My first Fan Fic. I don't want to believe Charlie is dead and it got me thinking about what would happen if she were alive and Brax, Ruby and Casey found out. How would they feel about it. Hope you enjoy. X

Braxs POV:

I stood frozen to the spot, unable to take in what my eyes were seeing, unable to believe that this wasn't a dream. She sat across the room, her blue eyes sparkling with tears, one leg tucked underneath her.

Maybe I had never truly appreciated just how beautiful she was but even now, looking exhausted with grey circles under her eyes, she took my breath away.

She looked so fragile. I battled with myself, wanting to touch her, smell her fragrance, hold her and never let her go.

How was this happening to me?

Even seeing her in the flesh I could not believe that she was here. I had spent too many weeks missing her, needing her. I remembered waking up each morning, a few seconds of normality would pass before I realised I was alone and I'd get that crushing feeling of emptiness all over again.

For weeks I'd played the 'what if' scenarios in my head until it sent me crazy. I'd have given my life just to get her back. I'd never felt like that about anyone.

She had such a hold over me.

I thought of all the pain and anger and guilt and yet she was here, alive. Why the fuck would somebody not tell me? Somebody knew she was ok and they lied to us, watching us all suffer.

I looked to the floor suddenly feeling angry. The last few weeks seem like a blur, a long blur of pain and it had been completely unnecessary. Police protection, what could they do that I couldn't? If it was up to me he'd be dead, not in jail waiting for his next bail or planning more revenge on my family.

This was such a mess. She'd put us through this torture too. Everything that had taken place over the last few weeks!

I realised then that my anger was also shame. How could I face her now after everything that had happened? I'd drunk myself into oblivion, nearly got myself killed in a stupid fight and I'd let her daughter down. I'd slept with someone else and I felt sick thinking about it.

But really how could I blame anyone else when this was my fault. I'd let her down. These were my demons. I'd tried for so long to keep my stuff separate to her. I'd tried to protect her. I loved her.

I sniffed before realising that I was crying. I needed to hit something, to vent some frustration.

Rubys POV:

I stood there with my fist over my mouth to try and prevent myself from screaming. A jubilant scream, an angry scream I wasn't sure. She looked at me, my pained expression reflected on her face. My legs felt like jelly. I felt like someone had just sucked all the air out of me.

She looked at Brax and their eyes locked. Tears slowly slid down her face but she didn't say anything, giving us time to take it in.

How was this happening? I'd had to switch off her machine, watch her die, and bury her. I'd lost my Mum, my Sister and my best friend. I'd spent the last few weeks crying myself to sleep, putting on a brave face but wanting to tear the world into pieces. I'd needed her more than anything else.

I had walked round in what seemed like a bubble, a dark cloud hanging over me. I'd never felt so lonely.

I couldn't take this in.

Who kept throwing these hurdles at us?

Part of me wanted to run to her, wrap my arms around her and cry until there was nothing left. I wanted to make sure she was real, for her to hold me and stroke my hair like I was a little kid. But I couldn't.

A couple of months ago we were all set to move the city like one happy family. She was the happiest I'd seen her and we were ready to put everything behind us and start new. That fresh start had shattered into a million tiny pieces.

I'd spent the last couple of months being angry at everything and everyone. I'd pushed people away. I'd been so angry with the world because somebody had cruelly and unfairly taken my Mum away and left me with nothing, while everyone else's life went on as normal.

I'd been furious at Brax. I felt bad about the way I had spoken and reacted, I knew he loved her, but I couldn't help still believing that this was his fault. We were here because of him. How the hell would we ever be able to escape this life, his life?

She'd be disappointed that our relationship had disintegrated but so much had happened since that day. How would she react?

She had such aspiring dreams for all of us and we'd gone off the rails without her. I'd started drinking to numb the pain, quit uni and was surfing and now I was in trouble with the law. Ironic that in trying to escape the lifestyle I'd fallen into I now sounded like a fully fledged 'river girl'.

I'd self destructed and I knew she'd be displeased. But I had her back and I wasn't sure how but it didn't matter because I felt like I'd been given a second chance!

Charlies POV:

This was worse than I'd even imagined and I'd spent the last few days imagining how this was going to pan out. I'd felt sick with worry all morning waiting for their arrival. I couldn't believe this was happening. I'd dreamt that I'd see them again and I knew I would, but I didn't realise it would be so soon and all because of a careless mistake.

As soon as they'd stepped inside the darkened apartment I started crying. Just seeing their faces gave me a feeling of ecstasy but I knew this wasn't going to be easy for anyone and their looks of anguish disturbed me.

What had I put them through?

I'd tucked a leg underneath me to keep myself from running to my daughter and the man I loved. I needed to let them take this in. This was hard for me but I couldn't even imagine what they must be feeling.

I couldn't stop the tears that fell. God I'd missed them.

I took in their appearances. They hadn't been looking after themselves and I immediately felt guilty. Ruby looked thinner and weaker, like her legs might give way.

Braxs bruised face told a tale I wasn't sure I wanted to hear. I looked at him; I couldn't tear my eyes from his. This man was different from the one I'd left a few weeks ago. His face full of hurt and pain that had nothing to do with bruises. I so wanted to kiss away the pain but I could see him processing the shock.

How was I ever going to be able to make up for all this?

He looked down. His hands on his hips and his forehead creased. My heart lurched. I could tell he was upset and angry. I glanced at Casey, standing beside him, looking worried; he caught my eye and gave me a small smile. I looked at Ruby, a mixture of emotions still playing on her face.

He sniffed and I realised he was crying. He put both his hands behind his head, looking up at the ceiling in exasperation. I couldn't bare it any longer.

"I'm sorry"