Welcome to what is probably the most insane and confusing/retarded part of my story. Much insanity this is so I hope you guys don't get mad or mind hurt from it. This is not counted as an actual chapter. Just a funny thought that I thought I'd add in for the glorious Gabe and beloved Monty Oum. You have been warned.
Other Warning: The Fifth Wall is Broken here. You thought shit was insane when the fourth wall breaks? You ain't seen nothing yet.
The Void
"Wait, what?" Monty was confused. He was sure that the author was going to have the mercenaries save Beacon, but instead he had them all killed by Cinder. "I was sure he was going to have them win..."
"Same." Gaben agreed. "This is almost no different from how Burnie ended volume 3, right?"
"Yeah... fucking Burnie. Changing up my shit..." Monty said.
"Hey. It can't be all bad. At least he's not turning RWBY into some kind of corporate cash cow, right?"
"Yeah... I guess so." Monty agreed. "The series is still going pretty strong. I think he started Volume 4 a month ago."
"Awesome." Gabe said. He then clapped his hands and nine red orbs appeared. Each orb had the symbols of each of the nine mercenaries on them. Their souls. "Guess this is the end for this particular bunch of boys."
"Heh, it's the end of this crossover man. We got to shut everything down."
"Yeah..." Gabe then looked at his watch, and his eyes went wide.
"Oh dear, I got to get back to the real world!"
"You leaving Gabe?" Asked Monty to which the fat man nodded.
"Yep! Valve needs someone to manage all those Steam sales." He opened up a portal.
"K." Monty made an 'OK' sign.
"See you later Monty. Hope you have a wonderful afterlife." Gaben waved as he left back to the real world.
"Hope you have a great life Gabe!" Monty shouted after him. "At least you're still alive..." Monty moved over to the world containing the TF2 X RWBY crossover of chief of RAGE, and waved his hand to close it.
Ever since his death, Monty had been wandering the Void. He saw his parents, Gods, angels, dead loved ones and all that shit, but like the hard working man he was in life, he worked harder afterwards. But you know, since him are very dead, he can't necessarily work on RWBY itself, his life's work. So, instead of working on the show, he decided he'll just hang around and monitor fans of the show's fanfictions. He was... mixed with what he got, but it still brought him joy to see fans writing good pieces of work. Even crossovers such as this one.
"Wonder why these edgy kids end their stories on such sad notes... Would it kill ya to get a happy ending for once? This story was going pretty good until it hit the end of Volume 3. Then again, I guess if he keeps going with this then it'll just end however Burnie decides to end RWBY, but it won't be much of a crossover without those mercenary guys." His hand moved away from the portal as more fanfics for RWBY popped up.
"Ah, fuck it... I'll leave this one for a while. Got some smut to take care of..." He moved away from the world and went to take care of some other fanfic worlds.
Mann Co. HQ of Mercs in Remnant
"Bloody Hell..." Saxton Hale, one of the manliest men to have ever existed, watched as the world around them faded into black. When I say fade, I meant everything faded into blackness in a matter similar to how Grimm dissolve. Saxton Hale himself was beginning to fade, but his sheer manliness prevented the process from happening faster, somehow...
The fat bastard from the Void came back and dropped off eight basketball sized orbs for Saxton, and then he just started fading the world to nonexistence.
"M-mister... Hale..." Bidwell reached for Hale's ankle before he faded away completely.
"Confound this end of the world nonsense!" Hale yelled. "I can't even punch it!" He slammed his fist into a wall and found the wall instantly crumbled from being weakened by fading of the world.
"If only there was some way to stop this..." Hale wondered. "I still owe that pale bitch back in Remnant a good beating!" The CEO of Mann Co. wondered on how he could stop the fading as he walked through Mann Co. HQ. Heavy's family had already faded away, and most of the building itself threatened to collapse on itself because of the fading. Seeing that he was shit out of luck, Hale sat himself down at a break room which was relatively still unfaded. He smashed the cabinet containing alcohol and started chugging down the hardest drink he could find. Hale stopped drinking when he realized it simply leaked out through the faded holes in his body.
"Ugh... can't the world end any faster?" Hale was bored. The fading was taking too damn long and he was actually thinking about suicide, but the last time an Australian tried that, the bullet was too scared to strike the Australian lest it shatter on impact. At least that's what Australians like to claim...
