Disclaimer/Letter From the Author: This is my first Vampire Knight story in a really long time!* I recently re-watched the first season of Vampire Knight with a friend and it brought back fond memories. I've spent the last two weeks daydreaming my own Vampire Knight world.
I am intrigued by the relationship that Hino left us with the awakening of Kaname and the introduction of his child and nephew. Sorry, for those of you whom haven't kept up with the serious or the bonus stories that have since been released since the series officially ended. If you reading are among that lot, consider elements of this story "spoilers".
In a series of individually released prompts, I want to write stories dedicated to the wonderful world of Vampire Knight. This first prompt, 'Breathing in and Out', is a cute, fluffy story starring "Father/Guardian Kaname". This Kaname is 1.) yes, human, and 2.) without memories, much like Yuuki was when she was first turned into a human. Though I do plan to explore the post-Vampire Knight Kaname in various other ways as well—some with memories and human, and some not.
I hope you enjoy this story! I loved writing it. To really set the mood I suggest listening to 'Unlimited' by Aikawa Nanase. The English lyrics for this song really capture the heart of this story. And Nanase's voice is tender and beautiful. 'Unlimited', for those unaware, is the opening song for the anime, Samurai 7. Watch it; you'll enjoy it tremendously.
Vampire Knight was written and created by Matsuri Hino. It does not belong to me. However, the idea for this fan fiction is. Please ask permission before and reuse of any part of this fan fiction. –Marie Meyers
Like Humans Do
'For millions of years, in millions of homes, a man loved a woman; a child, it was born. It learned how to hurt, and it learned how to cry—like humans do.'
prompt: Breathing In and Out
"Father, what are you doing?"
Kaname glanced over at the small girl with big brown eyes and long brown hair.
"Nothing besides cooking," he replied slowly, with a raised brow as he mixed the pancake batter. He paused in his ministrations, "Why do you ask, Ai?"
"Well, Kaoru just made an excellent point," she said, glancing at her half brother beside before both children shifted their attentions to their guardian.
"Oh?" Kaname returned to his cooking, turning on the stove and buttering the skillet. "And, what was Kaoru's excellent point?" he asked wryly, slightly amused by the children's antics. He slowly poured some batter into the skillet as he waited for Ai's reply.
"You weren't breathing. Were you playing some sort of game with yourself?"
Kaname paused again, "I beg your pardon? I don't quite understand."
"You're human," Kaoru's quiet voice said, "but you weren't breathing."
Kaname blinked, surprised by Kaoru's voice, which he barely heard, a frown settling on his lips as be flipped the pancake. "I didn't realize," he murmured, perturbed.
"Perhaps it's because you just woke up," Ai quipped from the kitchen table where she sat drawing with her brother, "or maybe it's because you used to be like Kaoru and I. We don't breathe."
"Not ever?"
"Sometimes," Kaoru amended. "I run out of breath eventually. But Ai doesn't need to breathe, because she's a pureblood vampire as both you and mother."
"Your mother and I are pureblood vampires?" Kaname asked, testing the words on his tongue, intrigued by the memories he couldn't remember.
"You used to be," Ai clarified. "But you're human now. Because mother made you that way."
There was a silence that settled over them. A second later, Kaoru scooted back his chair and exited the kitchen. Kaname watched the little boy's silver hair as it disappeared from view.
"You're doing it again."
He blinked.
"It's weird that you don't breathe. I thought it was a subconscious thing all humans did. Are you broken?"
"I'm not a toy, Ai," Kaname muttered dryly. A weird smell wafted to his nose and he frowned.
"You're burning the pancake."
Kaname hastily flipped the pancake, grimacing at the burnt side. He felt Ai's arms around his waist.
"Mom burnt pancakes too."
He carefully set the pancake on the plate as he poured more batter in the skillet.
"Did she teach me then?"
"She told us, you both learned together."
There was a sadness he felt, a nagging tug at his heart, at the lost memories. At the woman he couldn't remember ever loving. Couldn't remember at all.
"I loved her?"
"You sound sad, so what does your heart tell you?" Ai said. "But...mother...she was sad because of you, for a very long time. Because you left her. Because you chose the other woman."
"There was another woman?"
"From a previous life. You made a promise to this woman to end the war between humans and vampires. You sacrificed yourself. Mother asked you not to, but you did it anyway."
