Disclaimer: I own it all! ALL OF IT! Okay... I admit it, I don't own a thing... except for a fanfiction account...
Me: So, it's a Sunday afternoon and I spent half the day watching Sora swing his keyblade so I decided to write a fanfic...
Roxas: Mind you, it's all written off the top of her head.
Zack: Meaning... the plot was made up as she went so... it hardly exists...
Me: But I think it turned out alright...
Zack: So without further ado,
Roxas: I present to you Chocolate Pancakes (it'll make sense a little later... I promise)
Grace. Precision. Determination. Power.
All that and more.
The mere sight of him swinging his keyblade makes my breath hitch and my heart race.
His blue eyes darkening with rage against the heartless, his blond spikes swaying with each movement.
Pure intoxication. Just watching him.
I shouldn't think of him this way. No, I shouldn't be able to think of him like this. Not just because he's my best friend and we're both guys but... We don't have hearts. Is it possible... that perhaps this whole no heart theory isn't true? How else would I have these feelings?
"Roxas..." I whisper his name into the darkness as I lay unable to sleep in my bed.
XXXXX
Weird. More dreams about that... place.
It's funny though... because I am... in love with Roxas... and it's not normal because we're both guys and he's my best friend. But whatever this Organization XIII nonsense and... keyblades... it just boggles my mind.
"Axel...." I heard Demyx's voice through my bedroom door. "Are you up yet? We're gonna be late."
Bleh, school. No one needs it...
I chose to remain silent, hoping he'd go bug Zexion instead.
The three of us share an apartment, partially because we couldn't wait to move out but also because Demyx came out to his parents and they kicked him out. It's rather sad. But Roxas, Sora, Riku and my older brother Reno come over here all the time so we're one big (crazy) happy family.
"Axellll." Demyx whined.
Sighing, I dragged myself out of bed, not bothering to put on any clothes, and opened the door, glaring at my blond roommate.
Demyx squeaked, eyeing my body. "It's time for school."
"Axel, get some clothes on!" Zexion shouted.
Grumbling a string of curses, I went back to my bed, trying to find something halfway clean to wear.
"Two minutes, Ax. Otherwise you're walking." Zexion said, walking briskly past my room.
I heaved another sigh. I hate school. I loathe it with a fiery burning passion.
Rushing out the door, Zexion sped all the way to school.
You'd think my slate-haired friend would be al cool and collected when it comes to driving because of his reserved demeanor, but on the inside he's crazier than Sora on sugar and caffeine.
I nearly fell asleep in homeroom, I would've if Hayner hadn't decided to sit on my desk and show me his "new farting tricks". Talk about Wacked with a capitol "W".
The day passed slowly and as boring as it could manage. By lunch I was ready to punch someone.
"Axeeeeeeelllllll..." Came the sound of Sora's voice. I love the kid, truly I do, but when I have a school-induced headache, I don't want to hear his overly happy and optimistic voice.
"What?" I growled.
Riku scoffed. "Someone's got their knickers in a twist. What's eating you?" Riku asked, picking a French fry off my plate.
I shot him a 'Really?' look. Roxas, of course.
"Oh. Well, there's a cure for that, but you're just a pansy-ass so you're losing out." Riku said.
I rolled my eyes. "You don't understand what's at stake. I can't lose my friendship with him." I told him.
"Whose friendship?" Roxas asked as he sat down at our table.
"No one's..." I muttered, wanting to crawl in a dark hole to rot and die.
Roxas pouted at me, but said nothing. I knew I was in for an interrogation later.
Why is the day only halfway over? Somebody shoot me please.
The rest of the day passed even slower than the first half.
Zexion left school early to go to the community college, he's getting ahead in his credits and Demyx has band practice so I usually walk to Roxas and Sora's house or walk to my place with Roxas, but today I decided to walk home alone.
I knew Roxas would get pissed at me, but I don't think I can handle being alone with him right now.
When I got home, I found the front door unlocked. Weird...
Opening the door, the first thing I noticed was the smell of chocolate pancakes being cooked.
Roxas...
He always makes pancakes when something's troubling him.
Tossing my bookbag on the couch, I wandered into the kitchen and hoisted myself up onto the counter, tearing a piece of pancake off and sticking it in my mouth. Mmm... I love his pancakes.
"Hi..." he said quietly.
"Any particular reason why you broke into my house and are now making pancakes?" I asked.