Then Saxton remembered something.
"Wait a second... YOU!" He yelled, pointing at the fucking author...
Wait, what!?
"YOU! STOP MAKING THE WORLD FADE AWAY!"
U-um...
"DON'T 'UM' ME YOU BLOODY WANKER! STOP THIS NOW!"
Well... I'm flattered you still want to exist, but you see... I...
"You what?"
...
I can't. I lost what-
"Oh , that's a load of garbage, mate! Move over!"
Wait! Saxton Hale what the fuck!? Get out of my screen! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Real World
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I scream as motherfucking Saxton Hale climbs out of my computer monitor. "WHAT THE FUCK!? WHAT THE FUCK!? THIS ISN'T NORMAL! AHHHHHHH-" Hale placed a manly hand over my mouth. His hand nearly covered my face as the nine balls containing the mercs' souls dropped out with him.
"Stop that bloody screaming mate and tell me what you've lost!" Hale demanded. I push myself away from him.
"Augh! How the fuck are you breaking the fourth wall to the most literal degree I have ever seen?" I said.
"I just do, mate! That's how my character works!" Hale stated. "By the way, you're not freaking out about this as much as people usually would. Usually they lose their sanity and have to be sent to the mental ward."
"I- wait... you've done this to people before?" I wondered.
"Plenty of times! Who do you think was responsible for delivering Saxton Male to those lucky chaps, hmm?"
"Oh... shit. okay then..." I trailed off. "Wait a second, if you can keep breaking the fourth wall to the point where you are a real person, then why the fuck didn't you come back earlier in my story!? How in the actual Hell..." I drone on a rant about how Saxton Hale being able to do this absolutely breaks all forms of logic before he slaps me.
"Do NOT overthink this! All you have to know is that I can break the fourth wall."
"Yeah, but why didn't you come back earlier whenever you wanted?"
"Um... that's because you didn't want me too..." Hale said. "...and I was legitimately interested for where the story was going."
"Really?"
"Yeah, actually. I waited to see if I do beat that Salem's face in!" Hale smiled. "Speaking of which, was that supposed to happen before you ended it?"
"Yeah." I answer gingerly.
"Awesome mate!" Hale yelled, before he realized something. "Hold on a second, if you're the author, then that means you're actually the one responsible for me coming into reality." I start looking uncomfortable.
"Which means that what's happening right now is still being typed by you! Also meaning that the story is still going! But if you're here... then doesn't this count as a self-insert? I mean you are literally typing out every sentence of my dialogue while you have story you shrink into your chair at how uncomfortable I'm making you feel for calling you out."
"..."
"Whew... that was a mouthful to say." Hale exhaled. "What do you have to say to that mate? I just broke the fifth wall!"
"..." I remain silent before opening my mouth. "...I think we should both stop overthinking this."
"Agreed." Hale smiled and shook my hand. That's when he noticed all the bumps and bruises on my body.
"What happened to you mate? You look like you got into a boxing match with a kangaroo." I look up to Saxton's face. He was way taller than me. I was like 5'3 and he's like 7 foot something.
"Well..." I turn away from Saxton and show him the rest of my place. It was completely wrecked. "...it's more like I got into a fight with a Rooster." I lay a hand towards the Roosterteeth symbol spray painted in red across my living room. The words "Hey Fuckface, FUCK OFF! - Love Burnie Burns" were also spray painted underneath it.
"...more like a bunch of cockheads."
A week ago, when chapter 29 was published
"Fuck me..." I relax in me chair. A fresh chapter out after only 5 hours of typing. "Can't wait for people to possibly talk shit and or love it..." I take a sip of water and constantly spam 'manage stories' because I'm an overeager pussy who wants to see what people think of it.
*spamming of button intensifies* Then, le new review pops up.
Stryker Mikazuki J:
IMMMMMA SKIN YA ALIVE. After you finish this story, that is.
...
"Hehehe... that won't be for a while." I laugh.
Suddenly, there's a knock on my door. "What the fuck..." I look at the time. "No one's supposed to be home yet..." Though we didn't live in a poor area now, it was just instinctive from my days back in the ghetto to bring a knife to the door. No one just knocks on the door at this time unless it was people asking for something... or Jehovah's Witness.
