So, this is (sort of) based on a song I heard off of Facebook. Good ol' Facebook again. I realize now that I get a lot of inspiration from Facebook, and I don't know how I feel about that.

…

Percy blinked his eyes open, the barest trace of a smile touching his features. It was Christmas morning at the di Angelo house. A day that Percy always really enjoyed. He rolled onto his side, reaching out with his hands. But, he grabbed nothing but air. The fog lifted from his mind, and his smile instantly fell. Oh. Right.

One year.

Percy rose from his bed, glancing around. His daughter, Lily, and his son, Landon, had helped him decorate his room the previous night, saying maybe it would help his mood. They'd done the traditions, starting with watching Christmas movies in Percy's bed. Lunch was sandwiches and cookies, because Percy hadn't felt like cooking. Once the sun set, they through on their pajamas and drove around their small town, looking at the Christmas lights strung on every house. When they returned home, they settled down in front of the couch and each opened one present. Usually their one present was a new pair of pajamas.

But, it wasn't the same. Nothing was the same. Percy was constantly aware of that missing presence. The one that was supposed to cheer them up every night with stories of Christmases in past, and dorky stories of their childhood. To steal one last cookie before the kids went to bed. To cuddle with Percy until the morning when Lily would wake them up.

One year.

Percy made his way down the hallway, cracking open his daughter's bedroom door. Lily slept soundly in her tiny bed, sucking her thumb. It was ungodly early, so she shouldn't have been up. And she wasn't. Percy smiled softly. Lily was turning four in a few weeks, and he was so blessed she was in their lives. She brought life and light wherever she went. Percy snuck in and gently kissed her forehead. She rolled to face him, smiling. Percy smiled once more before it dropped. He left, just in case she woke up. He didn't want her to see the tears. He went to Landon's room, opening the door. Landon sat up when his dad entered, turning his head to the side.

"What are you doing up dad?" he asked. Percy sat on the edge of Landon's bed, looking around. It was a typical teen room. Dirty floor covered in clothes. Computer desk covered in plates and garbage and textbooks that wouldn't be used until the end of the semester. Posters of bands taped at half-hazard angles. "You should be sleeping dad," Landon said at last. "Please."

"I can't Landon," Percy said sadly. "I would love to. I would love to forget. But, I can't. It's Christmas, baby boy, and papa isn't here." Landon dipped his head, feeling the tears well again. He knew. God, did he know. Now more than ever. "I'm sorry Landon," Percy said, placing a hand on his shoulder. Landon glanced up. "Go back to bed, okay. I'll make our special Christmas pancakes." Percy rose, going to leave.

"It won't be the same as when papa made them," Landon mumbled. Percy froze momentarily, squeezing his eyes shut. Goddammit didn't they know he knew that? But he didn't comment on that. What could he say, if he didn't know what to say in the first place? Instead, he went to the kitchen, turning on the stove. He grabbed the pancake mix and poured it into a bowl, glancing around. Red and green wherever he looked. He wrapped his pink apron around his middle, reaching for the matching white one. And stopped. Oh. Right. He put it back in the drawer. It was stained in one spot from some spaghetti sauce when Landon was little. But other than that, it was the same white it was the last time… Percy swallowed hard, going about the task of making breakfast. He glanced into the living room as he cooked, where their white Christmas tree was. The presents were in front of the TV because they all wouldn't fit underneath the tree. Percy had a few presents from the kids. Three stockings hung behind the tree.

"It should be four…" Percy breathed, dumping the last pancake on the plate. He didn't want to rouse his children, so he went and sat on the couch, staring at the colorfully decorated tree. Some of the ornaments showed their age. Some were cracked and worn. The popcorn string that Percy made with Landon in second grade was stale beyond belief, but they used it ever single year. Percy looked at the wall of memories, glancing over the photos. His eyes watered once again. "Oh god Nico, why?" he whispered, burying his face in his hands.

Percy di Angelo had once been the happiest man on the planet, with a loving husband and a beautiful child. Percy and Nico had always dreamed of having a little girl. When Landon was in eighth grade, they decided to see if they could adopt (Landon was Nico's biological child). The process was long and hard, and they had to fight to get her, but in the end, they had their beautiful baby girl, who they named Lily. For about three months, the di Angelo family was in bliss. A baby brought out so much energy. Even Landon had been helping out. But Percy should've known. Nothing good ever comes without something bad. Three months after they officially adopted Lily, Nico went in for a routine doctor's visit. And he'd come home in tears, only to tell his family the worst news they'd ever received.

Nico had cancer.

At first, it was in its early stages. They caught it just in time. Chemo was working for Nico. He was very weak and susceptible to many things, since it destroyed his immune system. But after every treatment, he'd give his family a big smile and tell them that he was fine. That they were working. What he never did tell them was the tumor was slowly growing. The Chemo wasn't doing anything about that. He couldn't tell them. It was so close to Christmas at that point. He didn't want to destroy his husband's favorite holiday. And besides, it was the first time Lily would be with them.

Percy insisted they stay home for Christmas, even though Landon complained. But they had to do what was best for Nico. They couldn't afford to let him get sick. Even something as simple as the common cold had the potential to be deadly. So, Lily's first Christmas was spent at home, with people who loved her dearly. Landon sulked a little, but when he saw papa's smiling, worn face, he realized they were doing the right thing.

