Based on a Milady/Milord Ficcy Friday prompt prompt by tilie12, who previously inspired "Winger Vows"
Troy found Jeff sitting alone in the study room playing with his phone, just as he hoped. Abed was already setting up a detective-style adventure to keep Annie distracted, and Shirley, Britta and Pierce were finally having a subplot together as well. Therefore, no one would distract Troy as he set out on his task.
"Okay. Operation 'Anneff' is ready to go," Troy muttered to himself, before coming into the room and laughing a lot louder. But it took two more really loud laughs to get Jeff's attention from his phone.
"Creepy laugh rehearsal going okay?" Jeff teased.
"That's on Tuesdays and you know it!" Troy objected before getting back on course. "And I wasn't rehearsing. I was thinking of something funny Annie did today and it made me laugh, because she's funny."
"Okay, I'll bite, what'd she do?" Jeff asked. Troy certainly wasn't expecting that.
"Um…..uh, well let's just say there's a reason they call her 'irony-free Annie'! And it makes her look so good!" Troy laughed again, hyping Annie up to Jeff right on cue.
"Didn't really answer my question, but okay," Jeff conceded.
"Of course, it doesn't make her look as good as her Dreamatorium costumes," Troy dared to say, knowing he might be on iffy ground with Jeff here. Indeed, Jeff looked a bit more suspicious in a scary way, so Troy treaded carefully. "I mean, she's wearing a lot more than cardigans and it all looks nice on her! Even the stuff that covers her up is pretty, since she makes it work by being prettier and all!"
Jeff wasn't killing Troy for talking about Annie's prettiness that way, so that was promising. Nevertheless, he looked deep in thought, so maybe he would start thinking about Annie's prettiness, realize he loved it and start dating it already. But Troy knew he needed to keep saying how great Annie was a little while longer.
"But she's pretty in other ways too, you know! Like how she doesn't judge people, hate them for being too weird – or even hate them for filming in her room while she's gone! She shouldn't have banned Ruthie and Nathan from being in any more movies, though. I guess she's afraid they'd get on stuffed animal drugs in Hollywood – but that makes her great for caring so much, too! I wish someone looked out for the Snuggle bear that much," Troy lamented.
"I must have missed that E! True Hollywood Story. If I cared about watching E! at all, I'm sure it'd have been something," Jeff pretended to admit.
"But Annie's something more, you know!" Troy returned to the topic. "If I knew how great she was in high school, maybe she wouldn't have jumped through windows or battled robots! Heck, she has robot fighting experience, how cool is that? When the robots come for real, she'll know how to beat them even when she's not on Adderall!"
"It's a wonder the robots would bother to invade at all," Jeff kept quipping, so Troy made himself morph into his serious character.
"Look, the point is that Annie's awesome now, robot wars or not. I guess she was always awesome, but now she knows it and we do too! Even when she interrupts the greatest cowboys vs giant ants game ever by saying it's 4 a.m., or says 'go to sleep before I break your Kickpuncher 9 DVD!' It tied the whole third trilogy together and she still wanted to break it! But….but she's so cool and awesome that you can even forgive her for that," Troy settled down.
Jeff didn't have a comeback for that, which encouraged Troy even further. "She really is, though. Living with her and seeing how much cooler she gets every day, it's really something. I thought I was too cool or she was too annoying to hang out with before. But I realized how wrong I was before it was too late, and now I can't imagine her not being in my life! I just hope no one else is that stupid before they see she was there for them the whole time."
Knowing Jeff was uncomfortable with too much mushy stuff, Troy tried to wrap it up by being funny. "And oh man, the irony free ways she makes you laugh! You don't want to go a day without seeing that! So, so not ironic!" Troy laughed on and on until he ran out of fake laughs. "Ah…..Annie!" he finished.
That had to do it. There was no way Jeff wouldn't want to be with Annie after Troy built her up like that. After all, when Jeff built Annie up to Troy three years ago, he was ready to jump her bones in a second – and he wasn't even crushing on her for three years. That's how Troy knew if he did the same thing to Jeff – only less creepy and dirty – he would somersault Annie's bones all over the study room. Better there than in the apartment, at least.
But Jeff wasn't jumping or somersaulting. Instead, he lamented that he was too late. Because in Jeff's mind, it had finally happened.
Troy had woken up and realized he wanted Annie after all.
