Just to be sure you all know, niether I, nor my lovely co-author, LadyCatBailey, own anything that you might recognize.
This ficlet was meant to be a thirty minute fic, but we ran over our time limit.
Severus Snape hurried through the dark maze of Muggle-London alleyways that he'd wound up in. Glad, of all things, to be away from the castle and that meddling old fool that everyone else knew as Dumbledore.
Snape's brow furrowed as he walked past a muggle bar, it's sign lit up, a few people standing outside the doors talking. He'd passed this bar at least five times now. He frowned, his eyes running up and down the street on which he stood. By the looks of things, he was lost.
"Bugger." He whispered under his breath before crossing to the rundown watering hole. The manager, he was sure, would let him use the telephone and before he knew it, he'd be back home at Hogwarts.
He pushed the door open and smirked to himself at the scent of alcohol and cigarette smoke that assailed his senses. Moments later he realized that his sense of smell wouldn't be the only sense put to use. A small female form had latched herself onto his rather larger. A small bubble of panic started to swell in his chest as he pulled her away. Her mouth left his neck with a small pop.
"I've always gone for the tall dark and handsome types…" She said with a hiccup. "Two out of three's not bad…"
Rather unused to having small, intoxicated muggle woman (or any woman at all, really, intoxicated or not) firmly latch themselves onto him, much less in the entirely inappropriate ways that he was currently being clung to, Snape took a moment to gather wits before an answer come forth. The time was also used, of course, to quickly gather and impart an acidic glare that curled his lips and narrowed his eyes, such a look normally reserved for Gryffindors, so mean that it could knock a rampaging hippogriff with a full case of Dragon Rabies back at a thousand paces.
"I would suggest," he drawled out in the sort of tone that had left first years with wet trouser legs, "That you remove yourself from my person at once."
It was obvious that this would give anyone a great moment of pause.
In fact, it would normally have been enough to induce a heart failure. For drunken muggle women who were probably into their cups because they'd had another break up, another birthday taking them past thirty, another year gone by without husband or child - well, it was not enough to make such a woman release such a hardy grip. In fact, in only unduced an ever deeper flushing, surpassing her liqour induced ruddy complexion. Her chin dipped and her eyebrows lower, eyes sparkling coyily from under her lashes as she wobbled and then nearly completely collapsed against him.
"How about," she flirted with body and voice and eyes, fingers curling and toying with the thick folds of Snape's dark robes, "You remove my clothes from my person, and we get a bit closer, eh?"
Snape was sure shewas the most disgusting creature that had ever lived - she attached to him most feverently. She was a pissed mess. She made lewd offers. And she was using a rather privet part of his body for what seemed to be her new favorite hand hold. And so his glare was made even worse - this was the glare he had given only a select few. The Potter men. Black. Lupin. Weasley's.
"Mate," she giggled as she nuzzled against his shoulder, "Did anyone ever tell you that you sneer just like Billy Idol?"
A/N's
LadyCatBailey - Cab to the bar: $20 Bar Tab at the end of the night: $110 Groping Snape until he blushes? Priceless.
Rez - I'm working on updating 8YL! I promise!