A/N: I was absolutely gutted by the ending of the series. I cannot believe TPTB condemned Merlin to such loss, pain and failure. The Kingdom's were not united under the rulership of The Once and Future King, magic was not allowed to flourish once more in Camelot and Merlin never recieved any reward for all his efforts and suffering.

What was the point of all the suffering and sacrifice if I was always doomed to fail? What sort of life lesson is it to the people who hear of my story, if I never get the kind of future that I dreamed so long about? That golden kingdom where magic is free and the people are happy and united under one glorious king.

All those years I struggled on, fighting every impulse to tell him all about myself, just so I could ensure that he'd become the king he was meant to be. My entire reason for existing was for a better, brighter future. I left nothing in reserve and made every decision on the basis of keeping him alive. I lost loved ones, passed up opportunities and endured immense hardship and pain all in the name of destiny! But for what I ask you? Why did they put me through so much if they knew all along we would never reach our goal? Why did they torture me for ten long years if they never had any intention of rewarding me with the recognition and happiness I so deserve?

Am I such a worthless piece of nothing that I can be used up and thrown aside?

How could they kill him; the other side of my the coin, the man I lived for? How could they let evil triumph and inflict such tragedy upon us all?

Now, I suffer alone and forever. I've long given up waiting and hoping he'll ever return. I gave my everything throughout those ten years we were together. I have nothing left. My heart has withered and my soul has shrivelled in on itself in a desperate attempt to shield against further pain.

If anyone asked me if I have any regrets I'd have to answer I have a lifetimes worth. Maybe I should have lived for myself and joined Cornellius Sigan in his self proclaimed empire? Maybe I should have blasted them all with my magic and fled with my beloved Freya till we found a cure for her curse, then settled down to live the life we spoke of? Maybe I should have stayed in Ealdor and married a village girl? Perhaps if I'd never gone to Camelot all those years ago I would never have found out about the destiny that I was so burdened with. Instead, I stand here by myself; the weight of failure crushing against me forever more and the knowledge that everything I had was not enough.

A/N: Horrible.
What have we learned from the series ? That if you are 'differen'you need to kep it hidden, your best efforts will not be worth it in the end, life is doomed to be painful? IDK. (I should actually confess I haven't watched episodes 12 and 13, no will I in the forseeable future. i don't even watch the end of "The Lady Of the Lake", that's how weak I am.)
Writing this has been very therapeutic and even if nobody reads it, i guess i feel a bit better. I am so thankful to all the wonderful FanFic writers who continue to write and publish stories about the Merlin characters and world. It help keeps it all alive.