A/N: So, it's no update; BUT! It's something! So be happy. And I love this pairing. And this game. SO PAH.
And no, I have not played Crisis Core yet. I'm planning on fixing that soon. But I know of Angeal. So hah. HAAAH.

Disclaimer: Final Fantasy VII Characters and Locations belong to Square Enix.

Why did this hurt so much?

He placed a hand over his chest, above the spot where his heart was thumping regularly; there were no changes in the beat or rhythm. All was normal in his health…But it still hurt, and he didn't know why. Why was it hurting? How could it hurt him like this? It wasn't like during practice; he hadn't been hit too hard with a practice sword or flipped awkwardly just to land awkwardly. It wasn't a physical pain…

But it caused his throat to tighten; his eyes to squeeze shut and hold back the tears…It caused everything to be miserable around him.

His breath came out slowly, shakily, as he tried to regain his composure when he heard a knock on his door. Wiping his eyes with the heel of his hand, he looked up as the door opened, and familiar, light blue/green eyes stared at him, an impish smile on the beautiful face of the man he had grown to admire so much. "Hey Spiky," he greeted, looking around quickly with his enhanced vision before walking into the room and sitting down on the bed with him. He shifted uncomfortably around the other, shifting away from him; away from the sudden increase of unexplainable hurt.

"…What are you doing here, Zack?" He muttered then, looking at his bed sheets, wishing he could tear them apart; wishing he could destroy something so things made sense again and he felt in control of something for once in his life. "You're supposed to be on duty…"

"I got off early." Zack shrugged a shoulder, grinning. "I do that a lot, you know."

"Apparently." He felt those piercing eyes on him, but refused to look into them. "But it's a waste visiting me; I'm not good company right now."

"Oh come on; you're always good company!" Zack said cheerfully. He paused, taking a good minute to look at the younger boy, before frowning a little. "What's wrong Cloud?"

"What? Nothing's wrong. I'm just tired. I was going to go to sleep before you just came in unannounced." He muttered, shifting further away from Zack, avoiding his eyes and trying to fold into himself. "Could you just go away now, Zack? I want to go to sleep." His face scrunched up, but he held back tears he wanted to let out; why did he want to cry…? What was wrong with him?

Zack looked at him, hurt by his dismissal, but knowing better than to stick around and pry. Cloud would tell him what was wrong on his own terms. "Alright, Spiky. I'll leave ya be; talk to me tomorrow, alright? I'll be in my office all day, but you're allowed to come up there whenever you want to, remember?"

"Yeah…Later, Zack." The First Class SOLDIER looked at him for one more moment, before sighing and standing up. He hesitated for a moment, wondering if he should ruffle his hair or just leave; Cloud pulling the bedcovers over himself was answer enough. He sighed, shaking his head before walking out, closing the door quietly behind him. He paused in front of it, hearing a muffled sob, and his frown deepened. Someone had upset Cloud…And he was going to get to the bottom of this.

"Strife,"

The blonde looked back at one of the bigger cadets in his squadron, and he tensed immediately; usually this one would try to pick on him or get into a fight with him. But…He was approaching him calmly enough. He watched with wary eyes all the same, shifting a little to prepare himself for fight or flight at any given moment. "Yeah?"

The cadet, Crowley he remembered his name being, stopped a few feet in front of him, an interested look in his eyes. "…Someone said you wanted to tell me something."

Cloud blinked; confused as to why anyone would think he wanted to talk to Crowley. Crowley was a bully, and wasn't exactly all that bright; he was strong, but he depended too much on his weight and brute strength instead of speed, agility and overall ability. He's heard that he probably wasn't going to make it far, but that was only rumours whispered between one superior officer to another.

"I didn't say that to anyone. You were misinformed." He said this diplomatically, hoping to get out of his meeting unscathed; he hadn't come here to harm him, maybe he would let him leave quietly. He turned to continue walking when he voice made him stop dead cold in his tracks.

"You're gay, right?"

He let the words roll over his mind, mouthing them out to himself, wondering if someone had really just asked him that. He wasn't actually sure what he was, but he didn't want anyone to know that. Better act offended by the question.

"What kind of question is that?" Cloud said softly, turning to look at him. "It's not any of your business in the first place, and it's not a question you just randomly drop on someone."

