Ok, so, I'm gonna be rewriting every episode of Star VS the Forces of Evil for the lolz. This is gonna be really bad. Like, absolute garbage levels of entertainment. Just a forewarning.
Murco "Safe Kid" Deez was sitting in his math/science/language arts/world history/home economics class diligently taking notes. Suddenly the loudspeakers in the classroom, and presumably the entire school, turned on with a crackle.
"Murco Deez to the principal's office! Murco Deez to the principal's office!"
Murco was surprised for a second, but that surprise quickly turned to smugness as he smiled smugly. "Oooh~, looks like somebody's in trouble."
Murco stood up from his desk and sauntered to the front of the class before continuing rubbing his schoolmate's faces into how wrong they were. "So, I guess everyone who voted me 'safest kid' must be feeling pretty embarrassed right about now?"
Murco quickly zipped over to the teacher's desk where the beautiful and enticing Miss Skullnick was delicately painting her perfect toenails. "Am I going to need a hall pass?"
"Would you just go already?!" Miss Skullnick shouted angrily causing Murco to quickly slip out of the room under her angry scowl.
Murco escaped the confines of the high school classroom and breathed a sigh of relief as he also escaped Miss Skullnick's gaze. He started making his way to the principal's office, careful not to slip on the mysterious puddle of water in the hallway. Murco saw the principal staring a chest full of gold and jewels while a pretty blonde girl looked about curiously.
"Murco!" Principal Skeeves said happily as Murco swaggered up to the tall, skinny man. "I want you to meet the new foreign exchange student: Ster Butforfly."
Murco followed the principal's outstretched arm towards the blonde girl who stared intently at the water fountain before pushing the button. She gasped as water sprayed out of the tap… piece… thingy… before angrily assuming a fighting stance and growling.
"Huh?" Murco asked raising an eyebrow at the strange girl.
"I need a responsible, never take chances type to keep an eye on her. And who better than you the safe kid?" Skeeves said gripping Murco on the shoulder as hard as he could, permanently scarring the boy's arm.
"What!?" Murco shouted escaping the delicate grip of the principal. "Nononono! I am completely wrong for this! I'm a misunderstood bad boy!"
"You're adorable!" Skeeves said grabbing Murco's cheek and tearing off a piece of it for later. "Now I'm off to the strip club, Daddy's seeing all 52 titties!"
Murco groaned and rolled his eyes over to the blonde girl as she growled and proceeded to bite the water fountain several times. "Heh, I've got something else you can munch on."
"What?" Ster asked releasing the fountain and looking over curiously at the cute Latino.
"I said let me show you around." Murco said gesturing with his left arm to his right.
Murco begrudgingly began walking through the school while Ster happily skipped behind, around, and then in front of him. "Thanks for showing me around, safe kid!~"
"Ugh, what? No." Murco said groaning so loud I could hear it in my apartment on the other side of the country. "Look, whatever you heard about me isn't true."
Ster gasped and quickly waved to the passing janitor. "Hi!~"
"I don't know where people get the idea I'm so safe!" Murco shouted angrily before quickly pushing a hand against Ster's chest. "Oh, watch your step, loose tile."
Ster gasped and escaped Murco's perverted hand to sneak a peak into a nearby trash can while he rattled on. "It's ridiculous!" Murco quickly closed an open locker. "Careful. You wear a jockstrap in the gym shower 1 time and you're labeled for life!"
"Hey who closed my locker?" A random student asked with a sigh as he returned from the bathroom.
"Ooh, broken glass!" Murco said violently grapping Ster's shoulders and forcefully moving her around a broken… glass… object. "Frankly, I like taking risks and would welcome a little danger in my life!"
Ster seized the opportunity to begin Municipality's hostile takeover of Erf and turned an innocent butterfly into a fearsome monster. It screeched a terrifying war cry as Ster smiled sweetly at it and watched as it flew over to a passing student and grabbed him. Murco hid behind Ster in fear as the student was whisked away while screaming in utter terror.
