Tween Swap
(A spin off of the reality TV show: Wife Swap, but rather than spouses, the families swap children)
Family One: (L.A. California)
Jiraiya (Dad)
Tsunade (Mom)
Sakura* (13)
Naruto (7 years old)
Family Two: (El Paso, Texas)
Kakashi (Dad)
Shizune (Mom)
Neji (15)
Ino* (13)
Ten- Ten (13) (Ino's twin)
Lee (11)
Shino (9)
Hinata (7)
Little Sai (4) (evil)
Baby Kiba (2)
Akamaru (dog)
Choji (Ino's cat)
A day in the Sannin family household (Sakura's interview):
A young girl with bright green eyes and short pink hair is sitting in her porch swing, talking to the camera. "Hello, my name is Sakura H. Sannin; I am thirteen-"
Background:
Loud crashing sound.
"Damn it Naruto! Get back here!" We see a blond woman, seemingly in her thirties, running after her youngest child. "Give me back my damn make-up box!"
"Hee, hee" Sakura laughs nervously, "Well, um, that was my mom, Tsunade, and kid brother, Naruto. Mom tends to get a little cranky when Naruto takes her things, especially her make-up… Anyway," Sakura sighs, "like I was saying… Hello, my name is Sakura H. Sannin and I'm thirteen years old-
"Nee-chaaaaaan, save meeeee!" a boy of seven with bright blond hair runs out of the house and jumps into his sister's arms, "Mom's gonna kill me!" He spots the camera crew, and squints, "Who are you?"
"Naruto, get off…"
The kids' fuming mother comes stomping through the door, "NARUTO!" She stops and stares at the camera crew, who stare back- suddenly terrified of the woman.
"Who the hell are you?! And what the hell are you doing tapping my daughter?!"
"Mom, chill…" Sakura mutters, embarrassed, "Remember… the show… I'm leaving today…"
"Ooh…" Suddenly she spots the small boy, "You! You get in here right now! And give my damn bag!" Tsunade rips her make-up bag from Naruto's hands, pulls the kid by his ear, and drags him back inside.
"Uh… Shouldn't we be worried?" the camera man asks, staring after the other two.
"No, no, don't worry- Mom's not gonna do anything to him, except take away his ramen… but then he'll start crying and as soon as mom leaves the room, dad will sneak into the kitchen and give back it back to him. Then Naruto will run away, giggling, noodles in hand, and sneak into his tree house to eat them." She sighed, "It happens two or three times a week."
"No you don't, Jiraiya!"
"But Tsunade, it's cruel to take away his ramen".
"I swear if you give him those damn noodles, I am going to BURN your 'Paradise' books!"
"Aaaaahh!! That's my new manuscript! Where'd you get that?! NO! Not the fireplace!"
"Excuse me," Sakura apologizes to her guests, stands, and enters the house, slamming the screen door behind herself.
"Everybody FREEZE!" the girl commands."Naruto! You, go to your room, and stay there, and no ramen until tomorrow!"
Through the door screen, the TV crew sees the little boy stomping up the stairs, muttering nasty things about his sister.
"Mom, you put down dad's manuscript this instant, and get going cause you're gonna be late for work. Dad, learn to take better care of your things- not only so mom doesn't burn them, but so Naruto doesn't read that garbage anymore. I swear if I see him with another one of your books, I personally am going to burn them!
"He's a growing boy," the man whined. "He needs to learn about the world-"
PANG!
"Ouch! Tsunade! Why the hell did you hit me with that pan?!"
"You let him read that crap AGAIN?!"
"He was curious," Jiraiya said.
"Why you…" Tsunade growled.
"Mom, give me the frying pan and go- to- work."
There's a shuffling sound inside and the crew suddenly jump back as Mrs. Sannin slams the door open. Without a second look at the men, she gets in her car and drives off at full speed.
Once back in the porch, Sakura's interview continues:
Question 1: Describe your family members in three words:
Mom: Loud-mouthed.
Dad: Perverted.
Brother: Annoying.
Question 2: Any facts about them?
Mom once tried to use Naruto as collateral for her gambling debts…
Dad… (Shudders) We're no longer allowed at the family Christmas parties…
Naruto jumped out of the window when he was five, thinking he could fly… after that, he drank out of the toilet for a week…
Question 3: Your role in the family?
Unofficial miniature parent…
Question 4: Any words for your replacement?
May God be with you.
A day in the Hatake family household (Ino's interview):
The camera's going through a cluttered hallway. A door opens at the end of the hall and the crew focuses in it. A tall teenage boy, with long black hair and light gray eyes stomps gloomily out of the room. The camera crew walks after him until he reaches the edge of the stairs and turns around, glaring. "Why the hell are you cretins following me around?" Neji asks.
"Neji-kun, stop scaring the camera crew," a thirteen year old girl with pale blond hair and baby blue eyes complains to her older brother. She's chewing a piece of gum, and blows a bubble. Ino walks right in front of Neji and pops it, giggling.
"Damn it Ino, I told you not to do that near me- it's disgusting!"
"Nah- nah- nah. Cry baby."
Neji growls and grabs the girl in a head lock.
Ino starts to scream, "MOM!!! DAD!!! Neji's gonna kill me!!!"
Downstairs, a bored looking man with very pale hair and a mask covering two thirds of his face appears, holding a bright orange book. "Neji, stop harassing your sister… If you two accidentally fall down the stairs, I'm the one your mom's gonna force to clean up the mess… And what are you guys looking at me like that for?"
The kids stopped fighting, staring at Kakashi. Neji asks, "Dad… what's up with the mask?"
"Lee wanted to play cowboys yesterday."
Ino: "Then why are you still wearing it?"
"Because it looked cool," he answers with a shrug and walks away.
Camera Guy: "Uh… yeah, can we start the interview now?"
Neji glares malevolently, muttering something about burning and Ino, maybe Lee.
Kakashi leaves, reading from the bright orange book, "Ya'll up there, if you break, YOU clean it- camera man included."
Ino rolls her eyes, blowing another gum bubble, it pops, and she goes to her room. The interview begins:
Question 1- Describe each of your family members in one word:
Mom: Happy… not in the good way…
Dad… weird
Neji, emo f*g… Neji and Gaara sitting in a tree…
Ten-Ten… skip
Lee: alien
Shino, geek
Hinata: mute much?
Sai and baby Kiba… evil
Akamaru, the dog… dirty
Choji-kun is the cutest, tubbiest most adorable little kitty-cat in the world!
Question two: Any facts about them?
Mom and Dad should learn the magical existence of a little thing called CONDOM!!!
Neji and Gaara sitting a tree… We should get them condoms too…
Ten Ten's too violent…
I think Lee was dropped off by the Mother Ship… when are they coming back for him?
Shino wants head lice.
Hinata… still don't know if she can speak…
Sai… evil just doesn't cut it… and Kiba is eviler only because he's cuter… Both of them are mom's little dumplings… EVIL!!!!
Akamaru sucks, I mean, like, ewww, toilet water.
And little Choji is my perfect little baby. Such a cute wittle kitty!
Question 3: Your role in the family?
Survivor.
Question 4: Any words for your replacement:
May God have mercy on your soul. (Makes the cross sign)