I was in the Right!

Rated T.

Written by Tora

Um, so I'm, um, trying out this, um, new recorder thing. Um, that way later, um, I can write it down, and I'll… umm, just edit out all the, 'ums'. That way, um, I can like… umm… crap, where's the pause button… umm, okay, so um, Gamora got me this, um, recorder thing. So um, that way I can, like, um… say stuff, and then, ummm… and then umm, write it all down. And I'll just, um, kick out all the, um… all the 'umms'.

Ahem. Hi. Hello… I said… HI. Tune in guys, this is good stuff… sheesh, I cut out all the ums. You're acting like Gamora when she doesn't want to hear something cool.

As you all know, I am the absolutely amazing and epic and handsome and all around epic and amazing and handsome Star Lord. And I'm an outlaw. Ahahaha, have I got you tuned in now?! I'm good at that. It comes with being a total stud who is epic and amazing and of course, handsome. That's just who I am, I can't help it. Well, I might be able to, but I don't want to help it.

So now that I've got you tuned in, I just wanted to say… hahaha I was just trolling you. I don't have much to say. Oh, except for the fact that the word 'trolling' just means being a total unwanted jerk. But since I'm so cool, you probably really do want me.

So… it started out with ME. Don't think I'm being totally vain here, it really did start out with me. HEY, DON'T WALK AWAY! THIS IS GOOD STUFF! SERIOUSLY! OKAY OKAY FINE, IT DIDN'T START OUT WITH ME. That's right. I lied. I'm being serious this time. It didn't start out with me. It started out with… bum bummm budum….! Gamora!

I started out with Gamora, oh wait, shoot, I think I've said that like… a few times already.

Gamora decided to have one of those… shall we say… those thing girls do when they're upset at guys. It starts out with an argument. And they think they are in the rights, and we men try and correct them, you see, and they just throw a tantrum and decide they're not going to talk.

It's totally unfair. I was in the rights, and she was in the wrong. I didn't mean to set her hair on fire, honest, I didn't.

I guess I should explain how this all happened.

I went down to earth and picked up this new gadget, it's for women. I think… it's called a… straight iron. It's kind of a weird name, I mean it should be called the thing that ends up burning hair. That doesn't sound weird, does it?

So I gave it to her.

She had said, "What does it do…?"

"I dunno," I said carelessly. I had taken it out of her hands and began to open it eagerly.

Gamora glared at me. "Then you can keep it."

I blinked. "Oh," I said hastily. I handed it back to her. "Okay, you can open it, if you want."

Gamora gave me a suspicious eye. She gently took the weird object out. It looked like these things people call, 'tongs'. Tongs, another tongue twister name (see what I did there? Hahahaha… LOL (Lots of like (err… love? Light? Crap, I once knew what LOL stood for…)), are a thing that are used for salads. Salad is stuff from lawn mowers. People mow the lawn and then (lawn=grass) sell the stuff that comes out of it for salad.

Anyway, these things looked like huge tongs.

"Did you read the instruction, Pete?" Gamora said doubtfully.

"Huh? Oh no, I figured I was man enough to know how to use it on my own. You know, gotta show the ladies who da man around here, right?"

"Right…" Gamora said slowly. "Um, you know, why don't you sell this? You can get back your money."

I had waved a hand scornfully, like this (do you see me waving my hand?), and I said, "Nahh, I can do this. See this thing, Gamora?"

I had pointed to this thing called a… electric outlet. (I don't have the dictionary word for it, basically it does magic!)

"This is called an electric outlet. Or AKA magic, Gamora. Now when I plug this long tail thingy into the outlet, see how the end of the tail matches up with the outlet thingummy?" I rambled onwards.

I plugged the tail into the outlet. "Now sit down in that chair," I demanded, pointing to the chair.

Gamora shrugged, "I dunno, Peter…"

"Sit," I commanded in my most manly way.

Gamora didn't.

I finally had to coax her, A LOT, before she finally sat in the chair.

By then, the tongs were hot. I had looked hard at the tongs and opened and closed them. "Ready, baby?" I asked.

Gamora didn't say anything. Sheesh, women, they don't trust guys. They should know by now, to trust their boyfriends. Well… err… I wasn't really Gamora's boyfriend, but one day she'll be my girlfriend. She'll see how wonderful I am and how I'll save her! She'll turn to me and decide to marry me on the spot!

I had taken a lock of her beautiful hair and put it between the tongs, and closed down…

What happen next? I'm not going to tell you. You made fun of my name. You were mean to me and told me my name sucked. Go away.

Okay okay, fine, I've got you interested, so I might as well finished, but no more making fun of my name, otherwise I'll… I dunno, I'll try and use the tongs on your hair! Bwahahahaha!

I held it there.

"Peter, what are you doing?" Gamora said.

"I dunno. Straightening your hair…" I said with confidence.

Gamora blinked. "Why aren't you… doing anything?"

Well, what was I supposed to do? Pull down? Hahaha, no! That would be stupid! ANYBODY knows that you don't clamp onto hair and then slowly draw it downwards when using a straightening iron! That's just not how they work. You have to let it sit there.

Or that's what I thought… I was wrong. Majorly wrong. If I could change time, I would and—I'm getting ahead of myself in the story.

Gamora started to sniff. "Peter do you smell that?"

"Nope," I said soothingly.

I let go of her hair and then clamped onto another piece of hair.

Hmm, it hadn't seem to be very straight, so this time, I would hold on for TWICE as long! That would do.

"Peter," Gamora panicked. "Stop! I think you're burning my hair!"

Huh? "No I'm not," I had said, but just then… her hair caught on fire.

Ohhh c.r.a.p.

The fire was small, but began to lick up her hair. I began to panic and I didn't know what to do, but say, "F-f-f!"