Knife lowered, I look through the blinds by the door. Blinds in the ghetto are turned downwards instead of up so that you can see whoever is outside, but people outside can't see you. "Let's see, three white guys... probably Jehovah's Witness or even from the city..." I'm not racist, it's just that when you're home alone and a bunch of people come to your house, that is an open invitation for them to come in and rape/murder you while you're home alone. Even if they're the most harmless looking people ever. Fuck, if eight little children knock on my door, I wouldn't answer solely because eight little kids is enough to overrun one guy.
I stayed watching them with the knife in hand until I saw they left. "Guess I didn't need this then..." I threw the knife back to the kitchen.
"Time to spam that review button again!" I jump back to the desk and happily spam the review button until more pop up. Then I hear a car revving up outside.
"What the fu-" A fucking armored car crashes right through my house and out come several heavily armed people in kevlar and wielding law enforcement M4 Carbines, MP5s, and Remington 870 police issue shotguns.
"*girly screams*" I'm a pussy.
"SHUT UP!" A SWAT guy hits me with the butt of his M4 as the other guys secure the house.
"CLEAR!" They called out. They then lined up like soldiers as someone came walking out of the hole in the wall. More like three someones.
"Oh my God..." I gasp.
"Hey! Don't use the Lord's name in vain you stupid fuck!" Geoff Ramsey shouted before taking a swig of his beer.
"Well, well, well... look who's home alone!" Burnie Burns laughed with his hands on his hips. Burnie Burns, Geoff Ramsey, and Matt Hullum of Roosterteeth productions were in my goddamn house.
"Ah...urg? Ehhhhhhhhhhhh?" I gibberish.
"Shut up!" Burnie slaps me while he and Matt get close on me. Geoff went to my refrigerator.
"Listen here you little fuck..." Burnie grabs me by the collar, but I'm heavier than he thought and Matt ended up helping him hold me awkwardly. "We at Roosterteeth don't appreciate how successful you've gotten off of our property..."
"Hey fuckface!" Geoff called from the kitchen as he just ran out of the booze he brought with him. "Where do you keep your booze?"
"It should be in the Blue Moon box!" I yell. "Bottom shelf!"
"Thanks!" Geoff smiled as he got some booze and joined Burnie and Matt in hustling me.
"W-what do you mean success?" I shake.
"'What do you mean success?' Get the fuck out of here with that bullshit!" Burnie slaps me again.
"OW!"
"Don't play dumb with us!" Matt shouted in my face. I'm pretty much crying. Yeah, I'm a pussy.
"I don't know what you're talking about..." Burnie was going to slap me again had Matt not stopped him.
"Burnie, please." Matt calmly said. Then he threw me on my desk and stuck my face on the computer screen. "THIS YOU LITTLE BITCH!" My eyes desperately look around and I see it was on my Fanfiction account. Mercs in Remnant...
"What!? That's what this is all about!? *face slammed on table* AH FUCK!"
"You bet this cool Blue Moon that's what this is about!" Geoff took a sip. "Thanks for the Blue Moon by the way!"
"Your welcome... but what the fuck is wrong with you guys!?" I yell. "It's fanfiction, FANFICTION! We don't need your permission for this unless we intend on making money off of it!"
"That's where you're wrong, motherfucker!" Burnie snaps his fingers and a SWAT guy comes up with a big book that said "Laws of the Universe" on it. The SWAT guy bowed on his knee like a squire giving a sword to his lord. Geoff clumsily flips through the book until it reaches this entire crossed out section save for some words written in bright red sharpie.
"It says right here in the 'Laws of the Universe' that we totally can take your right to do this!" He moves my face close to the book where I see the red words say 'ROOSTERTEETH TOTALLY CAN TAKE YOUR SHIT AWAY- Love Joel Heyman.'
"Are you fucking-"
"Serious!? Yes we are! Now give us the rights to your story so we can erase this shit off the planet!" Matt yelled.
"WHY!?"
"BECAUSE! We want people to pay attention to the show instead of some shitty fanfic!" Burnie stated.
"But can't they like do both at once?" Geoff asked, seemingly on my side.
