Dreams in the rain
some strive for sunshine, some strive for gold.
Some search for diamond's, so I've been told.
I strive for dreams, one special since
I sat under that roof, where my journey begins.
When will the rain
fall down again
for us?
Chasing ones dreams was never easy. That's why they so often remained dreams. But an unshakeable belief in your wishes and hopes was the only way, the only path that would lead you into the garden within you. You had to believe enough in yourself when no one else did, you had to be stronger than the ones who told you you weren't.
You had to accept that there could not be sun without clouds or rain.
June
Takao still preferred the rain. It made him think a lot, made him remember and he liked that.
His life had nearly gone past him in a flow, his teenage years were nearly over, but with nineteen he still felt no wiser than four years ago. And he would often ask himself if she had felt the same.
He still worked hard for his aim, his goal of his own shop where he would sell his own shoes he himself had made, but for now his routine was filled with his final exams of his last year in high school and his part time jobs. The park and its pavilion was still the same place he'd always go to when the rain made him skip school and with every sketch he finished there in an obsolete peace of mind, he felt something grow in him, something that made him feel closer to his goal and made him work even harder.
Sometimes he'd bring his usual bento with him and would eat it alone with only the flicks of water on the path reaching his mind, but sometimes, he'd bring a beer and too much chocolate for him alone to eat.
He never forgot. He didn´t let himself.
Not even when on sunclad days he arrived punctually for first period.
His grades were getting better, not because he wanted to go to a university, and not because the subjects interested him. But because he owed it to his future. All he did he did for her, and with that in mind he did the best he could.
Japanese literature still remained his favourite.
July
The rainy season arrived again and Takao still skipped whenever the sky would become grey and scented with cloudbursts. His sketches were quicker now but more accurate and he hardly needed to erase anymore. Every single drop on his shirt made him remember when he sat there and he let it run over and over again in his mind.
Maybe he still was the little kid with nothing more than a dream to hold onto. But he couldn't let go of it, couldn't forget the dream, because the dream was her.
His dream was to make shoes for her to be able to stand on her own and every night he worked late, every cut into the leather he saved his money for, every shoe he finished adding up to a pair made especially for her, every drop of rain on his cheek reminded him of it.
No one ever saw him cry, but that was because he preferred to walk in the rain.
At night, when he couldn't sleep and would roll around on his futon, he'd get up in the middle of the night and fetch the very first pair of shoes he had successfully completed. His fingers would caress the leather and trace the leaves ornating the strap across and sometimes he would cry silently, although he was too old for that already, but he didn't care. He would cry himself to sleep sometimes too, and wake up in the morning feeling calmer and even more determined than before.
He had seen her tears too, and the pain when he had told her he hated her, but he would always see it so clearly when she had fallen into his arms and he hadn't been able to push her away. The way he had held her, the way he had buried his hand in her hair, the way she had cried to him.
He had saved her.
That was what she had told him.
And he wanted to save her over and over again, if he needed to.
August
The day they met again was just like the one where they had seen each other for the first time.
Neither had expected the other to be here, it wasn't first period, nor was it a working day at all, but both had taken the exact same way to their shrine like they had always used to. They stopped in front of the steps when their eyes met and widened.
Rain was running down both their clothes and the thunder growled at them when his umbrella fell to the ground and the lightning struck the horizon. Her mauve hair moved in the wind and she tried to push it back. She hadn't changed. Why would she anyway?
For all he had dreamt of, all he had imagined what it would be like when he found her, all illusions he had created for himself in his own little world, he hadn't thought it would come true like this.
No matter how hurt or broken you are, the world doesn't stop for your grief.
But she had stopped it for him, she had given him eternity in one moment. A purpose, someone to believe in him.
His nails dug deep into his palm. The steps up to her passed in a moment and the water ran down his face.
He was taller than her now and this time her head only reached to his chest when he pulled her towards him. He shouldn't be doing this, he knew. But her hands on his shoulders didn't tell him not to when she wrapped them around his neck.
"Forgive me, Sensei. I think I still love you."