*The characters or settings in this work are the property of the wonderful Rainbow Rowell except for certain original characters*
Baz
I think I may be going crazy. Crowley, I know I am going crazy.
I cant stop it though, I cant stop thinking about him.
I look over and see him. I can hear his heart beating steady and I know he is sleeping deeply.
This is what I do most nights. I watch him. I spend most of tonight like every night wishing I could tell him how I feel. Bloody hell, I wish I knew just exactly what I feel.
"Baz"
I jump. He is awake. When did he wake up and how did I not notice.
"Baz" he mumbles.
Then he turns over. He isn't awake. He must be dreaming. About me. Aliston Blake is dreaming about me.
BLAKE
It has been almost two months since I came to Watford and two months since that day.
I still think about it all the time. Why wouldn't I? That's the day that everything changed. That's the day that I…changed.
It was a Wednesday near the end of August and I was attempting to pack. School started in less than a week and like usual I was waiting until the last minute. I was in my room on the floor deciding which clothes to take with. I remember thinking that I needed a new wardrobe. I wanted to look grown up, not like some kid. I wanted to fit in for once. University was going to be my second chance and boy was I excited. (Partially, yes, for the boys).
I was lost in thought and all of a sudden the room changed. It felt too hot, too dry, too dark. My head started to hurt and my throat felt like sandpaper. I could tell someone was there, or coming. I was confused, I didn't know what was happening but the hairs on the back of my neck were standing straight at attention. I stood, wishing I had a bat or something to arm myself with. I smelt smoke, then felt it. My eyes started tearing up. I closed them, wishing I would wake up. This had to be a nightmare, right?
I heard him then. I heard him laugh, a cackle of sorts. I opened my eyes but I couldn't see anything. It was pitch black and I was no longer too warm. Instead it was cool and windy as if I were outside. I looked around as my eyes were adjusting to the darkness. Is that a tree? Am I really outside? But how…
Then it started. The pain. It was as if I accidentally swallowed a lit match and it caught fire inside me. I wasn't hot but I felt as though I was burning. I felt as though I were dying. I collapsed to the ground holding my head. It was full as if my brain were expanding about to explode out of my skull. I tried to focus on the ground. On the cool soft blades of grass covered in dew.
He never stopped laughing. Through all of the pain all I heard was the laughing. It wasn't coming from anywhere, but everywhere. It was all around me, in every direction.
I let myself lay down. I let myself close my eyes and I accepted it. I accepted that I didn't know what the hell was going on and I accepted that I was going to die here. Tonight
But I didn't die.
Sometimes now, I wish I had.