I headed back downstairs after checking on the boys. Picking up some of the glasses and taking them into the kitchen and found John, Leaning against the sideboard, lighting a cigarette. I knew he was going to start.

"He's six, you can't trust him with a baby!"

"Have some faith in him. It wasn't like he went marching off down the street!"

He finished his cigarette, grabbed his keys and his wallet and headed towards the front door. This was becoming a regular occurrence after our ever so frequent arguments and I knew he wouldn't be home until the morning.

As soon as the door slammed shut, I breathed a sigh of relief, finished tidying the glasses from the lounge and headed upstairs. I got myself ready for bed then headed towards Ethan's bedroom to check on the boys. I creeped into the front bedroom and saw my two little boys, still cuddled up on the window seat, I could help but smile. No matter how much of an argument I have with John, all I have to do is look at them and everything seems ok.

Caleb was still awake, albeit only just and Ethan was snoozing away, snuggled up to his older brother. I slowly walked up towards them, so not to startle them.

"Time for bed sleepyhead"

"I don't want to... I'm not tired..." Caleb replied, trying not to yawn mid sentence

"Now, why do I not believe that?"

"Honestly mummy, and I don't want to leave Ethan"

Smiling at my eldest's love towards his brother, I had an idea

"I'll make a deal with you, if you get your pj's on, all three of us can curl up in mummy's bed and watch a movie"

"Can we? Can we watch Toy Story?"

"We can watch whatever you want"

Carefully picking Ethan up from Caleb, trying not to wake him up too much, Caleb headed to his bedroom to get changed.

I sat back on the window seat, holding Ethan to my chest. It seemed only yesterday that I was sat here for the first time with him. so quickly he had grown into such an adorable little man!

Caleb stuck his head around the door, waking me from my trance. We went across the hallway and Caleb was first to jump onto my bed and snuggle under the duvet. I put Ethan on the bed and put Caleb's choice of movie on, switched off the light and got myself and Ethan into bed. He slept through most of the upheaval and was soon settled back down in between Caleb and myself. The movie had been on for less than five minutes before Caleb was fast asleep.

before I turned off the TV, I looked at my two boys. I couldn't help but smile. a big part of me hoped my boys would never turn out like their daddy.

I woke up to hear John get home. I looked over at the clock. 6:33. I don't want to imagine what mood he's going to be in. I stay as quite as possible to hear his movements, first the kitchen, through the lounge, then I heard him coming up the stairs. I had to tell him that we cannot live like this anymore. After last night, I realized I no longer loved my husband.

John stuck his head around the door as I sat up; it was almost like he read my mind. The look on his face said we had to have a talk when the boys weren't around. Within moments he had gone back downstairs. I looked down at my wedding ring, what for years felt like the best thing I had ever owned now felt worthless, I contemplated removing it along with my engagement ring, which had long since lost its sparkle. My train of thought was interrupted by a wiggling on my right side.

"Mummy..."

John was picking the kids up at 10 AM. Both Caleb & Ethan were sat on the sofa, all ready to go with their coats and shoes on. 10 am came and went & still no sign. Both boys were getting bored and fed up, 10:30 and I get a text.

'Cant make it'

No explanation, no apology. Yet again I had to deal with the upset of telling them that daddy wasn't coming again.

I always felt like I had to make it up to them. I always had to pick up the pieces. I'm sure I could see a hatred growing in Caleb for his father. It hurt to see but deep down, I didn't blame him.