Flashback to July 12, 2015
It sounded like a million guns going off at the same time, that gigantic boom; I saw the plume of smoke and I knew it was over. I still ran the five miles to NCIS headquarters. I was breathing hard by the time I reached it and saw the building engulfed in flames. Leon Vance was sitting by Palmer, who was in a stretcher beside an ambulance with flashing lights. Then I saw Ducky. I made it past the reluctant police and yelled to him "Where are they Ducky? Are they ok?" I questioned, but was immediately answered by stretchers, carrying body bags. "No!" I yelled unbelieving. "I'm so sorry McGee" he mouthed looking down at his feet, and then looked up "They're dead," he said softly. I fell down hard, my knees my hands were on the dusty concrete where I parked my car every morning. "All of them," I questioned barely breathing, "Every last one of them," Ducky answered.
Flashback to January 12, 2016
"Tim… Tim are you ok?" McGee's usual waitress Jenny questioned, concerned.
"What? Oh yes I'm ok… just thinking" McGee answered, embarrassed
"Oh ok? Have you found a job yet?" she asked enthusiastically
"No… I'm not really looking though. I'm really just focusing on my writing… it's the only thing that makes me happy these days"
"How is it that you have so much money, and you don't even have a job?" Jenny asked laughing softly
"It's not important… Anyway I should probably go," McGee replied handing her a five dollar bill. He walked out the door, into the annoyingly loud street, while the sun beat down upon his skin. He glared up into the sun, wondering if there was any way he could reach it, so that he might burn up into nothingness.
McGee's thoughts
McGee walked the mile to the NCIS building… his mind wondered… to them.
He found himself thinking more and more about them with every passing day; it wasn't fair that they had left him behind. The thought of "If only I hadn't gone to visit her…" seeped into his mind. At least if he had died alongside them, then he wouldn't have had to deal with the guilt of their deaths.
McGee always wondered why he had been spared, and not one of his colleagues. He especially thought of Abby, and realized that he would have willingly given his own life to spare hers. In fact the reason that he was going to visit Alana that day was to sign the divorce papers… so that he could finally feel comfortable in his relationship with Abby. Although he had been married, McGee had been secretly seeing Abby for three years. Abby had taken a job in San Fran and they rarely got to see each other, but they did, occasionally… when McGee claimed he had to go on a business trip, hundreds of miles away. Abby had just recently moved back to Washington D.C. when her replacement had a nervous breakdown, and jumped off the ceiling of NCIS headquarters. If only she hadn't been reassigned, then she still might be alive… they still might be together. McGee could picture the life he almost had… a nice house, a daughter who loved black, spikes, and farting hippos just as much as her mother, and maybe a son who loved computers and video games as much as his parents. Now that life was impossible, he would never be a family man. He refused to be a family man for anyone else.
McGee thought back to when he last left NCIS headquarters. He didn't look back… it was too painful to see the place that had taken his friends, collogues, the two loves of his life, one whom he had never had the guts to tell that he actually loved, and one whom he could so easily love that it was like breathing. It would have been hard to pick which one he loved more… his gothic princess, or writer lover. Still he never would have wanted that decision to go away… because in the end he still would have had one and now he didn't have either.
McGee thought about how he wished he didn't have to go to this memorial, it was hard enough not to think about them, then again that might be because he was staring down at each of their caskets; Tony's was hand painted by his artist cousin from Italy, it was a beautiful scene with a light house, in his will asked to be buried with his collection of DVD's, which were now probably crowding over most of his burnt body. Ziva's was a beautiful white color just plain and simple. Gibbs was mahogany with, his many awards draped over it, a picture of his dead wife and daughter lay on top as well. Abby's was pure black with a white skull and red roses on the top, McGee pondered over this one for a while. He ran his hand across the smooth wood trying not to think of what she would look like under the lid, almost ashes, unfortunately the only thing that could identify each of their bodies, was their dental work.
January 12, 2016
"McGee?" a familiar voice questioned from behind taking McGee away from his thoughts and back to the real world.
"Ducky, is that you?" McGee asked… not wanting it to be Ducky, but he knew by the familiar Scottish accent that it was in fact the former Medical Examiner.
"McGee, my boy… it's really a wonderful to see you, but under the worst of circumstances of course," Ducky answered sadly, followed by an awkward silence.
"How's Jimmy?" McGee questioned breaking the silence.
"He's better… his wife called a couple months ago and told me they had taken off the bandages, and that he was starting to look like himself again" Ducky answered.
"Do you know if they've caught the person who planted the bomb?" McGee questioned.
"No, they don't even have any leads. Leroy would have solved this case in a heartbeat, rather sad that he seems to be the only one capable of solving murders in this place" Ducky replied.
"Are they going to rebuild headquarters?" McGee wondered aloud.
"There has been talk that they're planning on selling the property to a real estate agent, perhaps they believe that there's only room for one NCIS anymore, of course I hope they don't expect all employees who survived this ordeal, to pack up and relocate to Los Angeles" Ducky replied.
"Yes, I hope that they don't put anybody out… So what have you been doing recently?" McGee questioned, as he took a swig from his flask.
"Well I'm working at the FBI, they offered me a position as their Chief Medical Examiner after Callum retired, although I'm not sure how long I'll be staying there, I am getting rather old for this job" Ducky answered.
"Timothy! I'm so glad you're here" Rachel Cranston babbled, hugging McGee "I am so sorry for your loss, they were…"
"I know… they were some of the best people I've ever had the privilege of working with" McGee finished.
"Yes they were amazing… listen McGee if you ever want to get together and talk…" Rachel started.
"That sounds great… but uh I have to go," McGee said, abruptly turning to walk away, after seeing it was twelve thirty "Maybe I'll see you guys sometime," he continued, walking away, feeling the burns of several eyes staring at him.
"What? McGee? Where are you going?" Rachel exclaimed.
"What am I supposed to do?" McGee asked himself, "just pretend that everything I am wasn't lost six months ago, in that bomb! Pretend that I can and will move on, despite losing the people I loved!"
"McGee my boy…" Ducky yelled, interrupting his thoughts. McGee stood and waited for Ducky to catch up. "I'm sorry about everything that has happened… I understand that nothing will ever be the same again, but they're in a better place now… we can't dawdle on the things that we can't change, it'll make us cold, hard people. You need to move on, my advice is to get out of this place it's full of memories, this life is only what you make of, you can't destroy your chances of a happy future, when there will always be someone, even if just but one person… who loves you McGee. I just want you to remember that they wouldn't want you to live in the past,"
McGee turned around "Someday maybe I can put all of this behind me," McGee started "but until then, I just don't think it would be right to… forget about them, I'm still hoping this is all a nightmare, but I know all too well that… it's just life."