And now that Annie's original crush was after her, he would actually get her. In Jeff's mind, Troy finally realized how he missed out on Annie years ago, and was ready to give her what she always wanted. Why else would he say that true stuff about how awesome she was?
If someone as weird as Troy could put it together at last, Jeff really had no chance at all. After three years of being jerked around by Jeff, Annie would now settle for the original guy who jerked her around – since he actually came to his senses first.
Wasn't Britta supposed to have taken Troy out of the equation by now, anyway? Of course she had to Britta that too, and now look what came of it! God, the things that Jeff did to fix her messes….
She had better keep that in mind the next time she tried to psychoanalyze him. She probably wouldn't, yet Jeff now had no choice but to give her help she didn't deserve anyway.
"Yeah, Annie's great. But Britta's had her moments lately too," Jeff started. "Being a psych major has really done wonders for her. Now she's going to help the world just like she always wanted. If anyone deserved it, it's her, you know?"
Troy knew this already, but he didn't know that Jeff knew it too. He was supposed to have left and confessed his feelings to Annie by now – so why was he talking about Britta instead?
"I know I rag her worse than the rest of you, but I can do that because I've been….close to her. I've been close enough to know that there's something special about her, even if I couldn't appreciate it. If someone else did, I'm sure they'd appreciate it even more and ignore every other girl out there. I mean, why wouldn't he?" Jeff oversold as best he could.
"Yeah, that is a good question…." Troy admitted. "Why would he do that, Jeff?"
"Oh, I don't know," Jeff smirked, seeing his opportunity to get Troy back on the Britta train. "She's blonde, so that's always hotter. She's crazy, so that makes it hotter to make out with her. She's cynical, so that makes her smart enough to deal with this crazy world of ours. Did I mention that being blonde and crazy makes her super hot in bed? Good thing I just did, then."
At least Jeff thought it was a good thing. To Troy, the reminder that Jeff knew all about Britta's bed hotness and he didn't was the opposite of good. It was AT&T, even!
"Yeah, she knows some tricks," Jeff continued. "Frankly, I can't believe I got sick of them. Maybe that's why she's the first woman I've ever stayed friends with after we had sex. Maybe that's why she's the first woman I had sex with for an entire year! I had someone that talented and hot in my bed and I let her go. Boy, I just hope no one else is that stupid to pass it up for someone else. Someone who's not really for them, anyway."
Jeff lost a bit of subtlety at the end, but Troy wasn't a master at that art, anyway. Still, even Troy should have gotten the message that he needed some Britta hotness – not Annie sweetness that wasn't meant for him. He had his chance, he blew it, that was it, case closed – and now he knew it.
Instead, the message Troy got was that Jeff thought Annie wasn't really for him – not after having someone like Britta. Now he wanted Britta back and wouldn't let her go for Annie again. How the hell did Jeff get that idea after everything Troy said about Annie? Granted, he understood some of it, but still!
"Yeah, well maybe there's a reason he lost her. Maybe he just found someone better and came to his senses. No sense going back after that!" Troy challenged, hoping Jeff would come to his senses and go back to Annie now.
Instead, Jeff cursed Britta for no longer hiding her inferiority to Annie – at least in front of Troy. "I don't know, is that what Britta would do? I can't ask her because I lost her. If only someone had the guts to damn the world, ignore other women everywhere, and hook up with her to find out! I really want to see that happen."
Great, he wanted it and Britta so bad that he would probably do it himself! Yet Troy kept himself contained and asked, "I don't know, is that what Annie would do? She's usually right and wise about these things. Sounds like listening to her and being around her makes you know everything."
Damn it, why couldn't Jeff be the only one who knew that for a while longer? Yet he powered forward and insisted, "If I were you, Troy, I wouldn't worry that much about what Annie thinks. The thoughts of Britta, now those just keep piling up! They're extremely loud, but you want to get incredibly close to them anyway, don't you?"
"Now you're using Sandra Bullock movies to compare Britta's thoughts to? That's a low blow, Jeff!" Troy finally cried out. If Jeff thought Britta's thoughts were as beautiful as Sandy, there was no way he'd ever dare to leave her again.
"Okay, fine, maybe they're not on that level, you got me!" Jeff admitted, as even Britta didn't deserve to sink to Sandra Bullock levels of awful. "But the point still stands, and you'd do well to do something about it!"
"Well, I can't now, can I?" Troy conceded. "I want her, Jeff, okay? I do! If you'd just get out of the way and be with who you're supposed to, it might happen!"
