Title: The Little Things

Castle sat in his office. The lights of the loft were off, immersing him in total darkness. The only light in the room came from the window, the shafts of moonlight striking his face, highlighting his cheeks, and darkening the lines of age and worry in contrast. Two months, and he wasn't allowed to open Pandora's box. He wanted to, though. So much. He wanted to be able to reassure Beckett that he wouldn't just leave her. Sure, he'd made a 'just in case' video, but what did that do for Beckett? It may have reaffirmed her trust in him, sealed the cracks in the foundation of their relationship, but is still hung over them like a heavy storm cloud waiting to pour rain, a lightning bolt waiting to strike him, them.

He looked out the window, watching a plane go by high in the sky. He wanted to remember so badly. Two months of his life was just gone, and he wouldn't have known they were gone if it hadn't been for Beckett, and he had no idea if he was going to get those two months back or not. He was told he shouldn't, he was told it was his choice, he was told the impossible. He couldn't believe he asked for this. He couldn't believe he had told a stranger the deepest part of himself when he wouldn't even share it with his fiancee.

His fiancee. She told him she'd stand by him. They made love just a few nights ago for the first time since his return, and every night since, and it had been heaven on Earth for him, with little reminders that while things were getting back to normal, they weren't. The scar on his side. From a bullet. A fucking bullet. And Beckett… she somehow made it seem okay. 'At least you don't remember this,' she whispered as she pressed a soft, gentle, healing kiss to the raised skin, and damn it made him shiver just thinking about it.

She had washed over him like a balm that night, soothing all his worries away, bringing them both back to themselves. Distance. They had gained distance from two months of Hell that he couldn't even remember, and that was BIG.

Hem, hem. Castle startled, almost falling out of his chair. He dropped the pieces of paper that he'd forgotten he was holding and they fluttered to the floor at his feet while he swiveled to look at the intruder. Moonlight caught her stunning features, and Katherine Beckett looked good in any lighting. "I'm sorry," she said quietly and quickly. "I didn't mean to startle you."

Castle ran a hand through his hair while he tried to get his heart rate under control. It was just Beckett. Kate. He looked at her silhouette, leaning against the doorjam, her arms crossed, without her power heels on. She'd been there for a while, finally home from a day of paperwork. He hummed at her in response, still unable to find words. She scared him silent, imagine that, and while his silence is something she would be grateful for during a movie, or even in bed, this was not one of those times she welcomed it.

Beckett pushed herself off from the frame, trained hazel eyes settled upon him, considering him like she would a suspect. Dark room, dark features, somber mood. She watched him as he leaned over to collect the fallen bits of paper and as he sat up, he looked at them again, struck by the very fact that he even had them. "What do you have there?" she asked, again, as quiet as the silent room would permit her to be. She hovered at the edge of his desk, fingers dancing along the CAPTAIN CASTLE nameplate there-and that would certainly look amazing on her desk one day.

"N-nothing," he muttered, but made no attempt to hide what it was. The room was just too dark for her to make it out. The fact that he wasn't hiding it was enough for her to let it go as being unimportant. He was here, he was alive, and she trusted him unconditionally. The 'just in case' video he'd made during his two months away had only served to solidify her trust in him. '...well, if you're seeing this, I'm probably dead.' The thought had carved at her stomach for hours after she had watched that video a couple weeks ago.

"Castle?" she whispered, but his attention was just gone. Beckett came around the side of the desk, hand reaching out for his shoulder and grazed along the black material of his button down until she reached the collar and then the skin of his neck. Her fingers coiled around, running through the short strands of hair. Her fingernails scraped more purposefully through his hair, silently demanding his attention.

It worked and he looked up at her towering over him. "Babe, what's wrong?" she asked gently. "Why are you alone in the dark?" Castle shook his head defiantly. They had been doing so well. Solving cases, giving each other great… theory. It was just like old times. They had found their solid ground, repaired their cracked foundation and were moving forward, ready to broach the wedding topic.

But this? One step forward, two steps back. Her thumb brushed along his cheek, and looking down into his eyes now, she saw the watery glint of light from the bright light of the full moon. There were tears in his eyes, growing more watery with every passing second. She looked down at the papers held tightly in his hand. A birth certificate, and she assumed it was Alexis's. "Talk to me, Rick."

He shook his head again, and this time leaned forward to press his forehead against her abdomen. A sob shook him; shook her as much as it shook him. She'd only seen this side to him once before. After Paris, a taboo topic. He'd cried for the daughter he almost lost, for the father he'd never had, for the lengths he had to go to in order to make everything right again. His emotions caught up with him then, as they caught up with him now, and she had been waiting for this.

Still, she didn't know what this was, exactly. Her arms wrapped around him, holding his head to her, the other hand moving soothingly around his shoulders. She could be this for him, even if she didn't know, even if he couldn't open up. Babe, please open up to me.

The birth certificate was abandoned on the desk and Castle clutched at Beckett's shirt. There was something in his movements that spoke to her. It was fear, and she didn't know why he was scared, but she could venture a guess. "Did you remember something?"

Another headshake. "That's the problem," he growled against her before pulling away to look up at her with tears streaking down his cheeks. She brushed them away with the pads of her thumbs and simply looked at him, understanding his frustration.

"Then what?"

He considered her for a long moment, the silence between them comfortable enough that he wasn't in a rush, space given and received between the two of them without space between them at the same time. He licked his lips.

"Kate…" he breathed, and she waited patiently for the words to come to her wordsmith, "when's your birthday?"

They took more than two months from me.

She was breathless.

A/N: I felt that Castle's amnesia was a little too concentrated. I don't believe they could control what he forgot specifically, so what if he lost more than just the two months. Birthdays, favorite colors, favorite foods...

I might make this a two-shot. Review if you liked it! Much love!