The
5th ORDER
By Patrick Carter III
RADISH DISH – THE 987 LAWS OF THE JOKER WHO LIVES IN BIRMINGHAM ALABAMA
Before we start, there is one thing I want to clear up right away. If you have read the fourth order, you may understand this a little bit more, but there is hardly any difference. Just read on. You'll get something out of this, trust me.
WARNING: We wrote these disregarding English story-writing strategies. We're just trying to get a straight point to you, and If you see that, terrific.
Law #1: The many files of the Joker himself
Once there was a Joker who lived in a box. It was a big box covered in tape. Now he is not the kind of Joker you are probably thinking of. He's not some silly, cheap clown hired to amuse children, given a fake name for attraction. His actually name is Joker. Well, ok, not really. His real name is James K Oker, Joker for short.
The Joker was a very strange man who had very few friends, for he felt he did not need many. He took his box with him everywhere he went. Yes, he even brought it to the bathroom. He often felt the world was too crazy, out of control, beyond anything he could ever imagine. So he wrote 987 laws that he wished someday would apply to the world around him. It wasn't like he had anything better to do anyway.
This is a story about the Joker and his 987 laws, and what he got out of them. We now slide over to law #136.
Law #136: The man from Birmingham Alabama
Well, ok yes, he lived in Alabama, but what is the point of telling you that? What on earth does that do? What, so he lives in Alabama something horrible is going to happened due to like, I don't know the weather for example, and that changes the whole entire story? The location may matter in some stories, but not this one my friend.
Law #383: Rock paper scissors is NONSENSE
Ok, so if you are playing rock paper scissors and someone defeats you by "covering your rock with a paper", I get furious I'm telling you. How, just how is that possible? HOW DOES A PAPER, A FORMATION OF LEAVES INTO A FLAT RECTANGLE, COVER A ROCK, A PIECE OF RUBBLE LEFT BEHIND FROM THE ICE AGES, AND DESTROY IT? WHAT IS THERE SOME KIND OF PHYSICAL EQUATION YOU ARE YOUR TO SHOVE INTO MY FACE TO PROVE ME WRONG? IT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE! YOU KNOW WHAT? NEXT TIME SOMEONE DEFEATS MY ROCK WITH PAPER, I AM GOING TO PUNCH THEM IN THE FACE AND SAY "OH SORRY, I THOUGHT THE PAPER WOULD PROTECT YOU, STUPID"
Law #571: The yodawgyo spoiler
Sup dawg! We herd you like spoilers! So we put a spoiler on your spoiler so you can drive while Snape kills Dumbledore! (From: .com)
Law #639: Radish dish
So… yes the Joker lived in Birmingham Alabama. OK, he didn't really live there; everyone says he does because that sounds cooler. I mean, listen: "The Joker from Birmingham Alabama". Doesn't that sound so cool? I mean, if it was something like, "The Joker from Austin Texas" or something just wouldn't sound right.
The Joker actually lives on a small island called Radish Dish. What happened was, all of the hippies, critics, and jokers in the world were all thought to be mad and insane, and everyone hated them Because of this, they were all picked up by a large, purple spaceship and sent to a small island that geography teachers don't know about called Radish Dish. There, they all collaborate to bring each other to their senses, and the theory is that one day they will be normal and return to the real world.
Now I said earlier, the Joker was not actually a joker. So why would he be in Radish Dish? The answer to that my friend, is because the aliens in the spaceship thought he was a Joker. I mean, logically, if your name is Joker, you are most likely a Joker. James is not a Joker; he is a very nice man who was once happy. Well, at least that's what everyone says. The thought is that Joker was the happiest man alive before he was abducted by the aliens in the big purple spaceship to go to Radish Dish.
He lost everything that was once his; his pistachio collection, his house, and his radio. The amount of money he spent just to have that radio was insanely large. He loved pistachios, but didn't want them to disappear. So he collected them. His house was very nice and large. It was a really nice blue house covered in "pok-a-dots". Best of all, it was in the middle of the forest, where it was peaceful and quiet.
Anyway, the only way to get in and out of Radish Dish was the purple spaceship.
Law #987 – The end of a perfectly well written order
I mean seriously who cares. GOODBYE EVRYBODY!