A/n: Disclaimer applies, obviously. Right, if you're totally against SanzoxGoku fics, or even shounen-ai, I suggest you bloody hit the back button on your screen already. No offence, man. This *points at fic* is what you get when you add real-circus to a quiet evening with sentimental songs playing in the CD player. The song 'Best I Ever Had' by Vertical Horizon was the most inspirational one….but as soon as I was just a quarter done, I tuned in the radio to hear Linkin Park…..and….you know the outcome. I hope it turned out alright….I still love LP anyway. They totally rock!!!

Don't Dream it's Over by real-circus

Chapter 1: Best I Ever Had

Goku's ever-accurate sense of smell picked up a trail of tobacco in the cool air, and long lashes fluttered the slightest bit as golden eyes appeared, blinking sleepily. He felt the smooth material of the blanket against his skin, and realized he was naked. Sanzo stood, a cigarette between two fingers, by the open balcony of their room, musing…yet again. His lean torso was completely bare, and he had his faded denim trousers on.

Goku then felt his face turn hot as he remembered what happened just an hour ago: He had returned from the bar, a can of beer in hand for his guardian. Instead of snatching it away and gulping down several mouthfuls in seconds, Sanzo had placed it on the table, still staring at Goku, a mix of emotions swirling in the depths of amethyst that were his eyes. He certainly had not asked for beer, but the young boy thought that he could bring one can up to…satisfy his keeper's thirst. The monk had placed a pale hand on Goku's face, stroking it tenderly, as a million voices screamed in his head—

"You could not protect him…" "I'm Genjo Sanzo now!" "I'll not love again…" "I could not defend him." "…because it hurts to love, it hurts both the mind and heart." "I shall not fall into it…" "He's lovely." "Your hair shines like the sun…" "I'm starting to feel it in my heart…"

They didn't make sense one bit.

Goku turned mute, feeling the soft fingers caress his skin. He didn't remember making a decision—he just threw himself on the man…Sanzo was mildly shocked at this, but it was far too late to go back…

Goku's attention now turned to the crescent moon outside. He remembered seeing it over a thousand times back in the rock prison…before Sanzo brought him out to see the even brighter sun, and showed him a more radiant path in life.

Sanzo grunted suddenly, seeing Goku awake. "Goku," he said, expressionlessly.

"H-hai?" came the timid reply.

The older man turned to face the balcony again. "Don't ever do that to me again…"

Goku, somewhat depressed and ashamed at the same time, turned a bright crimson. "Sure," he muttered, twisting away from the sight of his master. He recalled the passionate love-making they made in the last hour; Sanzo had held the boy close to him in a tight embrace, as if he'd vanish otherwise, rubbing his impressive body against Goku's rather savagely…but that was just like Sanzo, Goku thought, and he loved him for that.

Sanzo's scent filled his nostrils. He always had this intoxicating aroma around him, a mix of gun powder, the ashes of the tobacco he smoked, mingling with the familiar scents of the human body. It sort of stimulated the boy whenever he took in that fragrance. There was something awfully familiar about it though…

Warm arms encircled Goku, bringing him closer to the source of affection. To hold himself back from his keeper was like another five hundred years back in that prison…but Goku knew that the monk would never be tamed. The bitter conclusion was that he mustn't try to have him, or the result might not be very Sanzo-like, and Goku loved his guardian the way he was already…he didn't want him to change, for better or worse.

One of his hands rested upon his bare back, stroking it with his fingers occasionally. The other was exploring Goku's face, making sure every inch of exposed skin was covered. The boy just stared up into violet eyes as all this happened. For the first time in his life, there was not a single thought drifting in his head…not of food, not of anything else but of the reality that was happening now. Alright, maybe a part of that naive brain of his was thinking about food…

"Sanzo…" he started, but was cut off instantly as a finger touched his soft, luscious lips to silence him. His breath got caught in his throat.

"Don't tell me…you're hungry again?" the cold stare made Goku's heart beat slightly faster than normal.

"…Just a little…"

Sanzo smirked. "I'll satisfy that."

Goku was not expecting it when he felt Sanzo's breath against his still face, and then his lips grazing his own, opening the child's mouth with his tongue. He thought his guardian had finally given in to his insatiable appetite and was going to head down to the kitchens to get something. He certainly did not anticipate this, but…it felt just as fulfilling though. Sanzo heaved the lithe body up so that it could rest on top of his.

Something about the whole thing was so familiar, and yet, he had no memory of it. There must've been a time once, over five hundred years ago, before he was sealed in that cave, when he tasted that same enthralling mouth that was Sanzo's…when he felt that same embrace, when he held that same kiss for so long…but he couldn't bring anything to memory. Yet…he was sure there had been someone he'd loved like this before.

"Sanzo…"

"Hn?" the man was rather annoyed when the kiss was cut off.

"Just wanted to tell you that…you're the best I ever had."

A fine, thin eyebrow was raised in suspicion and irritation. "Nani?"

"N-nothing." Goku nuzzled his head against Sanzo's neck, smiling. He knew there had been another…but the love that person gave was short-lived, for some unknown reason…as though it had been torn out of his pathetic life in a split second.

"Idiot. I am your first and only one, don't forget that." The priest brought the boy closer to him, unaware that he was already soundly asleep, brown head resting on a shoulder. Sanzo pecked his tanned forehead affectionately, running an oblivious hand through the soft locks of russet, and something about that just felt so right…he remembered doing the same thing a long time ago, but…no, there had been no one before Goku. Or was there?

"And you're the best I ever had," he whispered into Goku's ear, quite unconscious of what he was saying. He was just glad the bakasaru was fast asleep. He let drowsiness envelope him, and lapsed into dreamland with an angelic smile gracing his handsome features. Yet again, he was just glad the saru was fast asleep.

A/n: pls r&r….it's my first SanzoxGoku fic. It's to make up for the very late update of In The Days of Koryu….I promise the 5th chapter by…next week maybe? Yeah, expect some Gyokumen in there too, and some shit I made up. Expect Komyo's death too. I'm not dragging it any longer.