"Do you hate me like Kaoru does, Ai?" Kaname asked her. "For the death of your mother?"
"I'm sad. Now that I know you, now that I see myself in you, and I see mother in you, I wish that she was here. I wish that she was here with us."
Kaname listened quietly to his daughter as she quietly admitted her deepest wish, to see her mother again. Kaname knew that, whomever Yuuki Kuran had been, he must have loved her. More than anyone.
"I think I was tired then. I think...I wanted to live, but I was afraid to lose her. I was afraid of her disappearing so I...I wanted to create a world where she would be happy. This other woman, I repaid the debt I owed, but for the woman I loved, I gave her away. I—" Kaname frowned, flipping the pancake from the skillet to the plate, before repeating his actions and starting another.
His words were escaping him, his memories nonexistent and yet he felt so sure. He placed his large hand over Ai's smaller one and said, "I'm sure, at that time, I must have been that type of man."
Soft footsteps resounded and Kaname and his daughter both looked to the sound. "Kaoru?" Ai asked, staring at her sibling.
Kaoru's cheeks were flushed and he had a pout on his features. He held out his hand, "Give it here," he mumbled.
"Give what?"
He glared, "Give me the spatula already! If you aren't going to correct his terrible cooking then I will! I can smell the burnt pancakes all the way in the yard. Geez, Ai, you would think you'd be more helpful towards your father."
"What!" Ai tightened her hold on Kaname's waist and glared back at her younger brother. "Be nice! It doesn't smell that bad!"
He rolled his eyes, then snapped a raised brow to Kaname. "Never mind, just give it here. I'll show you, because your daughter is useless. Ai, go play somewhere."
Ai blinked as Kaname silently handed over the spatula. She released her hold on her father, giving her brother a wary look before heading out the kitchen.
Kaname moved over and gave Kaoru room.
"Now, I'm only showing you once," the small boy huffed, "so pay attention! You may have been pampered in your last life, but now you're human." Kaoru poured the batter in the pan, "Wait for only a while! See these bubbles? Watch them slow...and flip!" Karou's pancake was a dark golden color. Kaname watched in silence as Kaoru cooked.
"Kaoru," he said after a while, "if you have something to say then say it."
They stood in silence for a moment. Then Kaoru spoke.
"My father, he showed me how to cook. Because mother couldn't cook. Ai can cook as well, because he taught us both. He told me that one day he would be gone. One day, I'd have to take care of mother, and Ai."
Kaoru was paying especial attention to the pancakes before him. "He eventually fell to Level E. And he died. I know you don't remember him. He, however, told me everything that happened between the two of you, including the things mother and Ai never knew about.
"I look at you, and I wonder what's so great about you. I think that back then, you were blind and cruel. I try to understand why mother gave her life for yours. I cannot understand it. I think I never will. I...all I can hope for is that she's no longer suffering. That perhaps my parents are reunited and she isn't in pain anymore. She was in so much pain because of you, and yet you have no idea. No memories. It makes me realize that whether vampire or human, you will always be cruel."
Kaname listened intently, his eyes down casted. A painful and indescribable feeling gripped his heart, and yet the feeling was not foreign to him.
Just who had he been? Just what had he done? And Yuuki Kuran...how desperately he wanted to remember her.
Why did she awaken him? Did he deserve this second chance at life?
"Did I deserve this life?" Kaname said to Kaoru.
"...Mother thought so. That's why she exchanged her own for yours, even though her deepest wish was to see you open your eyes again." The look on Kaoru's face was far away, and so impossibly forlorn. "I miss her," he said quietly. "I miss my mom."
"Kaoru—" Kaname's chest hurt so painfully. But why? Why? "Kaoru, I—"
"I so desperately wanted to hate you. And yet, you're so pitiful that I feel sorry for you instead." Kaoru looked over at Kaname with glittering eyes, "Is it because my father's blood** flows through me that I am unable to hate you?"
Kaname couldn't look at the young boy's face any longer. He dropped his head and bowed in shame. "...I'm sorry."
Kaoru scoffed. "You don't even know why."
"It is not a reason I can name, but my heart knows it. I subconsciously know it...I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
Silence stretched between them. Kaname could feel Kaoru's unsettling gaze.
