NM: Edward comes back to find a broken Bella. No Jacob.
The motions of life, such as it is, has its mundane and exciting moments. However, since Edward left there was only mundane left.
He didn't love her and she didn't blame him; not for that and not for her reaction. He'd always been a fairytale, but how can you expect a girl to go from All to Nothing without consequences?
Her nothing became absolute, because she could never be with anyone else but him. In her absolute most lively moments she could almost be philosophical and consider a life without him. But the mere thought felt wrong and violating.
It was on such a rare occasion that she had a moment of acceptance. True, it didn't alter her way of life, or state of mind, it was just a mere realization that nothing could ever compare to what she'd had, and trying was simply a waste of time.
Her comatose state had ended at one point, and had been replaced silently with indifference. Charlie worried about her, threatened her with sending her off to Renee. That was the only thing that actually got a rile out of her. While she may accept that life is nothing but a waste of time she did cling to the memories, though she fervently tried to suppress them as well.
Never remember, never forget.
The rumours at school would have you say that she was crazy and they were not entirely wrong. Charlie had forced her to see a shrink.
"But Charlie loves you," the shrink pointed out in a session.
"Yes, and I love him," Bella replied dutifully. Bella knew the shrink wasn't convinced and the shrink knew Bella knew. Love was fleeting.
"Isabella," She took off her glasses and perhaps, in a waking second of this day, Bella almost appreciated the surrendering attitude the shrink displayed. Bella hadn't been forward in their sessions, and only on one occasion had Bella told the shrink the truth about her view of the world.
Clinically depressed
In today's world you had to label things, and about the time that Bella was labelled she started considering the ramifications.
Bella was visiting the Cullens. Of course, they weren't there and she was only ever in their driveway, but she had the distinct impression that: this is life. So why continue?
Her heart was beating furiously, though outward Bella was serene.
"Please, I lied. I thought it was what was best…" Edwards was begging. On one of Bella's lively days she might've considered it terrible, but now she felt nothing.
"It's OK Edward, I don't blame you," Bella told him, a serene smile on her face. She knew he was lying. Soon he'd leave. Until then she'd let her body breathe. She needed him like oxygen. She used to need him like the sun. Now she needed him to breathe.
"Bella! We're so glad you're back!" Esme was hugging Bella tightly upon visiting with Edward.
"You too, Esme," Bella replied automatically, her voice unemotional and a kind smile stretching her cheeks just the slightest.
As Bella was greeted by the rest of the family she didn't notice the looks sent around, or the anguished look on Edwards face.
"I'm so sorry we left!" Alice exclaimed. She was fretting around too much for a vampire.
"Don't worry, Alice," Bella replied unattached and she smiled kindly at Alice. Alice looked at Edward with frustration.
Emmet was pleased to see Bella as well, though his attitude was careful and worried. Rosalie less so. Oddly enough she displayed a more confused and anxious attitude.
The house fell quiet. The vampires, normally used to motionless conditions, seemed now to strive to occupy themselves with menial reactions, almost as if uncomfortable with the silence and the still atmosphere. There was little reaction from Bella, who seemed to be staring into space, and the Cullens seemed to be uncertain of how to react to her.
"And how's Charlie," Carlisle wondered, breaking the silence. Bella, almost boringly, dragged her gaze, from wherever it had been, and focused on Carlisle. Focused might be a strong word, as her pupils were dilated and it seemed more like she looked in his direction, rather than at him.
"He's well," Bella replied with a kind smile and her attention shifted to the nothingness. Emmet frowned and Rosalie pulled him upstairs, away from the depressing atmosphere. Jasper seemed to take it most hard and Alice had to pull him away and out of the house.
Esme fretted before Carlisle pulled her away. Both glanced significantly at Edwards.
Knowing not what else to do Edward moved to the piano and started playing the lullaby.
"They left," Bella stated, only now coming into focus. Edwards nodded and forced himself to smile brightly at Bella. Her heart thumped, but her outward reaction seemed unaware.
"Can I ever make it better?" Edward whispered, his voice almost breaking.
"Make what better, Edward?" Bella replied with a kind interest.
"Please, Bella… I've ruined you," Edwards whispered, his hand gently tracing her jawline before brushing a strand of hair away. The feeling was electrical for both of them. There was no reply and for a while silence reigned.
It was a lively day today, apparently, and eventually Bella replied, "you used to be my sun, the one my world orbited and the one to help me grow. Now you're my oxygen."