Gamora whirled around. "Something is on—"

Then we both screamed, "FIRE!"

Gamora stood up and began to scream, "Fire fire fire! Peter, get the fire out of my hair!"

Fire fire fire fire! That word had ran through my mind, faster than fire. I had to find something that would stop the fire.

Water!

I had found a jug of water and hastily dumped the water over Gamora's head.

There was silence.

We were both quiet, I had let the jug tumble to the floor.

Water dripped from Gamora's nose.

Huh… wait, I got rid of the fire. Why was her face going a little red…? I mean—she must have been SUPER angry if her face was turning a little red… maybe she was holding her breath…

"G… Gamora…?" I said slowly.

Gamora rose from her hair… picked up the jug… and… you know what she did with it…? Yeah, you guessed it…

She hit me with it.

Look, guys shouldn't hit women. That's wrong. And women shouldn't hit men. That's also wrong. Without men, you can't live. Aliens will eat you. So there. Don't hit men. If you have hit your man in the past, go and apologize right now. It's wrong. And don't make fun of their penname, that's wrong too.

I was stunned. I stared at her, right as she flocked me over again.

"You IDIOT!" Gamora whispered under her breath.

I managed to grab the jug the second time (wait, I mean third… I mean second… I mean third…) and jerk it out of her hand.

"Now, calm down, sweetheart…" I said slowly, but I was panicking. "Don't worry, you'll be fine. I didn't mean to set your hair on fire."

"Don't call me, sweetheart, brat!" Gamora roared at me. "AND GET OUT OF MY ROOM!"

Okay okay okay…

I had quickly scrambled out of Gamora's room. Best to leave the women alone, ya know.

"AND TAKE YOUR STUPID STRAIGHTENER WITH YOU!" Shouted Gamora ruthlessly.

Something flew over my head as I exited her room and crashed against the walls.

Rude.

How rude. So rude I'd like to be rude back, but I'll be mature, and not be rude back.

Oh what the hey. I turned to Gamora and stuck my tongue out at her.

I bolted and Gamora slammed and bolted her door.

How long was Gamora in her room?

For a while.

She's still in her room right now.

I guess I should now make peace. She's been cooped up in her room for a long time now…

I made a sandwich, her favourite (er, my favourite), and got out a soda, which is a rare treat. I kind of hoard those things.

They kind of… hmm… how to I describe them… they kind of… they kind of… crap… they kind of… well you see they kind of… they kind of tickle your mouth, to sort of put it. Yes. They kind of tickle your mouth. They are sweet and they tickle your mouth. And if you chug it, you'll most likely end up spurting it all over the room.

I took the sandwich and the soda and knocked softly on her door. Surely she was getting hungry…

"Ahem," I coughed softly. "Darling? Sweetheart? Baby? Um… Gamora…?"

There was some rustling within her lair of doom.

Then… she stuck her head out…

And then…

Okay well it's time for bed. Kids. Go to bed. What happen next might just scare the crap out of you, so I'd advise you to go to bed. Before you end up wetting your pants or even going poop in them. Parents, be good parents and put your children to bed. What Gamora did might scare your children so bad, they'll have nightmares forever. And parents, be on your guard, what happened next might scare the crap out of you too.

Are you ready? Clutch onto your hair a little harder… and you sir, stop chattering your teeth.

I nearly had a heart attack. Her face was completely different. Her lip was curled in a horrible way, which looked like she might eat me at any moment. Her eyes were livid with anger and her face a reddish colour. Oh I could have died on the spot. That look could have killed an army without mercy.

Parents, sorry if I scared the crap out of you. But that's what she looked like.

She hissed to me and snapped in a horribly mean way, "Get out!"

"But I'm not even in your room!" I protested.

"I really don't care. Get out. Your smell will infect my room."

Rude. "Do I smell that bad?" I asked frowning.

Gamora glared an icy glare. "Have you come to apologize for trying to burn my hair?" She asked in a stiff way.

"Umm…" I said slowly. "Want some food? You haven't eaten, Gamora… please eat something. I even am sacrificing a soda, just for you…"

Gamora raised an eyebrow. "Those weird bottles of weirdness?"

I nodded.

Gamora sighed and opened the door a little wider. "Fine. I'll take the sandwich. I haven't eaten anything in a while. And you better behave yourself. Or I swear I will break your neck."

Things seemed to be going pretty smoothly for Gamora. And for me.

She seemed to mostly forgive me.

As she ate her sandwich, I began to talk. "I really didn't mean to…" I apologized sheepishly.

Gamora laid a hand on me. "It's okay…" she said softly.

"Of course I was in the right," I said absentmindedly.

Gamora frowned. "About what…?"

"It wasn't my fault that I caught your hair on fire, it was technically your fault for letting me do your hair," I said airily.

Gamora stopped eating. She glared at me. "So you're saying that I was in the wrong and you were in the right…"

I nodded absentmindedly again. "Yep. I was very much in the right. You could have stopped me very easily. In fact, if I read the instructions, I probably would have learned what to do, but you were too much in a hurry to have your hair done."

Did I say something wrong again? Why was Gamora giving me the death stare?

"Out of my room…" Gamora growled slowly.

"Why?!" I objected. We were just getting along perfectly!

"I. SAID. GET. OUT. YOU. BRAT!"

Gamora pushed me and shoved me until I was out of her room.

Then the door slammed.

I blinked.

What? What was her prob?! I just stated that I was in the right! Good grief!

WOMEN!

The end!

A/N: Sometimes peeps think my characters tend to be a little out of character, and I do acknowledge that. When I write a silly story, I like my characters to be exuberant and hilarious. But I do try and keep characters the same in a more serious story.

Thanks for reading, sorry that I haven't had the time to correct typos!