Hi all, this is my first proper story so reviews would be much appreciated! Pansy Parkinson x Luna lovegood. I would also like to pair Draco with someone further down the line, just not sure who yet!
Fair warning, this chapter involves self harm, so if it acts as a trigger then please don't read.
It was a few days into her sixth year at Hogwarts when Pansy Parkinson's world came crashing down around her.
After picking at her usual dinner of salad leaves and water, Pansy had left the Slytherin table early to collect some charms books from the library. She didn't need them for her classes, but Professor Flitwick had suggested a few titles she might enjoy, so she settled down in a quiet corner and began to scour her chosen books for interesting spells, admiring their old book smell, even as the dust tickled her nose.
They were just as interesting as Flitwick promised, giving her information on everything from cheering charms to bat bogey hexes. One chapter even showed her how to charm drawings to make them move, something that she had been dying to find out since she first visited Hogwarts and its impressive display of personified artwork. She knew that the books would come in handy and had been reading them for over an hour, too engrossed in her own work to notice the library quieting. One thing was bothering her- she had found all the books that Flitwick had suggested, bar one, she asked Madam Pince if anyone had taken it out, but a brief shake of the librarian's head answered in the negative. Oh well, she could always look for it some other day. She put the thought out of her mind and continued to read.
As it grew later, other students began to leave and it wasn't long before Madam Pince's beady eyes were glaring at her, over the top of her ill-fitting spectacles.
"Alright I'm leaving," Pansy stated to the librarian, earning a satisfied nod in return.
"Uppity old bat," she whispered under her breath, making her way out of the library, but not before collecting the books in her arms and smoothing out her dark brown locks.
She had outgrown that stupid bob years ago and her hair was now strung into perfect waves around her shoulders. It took her half an hour of wand waving each morning to achieve that look and she would be the first to admit that it was pretty damn near perfect. It was a shame she couldn't bear to be rid of her fringe though. Although she knew it looked childish and that, paired with her snubby little button nose, the highest compliment that she could hope for was that she was "cute", she had always felt rather attached to her box fringe. Like it was a part of her identity or some crap like that.
Of course she made up for her baby-girl appearance by slapping on a ton of makeup, always finishing her look with her signature red lipstick. She loved that lipstick and would hardly leave her dorm without it. Even Draco rarely saw her without lippy, unless of course it was smeared all over his face. But then again she had to keep up appearances for Draco; it wasn't every girl who got to date the hottest boy in school.
She knew that he and her had always had their ups and downs, he had a lot to deal with after all, what with his father. Sometimes he would be so mad he wouldn't even talk to her, and then she'd have to walk back to her dorm, lonely and dejected. Other times he would laugh, and snog her and tell her how much he loved sleeping with her. You could never tell with Draco, but in the end Pansy knew it always came back to them, in each other's arms, in the throws of teenage passion. Finally her and Draco Malfoy were exclusive and she knew he would never do anything to hurt her.
Reaching the Slytherin common room she muttered the password, "Salazar", and stepped into the dungeon alcove. She had always thought the Slytherin common room was rather beautiful, cool, but not cold and lit from cracks in the wall and floor with the pale green light of whatever creatures lived in the lake surrounding them. Sofas and chairs were spread out haphazardly, not surrounding a fireplace like other houses. She liked this, it meant for more privacy, rather than having groups of noisy first years jostling each other for the best spot and getting in her way.
She took a quick glance around and, realising Draco was not present, saw no reason to hang around. She retired to her dorm room, dropping off her charm books at the side of her bed, before getting up to leave again.
"How nice of you to drop in," Daphne Greengrass noted wryly from her bed next to Pansy's, stopping Pansy in her tracks as she was about to leave.
"Oh, hi Daph," she said somewhat apologetically, but not bothering to hide the smirk on her face. The green-eyed blonde was beautiful, but that didn't stop her from possessing the characteristic Slytherin coldness. Nevertheless Pansy got on well with her and knew this was just her friend's way of asking if she was ok.
"I was at the library, if you must know,"
"I didn't take you for much of a bookworm Parkinson," Daphne laughed, "you'll be turning into Granger next."
"As if! There's no way you'd catch me shagging that ginger blood-traitor!" Pansy retorted.
"No," Daphne agreed innocently, "You've already got your hands full."
Pansy spluttered at the insinuation, before recovering and adopting a serious expression, raising an eyebrow at her friend.
