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For the smallest moment it was like a rush of electricity running through him. His body reacted in the strongest way possible. His muscles ripped taunt, his head snapped up, eyes starring at his brother, waiting. His breath even and shallow was barely audible, his body utterly still.
He should have known this was about to happen, should have known this talk would come. If he really thought about it they should have had talked about this a long time ago or at least after their little detour through the alternate reality. Timing had never been right though so it had never been brought up. In the end now seemed as inappropriate as any other time and for a moment he wondered why his brother chose this exact moment to talk about it. Sure life was somewhat calmer now, the heaven in war had ended, Crowley was gone but still. Sitting in the darkened kitchen of Bobby's house in the middle of the night with Cas missing and probably human, sober and without any innuendo he just couldn't make any sense of it. His brother seemed to have some idea what plan he was following, the sad smile and the knowing glint in his eyes proving this. He still hadn't moved, his eyes still intently sat on Sam who know stood in front of the window. Another stray thought let him wonder. Had Sammy always looked so sad, was it since she had died or since the wall had broken down? When his brother looked at him again his voice was calm but as sad as his eyes, a sage-like quality so unfitting and yet so very perfect for him. "You know they don't betray us for no reason. None ever does. And maybe we don't understand that or their reasons but can we really doubt that their intentions were good; can we claim we understood what they really wanted? What they tell us is only a small part of what really is Dean. Unlike me you can still ask for the real resons, you can still try to make sense of what has happened." Dean shook his head, not in disapproval he thought though maybe it was, but in wonder. His eyes lost their focus, his brain already trying to make sense of what had been said. Who were they and why did he have a chance at understanding when his bother hadn't? Did he even want to understand? Betrayal, hurt and anger cursed through him.
The soft sound of a glass being put in front of him stopped his thoughts. He hadn't even realized his brother had been drinking but the glass and the open bottle of Whiskey on the table were dead giveaways. Sam was already halfway out the door when Dean heard his voice again. "You know you can be mad all you want. Say you don't care, be pissed about what has been done. In the end it only shows how much you really care." A beat of silence followed in which Sam seemed to decide whether he should continue or just leave now before he said something he might regret. "I loved her you know? I think I still do. Sometimes it hurts and sometimes I wish I could understand what made her do all this." With that Sam was gone and Dean was left alone with the moonshine, the darkness and his thoughts.
When he took the glass and poured himself a drink he was surprised to find the tension in his body had left with his brothers last words. He should have been shocked by the admission but he found himself strangely sad for his brother. He would probably never know the truth if there was another one than the one they had already discovered.
As the drink touched his tongue he wondered how much it had cost Sam to talk about this. It was obviously a touchy subject for Sam but he had done it in order to help his stupid brother see the truth. For a short moment he let his head fall back, closed his eyes and shut off his mind. A cool breeze coming from a small crack in the window brushed across his skin; almost soundlessly a stray cat jumped on the porch and a small insect crashed against the window. Carefully he stood and put the glass in the sink before he went over to find Sam lying in his bed. Despite the stillness that greeted him he knew his brother was awake. "Let's search for him tomorrow. I don't think he will make it much longer if he has really turned into a human." The small lift of the edges of his brother's lips told him all he needed. Dean huffed in annoyance at the happieness Sam got from this. He wanted to tell Sam that this was not because of him or because he cared but found that now Sam was dead asleep. "I'm sorry Sammy. I wish she loved you too, that it had ended differently."
Outside the black cat sat down in front of their window. Eyes trained on the sleeping forms of the hunters before it laid down. The tail curled around its small form, eyes closed, and ears twitching. When an unnaturally strong wind, carrying promises of pain and death, came along the cat opened its pitch-black eyes. Ears pushed against the back of its head, claws out, teeth showing, it hissed at the wind. Magic-like power came with the hiss and the wind vanished. None of the boys noticed this short show of power.
The next morning the cat was gone.