"Huh," Crowley seemed to think over his words, his eyes growing sharp and Cloud knew he just did something wrong. "See, I was told you wanted to tell me something about how you…Felt." He paused, letting this news drop into the smaller cadet's head. "Was I actually misinformed about that?"

"Yes," Cloud hissed out immediately, eyes narrowed. "I don't know why anyone would think I'd want to talk to you, Crowley."

"What, am I not your type or something?" Cloud sneered and Crowley just laughed, noting that they were getting an audience. Ah; opportunity. "Guess Lieutenant Fair would be more your thing. Gotta admit, if I swung that way, I'd want in his pants too; the guy's pretty kick ass, attractive even." He shrugged. "Should've known a little thing like you would dig him."

"Don't talk about him like that; have respect for your superiors." Cloud told him, angered that he would dare insult Zack like that. Zack was a good friend of his; he helped him get stronger in his fighting and helped him study for tests all the time. He was his mentor…Sure, he'd gotten a lot of comments about the time he spent with the older SOLDIER, but he always blew them off saying that he was just a student to the guy. In his anger, his face flushed red from his neck up, and Crowley took that to be blushing.

"Ah, you're embarrassed now. Guess I hit a mark." He paused, letting more people come over to watch the spectacle. "But, see, you're aiming a little too high. I don't think Lieutenant Fair would want to be with someone like you…Weak…Inferior…A guy mostly." He rolled his eyes. "If he knew about this man-crush you had on him, he'd probably be sickened at the sight of you." He watched as Cloud's eyes narrowed, and he smirked. "You're such a burden. Why don't you just quit? You won't be able to make it here and you know it."

"Shut up…You don't know anything." Cloud said through gritted teeth. Crowley just laughed, shrugging. The blonde squeezed his eyes shut, trying to calm down his anger when Crowley said the one thing that really hit him deep.

"No one can stand the weak."

Cloud's eyes flew open then, and he glared at Crowley for a long time; the bigger boy prepared himself for an attack, but Cloud just stalked past him, shoulders stiff, back straight and fists clenched to his sides. Crowley laughed, thinking it was cowardice. "See ya later, fag-boy!"

Cloud flinched again, turned to his room and slammed his door shut, ramming his hand against it for a moment and wincing at the pain it caused, before he slid to the floor, running his fingers through his hair as he stared out at nothing in the dark room.

Okay, so maybe he was lying to himself…He did kind of like Zack more than just a friend. He wasn't sure how he felt about him in total, though. But…What Crowley said, no matter how stupid it was…It hit a deep, hidden fear in himself that he had shoved away when he went to join SOLDIER and prove to everyone at home that he could make it in this life; that he was strong enough to.

Maybe he really was too weak…Maybe he was just a burden to everyone he knew…

The pain in his chest blossomed, causing Cloud to gasp and curl into himself.

"…I love him." Cloud murmured to himself, staring out at nothing as he covered himself in his blankets and pillow, burying himself alive and hoping no one would notice he was there ever again. "Gaia, I love him…"
It was a week later, and Cloud was still feeling a dull throbbing in his chest, though he learned to ignore it as he went through his rigorous training and intense classes. He did more studying than he did socializing, and the few friends that he had gained during all this grew worried about the blonde as he locked himself away from the rest of the cadets, falling deeper inside of himself; getting quieter than he had been before.

One of the people that were worried was one Lieutenant Zackary Fair.

He sat in his office, chewing on the eraser end of a pencil and staring at the wall opposite of him as he tried to continue the urge to throw the pencil at the wall. What was wrong with Cloud? He had completely avoided him all week, abruptly changing course from his original pathway as soon as he caught sight of the SOLDIER. At first Zack had thought nothing of it; exams were coming soon for cadets to see if they were going to be in SOLDIER or just a grunt for their careers. But after it had happened every single time Cloud saw him, he had grown suspicious.

So he had basically stalked the blonde for a bit to see what was going on with him. Of course, Zack was usually a very good stalker, but Cloud seemed to be hyperaware of him or something lately and had avoided certain points where Zack was waiting, as if anticipating an ambush. This caused Zack to sulk and bother Sephiroth for a while, complaining that Cloud was acting stranger than usual; not his usual shyness, but overall antisocialism.

