Akatsuki Viva Las Vegas

I don't own Naruto nor do I make any money writing these things

Zetsu walked into the living room with a high stack of mail. "Lola, Lola, Lola, junk, junk, junk, junk, Marisol, Itachi's prescription rage pills, you've been pre-approved, water bill, phone bill, high speed internet bill, hmmm from the leader…" Zetsu opened up the last piece of mail. He skimmed over it quickly.

"Hey, hey… The Leader sent us this letter. He wants us to attend the Evil Leaders With Evil Plans and Completely Convoluted Schemes in order to Achieve Evil Motives seminar…otherwise known as the ELWEPCCSAEM convention." Zetsu announced.

"Oh yeah? That thing is coming up? When is it?" Kisame wanted to know.

"He says its in two weeks…so…like mid November." Zetsu said.

"Okay, well where is it this yeah…god that sucked ass that year it was held in Toronto…not that Toronto sucked….it was all those hockey fans….god I had no idea the Raptors were the thing up there." Kisame reminisced.

"It's in Las Vegas, Nevada this year." Now this whole time Sasori was sitting calmly in the kitchen with his coffee until he heard the location of the convention. He was now choking on his coffee while getting slight third degree burns down his throat. Once he came to his senses and spit the burning coffee out into the sink he ran into the living room where Zetsu stood with the mail.

"Zetsu, Zetsu did you just say that the ELWEPCCSAEM convention was in……Las…….Vegas….." Zetsu had never seen Sasori's eyes this wide and he was gripping Zetsu's shoulders to the point where Zetsu thought he may be bruised.

"Uh…yeah it's in Vegas." Zetsu said calmly.

"Lola! Lola! LOLAAAAAAA! LOLA GET DOWN HERE!" Lola was upstairs working on her laptop but came rushing out of the bedroom.

"What the hell's wrong?" Lola asked in a slight panic.

"Lola..honey…." Sasori paused for a long time. "This year's convention for…well evil stuff…..is in…..Las Vegas….." Sasori whispered the last part. Lola stared at him with wide brown eyes.

"Las Vegas?" She finally said weak voiced.

"Las Vegas." He answered her.

"Sasori….." Lola paused. "OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL ARE WE WAITING FOR! GOOD GOD THE BANK CLOSES AT 5:00! COME ON! COME ON! COME ON! I'LL CALL WORK AND TELL THEM I WONT' BE THERE ON THE WAY!!!" Lola yelled and then both see and Sasori took off in a mad frantic panic.

"Okay, soooo I'm thinking that judging by that reaction there's something we don't know." Kisame said.

"Such a pretty kitty, yeah! Such a pretty kitty, yeah! Such a pretty kitty, yeah! Such a pretty, pretty, pretty…"

"Oh my god, I swear that cat has ruined our lives!" Kisame said.

"Actually, now that Deidara is sidetracked with that kitten he bothers us less." Zetsu said.

"Okay everyone, look at Princess, yeah! She's a good girl today because she learned how to jump on the bed, yeah!"

"Shit, I spoke too soon." Zetsu mumbled.

"Yeah, okay…that's nice Deidara. Hey, we're going to Las Vegas in two weeks. Tell Marisol." Kisame said.

"Why are we going to Las Vegas. Yeah? Oh my god, do we have to move?! Zetsu who did you eat, yeah!" Deidara started to panic.

"No, no, no. The ELWEPCCSAEM convention is in Las Vegas this year." Zetsu said. Deidara thought very very hard.

"The E….L…F…U…D….G…E….."

"God! Deidara! The Evil Leaders and shit convention!" Kisame said.

"Oh my god! I love that convention! It's always near a fashion district, I mean always! Like that time it was in Toronto, yeah! Oh! Or that other time it was in Chicago, yeah. Oh, I need to tell Marisol we're going to need to find someone that will feed Princess, yeah. Aren't we Princess? Yes we do! Yes, we do!" Deidara took off with the kitten swooped up in his arms.

"Um, by the way….Pein and Konan are going too. But they are flying separately." Zetsu said.

"Are you serious? Do you know how loud Pein gets when he drinks? My god, it's Las Vegas…you know he'll drink." Kisame said.

