Cheaper by the Dozen – CSI Style
A/N – This story that the lovely Sara Matthews thought up and I'm helping with is our own take on the film Cheaper by Dozen where Catherine and Gil are the parents and our favourite CSI's are the children, with some added in to make it twelve. Well enough of my rambling I now allow you to read our story.
Gil and Catherine Grissom have everything a house, a car, twelve kids and all the headaches and heartache that came along with it.
We start this story on no ordinary day or on any ordinary year, Gil Grissom was running, running and remembering certain things about his family and boy what a family it is. Twelve kids aged twenty-two to four years and no one loved more than the other from his oldest Brooklyn to his youngest Madeline.
What a family, wife twelve beautiful kids. Brooklyn my first, so much like her mother tall blond and blue eyes. I fainted when Catherine told me I was going to be a father and I never regretted any of it, from Brooklyn to our four year old twin's daughters Kayleigh and Madeline.
"Hey Gil" Tom the Grocer shouts
I simply nod my head and continue on my run eventually arriving at our home, it's not fancy but it will do, I enter the house to find my wife of twenty-three years sitting on her bed side chair reading over case files.
"Hey good run?" Catherine asks
"Oh yeah" I reply falling down into our other chair and let out a sigh
"You need a paramedic?" Catherine ask smiling
"No just a new pair of knees" I reply "you finish?"
"Slightly" Catherine replies "do you know how hard it is to look after lots of kids and still try to do your paperwork?"
"Yes dear" I reply looking at our bed with a very large lump there
"hey baby?
"Baby?" Catherine replied looking confused "You haven't called me that in a long while"
"You know, on the run, you know what I was thinking?" Gil asked
"Well no not unless I've become a telepath" I reply sarcastically
"ok what?"
"Well we have been married, what five years?" I ask already knowing the answer
"Twenty-three Gil" Catherine replies shocked
"Twenty-three" I repeat "Sorry and I think we could have a little change around here"
Gil walks over to our bed and sits down our bed mysteriously giggles and I have to keep a straight face.
"Like, this lumpy old mattress" Gil says "maybe we should just, you know get rid of it"
There it goes again our bed giggles; I hope I'm not going mad.
"Don't be ridiculous honey" I say keeping a straight face "you know you can just pound the lumps out of a mattress"
"What really?" I ask "care to explain how to remove said lump from mattress"
I smile again as our bed giggles and then I move my hands above my head and explain to my husband how to move the lumps.
"You know, just randomly start swatting" I explain "that should do it"
My husband lays back on the bed and swats the lumps my children come from underneath the covers, fourteen year old Nick, thirteen year old Archie, nine year old Daniel, seven year old twins Greg and Sara and four year old twins Kayleigh and Madeline. Gil looks like he's getting ganged up on and well I need him to help him with our brood so I intervene.
"Careful" I shout
"I got a dog on me" exclaims Gil from somewhere in the pile
"It's ok Daddy Bruno's only saying hello" Sara remarks "you will be fine"
I can't help but smile at Sara's remark; she's only seven years old but a book worm and really into Science makes me happy when I see her trying to figure her homework out.
Maybe I should tell you now I came to marry Gil and end up with twelve kids, so here goes.
I first met Gil outside our Science class, I was carrying to many books and they fell to the floor, Gil was such a gentleman and carried them the rest of the day for me. We became close friends. We went to University together and studying to become Forensic Scientists, we at some point got into the conversation of babies and Gil confessed he wanted a big family as did I. So twenty-three years later and we have twelve, yes twelve kids.
Here are my kids in order of age:
Brooklyn Faith Grissom – Twenty-two
Warrick Xavier Grissom – Twenty
Joshua Eric Grissom – Eighteen
Sofia Isabelle Grissom – Sixteen
Charlotte Grace Grissom –Fifteen
Nicholas 'Nick' Jonathan Grissom – Fourteen
Archie Harry Grissom – Thirteen
Daniel Trenton Grissom – Nine
Greg Jaylen and Sara Elise Grissom – Seven
And last but no means least
Kayleigh Louise and Madeline Marie Grissom – Four
When we got married we only had family, well what family we had left at the wedding oh and not forgetting Lance Phillips, Gil's best friend and royal pain in the ass, god what a hot dog.
A year into our marriage we had our first Brooklyn and I loved taking her to work with me at San Francisco Crime lab everyone was really good with her. Two years after Brooklyn arrived we had Warrick and then two years after Warrick we had Joshua and that's when we decided that having a big family and living in San Francisco wasn't best for our plans, so we moved to Las Vegas still can't quite understand that move but it worked out better.
When we got to Vegas we got busy, we had Sofia, Charlotte, Nick and Archie in consecutive years, Three years later we had Daniel and then we got our first set of twins Sara and Greg.
Three years later and having too much drink at the lab party, nine months later we had our second set of twins Kayleigh and Madeline making our number up to twelve and by then Gil and I were experts at managing chaos.
Mornings are always a problem twelve kids, two adults and one dog attempting to get ready all at the same time and we only have one bathroom, the majority of the kids are washed dressed and waiting for breakfast but it always seems that Sofia and Charlotte are constantly fighting about their usage of the bathroom.
BANG, BANG
"you can only put so much makeup on Princess" Charlotte shouts pounding on the door.
"You blew my concentration Charly." I hear Sofia reply
"Ahhh your such a…" Charlotte screams
"Temper Charlotte." Gil shouts
"Sofia times up."
"Ok Daddy" Sofia replies.
"Daddy have you seen Fester my frog?" Sara asked her dad.
"No I haven't ummm….Charly, I mean Kayleigh no wait Madeline." Gil answered his daughter.