"Perhaps he's avoiding you." Sephiroth had offered, not glancing up from his paperwork as he read through some documents on missions that had just passed, signing them to show that he had gone through it before putting it to the side. He glanced up at the sudden silence and saw Zack staring at him with wide eyes, wondering why he hadn't thought of that himself. "You should probably try and talk to him so that things aren't so awkward between the two of you anymore, as well."

"You care about my happiness?"

"Yes…" Sephiroth started slowly, watching Zack's face start to light up like a kid at Christmas, wriggling around like a puppy. "…But I also just want you to stop coming into my office. When Strife was distracting you, I got a lot more work done."

"Seph that's mean!"

"Please don't call me that."

After that realization, Zack was determined to talk to Cloud like Sephiroth had suggested. He really did need to see what was bothering him so much; he seemed so…different. He was still working very hard and was at the top of his class of course, but…He didn't have the same determination in his eyes as he worked anymore. Just a blank focus. It was unnerving.

He stood in front of his door, one hand on the handle, the other gripping his hair on his neck as he thought over the possibilities of knocking vs. not knocking. If he knocked, it showed he cared about his privacy; if he didn't, he wouldn't have the option of getting the door slammed on his face if Cloud really way avoiding him. It was during this delay in figuring out what to do when he heard them; of course it would be right then, wouldn't it? Everything played out like that.

"You think Crowley was telling the truth about Strife?" A cadet was talking to another one; they were both in Cloud's squadron and both bigger than the blonde. Cloud was remarkably small and thin for his age and level of skill, but when he joined SOLDIER that would give him the upper hand in speed and surprise. Sure, being big and strong was useful, but it was the quick ones that got the job done completely. Besides, the mako that they'd all be injected with once entering SOLDIER would help with the strength issue.

"Well, he was spending a whole lot of time with Lieutenant Fair, wasn't he? And he always seemed so…Different around him. Kind of weird."

"Yeah, but crushing on him? Come on, that's going a little too far, don't you think?"

"Strife's always been a little…Different than the rest of us. Maybe that's why."

"Can't believe there's a gay guy in ShinRa…" The voices faded away; never having come anywhere near Zack in the first place, but his enhanced hearing had made it possible for him to hear them as if he were right next to them, partaking in the conversation himself. His eyes had widened throughout the entire thing and he realized then why Cloud had been avoiding him.

He was…embarrassed. And mortified probably. And Zack probably wasn't helping by trying to talk to him…

But…He wanted to learn Cloud's half of the story. He'd heard things about Crowley; he wasn't a very good cadet in terms of intelligence, and so he probably wouldn't pass the written part of the exam. He was excellent in the physical section though, so he'd probably be made into a grunt. Useful, but overall expendable. A nicer rejection than being sent home at least. He could've just been saying all that so he could hurt Cloud because he was jealous of the intelligence and skill the blonde had and the occasional praise he'd receive from his teachers. He'd heard good things about Cloud from instructors, and was proud that his friend and student was doing so well.

He sighed softly, looking back at the door and narrowing his eyes in thought, wondering if he should even talk to Cloud now. After a minute, he dropped his hand, turned and walked away.

He'd talk to him later…After everything cooled down.

Cloud sat at his desk, his headphones shoved over his ears and blaring so he couldn't hear any of the murmurings outside of his room, talking about him like he was some sort of sideshow freak or something. He was tired of it…He didn't want to hear them anymore. Even those he called his friends were looking at him oddly; though that was out of concern, but Cloud wasn't used to that emotion because no one had shown concern for him before other than his mother, and that was few and far between anyhow.

He sighed, closing his eyes as his CD ended, glancing at the rest of his study sheet before shoving it to the side, deciding he'd go to bed early. Once he took off the protective covering that the headphones provided though, he regretted his decision as he heard the voices of the other cadets walking down the hall…Talking about him again.

