Chapter 1: The Story Recap Song
Sunday morning. 6:30am
Carrots! Wake up Carrots! We gotta start the chapter!
The bunny stirred awake. " ? Why'd you say that?!"
Say what Fluff?
" .The bunny stirred awake.' That was weird!"
Oh. The author's having me narrate this chapter along with some of the other characters. The kids are up. Spots and Cotton are fighting for control of the bathroom and...where's Petey?
"Right .. #$%! here daddy!" Said the little bunny hidden in the blankets. The family all had a sleepover the night before. The clever fox was still wiping Spots slobber off his forehead. That was not pleasant.
"Okay Nick, this is getting weird. You are literally describing everything we say and do."
Judy kept complaining, Completely forgetting the family was all getting up early so she could be there when..
"Michael! Sweet Cheese and Crackers! Michael's gonna wake up from eye surgery! We gotta get ready! I promised him I'd be the first thing he sees when he wakes up! C'mon! Let's go! Petey, get outta bed! You gotta take a quick bath."
"Mmmmmmokay mommy." Judy pulled the little bunny out of bed and dragged him out of the room and over to her apartment next door so they could get ready. The handsome and wise fox sat on the edge of the bed...and sang. Hit it band that the readers can't hear!
"There goes Judy. She's my cutie-patootie. I could sing about her alwaaays."
"She makes me woozy from her head down to her booty and he makes happy everydaaay!"
"I'm in love with this bunny. And I'm in love with the worrrld!"
"And now we have two great boys and two beautiful girrrls!"
"And this is the story recap song...and it goes for a chapter long."
"We'll catch you up on everything, you neeeed!"
"This is the story recap song! Just sit back. Leave your browser on."
"Just scroll down your mouse and come read along with me!"
"A-doodle-doo-doo. A-doodle-doodle-doo-doo."
"A-doodle-doo-doo. A-doodle-doodle-doo-doo."
Hello everyone and welcome to "Wedding Reception! A musical in text." In this chapter, Nick Wilde, that's me and some of the cast will be explaining all about this whole "Big Cheese" saga and what's been going on with our lives as of late. For example...
"First up, was the story called 'My Turn to Drive'."
"I gotta say, I barely got out if it alive."
"My car fell into the drinnnnk."
"It's also when Judy confessed her love for me."
"I didn't reciprocate despite our wonderful chemistry."
"I wasn't sure what to thinnnk!"
"I felt I wasn't ready..."
"...to be the best fox for her"
"But in awhile we went steady."
"These three weeks was a blurrr!"
"And this is the story recap song...and it goes for a chapter long."
"Finnick started to hate on poor Judyyyy."
"We then stopped being friends you see. He blamed his troubles all on me."
"This is the story re...cap...song."
Okay, now you get the gist of it. Some other characters who've had their own subplots will be coming and singing as well. We got a great fan-fic lined up for you with tons of guests including some who haven't been in the main story yet, like Flash and Gazelle. Practically everyone will be here singing karaoke, cracking jokes and adding more subplots. Now, if you're new, you're probably wondering about the kids and how we got them, well...
"We went to Bunnyburrow my 'brows started to furrow a bit."
"Some hawks were eatin' bunnies. We found out we were in deep...y'know."
"We battled those bird brains. We found out there just a few."
"I saved three of the children. Judy saved Mike from Stu."
"We broke up for awhile...but it didn't last long."
"Because if she were still mad, why would I be singing this sonnng?!"
"And this is the story recap song...and it goes for a chapter long."
"I came home a hyena, lamb and foul-mouthed bunnyyyy."
"Yeah this is the story recap song. We sure didn't stay in town for long."
"The whole situation wasn't ver-y funny."
"A-doodle-doo-doo. A-doodle-doodle-doo-doo."
"A-doodle-doo-doo. A-doodle-doodle-doo-doo."
I guess I should go into a little more explanation about the kids. Because of overpopulation, there's a law in Bunnyburrow where if you give up your child and another takes care of it, you lose that child for good to the other one. No take backs. Well, Bunnyburrow was facing a huge crisis where these hawks who demanded a sacrifice for their meal. You had to sacrifice a family member to save the rest of your family. They first went for the elderly, then the handicapped children. No one was resisting, not even Judy's father Stu. Judy saved her little, blind brother Michael from being eaten and adopted him as her own son to save him. I saved some children from an orphanage. An adorable lamb with backward knees that I call "Cotton". She's seven and also Dawn Bellwether's niece. I also picked a teenage, lesbian and hot-tempered Hyena who I call "Spots". I should say "possibly lesbian" because she's been having these confusing feelings for a boy as of late. Then there's "Petey". A boy bunny with tourettes syndrome who was brought up by a very abusive mother. They all live with me now and...