"Shut the fuck up, Geoff. You're drunk." Matt said.
"Oh yeah! *slaps me* fuck you!" Geoff slaps me again and again.
"Yeah, okay, Geoff, Geoff! Stop! That's enough." Burnie stopped Geoff and Geoff apologized before slapping me one more time for good measure. "For fuck's sake... anyway! Either you peacefully end your shitty story or we execute you and your family."
"..." No words. Just... what the hell?
"Don't you fucking be silent to me! Make a decision."
"So you're going to kill me and my family over a story with only like 100 favorites and followers?" I said with a completely straight face despite all the pain I was feeling right now.
"You got that right *burp*" Geoff confirmed. I cannot believe this fuckshit. Three men from Roosterteeth, a company I really love, just destroyed my home and threatened to slaughter me and my family over a story. Burnie offered me a paper contract that basically said I give them my full promise that I'll delete the story and/or give them the rights to use the story if they want to capitalize off of it.
"Fuck you guys... I'll do it." What else was I supposed to say? Rather live than die over a crossover. I sign the contract.
"Excellent." Burnie and Matt let me go. Then Burnie clapped his hands. "SWAT guys! Come beat his ass!"
"YES SIR!" The SWAT guys pull out their batons or use the butts of their guns to start beating me up.
"Ow! Augh! Ugh! OWCH! WHAT THE FUCK!? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS!? I SAID I'LL DO IT!" I shout as I mercilessly get police brutalized.
"This is to make sure you do as we ask!" Burnie laughed alongside Matt and Geoff as I get my ass beat.
"BUT AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO DO THIS IF I DON'T DO IT!? OW!" They stop laughing and beating me as they just realized I called them out on their bullshit.
...
"Let's do it anyway! HAHAHA!" They kept laughing at me as the SWAT kept doing their jobs.
"STOP RESISTING!" One yelled.
"OW! I'm not! GAH!" They stopped beating me soon after I said that. I couldn't move a single muscle because everything hurt.
"Alright boys." Burnie clapped his hands. "Mission accomplished!" The SWAT guys cheer, shooting their guns in the air, ruining my ceiling.
"Wait!" Matt halted them. "Do you know what we should do next?" He had a troll face on as he looked back at me. "We should wreck his place!" They all cheered again as I just looked crushed at how fuck stupid these villains were.
"Maybe we should leave him alone." I whisper in a girly voice in hopes that they actually listen. They stopped, and actually started considering it.
"Naaaaaah! Let's do it!" Burnie, Geoff, and Matt got sledgehammers and started destroying my house in slow mo while the SWAT guys shot up everything. One guy got back in the armored truck and started driving it in and out of the house.
"No, not the geisha!" A SWAT guy smashed a geisha statue on the floor.
"Not the Picasso!" Burnie smashed my paintings. I see Geoff pouring gasoline on the sofa.
"Not the- well actually, we were going to get a new one anyway..." He then lit it on fire. They kept wrecking my home while I just lay there in helpless pain. "Why does this feel like a twisted RT short?" I say to myself.
"Oh yeah!" Burnie heard me. "That's a great idea! We should make an RT short about a home invasion just like this one!" The SWAT guys agree with him. They got done wrecking my shit and soon packed into the armored car. This is when I saw the armored car was actually a SWAT truck repainted all black with the Roosterteeth logo on it. It read 'Roosterteeth Security Forces' on it.
"Alrighty then..." Burnie said out the back hatch of the truck. "Make sure you do what we asked, asshole!"
"K..." I raise a thumbs up.
"Geoff! Hurry up!" Matt yelled as they made room for Geoff who just stole the last of my parents Blue Moon.
"And as a farewell gift..." Burnie pulled out an RPG-7. He then taped a note on it. The note said "CEASE AND FUCKING DESIST- Love Roosterteeth."
"FUCK YOU!" Burnie yelled happily as the rocket blew the last wall of my house down. I just lay down on the floor, still processing what just happened.
"Fuck..." The only word I said as I sat back up at my computer which was magically intact through that whole ordeal. Then they suddenly came back.
"By the way! We're keeping your family hostage until RTX is over!" Burnie yelled from the passenger seat. "And you're not allowed in RTX until you do what we say! No hard feelings by the way! We did this only because we want to keep our property safe."
