliciano was sure he would have been the same after over 100 years of marriage. He finally sighed and stood. "….if you need me before lunch, I'll be cleaning…" he carefully made his way over and kissed Lovinos forehead before leaving the kitchen. Lovino looked back at the window, once again looking at the rain. Sure he felt bad for yelling at his brother like that, especially after all Feli is taking care of him 24/7, but there was a time to stop that the younger Italian never learned.

Lovino found himself absentmindedly twisting his wedding band, as he often caught himself doing. He shakily took his hand away and sipped his coffee again. 'One day closer, one day closer, just hold on...' He chanted this to himself as often as he could. He often dreamed of what Antonio would have thought of the house. They both had been so sure of the future back then…

He didn't notice that he was crying until a pathetic sob escaped his lips and he hid for cover in his hands. He missed him, all he ever wanted anymore was his amore to hold him, to be close to him and tell him that everything was okay again. But it never would be okay, he thought to himself through the tears. Not ever again.

Feli was at his side in a matter of seconds, carefully getting down and pulling his brother close. The sobs were past heartbreaking, and Feli couldn't help but shed a few tears as well. "Fratello, do you need your medicine early today?" he asked softly, rubbing small circles in Lovinos back. Lovino spoke through tears in a mix of Italian and Spanish that couldn't be deciphered no matter how hard Feli tried. "Sssshhh fratello, per favore…calm down."

Lovino sobbed for a bit longer before he was give out, too weak to cry anymore. Feli sighed and noted how bony his brother was now a days. "…Let's get you to bed fratello…" It took nothing anymore for Feliciano to pick up his brother. He carried the elder Italian upstairs like a small child and carefully tucked his away in his bed, lying beside him and observing as his brother slowly gave into his merciful dreamland.

He gently wiped away the tears that were left and watched Lovinos face changed as it always did, from the anguish to peace. It was a nice sight, but Feliciano knew better. He knew that there was a big chance that the nightmare would come back and make his brother wake up screaming, terrified and having to relive his loss over and over again.

Getting up from the bed slowly, he made his way out and down the hall, tracing the walls with his fingertips as he often did to slow his mind and allow himself small physical sensation to reassure that he could still in fact feel. Taking care of his brother wasn't the problem; he'd do anything for his big brother. It was the fact that no matter what he did, he would never be Antonio. Not even close.