Greetings, my fellow Americans! ...unless you aren't Americans. In which case...greetings, my fellow...not-Americans? Wait, this sounds stupid. Let me start over.
Greetings, whoever you are! This is your old pal, the United States of America! And...I need your help.
See, I was just sitting at my desk today, minding my own business, when my boss comes in and says, 'America, in these difficult times, I think you need to work harder on connecting to the American people.'
And I said, 'Wow, boss. I would love to, but I'm in the middle of some other really important work right now, so I can't.'
And he said, 'Playing six straight hours of Robot Unicorn Attack isn't work.'
So I spend the rest of the day not blowing up unicorns like I wanted to, but thinking of a way to reconnect to the people...
And then! Eureka! I've got it! I'll open the floor for questions, and everybody can ask me aaaaaanything they want! It's brilliant, right? This way I get closer to the public again, and my boss can't say I never do what he tells me to. And you lucky folks get an up-close and personal look at the best...I-I mean, one of the best countries in the world! (Boss says I'm not allowed to say I'm the number one best anymore.) A-anyway, everyone wins.
So all you Americans, come ask me all those deep, burning questions you've been dying to ask! Ask and America will answer! And I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God!
And all you non-Americans too, because...talking to you guys should count as 'improving international relations,' right? Yeah! My boss is always telling me to do more of that!
Hell, I'll even answer personal questions. Like, uh...whether I wear boxers or briefs! (It's boxers, for the record.)
So go crazy! Ask to your heart's content!
Author's Note:
I saw some of these Q&A style fics floating around and it looked like fun, so I thought I'd try one myself! Yes, I know one has been done already for America, but I figured I'd put my own spin on things and see where it goes.