For awhile, it seemed like everything would be fine. Nico was slowly becoming healthy. The doctors repeatedly told them the chemo was working. That the cancer would be cured. Or, as cured at it could get. It would still be there, but it wouldn't bother Nico. It wouldn't be a burden any longer. Percy hugged his husband and sobbed, because that meant Nico was going to be around for years to come. Nico smiled softly. He'd sworn his doctors to secrecy. They were not to mention to tumor to his family. He would not destroy the hope they'd created.

But, about a year and half later, it finally caught up to him. He went in for a checkup, and the doctors immediately ushered him into surgery. He insisted that his family not be notified. He didn't want them to worry about him. They had to remove most of his lung, but he didn't care. He would explain the breathing problems to his husband and children some other way. Any way but the truth. And that truth was that Nico was going back down. The cancer was back. In an aggressive way. They didn't give him much longer. But. Nico was going to make sure that his children didn't know that.

Percy gently touched the picture of Nico's face, mere minutes before he'd… Percy reached a hand to his face, feeling it sticky with tears. Why? Out of all the people in the world, why him? Why his Nico? Why his everything?

"Daddy." Percy turned, finding Lily standing in the doorway to the kitchen, clutching her blanket in her hand. "What's wrong daddy. You crying," she said. Percy glanced behind her, to Landon. He bowed his head. He knew the reason. Last year, Christmas Eve, was the last time Nico ever spoke to them. Ever breathed. He told each of them that he loved them. And Landon knew, as much as his dad loved this holiday, and no matter how special he would make it for them, this day would forever haunt his memories as one of the worst days of his life. The mad he loved with all his heart was no longer with them.

"Do you remember papa?" he asked. Lily nodded, and Landon picked her up. "Daddy really missed him. Do you remember what we say about him though?"

"He's in heaven!" the tot exclaimed. "And he's watching over us every day. And he's proud of us." Landon smiled, kissing her forehead. He didn't want dad to try and explain it. He remembered all too well the many sleepless nights that followed. The heartbroken look that never left his eyes. Last year was the first year Landon could ever remember that papa wasn't there for Christmas. And this year, dad must've been reminded of that. One less place at the table for Christmas breakfast. One less person to shop for. One less person opening presents on Christmas morning. One less father.

"Let's go open presents baby girl," the teen said, swallowing the lump in his throat. God damn, he missed his papa so much. Even their namesake, di Angelo, reminded him of papa. Because it was his last name. He knew dad was contemplating going back to his maiden name, but he didn't have the heart. Just because Nico was gone, didn't mean they still weren't married. "Let's see what Santa got, yeah?" Landon said, trying to distract her.

"Yay!" she cried, throwing her hands in the air. He blanket settled on top of Landon's head, and she giggled. He chuckled at her antics. She may still be too little to fully understand what was wrong. But, he knew. It was just a different kind of Christmas this year. "What did Santa bring?" she asked, looking at her presents.

"I don't know princess," Percy said, sitting on the couch. "Why don't you see?" Lily grinned, eagerly tucking into the presents. Landon slowly unwrapped his, receiving new clothes, games, books, and money. Lily got her first bike, as well as lots of Barbie dolls and coloring books, which she did ask for. And she got a little princess folding table with matching chairs.

"Open yours daddy!" she exclaimed. Percy smiled softly, grabbing the smaller of the two presents, which was from Lily. He slowly unwrapped it, turning the lump of clay over and over in his hands. "Cup," she elaborated. "For you." Percy smiled sadly.

"Thank you princess, it's lovely," he replied. He turned to the bigger of the two, which was from Landon. He unwrapped it, revealing a picture frame. "Oh," he breathed, holding it up. "All because two people fell in love…" There, at the bottom of the frame, was a picture of Percy and Nico, on their wedding day, many years ago. Fresh out of college. And, at the top, was a picture of the two of them, the last picture they got together, two Christmas's previously. "Oh baby boy…" Percy said.

"Do you like it?" Landon questioned, fiddling with his fingers. "Gramps said you might…somewhat like it. He warned me it would probably make you sad, but… I want you to remember the good times dad. When papa wasn't sick. When Christmases together meant gathering around the tree with our family, sharing jokes and memories." Percy pulled Landon into a bone-crushing hug.

"Landon, it's beautiful," he said. "Thank you baby boy. I know… I know I may not always be the best dad these days. It's hard, with papa not here. Before you guys came along, he was absolutely everything to me. I'd debated dropping out of school so many times, but because of him, I stayed and graduated. I even went to college with him. Sometimes it's still hard to believe he's gone. But, I know he's happy. And… and he'd want us to be happy too."

"Can we take those flowers to papa's grave?" Lily asked quietly, motioning to the bouquet of tulips they'd picked out the other night.

"Of course baby girl," Percy replied. "After breakfast." Lily raced ahead, and Landon followed, chuckling. But Percy remained behind. He ran his hands over his wedding photo. Best night of his life. He wouldn't change this for anything, except maybe a chance to love Nico in a different way. "God Nico, it's hard," he whispered to the frame. "It's been a year since you left us. And I miss you. And I love you. I won't ever stop. But, I know you're still with us. It's a different kind of Christmas without you here."

Percy glanced around the living room. The mess the kids made opening their presents. The wall of memories. The colorful tea lights strung around the ceiling. Yes, it was a different kind of Christmas without Nico here. Percy listened carefully for a moment, hearing his children laughing and talking. And many more Christmases after this one will be different. They will never be the same again.

But, they will continue. Percy still had a family that needed Christmas to be special. His children didn't always except the best from him these days, but he was determined to make sure that this Christmas, and every Christmas after, he would give it his all.

And, when he felt his husband's embrace around him one last time, he knew he could go on.

…

Woah, don't really know where that came from. I hope you like it anyway.