Declaimers: these characters belong to Mrs. Mayer. Am just having my way with them.
It's been 6 months since he left. It's been 6 months since I asked that question for the first time. What went wrong? Wasn't I enough? Didn't he love me? But he said he did! A small voice said " maybe he lied'. No, Edward would never lie to me … would he? "maybe you were just a little toy for him … to pass time", was I? "maybe you were imagining all these things Bella" am I ? was there really an Edward Cullen? No one mentions them anymore. Maybe you are in a ….. NO! I can't think that way! They were real. He is real. I still remember his face! I remember the golden eyes I fell in love with. everywhere I look something reminds me of him. Even though it hurts to think, but in times like this when I doubt if they really existed, it a good pain. Pain that reminds he's real. They are real. But sometimes … It's like they no longer exist. Sometimes I think am losing it. How could someone like Edwa .. him love me? Or exist in the first place? Maybe the past two years were just a dream ... Maybe I fell down the stairs on my first day in forks and I've been in coma all this time. Maybe ... Maybe It did happen ... Maybe this is hell? I don't know what to think anymore ... Should I wait? Should I go look for him ? " 'I don't want you anymore Bella' 'you don't want me' ' No' " the way he said "no", like he just wanted escape. Like he couldn't tolerate me anymore. They way he looked, like he was completely bored. Maybe to him I was just something to pass time. But I can't ignore the fact that I loved him ... More then he'll ever know.
It's funny how my life changed.
Last year, everyone liked me. Now, am alone most of the time.
Charlie is never home. I really can't blame him. I can't even stand myself anymore. And we never had a good relationship after he made me go to a psychiatrist.
Jake. He didn't want anything to do with me.
He just … walked away on me.
Today I woke up in a haze. Picked up the phone and called that number.
" Am living on a memory we had long time ago.
Still wondering ' where are you?'
am scared to live like this Edward ...
please come back, my heart is aching, what have you done to it?.
Everybody is forgetting … but am not.
Am tired, Edward.
Am really tired without you."
" Edward " I sighed … "please"
I drove in a haze. When I reached La Push I went straight to the cliffs, they were high, and I can't swim. But I didn't find it in myself to care. I stood there on the edge of the cliff.
One step
I screamed
It was cold
Like a million daggers hitting my body
Then I resurfaced.
The cold waves were tearing me apart ...
I struggled for air ... I don't know why.
Something hard hit my head
Then I just floated
That's when I saw him ... Saw the golden eyes I fell in love with
With one last look
I whispered " I love you "
I never resurfaced again.