Unfortunately, since he didn't use any names and none of them were actually speaking clearly about anything, Jeff thought that Troy confessed he wanted Annie, and that Jeff was supposed to be with Britta. This didn't help him get any calmer.
"Supposed to be with? Oh please, I'm done with her!" Jeff said, referring to Britta – not Annie, as Troy thought. "I've wasted way too much time being attracted to the wrong woman already! You can have her, take her off my hands!"
"You don't really want her out of your hands! Keep those hands on her, do not let go!" Troy urged Jeff to do with Annie – not Britta, as Jeff thought. "I got other places I want to put my hands on, I'll be fine!"
That time when Jeff assumed Troy was talking about Annie, it put him over the edge. And it made him storm out of his chair.
"Hey! That is MY Annie you're putting those hands on! You had your chance and you failed, you don't get the second chance here! Not like that, you're not! Or like in any other way!" Jeff stumbled a bit.
"Don't tell me what to do, you're already taking Britta from me!" Troy stated.
"Taking Britta? Granted, that might be a good way to make you jealous," Jeff briefly thought. "But where did you get-"
"Wait, WHAT?" Troy suddenly screamed without warning. "You said YOUR Annie! Did you think I wanted to put my hands on Annie?"
"Is that so hard to believe?" Jeff insisted. "I mean, you thought I was taking Britta from you, so who are you to judge?" With that, now that Jeff and Troy actually heard what they thought the other was talking about, they quieted down.
"We guessed way wrong on who we were talking about, didn't we?" Troy concluded. "How the hell didn't I recognize that cliché? Has Abed taught me nothing?"
"You mind teaching me something now?" Jeff asked, as weird as that was to ask Troy. "Like why the hell you said that stuff about Annie if you didn't want her?"
"I said it so you'drealize you wanted Annie!" Troy admitted, coming 10 minutes too late to save them a lot of trouble. "But I thought you said you wanted Britta instead!"
"Oh come on, I obviously said that stuff so you'd want Britta more! Why else would I say all that nice stuff about her?" Jeff pointed out.
"I already want Britta, Jeff! Why'd you try to make me want someone I already want?" Troy wondered.
"Because I thought you wanted Annie! And I'm the only one that…." It took him longer than usual, yet Jeff did finally realize he was being too candid about Annie. So he clammed up, but it was too late for even Troy not to get it now.
"You got jealous because you thought I wanted Annie. Just like I got jealous when I thought you wanted Britta," Troy recognized.
"That's….ridiculous," Jeff insisted, although the pause before 'ridiculous' showed even he had a hard time believing it now.
"Well, it wasn't for me!" Troy admitted. "You had Britta before, it's easier to think you'd want her again! At least easier to think I want Annie like that! I love her, yeah, but in an awesome friend way! That's the whole reason I did this!"
"Yeah, how did that go, again? Mind explaining that for the first time?" Jeff asked, trying to get back on comfortable sarcastic ground. Yet Troy ignored it and tried to seriously answer him.
"Jeff, I was the first guy she ever fell in love with, and I barely noticed her. Then more guys she liked kept hurting and ignoring her for years! I started that whole trend first!" Troy assumed.
"I think there was a gay boyfriend setting the bar somewhere too," Jeff corrected.
"Jeff, how can you think of drinking at a time like this?" Troy inquired. But he went on before Jeff could think of a snarky answer. "You should think about how you keep breaking Annie's heart too. You're even worse because you know she exists and you guys are so close, and you still don't want to be together! You're acting like just another guy who's not interested in loving her, but you probably are! I was the first guy to ignore how she felt, so I would know!"
Troy let that sink in for Jeff, continuing when Jeff didn't have a snarky one-liner for him. "I started the whole thing of Annie liking guys who didn't want her. I thought maybe I could finally make it up to her and help end it too. Since you really do want her, I thought you'd do something if I said how awesome she is for a while! I didn't lie about anything I said about her, you know! Even the irony-free stuff was a little funny, if you think about it!" Troy insisted.
"No, I know. I know all of that…." Jeff made himself admit.
"Then you should tell her. Annie deserves at least one guy telling her after all these years!" Troy reminded Jeff. "Maybe me and her wouldn't have worked if I knew that in high school. But maybe things wouldn't have been that bad for her if I tried to know it! I know she forgave me for that, because she's Annie and all, but it doesn't feel like enough," he admitted.
"I still owe her a whole lot for being a great friend and roommate anyway. And I think you owe her some things too."