"Sure..." I said, looking around at my ruined house.
"Glad you understand, now come on boys! We got some punk down the street writing a Red Vs. Blue crossover with Naruto!" They sped off with the SWAT guys shooting their guns wildly in the air.
I sigh as I watch them go away to a house down the street. "I don't think I'm going to watch any of their content-" Suddenly, an arrow is lodged in my foot. "OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! WHAT THE FUCK!?" I reached and pulled it out while crying like a little bitch. There was a note on the arrow, and I squint my eyes down the street to see Burnie waving at me from my neighbor's house. There was a bow in his hand as the SWAT guys performed a "tactical" takedown on the house.
"As reparations for the damages we rightfully done, you get free access to every RT show! Just use this number-" I rip up the fucking note, and I hear gunshots and screams happening from down the street.
"Fuck my life..."
Now
"And that's what happened." I finished my story for Saxton Hale. "Turns out Burnie is an asshole..."
"Well that's only because you made him an-"
"Saxton! We agreed to not overthink this!"
"Oh right! Sorry!" Hale apologized.
"So yeah... I had to end the story or get my family killed because Roosterteeth got butthurt over the meager success it got. Sounds a lot like YouTube copyright, but worse!" I cover my face with my hands. "I don't know what to do, Sax."
"Yeah don't call me Sax." Hale said. "Sax is what my friends call me."
"Sorry, I don't know how I'm going to keep the story going with you guys if Roosterteeth is doing this to me..." Then, I got a call on my phone. I put it on speaker and put my finger to my lips so Saxton knew to hush.
"Hello?"
"Sup dude! It's me, Burnie! I took the liberty of adding me to your contacts! Did you end your story yet?"
"...yes. Yes I did."
"Hahaha-bullshit. I got Barbara looking at Fanfic right now and it' still there." I gulp. "Listen pal, if you want to die, I got no problem with sending the boys over there. You remember the boys right? Those guys with the guns and shit?"
"Y-yes."
"Good! Now unless you want me to schedule you a play date with them, I suggest you get to killing your story right away." Burnie hung up, and I threw my phone out to the yard since there are like no walls left in my house.
"FUCK YOU!" A hawk then comes and steals my phone. "...*crying*"
Saxton awkwardly sits on my burned couch while he watches me cry. Then he gets tired of my state of being a pussy.
*MANLY SLAP* A slap so powerful, I flew out into my backward.
"*wheezing*" Saxton grabs me and stands me up like a man.
"Snap out of it man!" Hale yelled.
"I'm 17."
"Still! You're a man in my book! So what if they're going to kill your family over a story?"
"That's actually a pretty big-" Saxton raised his hand as if to slap me again and I immediately shut the fuck up.
"If you are a real man, then you're gonna go over to those rotten fucks and beat them to death until they give you the rights to your story back!"
"Maybe you can do that, but I can't!" I raise my comparatively scrawny arms for Saxton to see.
"Oh right... But still! You can't just let them do this! Especially me! If I let you go through with this, then I would never know what happens if I meet that witch again! So what do you say, are we going to get your story back and continue it for the readers, or are you going to go down like a little bitch?"
I look at Saxton, and back down to the floor. "Well, I suppose no one likes a little bitch... fuck it. I'll do it, but if I die it is totally your fault Saxton!"
"HOT SAUCE!" Hale cheered with a fist in the air. "Now, where do we start looking?"
"Here." I go up to my computer and type up RTX. "Bellevue, Washington." Saxton and I look through the information as I scroll through it.
"But first... we need the boys back." I said. "We can't do this with just the two of us. Lord Gaben will be there, and... and... you know how OP he is..."
"Pffft! Is that it? Don't worry mate! I got ya!" Saxton Hale gathers up the orbs of the mercenaries, took a pen, and wrote "REVIVED" on each of them. The nine souls began glowing a whitish red, and the mercs were instantly back to life.
"Here they are mate!" Hale grinned as he took the confused and shocked mercs in his manly arms.
"Well... that was so much easier than expected..." I said, afraid that the mercs will kill me. They really were confused. Every single one of them had their guns out, thinking Cinder was still around.
