Warnings: Shounen-ai. One sided Heero/Duo. Heero's POV.
Disclaimers: 'Hanging by a Moment' belongs to Life House. Gundam Wing belongs to not me.
Dedication: For Shawn, because I love and miss him beyond compare.
Desperate for Changing
by Melissa
Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
I'm chasing after you
I don't remember when I had started chasing after him. Well, I suppose 'chasing' isn't really the word I'm looking for. It's not like he's running from me, or that he even knows how I really feel. Perhaps it's more wishful thinking.
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held on to
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
It's funny how love can make you question everything that you've ever learned. I had never really thought about it before now. It was just another one of those emotions that I didn't have or had ever experienced.
Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely incomplete
I'll take your invitation
You take all of me
He makes me forget about all the wrong I've done in this life, even if it is just for a little while. It's like I've received forgiveness and a weight is lifted off my shoulders. It's no longer crushing me and I can finally breathe again.
Now I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held on to
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
'He who has nothing to die for has nothing to live for,' is a saying I heard once. It rings truer for me now than ever. And to think that I was willing to throw my life away countless number of times during the war. I wasn't willing to die so much as I thought it was my job. I'd give my life because that is what I was trained to do. I was a weapon, and that was my only purpose.
Until I met him.
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and I question where to go
And I don't know what I'm tapping into
Just hanging by a moment here with you
He's given meaning to my life I had no right to expect.
There's nothing else to lose
There's nothing else to find
There's nothing in the world
That can change my mind
There is nothing else
There is nothing else
There is nothing else
When the war finally ended, I didn't think there was anything else for me. I was surprised to have survived it, to be honest. All the was left was to take my gun and end my suffering. My mission had been completed. There was no longer any need for a Perfect Soldier. I was only 15 and my life was over.
He stopped me from killing myself. Well, inadvertently anyway. I had finally mustered up the courage to do it. I was in my room, sitting on my bed, holding my gun to my temple. I had taken a deep breath and started to squeeze the trigger when there was a knock at the door. Startled, I dropped the gun and it clattered under the bed.
When I didn't answer, he turned the knob and opened the door a crack to peek his head in. He said that he hadn't seen me in awhile and was just checking to see if I was OK.
I remember nodding numbly, totally lost in his eyes. That mixture of cobalt and violet mesmerized me.
Duo flashed a grin as only he could do. Before he left he said that he cares about me and that if I ever needed to talk I know where to find him.
It would have been so easy to leave this life. 'Would have' being the operative words. He cared about me, and I couldn't bring myself to hurt him by taking my own life. The gun is still underneath my bed, untouched since that day.
The God of Death became a guardian angel. My angel.
Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
I'm chasing after you
Would you give away your soul if it meant you could feel alive again, or for the first time? Even if it was for only the briefest fraction of a second and it meant an eternity thereafter of damnation? I would, or at least, I did. He has my soul, and my heart, even if he doesn't know it. He always had it.
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held on to
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I love him so much that I would die for him. For how many people in your life would you choose to end your existence? For me, it's just one. It's ironic that I have found someone that I would give my life for, and in the process finally found a reason to live.
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and I question where to go
And I don't know what I'm tapping into
Just hanging by a moment here with you
I smile sadly because as much as I want to be with the Duo, I'll never let him get close to me. If he knows me too well he's too valuable for me to keep but too precious for me to let go.
So I watch from the shadows. Wanting nothing more than to take him in my arms and never let him go, but never being able to. This longing is all I'll ever have.
Just hanging by a moment
Hanging by a moment
Hanging by a moment
Hanging by a moment here with you
The End
More Author's Notes: As always, I'd like to know what you thought of
it. Until next time.
"Nunc scio quit sit amor." - Virgil
Translation: "Now I know what love is."