I'd just like to point out that this isn't a serious fic XD I've been meaning to get into fic-writing again so this is just a warm-up. I only really wrote it for DarrenShanForeva123 because she asked me to write more fanfiction. And I was kinda hyper when I wrote this...so yeah, I'm just listing reasons for why it might suck here.

Disclaimer: I don't own The Saga of Darren Shan or any of the things referenced in this fic.

"French bread."

"What?"

"French bread. It's yummy."

"I see."

"Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom..."

Mr. Crepsley's face turned slightly red as he watched Darren chew his foot, pretending it was French bread. Charna's guts, the kid was just so...kawaii.

"Larten, close your mouth or people are going to find out about your fetish for small boys." Vancha said, making Mr. Crepsley jump.

"Charna's guts, Vancha! Do not sneak up on me like that!" Mr. Crepsley cried.

"I could have rode in here on a unicorn and you wouldn't have noticed. You were too busy being a shotacon."

Mr. Crepsley blushed again.

"Anyway, speaking of unicorns, I've lost mine. Have you seen it anywhere?" Vancha asked.

"I have a unicorn," Darren was suddenly standing behind the two vampires. "In my pants."

"Er...what?" Vancha said.

"He has been like this all day," Larten explained. "Earlier he was doing the Caramelldansen."

"Hey, hey, Vancha! Guess what?" Darren cried, flailing his arms like an anime character.

"What?"

"Mr. Crepsley has the Boku no Pico DVD." He whispered.

The room was suddenly silent.

"T-that's a lie." Larten finally blurted out.

"He also has a Len Kagamine love pillow!" Darren exclaimed, throwing his arms into the air dramatically.

"I'm going to pretend I never heard any of that," Vancha murmured. "Anyway, I need you guys to help me find my unicorn."

"And why would we do that?" Larten enquired.

"Because, Mr. Crepsley..." Darren said, his hand now on Larten's shoulder.

"Because what?"

"IDK. Tee-hee!"

Mr. Crepsley sighed, Darren's randomness was just so persuasive! "Fine, we'll help you find your unicorn."

"Is that your unicorn?" Larten asked.

Vancha shook his head. "No."

"How about that one?"

"No."

"That one?"

"No."

"I did not know there were this many unicorns in Vampire Mountain." Larten mused.

"There's my unicorn!" Vancha cried.

"Pineapple!" Darren echoed.

The two of them ran in the direction of the unicorn, Larten walking close behind, only to find Kurda sitting on top of it, whipping his hair back and forth.

"Kurda!" Vancha shouted. "That is my unicorn!"

"No, Mr. Fluffy Rainbow Pants is mine. I found him, I named him. He is mine."

"Her name is Sheila." Vancha corrected.

Darren was pelvic thrusting in the background.

"Mr. Fluffy Rainbow Pants is male. You can tell because he has a-"

"Okay," Mr. Crepsley interrupted. "The unicorn belongs to which ever one of you can watch Boku no Pico without puking."

"What's Boku no Pico?" Kurda asked innocently.

"Forget it, you can keep the dang unicorn." Vancha muttered.

"I'm wearing man panties at the moment." Darren grinned.

"Why is Darren so hyper today anyway?" Vancha questioned. "Did you drug him?"

"What? No! He's like this because we saw a double rainbow yesterday."

"Double rainbow all the way 'cross the sky..."