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" Screamed Judy. "Where are your pants?! You should be getting showered or dressed!"
What Carrots failed to understand is that Nick was singing a story recap to the audience.
"Don't talk to me like I'm not in front of you! Just...put on some new clothes and deodorant and let's go!"
Sorry dear! I'll catch up to you readers later. Take it away Tim Wolford! Now it's your turn to narrate and sing!
….What?! Hold on ya dumb fox! I'm in 'da shower! Oh well.
'Da handsome and well-endowed wolf, officer Tim Wolford was showering his muscular body when he...smelled a turd? Burnie honey, do ya gotta drop a deuce while I'm in 'da shower?!
"Sorry dad. I couldn't wait."
JAMES?! That's gross! Gimmie a courtesy flush!
"Sure thing pops!" FLUSSHH!
EEEP! Cold! Cold! COLD! Will you just wash yer hands and get outta here?!
"Can I wipe my butt first?"
Or course! Just hurry up!
"'Da bowlin' game is where it all went crazy for me."
"My wife told everyone there about her pregnancy."
"I'd have my own litter sooon."
"Then I went and got a bunch 'a stupid injuries."
"Saved a hippo, nabbed a bat with the help of Judy."
"I even survived a big booom!"
"I adopted a cougar...Who's mudder just passed away."
"He nearly killed my partner...But she made it okay!"
"He needed my money for his mom...He was alone and scared."
"It's been tough consolin' him. Bein' a dad's a hard burden ta bearrr!"
"And 'dis is 'da story recap song...and it goes fer a chaptah long!"
"James has a home now, he won't have to go astraaaay."
"Yeah 'dis is 'da story re-cap song. And it goes fer a chaptah long."
"He's in love wit' a hyena, but she seems pretty gay!"
"A-doodle-somethin'. A-somethin'-doodle-doo-doo."
"A-somethin'-doo-doo. A-doodle-somethin-somethin."
"Do you mind not singing about my personal life in the shower?"
WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?! Sigh! Your turn ta narrate Clawhauser! Take it away!
Which Clawhauser?
"YOU BEN! It's your turn! My words have quotation marks on 'dem now! 'Dat means I ain't 'da narrator no more! You are!"
Oh! Okay. This narration stuff is confusing. How's he talking to me from his house without a phone? Oh well. Suddenly, a young giraffe poked her head into the handsome, brave and only slightly chubby Ben Clawhauser's room.
"Daddy! Is mom gonna make breakfast soon?"
Yes Suzie dear! I'm helping sing the recap song so all the reader's are up to date on the main story.
"Oh! Oh! Tell them about how you and mom, (the tiger officer Terry Fangmeyer) started dating after the Wolford's hooked you two up at a bowling game!"
Yes dear.
"OH! And mention how she's a transsexual and you're bi!"
It's hard to do that in song, but I'll...
"OOOHH! And mention how you two rushed into marriage after only dating for a few days!"
I will! Just...
"And how when you two went out to eat on your wedding night, I sneaked into your apartment because I was scared of the lightning outside and you two found me and adopted me and my little mountain lion sister Sarah!"
Suzie! You're giving away everything! I need to..
"And make sure to mention that I'm an inventor and that Sarah is completely crippled from the waist down, but I invented some special skates to help her get around."
Suzie! I have nothing left to sing!
"Sure you do daddy! The outro part!"
SNIFF!
"And this was my story recap song...now it's over and completely gone."
"My daughter spoiled everything I was gonna saaaay."
"This was my story recap song."
"BREAKFAST IS READY!"
"Yahoo! I'm gone! Alight Duke Weaselton, take...it...awaaaay!"
Hold on, I'm takin' my third water bottle for 'da day. My new wife's got me dehydrated! AHEM! Alright! Here I go!
"I m a weasel, but 'dat don't mean I ain't legit!"
"My dishonest life I finally decided to quit!"