"What the heck was that!?" Murco shouted pointing at the disappearing boy and monster.
"Oops~." Ster said with a fake sheepish giggle. "I thought you wanted a little dangah~."
Murco took a step back and looked at the blonde with disgust. "Who are you?"
"I'm…" Ster said gearing up for her incoming assault on the school grounds. "A magical princess~, from another dimension~!"
Murco stared in horror as the rainbow the girl created around herself with her magic wand suddenly caught on fire. Murco clasped his hands together as he put on a brave face. "Welp, that brings us to the end of our tour. I'm going home now."
"Bye new friend~! See you tomorrow~!" Ster shouted as the boy smiled brightly before quickly turning tail, pulling the hood of his hoodie on, and running like a bitch. "Bye~! Bye new friend~! See you later~!"
Ster turned to the now, engulfed in flames, building beside herself and smiled wickedly as she quickly hopped along after her new friend. Due to her amazing and unbelievable skills of luck, intuition, and guessing she correctly found the home of her new friend. She somehow arrived before he did and let herself in the front door.
"Hi new family~!" Ster shouted kicking down the front door and startling Mr. and Mrs. Deez.
"Hello new daughter!" Mr. Deez shouted back running over and ensnaring Ster in a tight hug.
"We always knew you'd come!" Mrs. Deez shouted joining in on the group hug.
"I'm the new foreign exchange student who's going to be living with you~!" Ster announced happily as she trio of huggers unhugged and made their way to the couch.
"That's great news!" Mrs. Deez said as the trio sat down on the couch.
"What foreignity did you come from?" Mr. Deez asked putting his arm on the back of the couch, not, I repeat not around Ster.
"I come from far~, far~ away~… a magical land called Municipality~." Ster said gripping her wand tightly. "It's in another dimension~. I was sent to Erf to scout it out before the invasion."
Mr. and Mrs. Deez both laughed at Ster's completely serious statement as the door opened, the repairman having already arrived and repaired it while they talked, and Murco walked in.
"Hnng!" Murco… sounded? He didn't really say it but it's the sound he made. When he saw the crazy blonde girl from school sitting on his living room couch between his parents.
"Oh, Murco!" Mrs. Deez shouted as Ster began bouncing in her seat. "Come meet the new foreign exchange student who's going to be living with us!"
"Wha… wh-wha…" Murco sputtered out in shock. This pretty, albeit insane, girl was going to be living with him? This oughtta be fun.
"What~!?" Ster shouted looking between Mr. and Mrs. Deez before hopping off the couch. "I had no idea these were your parents~!" Ster smiled sweetly to hide her deceit. "I just assumed everyone on Erf had the last name Deez!"
"Won't it be nice to have Ster's upbeat, lively energy around the house?" Mrs. Deez asked as she and her husband cuddled together on the couch.
"We could've gotten that from a litter of puppies." Murco said before suddenly being pushed into the wall by Ster as she gasped.
"I. Love. Puppies~!" Ster shouted before quickly firing a colorful laser beam at the floor and conjuring up 8 yipping puppies. Ster didn't plan for it at the time, but her inclusion of 8 growing dogs would absolutely tank the Deez's savings forcing them to file for bankruptcy the following year.
"Awwwww." Mr. and Mrs. Deez said together as they held each other tighter.
Suddenly the puppies began firing dozens of dangerous death lasers, smashing through the walls and windows, killing seven innocent bystanders bringing Ster's current murder tally to eight. The lasers didn't just destroy lives, they also destroyed a lamp, a framed picture with some fuckboy sitting between his parents, and soon Mr. Deez's eye.
Ster faked a nervous laugh of embarrassment as Murco stared her down angrily.
"Hehe, well they are really cute." Mr. Deez said with a chuckle before being shot in the eye by a laser. "Aigh, my eye!" Mr. Deez laughed insanely to try and hide his unbearable pain.
"Murco why don't you show Ster her new room?" Mrs. Deez asked ignoring her husband's pain and suffering.