"And you'd know how?"
"Oh please," Daphne grinned, "A guy that hot, no way he hasn't got some major junk in the trunk!" She began making an obscene hand gesture, not exactly befitting to a young woman of her status, laughing when Pansy thumped her.
"Speaking of which..." Pansy mused, "That's where I was off to before you interrupted."
The blonde girl glared at her in mock anger, before her face broke into a smile, though it didn't quite reach her eyes. Pansy didn't think much of it however and when she quickly reapplied her makeup and turned around to ask Daphne, "How do I look?" her friend immediately responded in the positive.
"Thanks Daph," She grinned and was halfway out the door before Daphne spoke again, this time in a completely different tone.
"Just be careful, ok Pansy?" Pansy paused for a moment at the door, nodded a quick smile and left. She didn't see Daphne as her face dropped into a worried frown behind her.
After glancing at her reflection in the hallway mirror to check everything was in order, Pansy strode down the stairs and out of the girls dormitories. She flounced across the common room, ignoring the two stupid looks she got from Crabbe and Goyle. Vinny and Greg were alright to talk to occasionally, but most of the time they acted like a couple of bloody first years, not to mention being completely sexist pigs, forgoing their studies to talk about whatever poor girls they were shagging. Pansy couldn't even mention her relationship with Draco in their presence, without them snickering and making some rude comment.
They were thugs, no doubt about it. But although they weren't exactly the nicest of boys, Pansy knew that if anyone who wasn't in Slytherin tried it on with her, they would have her back. Snakes had to stick with snakes after all, and Vinny and Greg were about as Slytherin as you could get.
Taking a breath, Pansy mounted the steps up to the boy's dorms.
"Ooh way!" there was a jeer behind her, but she ignored it. It was only Vinny and Greg who found her relationship with Draco amusing. The rest of the school either revered them or feared them and they were positively celebrated amongst the gossip hungry Slytherins, who acknowledged them as their favourite power couple. No, it was only Draco's mindless goons who saw fit to mock their love. She wondered idly if it was because they were jealous, after all Draco hardly saw them since he and Pansy got together, she was his priority now. Not that she minded, but it would have been nice if he could tell his guard dogs to lay low once in a while.
She had reached the outside of his dorm, and was about to knock like he always insisted she do, when she heard voices from inside.
"Draco," She called out softly. The voices continued unabated, he clearly had not heard her. She wondered who it could be, it didn't sound like Theo or Blaise, it was much too high pitched. It sounded almost- girly. But surely it couldn't be? Surely he wouldn't?
The voices began to rise in intensity and this time Pansy was sure it was a girl. No boy could sound that- well, seductive.
"Draco!" she called again, her voice louder this time, more frantic. Not her Draco, she didn't want to believe he was capable of this.
The voices had risen again, now there were audible screams and pants, and a voice from inside echoed Pansy's cry,
"Draco! Oh Draco!"
Pansy could take it no more; she took out her wand and performed a clumsy "Alohamora," nearly blowing the lock clear out of the door. The voices came to a sudden stop as she slammed the door open, aghast at the sight before her.
Lavender Brown was lying, panting on the bed-on his bed. There was a sheen of sweat covering her skin and her normally immaculate hair was strewn about her flushed face. She had pulled a sheet up to cover herself, but a flash of skin revealed to Pansy just how naked she was.
She turned to face the other occupant of the bed, shaking with rage. At least Lavender had the good grace to look embarrassed. Draco on the other hand- Draco who she had given her virginity to- who she had trusted to respect her because she respected him…
He looked up at her, slowly, nonchalantly.
"Pansy," He stated, "I wasn't expecting you so early."
She couldn't believe it, here he was completely naked, in bed with some bimbo while his girlfriend questioned him, and he had the guts to make small talk.
"You…" Pansy began, at a loss for words.
"Me?" Draco asked coldly.
"But…But she's a Gryffindor!"
"She's pureblood, that's all that matters,"
He looked at her in disgust, as if this should be obvious to her, as if what he was doing wasn't completely unacceptable.
"But what about me?"
Pansy hated herself as soon as she said it. It was just like her to start whining to the boy, begging to be taken back. Still, she needed Draco, maybe even loved him. He was her stability in this school. With him she had friends, power, status-without him she didn't know who she was.
