Hi guys! If you've read my other FFVII work, 26 Sentences Of Zack, then you might have read how I wanted to do a spin off series involving the head janitor Keith. I ended up writing the first chapter (and accidentally spawning other chapter ideas with the helpful input of my sister), so I've decided to finally post it up for you guys to read!

Keith: I did so enjoy getting revenge on Fair, but of course there is always other messes to clean up.
Liulfr: Well, I enjoyed writing you too.
Keith: LiulfrLokison does not own any characters or places that you might recognise, she only owns me so far, and if any new characters turn up, then they are her property too.

Enjoy the chapter!

SHINRA Secrets Are Nothing To Janitors

Chapter 1: Jelly Prank Revenge

-o0o-

Keith was not amused.

Not at all.

Zack Fair's latest prank had caused complete and total disaster for all of the building, and had every single janitor under Shinra's employ working around the clock to clean up the mess.

Somehow, and without anyone noticing, the 2nd Class SOLDIER had managed to coat a vast majority of the main hallways of every floor that he had access to, with several thin layers of clear jelly. It had blended so well into the tiled floor that the only way someone would realise it was there without first stepping into it, was because a small part of the floor was that was higher than the rest.

But seriously, who looks down at their feet when they're walking?

(Besides the people who always hide their faces when making their way through the halls).

The first person to fall victim had been a clumsy infantry man finishing his night shift, and had thought nothing of it as he was completely exhausted. He hadn't noticed the small patch of jelly that had become lodged into the treads of his boots, and had only noticed it when he found a melted patch of gelatine on the floor before his next shift.

The second person (and the first to actually realise there was jelly involved) was Professor Hollander. The portly man had promptly landed on his ass once stepping on a patch, somehow still clutching onto his folder containing some information concerning an experiment (but of course Keith wouldn't have known about its contents). The scientist had immediately found the jelly smeared onto his shoes, and swiftly informed the next janitor he ran into.

Although, by that time most of the employees had come to work.

Throughout the day new patches of the jelly were found and reported to the janitorial staff.

Keith, being the head janitor, had to co – ordinate the janitors throughout the building so that their cleaning didn't interfere with the normal everyday occurrences, like meetings and classes for the cadets.

Needless to say, he had to call more janitors in who were on their day off, as they were clearly understaffed for this clean up.

No one was happy, many employees gained new bumps and bruises from when they fell. The worst injuries had been someone nearly gaining a concussion when a Turk had collided with a secretary, who had been carrying coffees at the time, which gave the Turk minor burn marks and a ruined suit.

All evidence lead it to being Zack Fair who had created this prank, the teenager had been too quiet the day before.

Now they knew what he had been up to, and Keith was bent on gaining revenge.

In fact, it was rather simple.

Being the head janitor of the entire Tower, Keith had a master key for every office, bathroom, apartment, break rooms, garages and elevators, even the weapon storage rooms.

The only problem was that he needed Zack to be distracted in order to carry out the janitorial staff's vengeance.

Keith was especially mad as that day was supposed to be his day off. His first day off in four months, as Zack's barrage of pranks had made him miss each and every one of those days that he only had once a month.

Luckily a certain silver General owed him a favour.

You see, being the head of the janitorial staff meant that when the SOLDIER's created a mess, Sephiroth was the one to call him up. The guy had him on speed dial for crying out loud!

So the moment Sephiroth had called him up at six in the morning from his office (the guy seriously needed to wake up at a reasonable time and not before the crack of dawn), Keith had known some serious shit had gone down. Sephiroth only called when something needed to be cleaned, and when he texted Keith, it was more to arrange a time to meet up than actual work related stuff.

He could remember the conversation even now, word for word.

"Let me guess, Zack again, isn't it?"

"I'm terribly sorry about this Keith, but this time his prank has affected a vast majority of the tower. It looks like this will be a large mess to clean up. I will negotiate with President Shinra about giving you an earlier vacation than originally planned if you want."

"No, no, don't. It's fine. It's not like I had anywhere I wanted to go. I'll just have to push my day off back again. I'll be at the Tower in ten."

"Once again, I'm sorry Keith. If there's anything I can do to repay you, just let me know."

That, was exactly what he needed.

Whipping out his PHS, Keith soon had Sephiroth on the line. (He knew the man didn't have a meeting at this time, so it would be perfectly fine to call him up).

"Mornin' Seph. Look, about that favour . . ."

-o0o-

It was midday when they heard the scream.

Well, it was more like a shriek than a scream, it had been so high pitched that the enhanced SOLDIER's had all covered their ears with grimaces on their faces. Sometimes enhanced senses weren't the best.

It was five minutes before they found the source of the blood curdling scream that had many people's hair standing on end, and the reason for the scream was quite amusing.

One Zack Fair was found unconscious on the floor of the lounge in his shared apartment, having fainted after screaming at the sight that had most people muffling their laughter behind their hands.

There, in the center of the lounge was a large pile of clothing, all belonging to the unconscious SOLDIER, each and every piece was dyed a vile murky yellow the colour of the notoriously famous toads of Gongaga.

Everyone who knew Zack, were well aware of the fact he was terrified shitless of those toads, as he tended to be the victim of the amphibians many times in his youth. Even the sight of the colour was enough to set him off.

The story quickly spread throughout the building, and Zack was embarrassed enough that he barely came out of his room for days.

It seemed that Keith's vengeance had worked to perfection!

All that went downhill when they found the rubber band slingshots in the break rooms that were set off the moment you opened the cupboard doors.

Zack had started pranking again.

-o0o-

A/N: So yeah, there you go! I'll probably start writing up the next chapter some time soon. If you are curious to what Keith looks like, I'll chuck his profile up in the next chapter, so let me know if you want that. Any criticism is gratefully accepted, so let me know what you thought?

And if you have any prompts for a chapter, let me know and I'll see what I can do! (Chapters will range from crack, to relationships, friendships and stuff, so I'm open to suggestions!)

LiulfrLokison out! :3