A/N: I have homework to do what the hell am I doing also what even is formatting
Secondly, THIS IS DEDICATED TO LILLIE, SHINE ON YOU CRAZY DIAMOND
Lasty, if Scout's lingo is a bit off, let me know. I'm so used to hearing Boston accents, (I grew up in South Shore MA) I seem to have trouble writing them. Enjoy!
Ceasefire for the members of Reliable Excavation Demolition was a time of relaxation, leisure, and for a certain bat-wielding Bostonian, extreme boredom.
"I just dunno what to do, Mumbles. I mean, you're the only guy who really hangs with me anyway," Scout huffed. His face twisted into a pout when the Pyro murmured something that resembled agreement. He was currently sprawled out on the couch of RED's recreation room, watching Pyro delicately fold origami. Pyro sat hunched over the coffee table, creating cute little cranes and butterflies, only to take out a lighter and giggle while they turned to ash. Scout let out a dramatic sigh for what had to be the eighth time in the past two minutes, prompting the Pyro to cease their work.
"Mfffmy mff mphhd mphh bphhbffph?" Pyro offered.
"Nah, s'too hardta play by yahself, you know? It's annoying to just chase a ball around; picking it up and hittin' it. I'd love the practice, but..." Scout trailed off, pondering his predicament.
"Snphphh mffph mphf?"
"Nah. He'll listen tah me sometimes, and he's great to chat up, but he's too busy scopin' out BLU's base or whatevah. Nevah wants to play. Everyone else nevah does either!" Scout spun his dogtags around his finger, scowling. "Demo's too wasted, Solly's just nuts, Medic's busy, Heavy's pro'lly eating, Spy's an asshole, and you're having too much fun immolatin' paper birdies!"
Pyro just stared from behind their mask, stunned by the Scout's wording.
"What? I read. I use big words sometimes Mumbles, don't gimme dat look. And why can't we get some freakin' battin' cages around here or something?" Scout pouted some more. The Pyro put down their lighter and leaned on their elbows, brainstorming for Scouts sake. The eyepieces of their mask moved from left to right, scanning the room for ideas. There wasn't much to work with; a TV with next to no signal, a card table set for an unfinished game, a sentry gun beeping happily in the corner-
Wait.
Pyro leapt to their feet suddenly, startling Scout. Dragging his friend off the couch (with many protests from the boy) he brought him before the sentry gun. Scout was unsure as to why Pyro was waving frantically and making loud unintelligible remarks at it.
"Wuph mhh bphff mfph!"
"Um….what?" came Scout's intelligent reply, tilting his hat slightly to scratch at his head. The Pyro mimicked a swing, and pointed at the sentry gun.
"Woah woah woah, hold it bruddah. You know how much Engie loves his guns. If you take your freakin' psycho axe to his sentry he's gonna-" Pyro cut him off with a furious head shaking (which Scout interpreted as "NO!") and a new set of charades. The gas-mask covered maniac pointed to the gun, then to Scout, and swung at the air again.
"You want me to take down the sentry? No way in hell I'm doing dat, Engie'll beat me. Look do you have a death wish or something pally?"
With another set of head shakes, and addition of some muffled shouts, Scout finally understood. His eyes widened and a characteristic buck-toothed grin split his face.
"Damn Py, I could kiss ya! If you weren't...you know…" Scout looked at the soulless eyes of Pyro's mask and wondered if they even had a face. "Uh..Nevahmind. But you're a wicked awesome friend Pyro, I take back all that shit I said about yah bein' scary!"
Before Pyro could even question that statement, they were assaulted with a bro-hug from a now enthusiastic Scout. With a wave and a cry of "I'mma go find Engie! Later!" Scout dashed off leaving Pyro to return to their game of Let's Make the Little Swans Happy.
Scout burst through the workshop door to find the Engineer deep into working on some new thingamajig. The loud clanking and rattling noises seemed to echo everywhere.
"Yo, hard-hat! Engineer! Engie? Engie! Yo ENGIE! DELL!"
Scout's yelling caught the Engineer's attention, and he quickly shut off the machine he was tinkering with.
"Sorry, Scout. Didn't see you there. Is there something I can help you with?" Engie asked, wiping some grease off his hands with a shop rag.
"Okay, dis is gonna sound crazy," Scout began, hopping up on a workbench, "But Pyro came up with this wicked idea for something to do around here, involving some machinery, and I was hoping you'd be willing to give it a shot. I mean, you can build anything, right?"
"Just about," Engie chuckled. He pulled out a new piece of blueprint paper and laid it out on the table Scout was sitting on. "I got free time and some scrap I suppose. Tell me about this idea of yours, Scout."
Three hours, several modifications, one broken wrench, and one very impatient Scout later, it was complete.
"Let 'er rip hard-hat!" called Scout, bat out, standing over a makeshift home plate.
Engineer gave him a thumbs up and pressed a button, activating RED's brand-spanking new fully copyrighted and entirely official Pitching Machine-Gun. In a split second, accompanied by a cheerful "beep!", a baseball was launched at supersonic speeds right down the line. It collided with the Sandman ("CRACK!") and soared deep out into the desert sands. Scout cheered and jogged a victory lap around the imaginary bases, high-fiving Engie as he slid into home.
"Works pretty good, eh?" Engie remarked, toying with the remote controls.
"Yeah no kiddin'! Better than any batting cage I've ever been to!"
"And that's not all," Engie said proudly, "I even have it set to recalculate after every hit, for maximum accuracy. Find the sweet spot, you see."
"Oh my gawd, really?!" Scout set up at the plate again for another pitch. Engie pressed the button, flinging another fastball his way. Scout nailed it, sending it soaring-
And soaring-
And soaring-
...right over the fence and into BLU base.
A loud crash was heard, followed by alarm bells and sirens. Scout and Engie tensed and debated running back inside. Then the Administrator's voice crackled over the shoddy PA system.
"Battle in 5 minutes! Teams, prepare for combat!"
"And dat ladies and gents, is how you end a ceasefire!" Scout joked as he ran off to the Resupply Room with the Engineer in tow.