"Where are we!?" Heavy yelled as he angrily looked around for the Fall Maiden.
"You! Where are we?" Spy asked me.
"Um... Earth." I said. "But... just not the Earth you guys know." I gulp as they gave me looks.
"What do you mean by that, son?" Engie said in a polite Texan voice.
"Settle down fellas... this is gonna take a while..."
Ten Minutes Later
"...and that's how this all happened." I finished explaining to the mercenaries, and they still looked confused.
"So... you're saying we're not real?" Scout asked.
"Uh... from a matter of perspective, yes." I answered.
"We were in a story?" Sniper asked.
"That's what I said..." I got really nervous as I feared they were gonna butcher the fuck out of me. "Listen fellas, it may be a story, but I know you guys still want to help Remnant out." I say in hopes of getting their minds off of killing me for no reason.
"So you're the reason why we all failed to save Beacon?" Spy said. He looked really serious, and the first thing I thought was 'fuck.'
"...yes. Please understand that I was forced too!" I said, reminding him what I had to lose.
"I see..." To my surprise, the mercenaries didn't seem angry in the slightest. They seemed more... depressed. I can't blame them. They just had their lives come to an end when they thought victory was near, and now they were made aware of how they're technically not real people.
"Were we supposed to win at least?" Demo asked. I nod my head.
"If you guys were going to lose, I had to make sure it wasn't a total curb stomp or else the readers would get angry. As if deleting the story wasn't angering enough..." They all fell silent again, until I realized I was still beaten up.
"Hey Medic, I'm not sure if it's too soon to ask, but can you heal me up?" Medic said nothing as he did that, and I just shake at how unusual it actually feels to be healed. "Thanks."
"You brought us here for a reason..." Spy stood up.
"Technically, Saxton brought you here..." He didn't seem to care for what I had to say.
"After hearing your story, it seems like you want us to help you get the rights to the story back from this, 'Roosterteeth'. Correct?" I nod my head.
"Yeh."
"Then what do we have to do?" The other mercenaries stood up alongside Spy and Saxton Hale, looking fucking glorious against the sunset. I hold up 11 plane tickets headed for Bellevue, Washington.
"We have a flight to catch..." I put sunglasses on in an attempt to look cool, but I end up poking my eye. "OW! Damn it! I can never do anything right..." The fact the mercs began laughing at me didn't help how I felt at all.
This is probably the cringiest thing to have happened yet in this story, but it's happening. Gaben and Monty will play much bigger roles when you see how big RTX is this time around. This will be only two parts and we can finally get back to sending the boys back to Remnant. I have hinted to much insanity happening, and none of y'all except for the ones I told took it seriously. Here it is.
It's also nice to see the positive feedback to the lore parts. There will be more as things come along. By the way, I have no hate against Roosterteeth or Burnie and the other men I brought up. I love Roosterteeth to death.
Also, to the Guests, put a name for yourself or suffer a 12.7 mm round to the face. Just kidding, but do it anyway.
Review Responses:
Mr Green37: Just made up based on what we know. Exactly!
Battle9921: I kind of envisioned myself speaking it since I don't know a lot of people who speak like that. You heard my voice. Imagine it.
Stryker Mikazuki J: Git betta.
MrtheratedG: Yes, they're dead in Remnant, but for how much longer? The actions in the next part will tell.
Time: Fucking damn it... why you make me cry?
Awesome Arod: Isn't that next year though?
TF2RWBYCrossover: I know... tis quite a sad occasion when everyone's favorite gang of fighters die.
Gaspachu: Yep. You'll see how in the next part.
BLUScout859: They'll be back, Scout. You get to whoop ass soon enough!
Unzealots: I have Call of Duty and Battlefield, but I'm garbage at Call of Duty and I have to redownload Battlefield. I have Gmod if you want to play some gamemode on that. I'd rather you talk to me on Steam since you know, you have me on it.
An Peepul: Glad to see they actually work for you guys! The other one will contain the rest of the mercenaries.
Guest: SAXTON HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Other Guest: I don't listen to metal very often, but yeah Battlefield medics are insane! And there is no BLU team in this since this is after they formed into one group.
questioneer: *sad face*
An Peepul: Talked 2 you in Steam. Ok.
A fan: We'll see.