Tears Are Pearls.
By Dreamer
Authors Note: I wrote most of the story but Diabolique convinced me to make the story more graphic, more suggestive. She also suggested that change the argument between Black and Snape so it would shorter and more sex - orientated. She did most of that passage where Black is trying to explain why he had so many girlfriends. Loads of thanks for her encouragement and helpful comments. No thanks at all for her complaints. As always, please R/R!
Tears Are Pearls.
By Dreamer
Severus Snape:
Remus Lupin. I breathed out; I had been holding my breath, watching disbelievingly as my beloved walked across the Great Hall. Remus Lupin here in Hogwarts and without his lover, Sirius Black. I just couldn't believe it. How often do people get confronted by ghosts from their past. Next person through the door will probably be Voldemort.... or my ex-lover Lucius. Not that Lucius ever met much to me even though I joined the Death-Eaters for his sake. Remus Lupin was the only one I had ever truly loved. Besides, I admitted to myself, Lucius had been rather enthralled by that Gryffindor, James Potter. One of the many reasons I resented Potter. After all, his godfather had stolen my true love, his father had stolen my lover after I joined the Dark side and Harry didn't get on with Draco, my favorite pupil. I watched as Remus ate. His face looked thinner, darker, as if he hadn't been getting enough sleep. My love, what have you been doing to yourself? What made you change so much? Was it knowing that your own true love betrayed your best friend to Voldemort? Or was it knowing that Black now slept with the Dementors? I don't care. For you are back here with me and I now have a second chance. My mind flashed back to the moment I first discovered that you and Sirius were together.
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Back when they went to school together, Severus Snape:
Walking past you in the Great Hall. Lucius holding my waist possessively. Stopping at your dinner table. Time to talk to you yet again. Talk? No, insult you.
Well, well. If it isn't Black and his little paramour. I sneer loudly, looking in your eyes, hoping against hope that you'll deny it that you'll tell me that I'm just imagining the love in Black's eyes when he looks at you. Your face turns pale and you open your mouth to reply but Black does it for you.
For a change you're right. Remus is mine and mine alone. Wonder why it seems to bother you though? Could it be that you're jealous that you have to get yours from that pale-faced elf instead of Remus? I can understand why but just in case you don't believe me... He pulls you to him and kisses you roughly. The hall erupts into cheers and catcalls, as Black shows no sign of letting go of you. When he finally releases you, your face is ashen and the red blood on your lips contrasts sharply with the white of your cheeks. As I watch, you stride out of the Great Hall, moving with the grace of the werewolf you are. The crowd parts before you. The teachers try to reach you but can't. I will, I swear to myself. As soon as dinner is over I will go and find you for I know exactly where you'll be.
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Book Three, Sirius Black:
I twisted uneasily. I was glad to have escaped from Azkaban but I was thinking of you. Of you, my love. Your face haunts me day and night. Knowing that you like everybody else in the wizarding world thought that I was a traitor was almost too much to bear. I had escaped to get my revenge on Peter, but hidden in the back of my mind was the thought that maybe I could also see you before they re-captured me. Maybe I could tell you the truth, tell you that I was innocent and tell you something even more important. Tell you that I loved you and you alone. My mind flashed back to the moment that I first found that you loved me.
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Back in the past, when they went to school together.
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Severus Snape:
Hidden in the bushes, I watched as two pearly tears rolled down my beloved's face. One, two, I counted silently as they fell into the water. I wished that I could emerge and comfort him but I can't for I'm trapped in my world of shadows, trapped in my world of half-truths. Not quite white and not quite black, my soul must be a strange shade of gray.
Damn Sirius Black! I swore under my breath. Yet the fault was not his alone. I too, was to blame. It was my mocking comments that brought those tears to his older-than-his years visage. Why? I wondered. Why can't I tell him the truth, why am I condemned to watch him from the shadows and never speak? I could be much better for him than that big bully, Sirius Black.
Hear me, my love. I pleaded silently, hoping and yet fearing that he would turn to me. Turn to me, Severus Snape. Turn to the person that made his life miserable with an endless succession of insults. I felt closer to him than ever after finding out that he was a werewolf. It reassured me to know that he was different too, that he also didn't quite fit in. Not that he ever had. He had always been just a bit smarter than the other Gryffindors, always been a bit more of an outsider than Gryffindors were.
You don't belong there my love, you belong in Slytherin with me. With me you hear? Not with that fool, Sirius Black. I whispered. A breath of wind fanned my hair around me, blowing my words down towards Remus where he sat in his lonely solitude.
He turned towards to me and my heart stopped at the thought that he had seen me. Just then, Sirius Black emerged form the shadows. I watched him warily, wondering what he was doing there, hating him because he had every right to try and comfort Remus. Every right that I didn't.
**************
Sirius Black:
I gazed at Remus. My heart bled to see the tears that spilled down his cheeks like so many pearls. I was to blame for their existence. That greasy-haired, sallow-skinned fool had loudly made disparaging remarks about our relationship, insinuating that we were more than just friends. And what had I done? I had kissed Remus in front of everybody in the great hall. I hadn't told him that I loved him, I hadn't explained how I felt. I had just kissed him for what was probably his first time and I hadn't even been gentle or kind or loving or shown any emotion. It had been more a kiss of victory than a kiss of passion.
He looked up at me, his golden eyes glimmering. His lips were bruised I noticed regretfully and I could see the blood that had spilled from where his tender skin had broken. I licked my lips, remembering what it had felt like to feel his soft lips against my own, to slip my tongue between his lips and savor the taste of his kiss.
Why Sirius? Why did you do that? I thought that we were friends. He whispered his normally soft voice harsh and broken with almost an hour of sobbing. I couldn't find an answer. What should I tell him? The truth? I find you infinitely desirable Remus and although I tried to crush my feelings for you I couldn't. Maybe that's why I chased all those girls, because when I held them, I could pretend that I was holding you. When I kissed them, I could pretend I was kissing you. When I moved inside them, I could pretend that it was you underneath me and that it was you murmuring my name as if it was something precious to you. I couldn't tell him that. Couldn't hurt Remus anymore than I had already hurt him.
I'm sorry. I said, staring at my hands. I just did it because I love you and wanted everybody to know that you were mine. I looked at Remus to find him staring at me in astonishment.
I didn't tell you but I love you too and always will Padfoot. Now it was my turn to look surprised. I looked at him, sizing him up. If he was serious it would be as if all my dreams came true. If he was joking, it would crush my heart. I guess that there's only one way to find out. I leaned forward and slowly kissed him on his soft, full lips. I did it slowly, giving him plenty of time to back away but he didn't. Instead he leaned into the kiss with a fervor that surprised even me. I broke away to give him a questioning look. He hesitated and then nodded. A broad smile spread across my face and I kissed him again, this time leaning forward and pushing him to the ground.
***********
Severus Snape:
I slipped away, not wanting to see any more. Not wanting to see the boy I loved be loved by another. I walked away from the lake, and away from love. My turn to cry bitter tears of grief. My turn to cry pearls.