"—can't believe that we didn't see it before…"

"Yeah, I know, right? It should've been so obvious with how he was acting around Lieutenant Fair all the time—"

He sighed, shaking his head and turning towards his bed, slipping out of his boots and uniform and curling under the covers, pulling them above his head. How was he going to face Zack again after all this? The embarrassment of being insulted in front of pretty much the entire squadron, and the realization only hours later that what Crowley said was right in some way…That he actually did love him…

"He'd hate me…" He muttered, looking dejectedly at nothing. He heard the door open softly, and looked over to see his roommate and one of the few friends he had, Greg Thompson, walking into the room quietly so as to not disturb Cloud's apparent 'sleep'. He shifted, sitting up a little and watched as Greg jumped a little in surprise, looking at him with shock. "…Hey…Thompson…"

"I thought I told you Greg was fine." The brunette said, smiling in relief that Cloud was actually talking to him. He sat down on the bed opposite of Cloud, pulling off his boots but looking at him, waiting for him to continue. "What's up?"

"…Would you care if those…rumours about me were true?" Cloud asked softly, blushing a little in embarrassment; he hated talking about it, but he wanted to know. If someone that he barely knew but trusted didn't care…Maybe Zack wouldn't hate him…?

"Not really." Greg said after a moment's pause, pulling off his other boot and throwing them at the end of his bed, looking up at him with a grin. "Really now; how many straight SOLDIERS have you heard about? It's not like we get a lot of free time, and we consist mostly of males. Unless there's some huge line for Miss Scarlet that I don't know about…Other than that, really…I think they're all gay." He laughed openly then, scratching at his short, shaggy hair. "I don't know what the big issue is with you maybe being gay or not. It's not like it'd be a surprise here, right?" He smiled a little, looking at Cloud. "Are you gay?"

"I don't know." Cloud muttered, curling up in a ball and sighing, rubbing his arms. "I'm just really confused."

"You should probably talk to the person that's really confusing you right now." Greg offered, looking at him as he lifted off his shirt, preparing for bed. "You have a keycard for his room, right?"

"Greg…?"

"Go talk to Lt. Fair. I'm sure he wouldn't mind the visit…He's been worried." He smiled knowingly as Cloud looked guiltily at his pillows, before the boy laid down and turned his back on Cloud, pulling his blanket over his shoulders. "Goodnight Cloud…Hope everything makes sense for you soon."

"….Thanks."

Zack sighed, leaning back against his couch and staring at the ceiling, wondering how many dots were in the tile when he heard a knock on his door. He blinked, glancing over at the time on his digital alarm clock and promptly got confused; it was one o'clock in the morning. Who would come visit him at this hour? What was he doing still up?

Sighing, he ruffled up the back of his long hair, getting up and walking over to the door. He paused, glancing down at a picture of his old mentor and him, smiling at the camera; Zack's bright and cheerful, looking every part a kid; Angeal, looking resigned but happy all the same. He smiled a little, wondering if Angeal would be proud of him now, before he remembered there was someone at the door but the shuffling of nervous feet, and a single, timid knock. He looked away from the picture, unlocking and opening the door only to be faced with the biggest surprise of his life.

Cloud stood in front of him, wearing a pair of loose fitting pyjamas and the look of someone who's regretting deciding something but at the same time not. He blinked, watching as Cloud stared at their feet before realizing Zack was staring, and glanced up at him from beneath his bangs, blue eyes wide and slightly scared. "…Cloud," he spoke then, before he grinned. "Spiky! Come in, come in! What a surprise; I wouldn't think you'd be up this late!"

He quickly ushered the blonde inside, closing the door and looking at him as he looked around his apartment, having never been in there before. "It's not much, but its home."

"…It's nice." His voice was soft, quiet, and Zack smiled a little, happy to hear him again…Though he sounded kind of nervous, too. What was he so nervous about? He stayed silent as Cloud appraised the living room and kitchen, before glancing back at him, smiling a little; at least it was something. Zack grinned back widely, watching as Cloud blushed and looked down at his feet quickly, shuffling them before Zack decided to make things less awkward.

"Why don't you go sit on the couch while I get us something to drink? Soda? Water? I've got juice."

"Water will be fine." Cloud said quietly, looking around until he spotted the couch and walked to it, sitting down and curling into a spot that was warm, realizing Zack must've sat there earlier. He inhaled deeply, discretely, and smiled as a warm, spiced scent filled his nose that seemed to fit Zack somehow. He locked the scent away, intent on memorizing it in case this was ever the last time he'd get this close to Zack again.