"FUCK YOU KAKUZU! I HATE YOUR SORRY ASS! Oh hey guys, seriously what's going on?" Hidan said calmly after yelling at Kakuzu.

"We got this letter from the leader today. We're going to the Evil Leaders With Evil Plans and Completely Convoluted Schemes in order to Achieve Evil Motives seminar…otherwise known as the ELWEPCCSAEM convention." Kisame explained.

"Oh yeah, I've heard of that. I've always wanted to go. I've heard there's great free samples of stuff at those things. When do we leave?"

"Two weeks. "

"Okay, that's just enough time to explain to Tobi the proper way to act on a plane." Hidan said.

"Oh and hey, you get to meet Konan and Pein but I should warn you….sometimes Konan can get a little loud." Kisame explained. "She's um…a very outspoken woman so I'm sure if she doesn't like the in flight beverages served we will hear about it."

"Well, there's always room to respect that, seriously. I look forward to meeting them."

"I DID IT! I'M SO EXCITED! I FINISHED THE RATATOUILLE WORD SEARCH!" Tobi yelled from upstairs.

"Oh god, I hope to god Tobi doesn't have to be searched for anything stupid in the airport." Zetsu said. "I can imagine it now…..actually…never mind….I don't want to. Okay, well I'm going to go call Pein and maybe find my suit case. You know….I haven't seen it since we went to Miami Beach." Zetsu said heading upstairs.

"Oh my god! You can't trust people to do anything! DANA! DANA! I'M HIRING A WEDDING PLANNER! A PROFESSIONAL!" Itachi yelled immediately heading to the kitchen cabinets to dig for the phone book. "All I did was say 'hey Deidara when you go to the post office today stop by the travel agency and pick up some information on cruises…well hell that fucker didn't do that…..he went to fucking PetsMart instead! Damn cat…ah here it is." Itachi mumbled to no one. "Hi my name is Uchiha Itachi…..yeah I'm going to need someone to help plan a wedding…but not just you know any wedding….I'm hot and so is my fiancée. So you know, there can't be anything for average looking people. Okay…well do you offer any kind of discounts for being gorgeous…because I mean I am so serious we are….oh you don't? Well, that's just too bad. Okay well when can we make an appointment to go over some things with you. Alright thanks. We'll see you then." Itachi hung up the phone.

"Itachi guess what! We're going to Las Vegas, yeah!" Dana said happily announcing the newly discovered.

"Oh we are, why?" Itachi wondered.

"The EL…W...W….F…RAW thing, yeah!"

"Oh you mean the Evil Leaders With Evil Plans and Completely Convoluted Schemes in order to Achieve Evil Motives seminar…otherwise known as the ELWEPCCSAEM convention?" Itachi asked her.

"YES! That's it! I'm going to take my best Dior heels, yeah. Oh my god I can't wait, this is going to be fun." Dana said.

"Oh by the way, you're brother is a retard so I hired a professional wedding planner that will get shit done for us. We meet with her next Friday."

"Oh but Itachi, we're like so flying out then, yeah," Dana said.

"Damn…..well we'll just reschedule." Itachi said calling the planning place back.

"Marisol! We need someone to watch Princess while we're gone, yeah." Deidara explained to her.

"Awww, I just hate to leave her. But you're right because if I'm drinking in Las Vegas I can't take care of a kitty….I can barely take care of myself." She reasoned.

"How about Jessica, yeah?" Marisol gasped.

"That bitch! Oh she will step on Princess for sure! No!" Marisol was very emphatic.

"Okay….oh! Orochimaru, yeah! He's good with animals!"

"Hmmm….isn't that the creepy pale guy you know? He's kind of…..odd. Not because I think he might be gay but because he wears weird stuff."

"You're right." Deidara said. "Oh! I know who can take care of Princess, yeah! And this little bitch owes me…." Deidara ran for the phone.

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! SIX THOUSAND DOLLARS IN CASH!" Lola screamed coming through the front door. "Oh god, I said that out loud. I really need to calm down." Lola said lowly and logically.

"It's okay honey, now hurry it upstairs. Go, go, go, go! Sasori rushed her upstairs. But why did Kisame have a sneaky feeling this trip would be slightly more than memorable?