"Ryuuzaki?"
"Yes, Light-kun?"
"What if I really am Kira?"
L grasped Light tighter in the circle of his arms. The warmth of the blankets atop them did nothing to stifle the chill the question brought on.
"Then you will be put to justice." L croaked. Pressing his face closer to the boy's warm neck.
"I don't want to be Kira." Light said, a hint of desperation creeping into his voice.
"I don't want you to be Kira either." Light nodded, needing to hear that.
"Could you ever forgive me?.. If I was?"
L's eyes widened. "Is that a confession?"
Light shook his head, his breath coming out in trembling puffs.
"No, it's just… I mean if I turned out to be Kira… could you… forgive me?"
Light had never heard a louder silence.
L stared at the boy as he began to scream with the Death Note clutched firmly in his hand. He was thoroughly puzzled.
Light kept a tight hold on his emotions. Even when they spent their nights alone together as lovers, L had to coax Light out of his masks, not that Light didn't have to do the same to him, but the Light he knew would never slip so far as to let a scream so effortlessly slip through his mask at witnessing the Shinigami. Admittedly it goes against all semblance of logic that creatures like Light are built on, but Light would save his discomfort for later.
But the question was that if Light didn't scream because of the Shinigami, then what caused such a crack in his façade?
Then L looked into Light's eyes. And everything made sense. He had regained his memories somehow. The Light that had shined and captivated him with his bright beauty, enticing him into his inviting warmth, had been replaced with the darkest of shadows and the coldest of fears, Kira.
Somehow the boy had become Kira again, and it was clear in the malice that glittered in his eyes. This, this was a man that could murder hundreds of people. All remnants of the beautiful, innocent Light shredded.
L locked a depthless expression on his face as he tried to process and sort this information, recalculating percentages. But despite his mastery at holding his emotions in check, he was quick as a whip to wipe away the salty tear that had made its way down his face.
"Ryuuzaki? Is something wrong?" Kira asked.
"Nothing at all." the detective replied stonily.
"I feel as if…" he began, a slight tremor shaking the gentle tenor of his voice.
L finally broke away from his intent focus on the computer to scan Light. After Light's regaining of his memories, Kira had clearly ruled his body. But it seemed as if… for just a moment… the old, bright, innocent, Light was here for a moment. And although L's heart twisted in his chest and his stomach did nervous flips, his expression remained emotionless.
"As if what, Yagami-kun?"
Light flinched at the use of his surname.
"…as if you don't.. love me anymore. I know it sounds crazy, but I just—"
"It's not crazy at all." L deadpanned.
Light whipped his face to L's with a mix between terror and nausea gripping his features.
"It appears that way, Yagami-kun, because I do not love you anymore." Not a hint of emotion penetrated his voice as he said this; he could have been talking about the weather with the same tone.
The hope and love in Light's eyes seemed to splinter and shatter. He looked as if he might crumple into himself.
And for a moment, L knew the real Light was still somewhere in there.
"How.. how could you say that?" Light gasped, hoping that he had heard wrong or that L was joking, something, something, to explain the piercing pain in his chest.
"An eye for an eye, Yagami-kun. You broke my heart by being Kira, and now I am simply returning the favor."
"Ryuuzaki…." Light whispered. He sat down heavily, as if not having the energy to stand another second; luckily, there was a chair behind him.
For a few minutes he simply stared at L in a lethargic glaze who continued to work on the investigation, work closer to death (although whether that would be his own or L's he did not know yet).
"But then the whole world would be blind." He whispered, nearly silent. It seemed his sorrow was choking him.
"What was that Yagami-kun?"
"Nothing." Light spoke, his tone empty. And with the breaking of his final emotional tie to the world, Kira took over. Now that he had no reason for the world as it was, there was nothing to stop him from creating a new one, a world of people who wouldn't cause this type of pain.
Meanwhile, as Light let Kira's ideals dominate his brain to stave off the sorrow, L silently mourned over the absence of Light's usual and somewhat comforting denial of being Kira. And with the anguish in his heart, he also made a promise to himself and Light. To save him from being Kira. Somewhere, a man that cared about the world and its people despite all of their flaws existed. And he would fight with his life to bring that man back.
The two didn't understand that the only thing that kept them hanging on was each other.
When the alarm went off to signify Watari's death, the panic set in. It spread through the room like wildfire. The officers began to shout and run about, as if that would save them from Kira's attack.
L sat with his back to it all, staring at the screen. Feeling the crushing blow of Watari's death while thinking: "Nononononononono. Please. I need more time. I must get through to Light. I must. I need more time." But as his heart began to pump painfully faster and then throb, he understood that he had lost. And while losing was painful, failing Light, in the end, was so much harder to bear. It felt like the world had slowed to a crawl as he fell from his chair. Like with the death of the great detective L, it's revolutions had to slow down to acknowledge the loss of a great soul.
His body screamed at him to let go, and simply give in to death, but he had to let Light know. As the boy sprung forward to catch him before his crash to the ground, he quickly accepted that Light had probably killed him and forgave him for it. Watari's death was different, but it was not his forgiveness to give.
L grabbed Light in his arms. He held him gently, tucking his beautiful head under his chin, his face buried in his hair, crystalline tears flowing into silky strands.
"I-I'm sorry Light." L gasped, trying to beat back his impending demise.
Light smirked.
"Sorry for what? Sorry that you lost? Sorry that you hadn't been able to prove that you were right all along? Sorry for ever loving me?" Light sneered, vast bitterness turning his voice raspy and hateful.
He pulled the boy away so he could look into his face. And although his body was failing him, although the world was in chaos around him, time seemed to slow to give him this one moment. All else was still around them. The chaos and lights and shouts fading.
"No, no. I'm sorry," emotion filled his features as he spoke with startling clarity, "for not saving you." And as he quietly gripped Light with all of his withering strength, closing his eyes as he hoped against hope the boy would understand and forgive him, he felt Light begin to shake. He lay back and scanned Light's face. With the a smile so small and so sad, that it broke Light's heart all over again, he allowed himself to fade away.
His small and only consolation was the smirk on Kira's face falling to the ground and smashing to pieces as the real Light showed for a moment. For just a moment, L saw the mourning of a true lover, and unbearable pain that allowed L to believe that maybe what he had with Light was real and beautiful. And he couldn't help feeling, that maybe in the smallest and biggest of ways, he had won.
So. Itty-bitty little one-shot that came to me when I saw the famous "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind" Ghandi quote.
I've read and reread this a bunch of times but I can't really tell if I like it. It's hard to judge you're own work, ya know? Maybe I should start using a Beta. xD
Anyways, I hope it's not too cliche or crapishly angsty. But drop a review and you can tell me how you feel, yea? Cool. Hahah, so I hope you liked it, and thanks fo reading.
Also, Disclaimer: I really really don't own Death Note.
-LinkIsMyHero