Author's Note:
Just saw some of those lovely pics from 4x07 and this popped into my head. Enjoy
Waiting was something she had never been particularly good at, but this time she had no choice. The hostage rescue team had refused to let her participate. Their crew operated as a well oiled machine and they couldn't afford to let an outsider in, cop or not. No amount of begging or threats had worked and finally with a stiff nod and a spin of her heel she accepted the inevitable. So now she waited.
The hostages would be brought out the back to waiting police vans and ambulances. She had left Alexis with the boys but she couldn't wait there with them. The high pitched whine in her head had grown steadily since she had realized he was in that building and now it was all she could focus on. She waited, fifty yards away, her breath shallow and wishing she could loosen the vest she wore.
The head of the team had allowed her an earpiece and both blessing and curse she could hear everything that was going on. When the first shot was fired she jumped a foot and automatically tightened the slick grip she had on her gun. Three more shots and then she heard the all clear sign. But it wasn't over yet.
It had only been minutes before the first hostages came out but it felt like days. She began to count as she saw them and choked back a cry when two sets of paramedics rushed into the building with stretchers.
Six, now seven and she hadn't seen him yet. Each person that came out that wasn't him was like a punch to her gut. Then a flash of red caught her eye. Martha. She exhaled so quickly it pulled at her scar tissue put she didn't even register the wince. Her view was blocked and then it wasn't and he was there. His hand on his mother's elbow, helping her over to a waiting bus.
She felt her knees begin to buckle and bent slightly at the waist, hands resting on her thighs before she gathered herself back up. She watched him as he spoke to the medic, bent to brush Martha's cheek with a kiss and then he was turning.
She didn't know when she had begun to walk, but she had and he had as well. The closer he got, the faster she walked, only muscle memory making her holster her weapon. Ten feet away and she didn't realize it but she jogged the remaining steps, her eyes locked with his, remembering all too well the other times she had seen such intensity in his gaze. His arms opened and she collided with him with no hesitation. Her arms around his shoulders, his around her waist, pulling her towards him so forcefully her toes are brushing the ground. He buries his head in her neck and breathes and she allows two hot tears to slide unbidden down her cheeks.
"You ok?" she mumbles softly, right hand somehow finding it's way into his hair.
"Yeah." he answers, lips brushing her neck, fingers clutching her tighter. "You ok?" he parrots back.
"Yeah." she replies pulling back to meet his eyes and he watches the final walls crumble. She realizes it at the same time and can't hide the smile that breaks across her face.
He sets her down slowly and she takes a step back. Their surroundings begin to come back to her and she realizes they are now surrounded by people, none of whom seem to be paying them the least bit of attention.
Her hand falls down his arm to land in his hand and he grabs it like a lifeline. From behind him she can see Martha making her way towards them.
"Kate darling, I should have known you'd be here." she said with a little bit less than her usual amount of aplomb.
"Are you alright, Matha?" she asked, her concern genuine.
"I'm fine. Just a little dizzy from the excitement." she replied, waving off her son's attempt to take her arm again.
His hand is still in hers and she has no intention of letting it go right then. If Martha notices she chooses to remain silent.
"Alexis is with the boys." she tells him and hates the flashes of grief and guilt that come over him.
"Is she...how...did she..." he stutters, attempting to string together all the myriad questions racing through his mind.
"She's fine." she assures him "She figured out you were here on her own. I've kept an eye on her and kept her in the loop."
The air rushed out of his lungs all at once and he dropped her hand so he could wrap his arm around her and pull her to him again.
"Thank you for taking care of her." he breathes into her hair and presses a kiss to her forehead.
This time Martha did raise an eyebrow and she couldn't help but flush before raising her head and replying "Always."
His grip grew tighter for a second and the conversation they weren't having out loud was deafening.
"Let's go find her." she suggested and they started off towards the side of the building where she had left the rest of her team and his daughter.
His hand slid into hers and she squeezed it, not caring who saw or what they thought.
When they rounded the corner they could see where the command post had been set up. Esposito and Ryan flanked Alexis and Ryan's hand rested on her shoulder while she nervously chewed her lip. As soon as she saw them she let out a yelp and tore away from the detectives and darted under the yellow tape, flying at her father.
She crashed into him so hard he had to take a step back and wrapped him free arm around her, still not letting go of Kate's hand. Stroking her hair and whispering soothing nonsense he held her until the worst of her sobs were over.
Kate stood by, half not knowing what to do and half not wanting to be anywhere else. When Alexis finally lifted her head from her father's chest she looked straight at Kate. "Thank you." she mouthed and then without warning launched herself at the stunned detective who had no choice but to also embrace the girl.
A few more tears and she pulled herself away and found her grandmother looking on with unshed tears of her own. "Grams." she said quietly, sounding much younger than she was before being pulled away from her father and Kate.
His hand clenched tighter and she gave him a tight smile before they continued towards the others. Esposito raised the tape for them and they finally broke contact while he exchanged 'man hugs' with the boys.
Two hours later the preliminary briefings had been finished for him and Martha and they were told they were free to go. She offered them a ride back to the loft and it was accepted. Alexis lay her head in her grandmother's lap in the backseat and Martha stroked her hair as they made their way through the late evening traffic.
As soon as they had gotten in the car his hand had reached for her free one, the thumb stroking across her knuckles. When they reached the building he didn't even ask, just gave her arm a tug and she nodded.
Martha headed straight for the stairs and a hot bath. Alexis hugged her father hard one more time before slipping away to call her boyfriend. And then it was just the two of them.
"It would seem that I am capable of getting into trouble whether I'm with you or not, Detective." he said, trying to sound light and failing.
"It would seem." she agreed, throat getting thick at the thought of what had almost happened.
His hand coasted down her arm and gave it a squeeze. "I'm going to grab a quick shower if you don't mind." and she knew he needed a few minutes to get control of himself just like she did.
"No, not at all." she replied
"Wine?" he asks, maybe genuinely, maybe as an excuse to give her something to do.
She agrees and then he's gone and she's still standing in the same spot.
She takes her coat off and lays it over the couch before reaching up to take her hair out of the tight bun it's been in all day.
She makes her way into the kitchen and finds and open bottle of something red on the counter and figures they aren't going to taste it anyways, so it shouldn't matter what they drink.
She felt like she was just going through the motions, or in a dream. She wasn't sure she knew who she was at the moment. The other her, the one she's familiar with, would not have hugged him in public or agreed to go up to his apartment or waited while he took a shower.
But that Kate had had to stand in front of that bank earlier and come to the quick understanding that her partner was in danger through no fault of her own and if something did happen, it would be on her and her alone that he died not knowing how she truly felt about him.
He had told her before that her mother wouldn't have wanted her to be like this; closed and alone. But she didn't believe that she could do both, have both. Facing the reality of a world without him, a world without a chance of knowing how right it could be...It was like a final puzzle piece sliding into place and she just knew. Knew she could get there. Knew it was possible. And then she'd had to wait and see if her future was going to die before it even had a chance to begin.
The fire burned hot behind her and she lost track of time. Suddenly there was a hand on her shoulder and he was there. She still held the two glasses and she was grateful when he took them from her hands and sat them on the table. "Kate." he said softly and carefully as if he too wasn't sure which Kate he was seeing.
"Hey."
He smiled, daring to hope that this was really happening. He took her by the hand and led her to the couch and when she leaned into his side and let him slide his arm around her he knew.
"So, you're in?" he asked, trying to sound calm
She took a deep breath and then brought the hand on her shoulder around to her lips. "I'm in."
He was quiet for a long moment, surprising her with his silence and then she felt him press another kiss to her temple and murmur, "Good."