"My father," —Kaoru's voice was a whisper Kaname almost didn't hear—"he gave me my name. He named me 'Kaoru'. Do you know why?"
From his position, Kaname slowly shook his head.
Kaoru let out a heavy sigh and silence settled over them again. Finally, Kaoru said, "Fix your stance! I am not your master. And you're forgetting to breathe again! Honestly, you'll be a useless human, won't you?"
Kaname hesitantly looked up at Kaoru. "It sounds as if I was always rather useless***," he murmured as he straightened his posture.
He saw Kaoru's lips quirk, "Not entirely," the boy said gingerly.
Then, "Breath in through your nose and out through your mouth. Breathe in deep. Deeper! Do you feel the air fill your lungs? Now breathe out. Slow! Geez! Do it again! How is it that a newly awakened human needs lessons on breathing, and from an aristocrat vampire...?" Kaoru looked at him speculatively, "Oi, don't you run out of breath?"
A small hand reached in front of his face and Kaname's eyes widened marginally when he felt Kaoru pinch his nose.
They stood there in silence for several moments, until...
Kaname let out an oxygen deprived huff, and Kaoru blinked as he flipped a pancake.
"So you aren't an alien. Mother knew what she was doing after all."
Kaname's brows furrowed.
"Isn't that...a rather mean thing to say about your mother?"
Kaoru threw his head back and laughed. It startled Kaname, who thought he asked a rather serious question. At the boisterous sound Kaname found himself blinking in awe. He didn't get what was so funny about what he said, but it was the first time he'd ever seen Kaoru laughing from his heart.
Again his heart panged painfully, but it was accompanied by a warmer feeling as he wondered once more what type of woman it was whom he once loved. A woman that could inspire such loyalty, such respect, awe-inspiring love, sadness and happiness? He desperately wished he could remember her.
"I'm afraid I don't see the humor..." he said awkwardly, uncertain.
Kaoru turned off the stove and wiped the tears from the corner of his eyes, saying, "You'd understand if you remembered her. Trust me, what I said wasn't very mean at all."
Kaoru placed the last pancake on the plate and handed the plate to Kaname. He took it, glancing at the pancakes. They were golden and crispy, a buttery aroma wafting into the air and making his mouth water. He glanced at Kaoru.
Kaoru was watching him, his face full of mixed emotions and with a wry smile. "You...are so..." he struggled for words, then stopped and signed another time, his shoulders slumping.
"Just" -Kaoru said exasperatedly- "inhale and exhale. Breathing is an easy thing. You just breath in and out."
There was a resigned tone in his voice. Kaname nodded. He glanced down at the plate of pancakes, deliberating.
"Kaoru?"
"Huh? What is it?"
"Why were you named 'Kaoru'?****"
Kaoru glanced at Kaname, his brows raised in surprise. He looked away, his lips pursed and a slight blush on his cheeks.
When he glanced back at Kaname, Kaoru's face held a soft expression.
"Get your memories back first. If you can't figure it out by then, I'll tell you. Okay, Uncle?"
Kaname's eyes widened at the term. He found his lips curving upwards into a smile of their own accord.
(LIKE HUMANS DO: BREATHING IN AND OUT: END)
*This Fan Fiction account is secondary—due to weird problems in the system that [FF] tech support has yet to correct or E-mail me back about, (…), I am unable to post new stories on my primary Fan Fiction account, Marie Meyers. With that account I have written multiple Vampire Knight stories. You are welcome to check them out by going to my profile. You can access my primary account through links in my Bio or by checking my Favorite Authors and Favorite Stories lists.
**this refers to earlier chapters in the manga, when Kaname gave Zero his blood and later told Zero that because his pure blood flowed through Zero's veins, Zero could not disobey/betray him.
***in the early VK drama CD's the Kaien and Kaname spoke and Kaname apparently admitted to not being very reliable. Here I have implied Kaname's self-proclaimed unreliability (which he subconsciously recognizes even if he doesn't remember). I never listened to the drama CD but found out this information in the Author's Note of another author here on Fan Fiction.
****'Kaoru' is a name I made up for Ai's brother. In the manga, Hino never named Zero and Yuuki's son. May any of you guess what Kaoru's name stands for? I'll reveal it in a future prompt, but guesses are welcome (;
Thank you for reading! Remember to review!