As Troy saw Jeff staying quiet and taking it all in, he stated, "Huh. I probably should have said that stuff first. Then maybe I wouldn't have gotten jealous of you and Britta."
"You really were that jealous of it, weren't you?" Jeff deflected.
"Yep," Troy immediately admitted. "Because I know I want Britta and I admit it. It makes things easier when you admit stuff."
"Okay, okay, don't go overboard with the surprising wisdom act!" Jeff hoped. But he did admit. "It is something that you'd go to that much trouble for Annie. If you did all that for her, imagine what you could do for Britta. You might even make her like herself a little!"
"Yeah, that's the goal," Troy kept admitting.
"You want to make her that happy – long odds and all. You even went all out for someone who's just a friend," Jeff recapped. "If you could do all that for them….and, well….then there's all the things I wish I could do. But if a screwball like you could take it on….even if you don't think about her like I do…."
Jeff finished rambling even worse than Troy and got quiet again. After several moments, he finally asked, "If I take your advice and it works….you'll help make sure Britta doesn't cut….things off me, right? Could you take on Shirley while you were at it? Just in case?"
"I think I'll leave her to Abed," Troy passed the buck. "But yeah, the other stuff sounds good. I don't know if I have that power with Britta yet, though."
"You should," Jeff couldn't stop himself from admitting. Yet it was far too late now, so he resigned himself and continued. "I mean….I didn't lie in that stuff I said about Britta, either. I embellished a lot, of course, but I didn't lie." He then forced himself to admit, "I wasn't interested in making her feel special or anything. I guess that's something I need to work on…..for future events. But if that's stuff you want to do for her…..she could turn out worse. Trust me, I know."
"How, did she say something? It's either that or you saw her past or future or something, and that can't be it. Right? Right?" Troy panicked. "Blink twice if you're present Jeff and not time traveling Jeff!"
"And we're back to bizarre normal," Jeff noted, now that Troy was back to being goofy again.
"Good, that was two blinks! Don't scare me like that again, present Jeff!" Troy insisted. "I hope Abed doesn't make the detective stuff with Annie that scary."
"Well, you always have Inspector Spacetime and his scary future to – wait, Abed and detective stuff and who?" Jeff suddenly asked.
"Oh, Abed's doing a detective spoof with Annie now. They probably found the gem at – oh ho ho, nice try! You don't get spoilers until you buy the DVD!" Troy warned.
"Forget spoilers, I know how this ends! Do you know how many sexy detectives Abed can play? In front of Annie? It'll be Han Solo and Don Draper times Batman!" Jeff panicked, speaking with all his filters off. "You think she'll want to be with me after seeing that?"
"Come on, detective Abed is the least sexy character he's got!" Troy assured.
"You might think so, but you're not Annie, are you?" Jeff spat. "God, where are Shirley and Britta to butt in when you need them? But no, of course they're with Pierce today!"
"That's okay, they're probably done already. I mean, if they aren't, then Pierce would start telling them long, gross stories by now," Troy figured before getting nervous. "I'll bet there's some he hasn't told them yet. Like….some from May 2010 to May 2011 at his house, for instance. Heh….that would make some of his audience think twice about the people involved. Like if they're cool enough or sexy enough or brave enough around golf carts to go out with…."
Troy paused until exploding into a full blown panic. "Oh God! Why didn't I tell Britta how I feel before Pierce told her the golf cart story?" But he then gasped and hoped, "Maybe he's still stuck on the gopher on the golf course story! I'm still kind of date material after that one! But I gotta tell her now in case I'm wrong!" With that, he rushed off and yelled, "Pierce, don't let golf take away more than it already has!"
Jeff couldn't help but chuckle at Troy's madness – which was easier than dealing with his wisdom. "Geez, he feels all that about Britta, and something like that made him confess. Boy, that's…."
Yet Jeff didn't finish once his mind imagined detective Abed kissing Annie 'in character.'
After that, many students claimed to see two blurs race through Greendale campus for the next several minutes. Somehow, the two mixed up, love sick blurs found the women of their dreams and had enough breath left to tell them what they always wanted to say.
Of course, they were still conscious enough to leave out what and who got them off their asses. Especially when Pierce had only barely started the gopher story, and detective Abed was too busy downloading Hilda onto his phone – which fit in a time travel detective epic – to romance Annie. That made it necessary to put certain details on the cutting room floor of this story.