Zack came out a few minutes later with two glasses, one filled with water, the other with what seemed to be beer. Cloud accepted his glass easily, taking a sip as he watched Zack sit next to him, placing his glass on the table in front of the couch after taking a swallow, looking at him with a reassuring smile. "So what's with the unexpected visit, Spike?"

Cloud looked away from him, holding his glass of water and staring into it as he tried to think of what to say, biting his bottom lip. How could he go about this? He couldn't just ask him bluntly…That was rude…

"…Have you heard…The rumours going around the cadets lately?"

"About what?"

"….me." His voice was very small when he said this, and Zack's expression turned worried as he remembered those cadets from earlier talking about Cloud and his apparent sexuality.

"…Yeah, I have." Zack said, looking at Cloud and hoping he knew that he didn't care what other people said. That he was just fine with whatever Cloud was, and that he didn't have to be embarrassed or nervous around him. Even if the rumour did include him, and it had been his dream for a little while for Spike to like him like that. Yeah, sure, he was his superior officer; but he was still young! He wasn't that much older than Cloud, not really. And the blonde was just too damned cute for his own good! Zack had probably fallen for him when he laid eyes on him; probably why he tried to stay such good friends with him. It was either friends or nothing, anyhow. "And just so you know, it doesn't matter—"

"It's true." Zack stopped in the midst of his sentence, staring at Cloud with wide eyes, his mouth gaping open. Cloud glanced at him; those sky blue eyes scared of something…But Zack couldn't comprehend what. "…I…I do have…A crush…?" He paused, shaking his head. "No…That's not it…" He sighed, frustrated, putting down his glass and raking his fingers through his hair. "….I think I'm in love with you." He mumbled softly, looking down at the floor, hiding his eyes. "…Does that bother you? Knowing a boy feels like that? You…You have a girlfriend, right? Aerith?"

"She's like a sister." Zack said after a moment, shocked to hear those words from Cloud's mouth. He thought for a few more minutes, reaching forward and drinking half the glass at that moment, sighing at the weak buzz; the mako enhancements he had didn't really make it possible for Zack to easily get drunk, but it relaxed him all the same. He glanced over at Cloud, seeing that he was slowly curling into himself, and Zack panicked, worrying that he was going to lock himself away again. Without even thinking, he grabbed Cloud's shoulder, shaking him a little and Cloud looked up at him with wide eyes, tears glazing over the beautiful blue. "Cloud…I…."

The blonde bit his bottom lip, worrying and fearing rejection. He looked down when Zack didn't continue, resigning himself and telling himself that this had been a stupid idea when he suddenly felt warmth on his lips. His eyes widened as he realized that the warmth was actually Zack's lips, and that he was kissing him, his eyes closed, the hand that had been on his shoulder now gently cupping his cheek.

He froze for a moment, before he closed his eyes and leaned into the warmth, kissing him back and lifting his arms, wrapping them around Zack's neck. He was pulled closer after a moment, into the other man's lap, his other arm wrapped securely around his waist. After a few moments they separated because of that strong need for breathing, both of them panting as Zack rested his forehead against Cloud's, looking at him with blue/green eyes staring at him as if he were the only person in his entire world…

"I hope that answers your question."

Cloud blinked, before he smiled and laughed, and the sound was beautiful to Zack's ears before the blonde kissed him again, and Zack kissed him back, feeling lighter than he had these past few days, knowing that Cloud was going to be better now…

Of course, their relationship had to stay a complete secret, and Zack would find some way to get those rumours about him to stop circulating somehow…Even if he had to use Sephiroth as the catalyst to cause everything to stop. Anything for Cloud…To make sure he wasn't hurt like that anymore. That night in his bedroom a week ago made sense suddenly, and Zack pulled back, kissing his forehead, nose and cheeks before staring at him surely, smiling.

"I love you." He said it confidently, knowing that the words were true, and Cloud's timid, but beautiful smile was all he needed to know that he had meant what he had said as well. The blush just added to it for cuteness sake.

Several days later, Cloud was walking down the hallway when Greg stopped him, looking at him carefully. The blonde blinked, confused at his friend's sudden scrutiny before the brunette backed away, grinning. "What?"

"Looks like you've solved your problems. And the rumours have stopped going around; great, huh?"

Cloud blinked, before he smiled slightly and nodded, scratching the back of his neck.

"Perfect."