She cursed herself as she felt her eyes begin to water. She thought she was stronger than this. Then again, maybe she was only strong because of him. Maybe he had grown tired of her, latching on to him like some love-crazed parasite. If it had been the other way around she would never have stayed with someone that clingy. She reasoned that it was hardly his fault he had decided to move onto new ventures, she obviously wasn't what he was looking for. Perhaps she had let her makeup slip one to many times and he had realised that beneath it all, she was just a stupid teenage girl looking for someone to impress.
He glared at her expressionlessly, before turning to face the girl at his side.
"You should get dressed and leave, curfew is in half an hour."
Nodding, Lavender turned around and began to shuffle around for her wand on the bedside counter. There was an awkward moment of silence as she found it and began to "Accio" her clothes towards her. Neither Draco, nor Pansy said anything as the Gryffindor began to dress. When she was done she got up, brushing past Pansy on the way to the door. She turned at the doorway and purred, "Goodbye Draco," before disappearing out of his dorm. He gave her a curt nod in reply, before turning his attention back towards Pansy.
"Well?" It was infuriating, he wouldn't say anything and she needed him to justify his behaviour.
"Why did you do it Draco?"
He stared at her for a long time, before leaning back on his bed and twisting his face into a characteristic smirk.
"Because I could."
Pansy was shocked, she knew Draco better than almost anyone at Hogwarts, knew how cutting he could be, yet even she didn't see that coming. His complete disregard for her stung worse than when she thought he saw her as clingy. She knew they had argued in the past, but he had never just- dismissed her. She felt something in her change as she stopped shaking and her whole body sagged.
"Goodbye Draco," She said quietly, failing to disguise her broken voice. He didn't acknowledge her as she turned and walked out his room, closing the door behind her. Her face crumpled into an ugly mess as she finally let the tears in, collapsing against the wall for a moment before storming down the stairs, forgetting to cast her usual disillusionment charm to avoid detection. She saw several people turn to stare at her as she reached the common room and caught sight of Vinny and Greg smirking in a corner. She couldn't deal with this, not today. She briefly considered hiding in her room, but remembered that Daphne was there and didn't want to face her pity. So turning on her tail, she strode out of the common room, breaking into a run once she was clear of the stone door.
"That was low, even for you mate," Blaise Zambini pointed out wryly. He had bumped into Pansy on the way up to his dorm, and from the look on her face he could guess what had happened. Entering the dormitory to find his best mate wearing nothing but a scowl, had merely confirmed it.
Draco sighed and looked away, pulling the covers over his waist as an afterthought. He knew he had been a prat, but he was above apologising. He had wanted to end things with Pansy for a while now, and whilst this might not have been his preferred method, it got the job done a lot faster and avoided him having to recite any of those tedious break up speeches he had learnt. Still, he didn't want to be seen as a dick by the whole of Slytherin, and he needed Blaise at his side.
"At least you won't have to be jealous of all the action I'm getting anymore,"
He smirked and despite himself Blaise smiled with him. Relieved, Draco turned to face his friend. He would never say sorry, he was too proud and Blaise knew that. But this was his way of letting the other boy know that he regretted his actions. 'When in doubt, crack a joke,' the unofficial Malfoy mantra made its way into his head. It wasn't the best way of coping, and it didn't help that most of Draco's jokes involved putting down other people, an unfortunate habit that he had learnt from his father, but it was the closest he would come to sharing his feelings, so Blaise accepted it and didn't press the issue.
The dark skinned boy left Draco to his own devices, settling on his own bed, across the dorm and pulling out a book to read. Draco drew the curtains of his four poster wearily, before searching the bed for his own abandoned garments. Putting on his trousers he was startled by a loud bang as someone else entered the room.
"I hear our very own Slytherin sweethearts are having a lovers tiff," The door to the dormitory had been slammed open and Theo Nott stood in the doorway, grinning as a glowering Draco pulled back his bed curtain to stare at him.
"I really don't need your immature gossip mongering, Theo," he growled at the tall, gaunt boy that stood before him, "You're acting like a 3rd year Hufflepuff."
"Says the one sulking in his bed because Princess Pug-face didn't like you misbehaving,"
Draco sighed, he knew Theo had never liked Pansy, but he still found his friend's insults towards her wearing. It was difficult having to defend her when Theo called her whiny, or self-centered because in part he had agreed with him. That was partly why he had started sleeping around, other girls didn't talk as much as Pansy, and they weren't so needy all the time.