Roxas sighed and turned off the stove. He looked up at me with those big blue eyes, there was something in them... uncertainty?
"What's up, Roxie?" I was worried now.
"I just... I sorta overheard your conversation with Riku at lunch... and I wanted to know what was bothering you... Riku knows, but I don't... why is that?"
What? Is he jealous that Riku knows something he doesn't?
"It's nothing Rox. Don't worry about me. Riku only knows because he forced it out of me. I didn't willingly tell him." Riku's a sneaky little bastard.
"Why can't I know?" Roxas asked, gnawing on a pancake.
"I don't really want anyone to know. It's my problem." It makes me feel bad, not telling him when he so badly wants to know.
"But... I just want to know so maybe I can help you. You said you'd be risking his friendship... Who is he?"
You, Rox, it's you. I sighed and turned my gaze away from him.
"Axel..."
I don't know what to do... I would tell him, but I don't want to lose him. I couldn't stand it if I did.
"Do you not trust me? Is that it?" his voice was quiet and wavering almost.
Oh, no. He's gonna cry now...
The thing about Roxas... is despite his tough exterior, he hates when people he's close to don't trust him. I don't know what it is, but that's the only thing that really seems to bug him.
"No, Rox, that's not it. I trust you. you know that.... It's just..." I can't say it...
"Just what? Ax? Please just tell me..."
All my self control snapped just then, before I could stop myself, I leant forward and captured his lips, softly.
I heard him squeak in surprise.
Fuck...
Jumping off the counter, I rushed up to my room, locking it behind me, then slid down the door, panting harshly.
What had I done? I've ruined everything.
Axel, you moron, now he's gonna hate you and you'll never be able to face him again. Yes! I know but... I swore I saw him give me a look of sadness? as I ran off. Did I imagine it? Or...
No, I had to have imagined it. Roxas could never see me that way. He's not gay, he's...was?... my best friend...
I don't know how long I sat there contemplating what could come of this, but when I finally decided to get up and see if Roxas was still here, my heart sank when I saw the stack of pancakes lying on the kitchen floor and the front door hanging wide open.
"Fuck..." I murmured. "I really screwed this up didn't I?"
XXXXX
My cellphone vibrated violently on my mattress.
I stared at it for a second before picking it up and answering the call. "Jello?"
"Axel! What the fuck did you do?!" Cloud yelled.
Cloud... Grrr... I don't want to deal with him.
I hung up the phone without another word.
A few seconds later, it rung again.
"What?" I screamed into the receiver.
"Ax, look, I know I told you to go for it... but you scared Rox half to death."
"Oh.. Riku... it's you..." I sighed heavily. "Look, I don't know what came over me I....ugh... what did he tell you?" I asked.
"Nothing. I just figured something had happened with you cause he said he was going to your house, and next thing I knew he was in his room crying." Riku explained.
Crying? "He was crying?!" That... didn't really make sense.
"Yeah, I mean... he's fine now, he threw his alarm clock at Cloud, so he's just fine, but... I just have to wonder what happened." Riku said.
"I... sort of.. accidentally... kissed... him..." I mumbled pathetically.
"You what?!"
"I didn't mean to! He was asking me about what we were talking about, then he got all defensive about me not trusting him and..." I rambled.
"Ax."
"And then I just took off and.."
"Ax, shut up for a second. Did you ever think that maybe, he was hoping it was him that you were wanting to confess to?" Riku suggested.
What? that's crazy...
"Seriously." Riku said, when I didn't respond. "Maybe that's why he was so upset, you ran out after... maybe he thought that you made a mistake... Or something like that. Sora's the same way. He takes things ridiculously out of context and draws conclusions with them."
Yeah they do that but... still....
"Talk to him... alone, when you get a chance. I gotta go, Sora's beating me at poker."
"Hey-"
"Bye." Click!
Fail. Riku is so strange sometimes. No wonder he and Sora are dating...
I felt like going over to Roxas' to explain, but I don't know what I would say...
I'll... just wait until tomorrow.
As much as I regret scaring Roxas like that... the feeling of his lips against mine was... indescribably perfect. I wish I could do it over and over and over again.
"Axel!" Demyx sang in an off key opera voice. "Why was the door open?"
I shrugged, too busy wondering why Zexion was on his back to really acknowledge his words.
"Zexy fell asleep waiting for me, so I drove home!" That's a scary thought....
