Decided to start this one day I didn't have homework (for once). Kind of all over the place-just wanted somewhere to dump my Lost musings. The Drabbles are probably going to focus mainly on JackXKate and SawyerXJuliet, but there might be flashes of all the old favs: CharlieXClaire, DesXPenny, LibbyXHurly, etc etc etc.
This first on I don't know if I'm happy with. There's no plot really, just a bunch of emotions thrown down. I was trying out getting into character a bit and it turned out OK.
NO.1- SawyerXJuliet.
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Humans are material beings- hoarders by nature. They put so much worth into possessions that eventually it becomes who they are. For a long long time he'd defined himself based on the things that he didn't have, and had become a bitter, cynical person because of it.
He didn't have a job (not a real one anyway) he didn't have a home, or money that truly belonged to him- that he'd earned himself. He didn't have an education, having dropped out of school at fifteen. He didn't have a real friends or a family. He hadn't had parents since he was eight years old.
It defined him, yes, but it also isolated him. He dwelled on all of the things his life lacked, believing with every ounce of his being that it made him stronger. People simply didn't want to be around such a destructive aura. Peers at school whom he might have befriended recoiled from his snarky attitude, the teachers gave up on him, dismissing him as just another lost cause. Even his family, his own flesh and blood turned away. But he just sneered and trudged on in the world, blaming and hurting and looking for something that he thought would take away the pain of not-having.
In Kate, he thought he'd found a kindred spirit. She didn't have things either and he'd loved her for it. He saw it in her eyes every day; no home, no friends, no family; it was like looking in a mirror. It was exciting, the prospect of finally having someone who understood.
But why didn't he feel happy? He 'got the girl'; in the terms of society they would have been considered to be 'together'. Jack was tucked neatly out of the way, on his way off the island, never to be seen again as far as he was concerned. But for some reason, he didn't feel like he'd gained a damn thing.
It didn't take long to figure out why. Kate went back, Locke blew the sub, and they were all right back to where they'd been before. It was if everything that had happened in that cage didn't mean a thing. Kate still gazed at Jack with longing, even though the doc had gone and got himself a new girlfriend.
The new chick, the other; Juliet. In her he thought he'd found an enemy. She had everything he didn't and he'd hated her for it. She'd had a home, she had friends, a loving family. She had the best education possible, a diploma from a prestigious university and a thriving career. He saw nothing of himself when he glared at her. It depressed and enraged him, having to be around someone who would never understand.
But then, why did he feel drawn to her? In the terms of society, they were polar opposites, and would never be together. Jack was there; he was right smack dab in the middle of things. And Kate was still fawning over the guy, leaving him feeling used and dejected. But for some reason, he didn't feel so empty any more.
And it didn't take long to figure out why. Kate went back, all the way back, to the real world (with the doc) and the boat blew up. It was as if they were even more stranded then they were before. He hadn't gained any of the things that he'd strived for for so long, but...that didn't matter?
For so long, it had defined him. He focused so hard on the things that he didn't have, that he'd never stopped to think about what he did have.
Juliet, the other, the new chick. She made him look. And suddenly, he felt like the richest man alive. All around him popped up new, wonderful things. He had friends now, loyal and loving. He had a home, a little yellow cottage with a whitewashed porch complete with a swing and window boxes filled with flowers. There was a front lawn with a curving path to the front steps. Wind chimes tinkled merrily from the rafters.
He had a job, an honest (well, it's all relative) job with a real salary and legitimate (again, relatively) paperwork. He had workers who looked up to him, respected and relied on him. He had responsibilities that he actually followed.
And for the first time since he ran away from his uncles' house, he had a family. A mismatched unit they were. Jin, ex-enforcer for Paik industries, stumbling over the unfamiliar English words. Miles, psychic medium-sarcastic and blunt. And Juliet, with her vast medical knowledge and impressive diploma, steady and beautiful-the glue that held them all together.
She was the cherry on top, the thing that made his cup run over. Every morning he woke in her arms was like the first time. She'd opened his eyes to all the things he'd had all along. His memories, his love of books, his goofy sense of humor, his penchant for classical music; all of the things that made him who he was. Those things defined him, and those things no one could take away; not with a gun, not with sweet words whispered into a vulnerable ear. No conman wanted to take his well of Little House trivia away from him. It was all thanks to her that he'd finally realized this.
It had all taken a scary turn when he recognized that he no longer saw her as 'one of the guys' any more. It was she that defined him. Not a moment passed that he did not consider her-her reactions her thoughts her feelings-she became the centre of his world.
It was scary because she could be taken away from him. Who cares about his secret love of collecting stamps? He'd give up all the stamps in the world, he'd never read another book again, never listen to another Beethoven if it meant that she'd be by his side forever. But there was nothing he could do. There'd always be the danger that somebody would rip her out of his arms never to be seen again, just like everyone else he'd ever cared about.
The thought was so abominable that he tried to force himself away from her. He wasted months suppressing what was obviously there; looking back he could have punched himself over the wasted days. She was obviously hurt and confused over his avid avoidance of being alone with her-for fear of what would happen if he allowed it to. But it seemed that Juliet disagreed with his views, and fought back.
When it happened he was ashamed he'd ever tried to prevent it. It was so wonderful to be with her, so painfully wonderful. He could forget everything that he didn't have, because what he did have so surpassed any of those things that it felt silly to even think any different.