That was what he tried to convince himself, but in his heart he still felt like a dick. He knew Pansy suffered with her self esteem and he had basically rocketed what little confidence she had, back down to zero. He let Theo's insult slide for once though- the dark haired boy didn't know what Pansy was going through, he just wanted to take the piss out of his mate.
"Stop being a twat, Theo," Blaise called out from the corner, and despite himself, Draco let out a small smile at Theo's expression of mock indignance, before Blaise called out again,
"And go to sleep, I'm bloody knackered."
The two boys grinned at each other and once Theo had gotten into bed, Draco flicked his wand in the air, turning out the lights. It was going to be awkward adjusting to a life without Pansy, not to mention dealing with her angry mates, but for the first time in a while, Draco could breathe. He heaved a sigh of relief that the inevitable was now over and turned over onto his side. Tomorrow would be a different day.
Pansy didn't know how long she had run for, but when she came to a halt she could tell it was way past curfew. At least nobody else would be around to see her cry. Somehow she had ended up back at the library and, seeing it dark inside, ventured in, not lighting her wand tip, in case Madam Pince was hovering behind a bookcase. She made her way to the same secluded corner she had been reading in earlier and sat down heavily against a bookshelf.
She wasn't sad, not anymore. Already her emotions were turning from anger and dejection, into a stupid, self deprecating acceptance. She began to pick at her skin, absentmindedly muttering insults, almost like a mantra until all she could hear were the words she was speaking:
"You're stupid, Pansy," She muttered to herself, "You're stupid and you're fat and you're ugly, and he's better off without you," She continued picking at the skin on her forearm not noticing the red mark that was beginning to show.
She couldn't believe that she had let her fellow Slytherins see her in this state. She was Pansy Parkinson for God's sake! She was supposed to be a representative of one of the oldest wizarding families, admired for her pure blood and her family's wealth. Like Draco, she had status, but unlike him hers was brought about merely by the expectations of a family she had failed to impress.
She added "Family disappointment," to the list of insults, berating herself harder with a deeper scratch to her arm. She would pay for this in a few days, when her mother found out how she had ruined the one chance she'd had to be with a Malfoy of all things… Until then she would await the howler, like a prisoner awaits their fate. She resolved to prepare herself and shakily reached out her wand, wiping it across her marked flesh and muttering, "Scourgify". It cleared away the blood, but the scratch marks still lay there on her flesh, red and angry.
She glanced at what she had done with a mixture of awe and disgust. This was who she really was. This was the perfect Pansy Parkinson in all her glory. Once she had lost the thin veil of security that was Draco, this is what she was reduced to, a crumpled mass of blemished skin.
After about fifteen minutes of just sitting there, Pansy knew she should go. Slowly she covered her wounds with a silent glamour charm and made to leave. As she did however, she noticed a book on the shelf, Charmed to perfection- A Handbook and Guide by Pandora Grey.
It was funny really, almost more than a coincidence. That was the exact book she'd been struggling to find earlier and now, here it was, right where she'd been sitting. She was sure it hadn't been there earlier-
Carefully she took it out and began to read.
"I dedicate this book to my daughter, she has helped me through the toughest of times and without her I would not be where I am today. Darling, I hope you grow up to be wise and strong and able to charm your way into someone else's heart like you charmed your way into mine."
Great, Pansy thought to herself, just when I'm looking for some decent spells this book has to go and spring some bullshit soppy crap on me. She ignored the niggling voice in her head that whispered that her mother would never treat her like that. As she read the book further, she noticed a few ink blots smeared on the pages and when she opened onto the first spell, she saw that tiny notes had been added by the side, in small, rounded writing. How irritating, Pansy thought. She hated it when people wrote in books, much less spell books, it just made the actual instructions all the more difficult to follow.
Ignoring the notes, she started to read the spell. It was a charm to make paper fly like birds and the author had added another sickeningly sweet transcript at the top of the page.
"Paper Birds
An amusing charm that can entertain your little ones for hours, I use this one for when my daughter is feeling active as it stops her trying to play with Mummy's cauldrons!"
Pansy scoffed. She couldn't take anyone who used the word 'Mummy' in a sentence seriously. Though she supposed that could change if she had kids of her own. She didn't want them being forced to address her as "Mother," as she had been by her own maternal parent.
Reading on, she learnt the incantation, 'Folium avis,' and the wand movement, twist and swish, and decided to try out the spell for herself. She got a pile of about ten sheets of paper and began to practice.