"Please, I'll make it better," Edwards promised urgently, kissing her softly, though her body didn't respond.
"Okay," Bella replied easily, her voice placid and her smile kind. Edward held her close till she fell asleep, and then he put a blanket around her and continued to hold her close.
He had destroyed his own mate. The accusations and the terror rang through his family's minds. Even Rosalie, the least compassionate to what had happened, had been utterly horrified over Bella's state. The situation had strengthened his family's bond with their mates, all learning from his example. The pain was enough to make them hunt together. Even Alice refrained from shopping due to her inability to be without Jasper.
"You being here isn't working," Charlie informed Edward, who hung his head. Esme had showed up just after they returned to give an explanation of how miserable Edward had been without Bella, and they simply had to move back for their sakes. Charlie had been less inclined to hate Edward, especially when he could obviously see the pain Edward was.
"I don't know what to do," Edward admitted.
"This isn't normal," Charlie muttered, leaving Edward alone.
Emotionally destroying your own mate wasn't normal either.
"I'll change you; whenever you want" Edward promised eagerly.
"That's nice," Bella replied with her kind smile and unfocused again. Edwards sighed and held her closer while he whispered kind words to her and promises.
He was going to leave again. It was just a matter of time. Why not just end it? It didn't hurt like it used to, but Bella knew that she needed her oxygen, and no amount of self-preservation would keep the pain away when he left. It would be easier to make sure that there wouldn't be pain.
Alice could rarely see Bella, because Bella didn't make decisions, but when she did Alice saw and Edward never left, to make sure Bella wouldn't be able to harm herself. His family brought him food and there was always one to keep an eye out. Despite his promises Bella merely nodded and replied with a monotonous "Okay" or "That's nice", before losing focus on reality again.
He asked her where her mind was when she wasn't in focus, and she just replied with confusion. The answers were short and polite and the frustration grew.
While her suicidal ideas seemed to dissipate the anxiety was still evident in the Cullens. They talked about changing her, but at the same time feared her mind was too gravely injured that she'd bring the pain with her.
They couldn't take that chance and focused instead on trying to make her better.
School was non-existent and eventually talk fell on a facility where Bella could relax. Charlie was eager to try anything, and the Cullens arranged for Bella to be transferred to a special facility along with Edward.
It was more in their own making, but to keep up with the façade they made sure that Bella had a proper place where she could live. There were swimming pools and gym, though she didn't participate.
As time passed Edward proposed and she accepted with "that would be nice". The wedding was low key, just for immediate family, and while she did attend, she didn't seem to actually attend.
The promise of marriage didn't change anything in her attitude and she stayed out of focus. Despite trying all he could think of, employing Jasper to force emotions on her, her only response was always just crying. It didn't matter if he made her happy or angry, she'd respond to crying.
At the age of 22 Bella fell into a coma after stopping eating.
Fearful the Cullens debated on whether or not to change her.
"If she stays insane she'll be like a newborn – always," Rosalie pointed out. Ever the voice of reason, but now her tone was not unkind. Jasper nodded in reply.
"And if the Vulturi finds out…" Esme worried. "She might as well be an immortal child, never able to take care of herself and reacting on instinct."
But despite it there was never any choice and they prepared to change her.
Her reaction was disturbingly subdued. She should've been trashing and screaming in pain, but her hold on her emotions was so strong that her change was silent. They all worried and feared what she'd become. Alice couldn't predict it, because Bella was too unstable to make decision.
She was a black hole. It was terrifying to experience and just for a brief moment they all worried they'd made a mistake in changing her.
The change had brought her skills that seemed to absorb anyone else close to her, which amounted to Jasper being unable to get a read on anyone emotionally, Alice unable to see anyone's future, and Edward was unable to read anyone's minds. It was just silence in her presence, which made them all on edge.
On the plus side Bella seemed more compliant. She seemed aware of the difference between humans and animals, and once it was pointed out that humans bad, animals good she accepted the view, though never mentioning if she supported it. Her general attitude seemed to be careless whether or not it was human or not, for to her life just didn't matter, so being eaten might be as good a way to go as any other, not bothering to consider any other aspects.
She didn't speak much, and while more alert in some cases, she also had times where she was out of focus for days or even weeks.
Her human memories faded, for the most part, but those of her darkest hours persisted and she was never exactly normal again.
Eventually she'd have short periods of time where she seemed more lucid and coherent, less compliant, but they were short and most of the time she stayed unfocused.