"Everybody, the shinig..."

In that moment the world froze for me, everything that followed was in slow motion.

I watched as the body of my enemy began to fall...and I realised that I had done it, I had won! The world was mine now for the taking, no one could oppose me and everything I had ever wanted would be mine; justice had prevailed and to the victor goes the spoils.

Yet as he fell, and I realised all that I had accomplished, I just couldn't believe what I had done. L, my enemy, the person who had tried to discover my identity and have me killed as a murderer, my friend was falling to his death and in that split second of hesitation I lunged forward unable to control my sudden rush of feelings.

I had managed to catch him before he hit the floor and as I held him I couldn't help but realised what I had done and how I began to wish that I could take it all away. Everything that L was had helped to shape Kira, had helped me to become the person I was at that moment, holding my true, dying friend.

I remembered how he acted earlier, when I had caught him out in the rain pretending to listen to bells, and again when he told me he was 'sad' and that I would 'soon understand', maybe he knew, no he always knew.

He knew that I was the monster that no one else saw and he hinted it to me more than once. He knew, but for some reason could never push himself hard enough to discover the evidence needed to prove my identity to the rest of the group. Maybe, like myself, in the end he didn't want the game to end either. Instead he wanted it to go on for ever, for us to continue pushing ourselves to the limits, to see what we were capable of and yet here in the end, he was the one dying and I was the one who would carry on.

I looked into his eyes and he looked into mine, he knew. I could see it and even then it was more disbelief that I could actually have killed him than the fact that I was actually Kira, because he knew. Without any evidence or witness to any of my actions and despite all we had been through, he knew from the moment we had met. So why not give him the satisfaction of knowing that he was right and that no one believed him?

The Kira side of my personality began to surface then, the dark side that hated L for always getting in my way, and as my face slowly began to take on a sinister smirk I watched L's reaction with interest.

His eyes widened as he took in my features and he understood immediately, as was to be expected of someone as smart as him. Realisation of what I was doing sank in and a number of emotions began to flash across his face in his last moments. Fear, pain, doubt, truth and above all betrayal.

Then everything just seemed to be too much for him, I knew he could have lasted longer if he had really wanted to but he was a broken man and as he slowly let his eyes fall closed again for the last time, the look of betrayal lingered in his eyes as he started at me brokenly. It was all over, nothing I could do would bring him back and Kira was finally free to do as he wished to persecute the wicked.

That look changed me back to the moment that I had felt when I had lunged forward to save him the first time, and regret once again flooded through me as I let my smile fade. It was a small victory, one that could be described as to high of a price, but once a deal like this is made it is irreversible and my deal was signed in blood. I had chosen and now had to live with my decision for all eternity.

I sadistically remembered my surroundings and what had just happened and realised that my leaping forward to catch L had only helped me once again in removing suspicion and that the initial reaction to my friend's death would be for me to cry. But I was never one to go for the obvious, so I used what I had, guilt. Guilt for what I had done to L and the look he had given to me as he look his last breath, and as silent bells rang in the distance I called out to him.

"Ryuzaki, what's the matter? Get a hold of yourself!" And I let my self go with all the emotions I would have felt had I been anyone else than the very person pulling the strings in this twisted play. Casually I watched around me as the other reacted the ways I knew they would in panic and I left them running away looking for Rems notebook, having to find it to help with my plans of carrying out justice and for the unconscious notion of wanting to get as far away from L's now life less body as possible.

I often wonder if what I did was right, what would have happened if I had just changed my mind and if I had just let him live. Would he have caught me, would he have actually turned me in to be executed, the way I gave Rem no other way but to write his name in a death note book to save Misa? What kind of person would L really have turned out to be if I had let him live?

I am not one, I am two both wishing for different outcomes of the same situation.

I am Kira and I am Light

I am Justice!