"It's Sara daddy," Sara told her dad as she walked away.
"I new that." Gil said as he went to his second to oldest son Joshua.
"Hey teenager you got caught on mom's radar last night your not gonna get that scholarship if your out late with Beth the night before a big game." Gil said as he walked in his son's room.
"Well I'm not even sure if I even want to go to college now." Josh told his dad.
"Since when?" Gil asked him.
"Since Beth's mom offered me a job at the auto shop."
"Hmm…sounds interesting, well we'll talk about that after you get your full ride, and in the mean time be in by 11:30pm on school nights, clear?"
"Got it."
"Anything else you want to talk about?"
"Did I mention I don't like you very much?"
"Yea, you mentioned that."
"Then I'm good."
"Yea me too."
"Dude two words: new skates." Daniel said as he walked by his mom.
"Dude three words: Paper route," Catherine told her son as she opened up her email on the computer, and read, "Hi can't make dinner, Hank and I are moving into our apartment, love Brooklyn."
"Have you seen Fester mommy?" Sara asked her mom hoping her mom had seen her frog.
"Hmm-mmm, no hun I haven't," Catherine told her daughter.
Ok breakfast what a chore, at least the kids helped prepare, Joshua and Gil preparing the eggs, Nick, Greg and Archie making the sandwiches, Charlotte and Daniel butterinf toast oh and Kayleigh and Madeline feeding Bruno.
"You hungry Bruno?" Madeline asked Bruno "yummy food"
"Look l am totally aware that this family doesn't value self-presentation in the sameobsessive way that l do" Sofia announces walking into the kitchen
"Fine whatever, but one of my life goals aside from being, like a fashion guru is to indicate to the local community that the Grissom family actually owns a bar of soap"
Gil just nods his head at his daughters ranting and continues cooking the eggs.
"So as self appointed in house rep of style and hygiene" Sofia continues "I think i should be allowed at least five extra minutes in front of the mirror"
"You can have three extra minutes" Gil replies "no go help your sister and brother butter the toast"
Sofia walks over to Charlotte and Daniel and helps them butter the toast Catherine walks in and starts speaking to some of her children.
"Charlotte your ban from Gymnastics has been lifted so your going to today, Nick you have football practise and don't leave your dirty kit in the car for three days again" Catherine remarked sighing at the thought "Archie your teacher called and requested you don't correct her in front of the class, Greg you have show and tell and body parts do not count, Kayleigh and Madeline you have a Dentist appoinment at 3pm so your going to work with dad"
Both little girls run up to their daddy and hug his legs, Gil pats them on the head and they head towards the kitchen table.
"And we are shooting our Christmas card today" Gil reminds all
"what time is Brooklyn coming over?"
"Uh she might not make it" Catherine replies
"She hardly comes around now she's dating that doorknob" Charlotte exclaims
"He's not a doorknob Charly" Catherine replies
"The guy irons his jeans mom" Daniel remarks
"Yeah that's weird" replied Catherine
"Don't worry about it i'll photoshop her in" Gil shouts from the stove
"Dad can i be photoshopped in?" Sofia asks
"Hey if Sofia gets photoshopped in so can i" Charlotte remarks
"Nobody gets photoshopped but Brooklyn" Gil answers
"Hey honey do you think you can take 100 pounds of me" Catherine asks "and i don't mean from my purse"
"No honey, now everyone lets eat" Gil shouts carrying the eggs to the table
Sara walks into the kitchen in search of Fester the Frog and looks up to the light above the kitchen table she starts to move her net to above the light when Gil looks up and shouts at his daughter.
"No Sara" Gil shouts as Fester jumps into the eggs sending them flying "get him"
Everyone attempts to catch Fester but without success in jumos onto the counter where all the lunches are and sends them flying to the floor, Catheine grabs Daniel's hockey stick while Gil grabs the net from Sara, Gil catches Fester and turns around to face his seven year old daughter.
"Put Fester in his cage now" Gil says calmly
Sara turns around and knocks cups and glasses flying breaking every single one, she slightly turns to face her mother and father and was about to leave the room when Charlotte spoke.
"Nice move Fed Ex" Charlotte snarls "just perfect"
Sara walks out the room upset and everyone cleans up the mess, change and head to school, Catherine waves everyone off and realise Sara is stood behind her.
"All right what's going on with you missy?" Catherine asks
"Everyone says the Fed Ex guy dropped me off because i don't fit in with this family" Sara replies with tears in her eyes
"Aww sweety you fit right here" Catherine replies pulling Sara into a hug "see just like that"
"I call shotgun" Madeline screams
"No way i'm older" Kayleigh screams back
"Yeah by three minutes" Madeline shouts back
"Hey you two knock it off" Catherine replies running to her four year old daughters hey i'm losing it, i'll give you candy"
"Kayleigh, Madeline chill or be chilled" Gil shouts from the front porch
"Yeah listen to him" sighs Catherine when her daughters walk up the family car "Sara? Oh"
"So Brooklyn isn't coming?" Gil asks "why?"
"Moving into her new apartment with Hank" Catherine replies
"Great with that" Gil said "yeah ok don't call him names, but she's still my little girl"
"She's twenty-two the same as i was when i was pregnant with her" Catherine said
"Yeah and i blinked" Gil replied "no more blinking"
Gil starts to walk away and can feel his wifes eyes on his back he turns back around to find Catherine was indeed staring at him.
"You were checking me out weren't you?" Gil asks
"Yes i was, you got a problem with that?" Catheine asks grinning
"Twelve kids later and we still have the heat" Gil remarks shaking his body to and frow
"Wohoo" Catherine bellows turning around and shaking her butt at her husband and walking into the house to finish her case notes and tidy the house.