A/N: I do not own Death Note or Jonathan Coulton's "Skullcrusher Mountain"

This is "Skullcrusher Mountain" (remove the spaces): http : / / www . youtube. com / watch? v=iob2 _ 8ey MK8

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Chapter 1 Welcome to My Secret Lair

L shivered as he awoke (he'd been asleep?) He was lying on something soft (maybe some sort of cushion?) and he felt an odd sensation something solid and cold around his neck—a collar? Yes, that's the only thing it could be, a metal collar. L stoically pushed down his rising panic as he tried to grasp the last thing he remembered before he blacked out...

Fangs. That hideous, demonic face grinning at him as it snagged him in it's claws like a ragdoll and flown right out the window of taskforce headquarters, carrying him far above the night city. It's claws gripped him so tightly they drew blood but that physical pain didn't even register under the absolute terror of being completely at the mercy of the monster...

No. That was just a nightmare. It had to be. There was no way that thing could be real...

But... Shinigami do exist.

L had met Rem when they captured Higuchi. But that thing that had stolen him was so much more hideous that L was uncertain that they could really belong to the same species...

Perhaps he had just been through some traumatic experience and his mind had just filled in the gaps and unhelpfully replacing the face of the perpetrator with a demonic fiend.

After all, this chain around his neck suggested he must have been kidnapped, most likely by a human perpetrator. Well, L was trained to survive in a situation like this. He kept his eyes closed and his breathing steady. He didn't want to give his captor(s)? any indication that he was awake.

L slowly became aware of voices in the background. One sounded angry and the other was pleading.

L soon realized the angry voice was...

Light...?

L's eyes snapped open on their own accord.

It was indeed Light; lounging with casual arrogance on an ornate throne while having a "discussion" with world leaders via laptop.

And what the hell was he wearing?

L almost gave himself away by laughing out loud. It looked like he decided to play dress up with mother's castoffs or something. He was wearing this big, red flowing robe trimmed with ornate gold jewelry, a matching red cape (seriously?) draped dramatically over the side of the throne. L was sure he must have picked his outfit to try and look menacing but really the overall effect just made him look like he was dressing in drag.

L quickly surveyed the situation. It appeared they were in a vast cavern that had been converted into a palace (how and by who? Kira largely works alone; he's anonymous to his followers...?)

From the look of it; Misa must have picked out the décor—it was all skull motifs and gothic tones.

Or perhaps not, L thought as he eyed what he would forever after mentally refer to as Light's dress.

Another odd thing L noticed was that Light was wearing black leather gloves and while L found it a bit drafty in here that was mainly due to the fact that he had been stripped of everything but his boxer shorts. (Obviously he doesn't want to just kill me. he wants to humiliate me first...) It was not cold enough to warrant gloves. And really what was the point of trying to hide evidence like fingerprints in a place like this where he was basically announcing "welcome to my evil lair?" Which meant... was he hiding something? Did something happen to his hands? And exactly who was he trying to impress by playing dress up? L causally scanned the room and didn't see anyone else around. L doubted that the people on the other end of his conference could see him either; seeing as he was using a voice filter.

"I'm so sorry, Kira-sama!" L overheard one of the men Light was communicating with... in all likelihood begging for his life.

Yes, L could now be fairly confident that the Kira percentage was at one hundred percent.

This saddened him more than he expected. Because though L knew Light was Kira all along the teen had... grown on him, especially in these last few months. After confinement and the mock execution test Light had been a wreck. It was L who held and comforted the younger man when he awoke in the middle of the night, screaming and shivering from night terrors. On many such occasions Light couldn't get back to sleep unless L stopped what he was doing to, for lack of a better word, cuddle with his suspect, pet him, assure him he was alive and real. L allowed the Yagami boy to become close (perhaps too close) because ultimately if Kira became... dependent on him, Stockholmed; that could only benefit the investigation... But it was also the first time L had doubts about his theory. Because he had thought Kira, Light, was just like him—(damaged) efficient. He wouldn't let human emotions get in the way of his goals because he was nigh incapable of feeling them.

The Kira L knew would never allow him to get this close.

Then one early morning they got the news that Light's family had been murdered in a home invasion robbery... and Light had seemed so human. L had murmured awkward apologies, condolences, and hushes to the wet mess that was shuddering against his shoulder and for a moment L found himself hoping his theory was wrong. That Light really wasn't Kira...

But even so L never expected that Kira, that Light, would do something so brazen. Kira seemed to be more the type content to kill, and to rule, from the shadows...

Well maybe that was why... A guy who thinks killing thousands of people is a good idea can't be that stable to begin with—and Light always did seem to genuinely care about his family. Maybe that and whatever mechanism made him Kira again led to full on psychotic break? (Which did not bode well for L's current situation...) But it was all guess work at this point. L normally didn't concern himself with the psychological wellness of the people around him unless it was for a case... Or they were his crazed stalkers like B...

And now apparently Kira.

Really, what had he done to deserve this?

Light hadn't seemed to notice he was awake yet, his attention focused intently on his laptop. L's eyes followed the chain that bound his neck and did a double-take when he saw that it ended in a cuff attached to Light's right wrist. It was the same cuff L used to keep Kira close to him, just slightly modified so that the chain was attached to his collar. Was this Kira's revenge then?

