Same Old Lang Syne

by xxanglophilexx

“To love that will never disappear, as much as it tries.” Oneshot songfic. Jommy.

A/N: This is a Jommy songfic to the song "Same Old Lang Syne" by Dan Fogelberg. Neither the song nor IS belong to me.

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Met my old lover in the grocery store,
The snow was falling Christmas Eve.

I parked my car as near as I could to the small grocery store. The snow blew fiercely around me, but I didn't mind. It was a welcome change from the sunny days I had been spending in L.A. It just wasn't Christmas without the chilly air and biting snow. I was finally back in Toronto, home.

I jogged into the store, the words "Country Grocery" proudly proclaimed on the front sign. It didn't matter what it was called, though. I needed something to eat and drink while I was in town.

I pulled my hat over my ears and slipped on a pair of sunglasses before making my way over to the front to grab a cart. Once the coffee and apple cider was in the cart, I went over to the frozen food section.

I stole behind her in the frozen foods,
And I touched her on the sleeve.

Then I saw her. I couldn't believe it at first. But there she was, Jude Harrison, looking through the frosty glass door as she tried to decide what type of frozen pizza she wanted. She was beautiful perfection embodied in front of me.

I quietly snuck up behind her, careful to keep my breathing silent. Then I gently wrapped my hand around her wrist. She adjusted slowly before turning around.

She didn't recognize the face at first,
But then her eyes flew open wide.

"Who are—" Her eyes widened as she recognized me. Her fingers trembled as she reached for my sunglasses, then carefully tugged them off. Her hand flew to her mouth in surprise.

"Oh, god, Tommy!"

She went to hug me and she spilled her purse,
And we laughed until we cried.

Then she launched herself into my arms, letting her purse fall to the ground. I hugged her back with as much enthusiasm, breathing in the jasmine and cinnamon scent that was Jude.

"Oh, god!" she cried again. "I can't believe it's you!"

When she finally pulled away, our eyes met. For no apparent reason whatsoever, we burst out in laughter. And we laughed and laughed, until she had to wrap her arms around me again to stay balanced. Happy tears rolled down our cheeks as her lips met the top of my head.

We took her groceries to the checkout stand,
The food was totaled up and bagged.
We stood there lost in our embarrassment,
As the conversation dragged.

Once the laughter had stopped, I helped her bring her groceries to the checkout counter. We stood there uncomfortably while we waited for her things to be bagged.

"So, Tommy," Jude started as she glanced nervously at the cashier. I guess she was worried that someone would overhear and realize what had happened between us…so many years ago. "It's been a while."

"Yeah," I replied, stuffing my hands into my pockets as she handed the cashier her credit card. "It has been, hasn't it?"

"I've missed you," she said, and I heard the truth underneath the awkwardness. "You just left…and I missed you."

"I missed you too," I said, my voice a bit less strained than hers. "It's been strange without you."

"I know." She picked up her bags and started walking to the door. I followed her, forgetting about my own groceries.

When she made it to the door, she turned around and said, "Hey, do you want to…hang out, or something? Catch up?"

I smiled. "Of course. There's nothing I want more."

We went to have ourselves a drink or two,
But couldn't find an open bar.

"Nothing is open," I sighed in defeat as we drove down another street. I leaned back in the passenger's seat of her car.

"Of course not," she said teasingly. "Tom, it's ten o'clock on Christmas Eve. What did you expect?"

"At least one bar open for all of the people who are alone on Christmas to drown their sorrows in alcohol."

She rolled her eyes. "I guess then we'll just have to drown ourselves somewhere else."

We bought a six-pack at the liquor store,
And we drank it in her car.

"At twenty-seven, I still get carded," she sighed as she dropped the six-pack into my lap, sliding into the driver's seat. "It's insane, isn't it?"

"Yeah," I murmured, but I didn't blame the man who had carded her. She still looked every bit as young as she had eight years ago. Her long blonde curls still cascading down her shoulders, and her skin was smooth and soft."

"Now," she said as she turned on the heater and opened her can. "Let's make a toast."

We drank a toast to innocence,
We drank a toast to now.

We toasted to everything. We found ourselves laughing at some, and tearing at others. It didn't really matter what we toasted to. It was that we were toasting. Toasting together, again. Together.

And tried to reach beyond the emptiness,
But neither one knew how.

But both of our eyes filled when the word "love" was mentioned. I wasn't sure which one of us had said it, but it was floating around the car, thick in the air. We exchanged sad, uncomfortable looks before tipping back our cans once more.

She said she'd married her an architect,
Who kept her warm and safe and dry,

"So…what has happened in your life?" I asked. "You haven't been in the tabloids for a while."

"I sorta…quit the music business," she said as she played with her Samuel Adams. "I settled down."

"Oh," I replied, trying to keep my voice even. "Did you settle down…with someone?"

She nodded, almost guiltily, touching her finger. I noticed a slim gold band on her left ring finger.

"Yeah, I got married," she muttered finally.

"To who?"

"You don't know him," was her answer.

"But who is he?"

"His name is Jason Wells. I met him…" She trailed off. "He's an architect."

"Oh," I said, nodding fiercely. "That's nice."

"Yeah," she said quietly. "He's really nice."