Zexion mumbled something in his sleep.
"I'm gonna put him in his room. Who made pancakes?"
"Roxas..." I said.
Demyx nodded, heading upstairs.
I sighed and collapsed onto the couch.
Roxas...
XXXXX
School the next day went by faster than usual. Before I knew it, it was lunchtime... meaning, time to confront Roxas.
Only... he was nowhere to be found.
"Roxas didn't come to school at all today." Sora said, sitting in Riku's lap and mashing his thumbs onto the buttons of his gameboy color.
Well, I guess I should just skip the rest of the day and go talk to him. I won't be able to concentrate otherwise, anyhow.
After lunch, I walked to Roxas' house, half expecting Cloud to come out screaming at me and threatening to hit me with a frying pan, Cloud was at work, as was Leon. Instead of knocking on the door and risking being thrown into the street, I let myself in and climbed the stairs to Roxas' room.
The door was open, Roxas lay with his arms and legs spread out, staring at the ceiling. I had to use all my willpower not to jump him.
"What do you want?" he mumbled.
"To.. apologize." I said, sitting on his computer chair.
"For...?"
"What I did... I was... overwhelmed to say the least. I..." Just say it, Ax. You already kissed him. Confessing shouldn't be so hard. "Truth its... Rox... It was your friendship I didn't want to lose... My... feelings for you are more than just friendly or brotherly... and... it was killing me... " I glanced at him, he was still staring at the ceiling. "But.. when you started doubting my trust in you... I sort of... lost it and... I'm so so sorry... I didn't mean to scare you... I just..." I don't even know...
"Why..." He said.
"Why? Why what?" I don't understand what he's getting at.
"Why did you... leave?"
Oh... "I was... just scared.. of what I'd done..."
"Ashamed of what you did?"
"No. E... Even now I don't regret it except for the fact that I could... lose you as a friend... I was... afraid of what you'd think of me..."
"What do you think I think of you now...?" Roxas asked. I heard him shift in his bed.
I looked up to see him sitting up and watching me. "I... don't know... I thought you'd be disgusted with me... or hate me... but I'm not so sure now... you haven't thrown anything at me yet..."
"I'm not disgusted with you and I don't hate you... It's more that... you're not the only one with feelings that you couldn't voice..." Roxas said.
I never thought of that. Maybe he likes someone else? And he wanted to give his first kiss to them or something... or maybe... I dunno...
"Like what...?" I inquired.
"Like... maybe your feelings for me.. are reciprocated..." His cheeks were pink. Was he blushing?
My heart leapt from my chest at those words.
I didn't know what to say.
"Ax..."
"Hm?" I was so very confused. He liked me back? Riku was right?
"Come here."
I got up and sat on the corner of his bed.
Roxas crawled over to me and hit me upside the head. "You moron!"
"Yeowch! What was that for?!" I asked, rubbing my abused noggin.
"All this time, I thought you were straight! You're so stupid! How could you not tell that I liked- hell loved- you?!" Roxas yelled.
I sat there, in shock. He... loved me?
Rolling his eyes, he pushed me onto my back, rushing his lips onto mine.
I felt a peculiar feeling course through my veins. Peace. I was at peace with the world and with myself because... there was no more questioning.
I kissed him back, hugging him tightly.
"Idiot..." he mumbled against my lips.
"Mmhm, but I'm your idiot." Cheesy? Yes. Overused? That too, but I don't care. I love this kid so much it makes me want to cry.
"No goin back on that now. You're mine. Forever. Got it memorized?" Roxas said seriously, stealing my catchphrase.
"As you wish."
XXXXX
Grace. Precision. Determination. Power.
All that and more.
I've never seen anything so beautiful in my life.
His blue eyes darkening with lust, his blond spikes sticking to his forehead, soaked with sweat.
Pure intoxication. Just being with him.
No one else will see him this way. He's mine and only mine.
"Roxas..." I whisper his name into the darkness after we'd made love. Things will never be the same.
XXXXX
Me: Well... that was weird
Roxas: Be kind rewind.. er... review.
Zack: So we know that the concept is way overdone but... hey...
Me: At least I put my own little twist on it.
Roxas: Whether or not it's enough to make it any good is up to the readers though!
Zack: Please review! We'll give you cookies!
Roxas: Okay... so we don't have any cookies... but we can pretend!