Some facts are off in the story, but it's how I picture things happening in my head. These characters don't belong to me, but their actions do. Enjoy.
Part I.
One thing she noticed after she'd gotten back from Oregon, was that they weren't in sync anymore. Their steps faltered, there was a beat in between them. They couldn't read each other's thoughts like they used to - they didn't have that unspoken language anymore. They weren't the same people as before, and she blamed herself.
Because she left him. Because she wanted to do what was best for her. Because she was selfish. She wanted him, but knew - or thought she knew, that he would never be hers, so she left. Now things weren't the same. He'd pined after his new partner, and Olivia had pined after him while she was away.
And now that she's back, Olivia can't help but regret every decision she's made in the last year. Exactly the length he's been separated from his wife.
Instead of going after him like she wanted, she ran away. She pushed him away, and he'd fallen into the arms of her replacement. All because she couldn't deal with her own feelings, with the fact that if she were to act on them, she would lose her partner. And ironically, she still ended up losing him.
Something needs to change, and it wasn't until recently that she figured out what it is.
Her.
Olivia needs to change if she wants him, Elliot Stabler, to stay in her life.
**E&O**
"Elliot, can I talk to you?" Her voice is calm despite the concoction of emotions flooding her brain and body. She takes a moment to look at him. He is more relaxed, wearing jeans and a jacket instead of his usual suit and tie. It looks good on him, and she likes it. But she can't help but think about when that happened.
"Uh.. Sure." His brows furrow and he follows her into the nearest interrogation room.
When the door closes, she takes a deep breath and faces him. "I um.. I'm sorry for leaving and not telling..."
He runs a hand down his face, "Don't do this now, Olivia. It's your life, your choice. You don't need to apologize to me." She can tell he's hurt and irritated, but she won't have it.
"I do because..."
"Olivia." He barks, eyes locking on hers in a deep stare for the first time since she's been back. He is angry. He steps closer to her, Olivia backing up against the door. She's intimidated, but not scared. She knows he'd never hurt her. "I don't want to do this with you." He grinds out. "I'm tired of your little games, your coming and going. I'm done. Okay?"
She grits her teeth, not backing down. "Elliot, you need to let me explain." It's all she can say, she knows he's angry, and she gives him props for not smashing something yet. But she won't let go.
"I don't need to do anything except get back to work. That's what we're here for. That's what you came back for, because God knows you don't care about anything else."
And there it is.
Before she can get another word out, he yanks her arm and pulls her away from the door. He storms out, slamming the heavy metal behind him. In so many words, he's telling her exactly how she's hurt him. And as much as it stings to hear those words, she knows what she has to do to make it right.
**E&O**
She's done a lot of stupid things in her life. Almost getting knocked up by one of her professors had been at the top of the list, and is still in the top three. But having Elliot be mad at her is a whole new level entirely. He's never been this angry before. Not at her at least.
Coming and going.
That's why he's angry with her, and she can't blame him. Not for anything this time. She'd left because they were getting too close, and all she did was think about herself. She didn't want to lose him as a partner because of the feelings bubbling up with their new situation, so her first thought was 'run!' She didn't think about his feelings, his part in all of it.
She runs a hand through her hair, ruffling her short bangs. Those were also a mistake. She's really on a roll.
Way to go, Olivia!
She'd hoped when she got back from Oregon that he'd be a little easy on her. Hoped. A girl can hope, but in hindsight it was more like wishful thinking.
She doesn't know why she's here right now. At the stoop of his building. A known unknown, as a famous public figure once put it. It is a push and pull kind of thing. Her heart is pushing her to talk to him. To tell him how she feels and why she left. Her brain is telling her to fuck off and go back to Oregon - or… somewhere else at least. She's tired of the fighting with him. But this time it's on her, and she wants to… no, she is going to make it right.
She has her tea in one hand, and a coffee in the other. She lets out a deep sigh and sets them down, taking a seat on the top step. She pulls out her phone and shoots him a quick text.
Meet me downstairs.
She hopes to God he'll agree. Olivia knows he's awake despite the late hour. With their job, no hour is too late, and she knows him.
The phone chimes with a text notification. She glances at it with anticipation.
OK.
She doesn't know if the feeling that washes over her is relief or fear. She doesn't know exactly what to be afraid of. Lies. She knows. She knows that as soon as he comes downstairs, he'll give her the cold shoulder until he is done being angry with her. He'll yell at her, and this time she'll have to take it because they're in this position because of her.