"So now I'm goin' straaaight! (Kinda-Sorta)"
"I took a business over and I'm makin' it honest too."
"Got some great workers. A heck of a construction crew."
"Saved 'dem from a horrible faaate!"
"Me and 'dat cop, Delgato...Stopped a slavery scam."
"I married my secretary...Now she ain't gotta be on 'da laaaam!"
Just FYI, she was an illegal immigrant.
"And 'dis is 'da story re-cap song...and it goes for a chapter long."
"My ferret wife's trying 'ta get preggers by constanly mating meee!"
"This is 'da story re-cap song! I have no more feeling in my dong!"
"She drained me of all my energyyyy!" Take it away Bogo!
Wait...I have to sing?!
"Oooh! I've never heard you sing before!" said Francis.
I'm not exactly a soprano sooo...here goes!
"This whole week for me has been one huge mess."
"Getting divorced. Mayor's yelling. I'm under a lot of stress."
"I'm not sure what to dooo."
"At least we got Batrov. He's the third baddy in command."
"He snitched on Finnick, but he doesn't know about his plans."
"He'll rat on The Big Cheese toooo!"
"But this bat is no dummy!"
"He wants out of the jail."
"Someplace safe with security."
"We want his info so we better not faaaail!"
""And this is the story re-cap song! And it goes for a chapter long."
"I'm cheating on my wife with Francine on the siiide!"
"Shhhh! You might wanna keep that down Bogo baby!"
To be honest, I don't care anymore. I just want to be happy!
"And this is the story re-cap song! Batrov's confession can't go wrong!
"Or mayor Trunk might just have my hide!"
Can you do the "Doodle doo-doo!" Part dear? I feel silly singing that.
"Sure honey! By the way, it's not really cheating if you're divorcing your wife anyway is it?"
I'm still trying to get custody of my son and that might look bad to the courts. Now let's wrap it up please.
"Alright you big, bad buffalo! You put the 'tone' in baratone!"
"A-doodle-doo-doo. A-doodle-doodle-doo-doo."
"A-doodle-doo-doo. A-doodle-doodle-doo-doo." Now back to Nick to wrap this song up!
Carrots! Slow down please! I'm the one who's supposed to be the bad driver, remember?! The haphazard hare was driving fast and recklessly to the children's hospital.
"I'm not a haphazard hare! Michael's gonna see for the first time today and I PROMISED I'd be the first thing he laid eyes on. I don't want him to wake up all alone! OUT OF THE WAY SLOWPOKE! HONK! HONK! MOVE IT!"
Nick checked that the kids all had their seat belts on.
"Yes we do!" Spots shouted. "I'd put on an extra set the way Miss H is driving! Wh-why don't you finish the song so we can end this nightmare and get to the next chapter?!"
Good idea.
"So while my lovely Judy is driving like a maniac."
"I'll wrap up this song before I go and have a heart attack!"
"We're heading to go see Michael!"
"Someone in Judy's family went and donated an eye."
"We're not sure who and we still don't know how when and why."
"I just hope he's doing well!"
"I gotta mention the Big Cheese!...He's last but surely not least!"
"He starting to ruin this city...just like a rampaging beaaaast!"
"This unknown's spreading hatred. He spreads bigotry and fear."
"He's the antithesis...to everything that I hold dear!"
….SIGH! Nick looked in the back seat at his kids. Me and Judy will stop that monster. I promise. The melody slowed down.
"And this was the story re-cap song...and it went for a chapter long."
"I'll counter this madness with my program 'Preds for Peaaace'!"
"I'll show the world that love wins true. For both prey and predators too."
"I pray this nasty bigotry will decease."
"A-doodle-doo-doo. A-doodle-doodle-doo-doo."
"A-doodle-doo-doo. A-doodle-doodle-doo-doo-doooooooooo."
"This was the story re...cap...soooooooong!"
"We're here!" Shouted Judy. She parked the van as I went to take off my seat belt. Judy then...Where's Judy?
"She already took off to go inside." said Spots.
That explains the rabbit-shaped cloud of dust. Help me get the kids out. Will ya Spots?
"Sure thing. By the way, your grammar was TERRIBLE in this chapter! You need to proofread better."
Hey now! I'm new at this! I'll just be happy when the regular narrator takes over in the next chapter.
"...We had no fourth wall, did we?"
Nope.