She would have liked to say she loved the man,
But she didn't like to lie.

I tried to keep it from coming out, but it nonetheless escaped my lips. The question that I wanted so badly to ask.

"Do you love him?"

She looked up at me in surprise, her lips parted. But as her mouth closed, I knew the answer.

"No," she whispered. "Not like I loved you."

I said the years had been a friend to her,
And that her eyes were still as blue.

My head spun as the word "love" came out of her mouth. Then I noticed the final "-ed" on the end, and struggled to keep breathing.

"So," I said, trying to change the subject, "you look as beautiful as ever." I ran my thumb across her cheekbone. "Your eyes…they're just as amazing."

But in those eyes I wasn't sure if I saw,
Doubt or gratitude.

"Thank you," she said quietly. "And for as old as you are, Quincy, you still look pretty good."

Her tone was light, but her eyes were weighted down with something. I wasn't sure what it was, but it was definitely something heavy.

She said she saw me in the record stores,
And that I must be doing well.

"I work at a record store," she said finally. "One of the weirdest moments of my life was putting a life-sized cardboard cut out of you in the window. I guess you're king of music now, huh? Tom Quincy makes a comeback."

I said the audience was heavenly,
But the traveling was hell.

"Yeah," I replied. "I have been doing pretty well. I love performing, you know? The rush of singing, the audience's cheering…it's wonderful. I just wish that I didn't have to travel around so much."

She nodded. "I know what you mean. Traveling…being away from the people and places you care about…well, it just sucks, doesn't it?"

I chuckled at her bluntness, and she brought her beer up again.

We drank a toast to innocence,
We drank a toast to now.

"To old friends," she said, bringing her can to mine."

"To old lives," I replied, our eyes meeting. We didn't drop our gaze as we brought the beer to our lips, taking small sips.

And tried to reach beyond the emptiness,
But neither one knew how.

We opened two more cans, and brought those up for another toast. No words were spoken now.

We drank a toast to innocence,
We drank a toast to time.

"To old times," I said to break the silence. "To everything we lost. To what is gone. To what will never return."

"To what that will forever live on," she whispered. "To what that will never disappear. To what that will always be there."

Reliving in our eloquence,
Another 'auld lang syne'

"To us," we breathed together, quiet voices matching each other's so perfectly it sent chills up my spine. We hadn't done this for years, but it was familiar. It was what we had been.

"To past lust," she said.

"To past passion."

"To past insanity," she chuckled.

"To past love," I said softly, my eyes heavy. She leaned over and rested her head on my shoulder. My arm wrapped protectively around her waist, pulling us closer.

"To love," she whispered finally. "To love that will forever be, and forever live on."

"To love that will never disappear, as much as it tries," I finished.

"I don't want it to disappear," she said truthfully. "As much as it hurts, I don't want it to leave me."

"Me neither," I replied. "I've held onto it for so long…"

"It's a part of you," she completed. "It will always be."

The beer was empty and our tongues were tired,
And running out of things to say.

We talked and talked until there was nothing left to talk about. Certain subjects were avoided—her husband and the many girls that I had been with since I had left. But past times were relived, and laughter was shared. We had remained pressed against each other as we talked, not wanting to lose a moment of this precious time.

Then the beer cans were empty, and everything that we could say had been said. We realized, sadly, that it was time for this to end.

"I'll drive back to the grocery store," she said, almost inaudibly, as she slipped out of my grasp. With tears obvious in her eyes, she started the car and began to drive back to the grocery store.

She gave a kiss to me as I got out,
And I watched her drive away.

"I guess this is goodbye," I murmured as she parked.

"I guess it is," she replied sadly. "Goodbye, Tom."

"Goodbye," I whispered as I slowly opened my door. I stepped out into the snow, turning around. I started to make my way back to my car, my own eyes brimming with tears.

"Tommy!"

I turned around to see Jude running over to me, her hair bouncing in the wind. She stopped in front of me, her eyes saying a million confusing things.

Then she seized my face between her hands and pulled it down, pressing her lips to mine. It was a short kiss, one that held so many memories of the past. As she pulled away, she looked apologetic.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"No." I shook my head. "I'm sorry."

She understood what I meant. That I was sorry for leaving her, that I was sorry that we had ended. She accepted it as she wrapped her arms around my neck for one last time.

"I love you," I whispered into her hair.

"I know," she replied tearfully. "I do, too."

She let go of me, and sent one last look in my direction. Then she ran back to her car and got in, driving away as fast as she could.

Just for a moment I was back at school,
And felt that old familiar pain

For a moment I felt like I was back in that alley behind G-Major, telling Jude that I was leaving. She hadn't understood why I was leaving her, and I hadn't either. I felt that hurt as I imagined her distraught face in front of me. That pain, that same pain I had felt getting into my car and driving away, was there. It was stabbing at my heart, cruelly and mercilessly, letting me once again relive the worst mistake of my life.

And as I turned to make my way back home,
The snow turned into rain.

I turned around and stared at my car for a moment, then stuffed my hands in my pockets. As I climbed into the car, the snow, once so strongly blowing, became wetter and clearer. I barely registered it as the gusting snow turned into soft rain.

All that I knew was that the change in weather now matched the tears coursing down my frozen cheeks.