"Yay~!" Ster shouted running up the stairs and leaving Murco to drag her suddenly appearing chest up the stairs while the laser puppies desperately tried to land a shot on Murco but kept hitting Ster's impervious to laser beams chest.
"Here's your new room." Murco said through clenched teeth as he dragged the chest a few more feet into the bland spare bedroom. He released the handle on the chest and dropped the 72-ton box of stuff onto his foot, breaking several of his toes as a result. "Ow!"
"Okaaaayyyy~~~… I can work with this~." Ster said to herself as she thoughtfully looked around the room. She took in a deep breath before shouting and raising her wand into the air. "Sparkle, glitter, bomb expand!"
In a flash a new wing was added to the Deez household. Ster's wing, which was more like a tower but let's not get into semantics, jutted out and upwards from the house. Murco and Ster stood on the ground floor of her bedroom tower-wing and stared up at the high ceiling.
"Whoa." Murco said simply.
"Ahh~." Ster said hopping onto her new bed and jumping on it, getting dirt and mud all over the sheets because she didn't take her boots off beforehand. "That's better~!"
"I wish I had a room like this." Murco said causing Ster to hop off the bed and grab his shoulder tenderly.
"You do~?" Ster asked getting close to Murco's face before quickly pulling back and running off towards his room.
"Huh?" Murco asked himself as he quickly followed the foreign invader to his room.
"Mystic room suck transform!" Ster shouted as she fired a black hole into Murco's floor.
Both teens began screaming as the sheer power of the black hole threatened to suck them both in, just like all of Murco's belongings. Ster desperately tried to pull the door shut but couldn't do to the sheer force of the sucking coming from the floor. One of the laser puppies was lifted off the floor and then pulled swiftly into the hole, murder tally just went up to nine.
One of Ster's boot's and both of Murco's sneakers were torn from their feet as Ster finally managed to close the bedroom door. Ster smiled nervously, the first genuine embarrassment she's felt since she came to Erf, at Murco as he fumed.
"Suck?! Suck!? Why was the word suck in that spell!?" Murco shouted as the laser puppies viciously assaulted him with lasers, somehow not hurting him at all.
Ster hopped to her feet and began hopping from one to the other in place. "I don't know it just came out that way!"
Ster enacted a cutesy pose, turning slightly away from Murco and lifting one foot off the ground while she pointed a finger at her sheepish smile. Murco didn't see the adorableness in front of him as he groaned and slammed his face against his door, knocking at least 3 teeth out of his mouth.
Ster noticed that her act of pure cuteness went unnoticed and gave up on the effort. "I'm sorry Murco. Uh…" Ster looked around her feet uselessly before an idea popped into her head. "How about a little sunshine to brighten your day~?"
Murco didn't notice the smiling sun that appeared above his head, but he did notice the cloud of rain that began raining onto his head. "Stormy Storm?! That's a mid-tier effect at best! I can't take this anymore, if you're moving in I am moving out!"
As Murco said this he moved towards the open window nearby and swiftly climbed onto the sill before slipping out of it. Luckily the cacti broke his fall, but if you or a loved one are suffering from depression seek professional help.
"Are you okay~?" Ster called out as she leaned forward out of the window to see Murco lying in a pile of cacti.
"Luckily the cacti broke my fall." Murco said through gritted teeth as he slowly got to his feet.
"Do you need any help~?" Ster asked as Murco flung a cactus that was trying to make love to his foot.
"I'm fine!" Murco said as he stormed off. "Just leave me alone!"
"Eh, uh. Eh, uh. Eh, uh." Ster moaned and groaned to herself as she mentally debated chasing after her best friend on Erf. She quickly walked away before running back. "Eh, uh."
End of chapter 1, and might I say this Is probably my favorite project I've undertaken. Though, let's be honest here, it'll probably end up unfinished and unloved, like pretty much every project I've undertaken. This will most likely have Sterco in it, probably, maybe, perhaps.
As always feel free to flame, berate, insult and mock me in the reviews.