Was he going to just keep him as a—

"Well you tell your government that I am very displeased with how they are handling that situation. Slavery? Human trafficking? What century are we living in?"

"We're very sorry, Lord Kira!"

Light smirked. Some days it felt damned good being a walking deterrent.

"Don't apologize, fix it! You have a month to get your act together or I else I will intervene..." Light began when he felt the chain on his wrist shift ever-so-slightly. "Excuse me, I've got another call," Light said as he put the U.N. on hold (and left the leaders in question to piss themselves) as he turned his attentions to his captive. "Ryuuzaki? You're awake!"

L gaped as "Lord Kira" enthusiastically hopped down from his throne to embrace him in a move that was most genuinely affectionate. "Thank God, I was so worried!" L couldn't stop his trembling as he was glomped by the murderer.

L froze, too shocked to even react. He knew the implications of what he had heard from Light's conversation. Light was Kira again and somehow while he was unconscious, Light had made a move and brought the entire world to its knees. Well he was already holding the world hostage before but now he was being far bolder in issuing proclamations to world leaders, telling them this was the way things were going to be done... or else.
Meaning Kira had either completely snapped and his end was coming soon (for some reason that thought depressed L despite it being everything he was driving for) or he was absolutely sure he could pull it off (this idea also depressed L since it meant the situation was hopeless).

Meanwhile as L breathed in Light's scent as he held him tightly for an indeterminate amount of time, L had to remind himself that this wasn't the Light he had gotten to know, not the boy he had (unintentionally) gotten so close to. This was Kira hugging him so close. Kira's hand in his hair and on his back...

Kira...

Light was taken aback when L started screaming.

"Ryuuzaki?"

L began to lash out like a cornered animal Light stepped back and tried to keep the detective at arm's length, pinning him with just one hand.

"Hey, settle down-you'll hurt yourself!"

In their earlier fights L had effortlessly kicked Light across the room. But this wasn't a fight. Light just stood there and attempted to keep the other away while making soothing sounds as if trying to comfort a distraught child. L managed to squirm around positioning his body so he could deliver unto Light a hard kick in the chest—which he did. However this did not have the desired effect. L howled in pain. It felt like he had mashed his foot into an incoming truck. Light didn't even flinch.

Light sighed. "I told you! Now see what you've done?"

L collapsed to the ground in pain, his foot jutted grotesquely at an odd angle. The pain was so intense that he didn't even register anything. After an undetermined amount of time, L regained his senses to find Light was kneeling beside him, pulling off one of his long black gloves. L was so shocked at the sight that for a moment he even forgot the utter agony he was in. The gloves had concealed what had become of Light's hands—they were now twisted and black, and ending in wicked talons. (Not unlike the thing, the Shinigami, that had brought him here.)
L's thought process began to breakdown as Light... (Kira... MONSTER!) leaned in close, his heart was rattling against his rib cage as he tried to stifle another embarrassing scream. Even so a scared whimper came through.

Light eyed him critically. "Ryuuzaki. This isn't like you."

L was usually so calm, even in the face of certain death. (Ryuuzaki was his rock, his center...)

This must have been Ryuk's doing—he should have known better! Dammit he was there when they learned that L was terrified of Shinigami. It didn't matter that the Shinigami was only trying to please him—Light decreed in his head that there would be most definitely "no-apples" in the immediate future.

"Shhhh..."

L shrunk away but Light grabbed him with those twisted claws and held him down in an iron grip.

"I'm trying to help you. Trust me... please?"

L had half a mind to kick him in the face with his broken foot but that urge was currently being overruled by the pain. He trembled in fear as Light leaned down and literally kissed and made it better. There was an eerie ambient red glow around them but the pain disappeared. L stared, unnerved when he saw how Light's eyes had turned a violent shade of crimson and become slitted like those of a cat... or snake.

Monster.

L noticed how Light staggered a bit as he got to his feet. Whatever that was he just did, it had weakened him... L took the opportunity to lash out again. In his haze of desperate fear, embarrassment, and rage he had apparently forgetting how he injured his foot in the first place.

"Ingrate!" Light hissed rubbing his jaw where L had kicked him as L crumpled to the ground, screaming in agony, having broken his foot again.

"You know, it is not wise to pick a fight with a God," Light admonished in a soft lilting tone.

He gave an exasperated sigh as he sat down beside where L was curled up in a fetal position on the floor. "I suppose it's something you'll never learn. But then that's what I love about you…" L groaned. Light gently messaged his forehead. "Ryuuzaki, I'll heal you again... but you have to promise not to hurt yourself again." Light pleaded as he searched those wide black eyes for something resembling intelligence (and the L he knew). "Do you promise?"
L finally nodded when the pain became unbearable. He watched critically as that red light surrounded them again. Whatever Light was doing, it took the pain away and L could feel the surrounding tissues healing, the bones reknitting and then Light broke away, looking deathly pale, and wracked with a long coughing fit. L's wide-eyes widened further when he saw Light try to hide the blood that trickled down from his lips, wiping it away quickly with his blackened hands. L finally found his voice as he stared up into those freakish blood-red eyes.

"What've you done to yourself?"

Light smiled pleasantly but ignored the question in favor of clasping his deformed hands together enthusiastically as he exclaimed "Now, you must be hungry. Shall we have dinner? I had them get cake just for you!"

L rolled his eyes and muttered "As if I have a choice."