1/
I woke up.
I just looked at the not even visibly ceiling for a while, without really thinking about anything. There was a strange burning feeling in my chest, and I felt like crying. I held back my tears, and shallowed. I got out. Everything was stifling. I was suddenly so hot, I needed air, so I walked fast down the stairs and into the night.
I shouldn't be doing this. Some part of me warns me that this is Brockton Bay, after all. This is a horrible idea. I would be lucky if I only ended up being killed. But, everything seemed so unbearable and I just, I needed a chance to relax, to unwind for once. I walked aimlessly, wishing the cold night air would take my thoughts away. Some peace. That's all I want, some peace. Is that too much too ask for?
But, I cannot calm down. I soon realize what I already thinking. No matter where I would go, the past would follow me. It was an eternal scar that wouldn't never leave me even though the physical wounds had already healed. So I think. I try to think. I try to thinking positively, make myself some reason to go on. But I couldn't find it. I felt half death already. No, more like, I had been half death since mother's car accident.
I lived in a tiny world since I was young. My father, my mother and my best friend Emma. That's all I needed and I didn't think about anything else. It was all I had, and piece by piece it had been chipped away, starting with the car accident. My father depressed and distant. My friend backstabbed me, and then hurt me so viciously, for so long, spit on my trust. That small world of mine was now so smile I could barely breathe, so no wonder I was reaching this point.
Death was scary, but living was not looking any better. I should just end it already. I understood than that was the answer I've been seeking. Things lost would never return. The only way for me to find peace would be die. So, I walked, now with a purpose. To find something to do it. Anything would be fine.
Casually… all I did was casually cast my gaze into the dark shapes I saw crossing the street, and my vision froze. I shallowed. What I had been thinking of? I couldn't remember, but it couldn't be that important. I walked after the people I saw with unsteady footsteps. The beating of my heart speeded up, until each beat was like a small explosion that hurt like it could tear me apart. My breathing went out of control and…
Suddenly,
there were the corpses of strangers in front of me.
I could do nothing but stare, unable to process the scene. I saw what I saw, and I understand what I was looking at, but I didn't want to understand. Because, it was too horrible. Because, there was something incompressible. There were three corpses without a trace of blood of them, and they must have been like that for many years as they had rotten to the point I could make out of their bones against the greenish decayed skin. Couldn't be a recent scene. It simply couldn't be. But that it hadn't been discovered until now was impossible, and besides…
Besides, I could taste blood in my mouth. It was too much blood, so it dripped between my slightly parted lips and down my chin. That, was the strangest thing of it all, but something inside of me gave me my answer and I understood that I couldn't deny it. I had done this. Just like that, while breathing hard like a beast, these people I had never meet, for no reason at all…
I killed them? Oh, oh, I got it now. It didn't even require thought. This was a dream. But when did I fall asleep? Those words reverberated in my head like a curse. A sharp headache like a bullet had penetrated my skull. With unsteady steps, I left the alley behind. Dimly, I thought that it would be bad if people saw me like I was now, but what did it matter? This was a dream. I would wake up soon and everything would fade away, so there was no reason to worry about any of it. It was just another bad dream, and as bad dreams went, this was better that most of what I've had since that.
So… it was fine.
My consciousness returned. I slowly opened my eyes, letting them adjust to the sunlight streaming through the windows. I felt tired, like I hadn't sleep anything at all. That was bad. That was bad normally, but today was a school day, so it was especially bad. I repeated to myself why I had to get out of bed, what reason I had to force myself through all this pain, and eventually, I almost brought myself to believe it. I got out of bed, got changed out of my pyjamas and headed down.
The nightmare I had seen last night was so horrible that no wonder I didn't feel like I had rested.
Oh, the nightmare. I had almost forgotten. It had feel so real… I looked down on myself, but of course, there were no stains of blood nor was there the trace of its odour. It had been a simple nightmare. It was silly to worry about it for even a single second, I wouldn't do that nor could do that, but still, with it fresh in my mind I couldn't help it.
Dad was in the kitchen. Breakfast was already prepared, as I had woke up a little later that I used to.
"Morning." I told him. I yawned, and immediately blushed. I really was tired.
"Morning." he said, and chuckled. "Did you sleep well?"
"Yeah, but I don't feel like I have sleep enough." I sat down to head. In the middle of it, the television cached my attention. Usually, I didn't really look at it. Never interested me much. But after hearing something about multiple murders, what else could I do? I turned my head and I listened quietly. As heartless as it sounded, it was not just because of the murder itself, but because I felt there was something wrong. Something I couldn't really put my finger on.
Then, the pieces fit together.
Three corpses had been found in alley, and… the alley seemed very similar. Like I had been there the night before, when I had killed those people. It was exactly like that alley. And moreover, for some reason, I thought I recognized the people I saw last night on that dream when they showed the photos of the victims.
...No, no way.
I shook my head. Mother's death, the relationship with my Dad which was in shambles and the ongoing situation at my school. I had more that enough shit to dealt with already, without putting weight on my back for my crazy delusions. Yes, the situation was quite coincidental, but there was nothing more to it. The nightmare had simply provoked me into making associations with said situation and, like an idiot, I almost ended up believing it.
Dream's were just dreams.