"Folium avis," she said firmly, waving her wand at the paper in a perfect twist and swish manoeuvre. She felt the magic connect briefly and the top sheet of paper rise briefly in the air, but aside from that, nothing happened. Frustrated, she tried again with the same result. She heaved an impatient sigh, it wasn't like Pansy to mess up on charms, just when everything else was going to pot, she knew she could rely on this to calm her down, but today it just wasn't working. She glanced down at the book again before noticing the note written at the side,
"Raise arm higher," There was even a diagram to go with it, of a cute little cartoon girl with her arm higher in the air. Deciding 'what the Hell,' Pansy did as the scribbled instruction requested, figuring that an extra loud "Folium avis," could do no harm either.
As soon as she had muttered the incantation she felt the change, with her wand arm raised up high, the magic poured straight out of her and into the sheets of paper below. They began to rise up into the air, all ten of them, before folding and forming into perfect little bird shapes, like paper finches.
They fluttered around Pansy's head as she stared at them in wonder, letting her magical energy feed into them and watching them dance. One of the birds became distracted by something at the door and Pansy looked up startled as it settled on a shadowy human form.
"Lumos," The form murmured in a soft, feminine voice, lighting her face up to Pansy, who with a shock realised that it was Loony Lovegood, the dopey Ravenclaw prefect. Loony gave an excited gasp at the paper bird before her, making Pansy question how the girl had made it to Fifth Year without someone sticking her head down Moaning Myrtle's toilet. "You're beautiful," she stated in wonder to the bird, "Who made you?" The paper bird tried to twitter in reply and started to fly back to Pansy.
She shrank back immediately and cut her magic to the birds, but it was too late. The first birds attempted tweet and the subsequent falling of paper at Pansy's feet had alerted Loony to a presence. She was already adding more light to her 'lumos' and making her way over to the embarrassed Slytherin. When she saw her, she stopped and bent down to pick up one of the fallen birds.
"Hello Pansy, I didn't know you could make paper birds fly so beautifully," Lovegood stated matter of factly. This was insane, Pansy thought. Lovegood was obviously patrolling the corridors as part of her prefect duties and it hadn't once occurred to her to ask Pansy what she was doing out of bed. If this were anyone else they would be questioning her and threatening to dock points, she realised. But then again, Lovegood had never struck her as the most 'there' person, she was called Loony after all.
"Yeah well, I'm good at charms," Pansy muttered awkwardly. She didn't know what to say when she was this close to the younger blonde. They had never had a civil conversation before and after the evenings events Pansy didn't feel much like talking.
"I see that now, I wonder why I never noticed before." Pansy stared at Lovegood's glazed expression incredulously, how on earth was this girl sorted into Ravenclaw?
"Well, not to be rude Loony, but we've never really spoken"
"How strange," Lovegood whispered in that same soft lilt, "I've spoken to most people at Hogwarts."
"Yeah? And how many Slytherins?" Pansy asked bluntly. She wasn't in the mood to be mean, but Lovegood wasn't getting the point. Her kind and their kind just didn't mix, even if she wasn't a full-on mudblood, she was far too 'lah-lah' to hang with the Slytherin crowd.
"Not as many as I'd like," murmured the girl thoughtfully, "But I suppose you're a start."
And an end, thought Pansy to herself, wondering how to get herself out of the situation.
"Look, Loony, it's been fascinating chatting to you and everything, but I've got to get back to my common room," Pansy drawled sarcastically, not meaning to come across as mean as she sounded.
"I understand," said Lovegood, with a slightly hurt expression on her face, "Enjoy the book."
Pansy nodded and then turned to walk past her, stopping and jerking back when Lovegood reached out gently to touch her arm.
"That looks sore, Pansy, I hope you're ok," Wide eyed, Pansy pulled her arm away from the dotty Ravenclaw and rushed out of the classroom, not meeting Loony's eyes as she left. How had Lovegood known about her arm, she was sure she had glamoured it. When she was a safe distance away from the library, she glanced down at her arm and cast a quick lumos. Sure enough the red marks her nails had left were nowhere to be seen and her arm was smooth and pale.
Puzzled, Pansy made her way back to her dorm. Maybe there was more to Loony Lovegood than meets the eye.
Reviews please! Tell me what you guys think! Also any comments about the future plot would be much appreciated! ~Wizziewizzle