Way to fucking go, Olivia.
Ten long minutes later, the front door to the complex opens, and she feels his eyes on her. She doesn't turn around, knowing he'll sit next to her. And he does. He leaves very little space, and if it weren't for the intense emotion radiating off of him, she'd think he isn't mad anymore.
"I brought you coffee." It's the start of a peace offering on her part, and she hopes he'll let up at least a bit.
He nods, taking the cup, "Thanks." But he doesn't sip. Doesn't down the contents, doesn't even fucking check the temperature. He just sets it down.
She sighs and her head drops a bit. "Elliot-"
"I told you I don't want to do this with you anymore, Olivia." His words are exhausted, and she's sure it's not from lack of sleep. She's done this to him.
"What even is this? Huh, Elliot? Last I checked, we were partners. Partners come and go, you get a new one and move on. I sure as hell didn't see you have a problem moving on with Beck." She throws it out there, and that is her only defense. Other than that, she has nothing on him. Absolutely nothing.
"Really, Olivia?" He's angry again, and frankly, she isn't phased by it anymore.
"Yes, really. I went undercover. I didn't have a partner. I didn't have fucking anyone-"
"That was your choice! Dammit Olivia…" Olivia, not Liv. It hits her like an onrushing train. "Not everything is about you! You left, without a word, or a call or a text! You left because... because... I don't even know why you fucking left, but you did!" His breaths are hard, forcing him to take a moment to calm down. Tears stream down her face, and Olivia knows that he's aware that they're there. He doesn't acknowledge it though, and if he does, he doesn't seem to really care. "And like I said early today. It's your choice. We are just partners."
He's about to get up, and she's done. She's done fighting him and the urges, and she's so fucking done with it all.
"You know why I left, Elliot? We were getting too close. You were still married, and I was... I was developing feelings for you. I didn't want to be the one to tear your family apart Elliot. You have to believe that. I knew that… that if I stayed... It would have become something more.. At least on my part and..." She cries openly now, and she hates that he can witness her like this. Weak.
"Liv..." He sighs, turning his body towards hers. He shakes his head and rubs the tips of his fingers against his growing stubble. "Things with Kathy were over. Years ago. We stayed together for the kids."
"That doesn't change the fact that you were still married. Vows are vows, I wasn't about to put you or your family in that kind of position." She casts a sidelong gaze at him and notices that he's looking at the coffee cup on the step in front of him. He know's she's right.
She swipes her bangs to the side and huffs - though it comes out as more a sob. Why couldn't this be easier? He's so stubborn, but then again so is she. "So what now, then?" She's tired, both physically and mentally. "This obviously isn't going to get resolved tonight." She shakes her head and downs the rest of her tea. God, she fucking hates tea.
Olivia is tempted to grab the coffee that she spent $3 on and just chug that, but this is a serious, intense moment.
So she looks at him again, and he looks… bent. Not quite broken, but bent badly out of shape. And she hates herself for being the one to put that look on his face.
Then it hits her. She left him, his only real friend, then his wife left him and kept the kids. She only had him, and had prepared herself when she decided to take the job in Oregon, but he had no fucking idea. Nothing prepared him for her leaving. Even... Even Dani Beck left him. Right before she'd come back, her replacement left him and the job because it was too hard.
God, she's so fucking selfish.
"Elliot," she whispers, another torrent of tears brimming her bottom lashes. She doesn't want to cry again, not when he's vulnerable too.
He drops his head, looking at her. She sees the muscles working in his jaw. "I don't think this is going to get resolved tonight, Olivia. I'm tired." he looks at the front screen on his phone, and she finally realizes how late it really is.
She nods, standing up, the disposable tea cup in her hand nearly crushed by her grip. "I- I uh.. Can we go somewhere? Sometime this week... To talk. I want... I just want..." Olivia sighs, because the words don't come to her. "Can we just meet this week? After this case." She hates how desperate she sounds. She hadn't planned on saying half the shit she told him tonight - especially the bit about having feelings for him. She wasn't sure she was going to tell him that part, ever. But tonight she did, and she can't go back.
He nods as well, standing and taking the coffee with him, "We'll talk. Just... let me know when."
Before he turns around, he takes a sip of the coffee. She sighs, a hint of relief in it. Things aren't okay right now. Not in the least. But with that sip.. She knows that they will be.
TBC….