It's All For You (made out of stardust)

by Eirenei

Lord Grim was picking up the pieces of Ye Xiu, from the very beginning.

It's All For You [made out of stardust]

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Disclaimer: I don't own either the characters or the song. I just../helpless shrug/. I've heard that song and from there on, it steamrolled down like it was going out of style. Also, I would really love if there were more fics in good old English in this fandom, so this is my part of doing my part to get this fandom more acknowledged by the readers worldwide.

Summary: Lord Grim was picking up the pieces of Ye Xiu, from the very beginning.

Warnings: First POV, generous (mis)representations of the game that is Glory, One Autumn Leaf is a baddie and utter shamelessness on Lord Grim's part.

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I'm gonna pick up the pieces

and build a Lego house
If things go wrong

we can knock it down

The first time I was awakened was to the bright voices chattering excitedly about the game and something called [Unspecialized]. I didn't have any name yet - I was more of a wisp, a mere presence in the system, basking in the radiance of my Creator.

There was a cigarette smoke slinking around me, the fingers skillfully molding me into something called character. Not that it was hard to do - I was pliable and even curious when I was reassembled like a house made of something called Lego pieces. I'm not remembering the process clearly anymore, but what I do remember, was that gentle warmth and the ever-present smoke coiling around me like some kind of an overly affectionate cat.

The beginning was hard, and I felt both exasperation and defeat of my Creator when we were bade to go through the beginning stages of the game. The beginner's quests were dull, repetitive and at times amusing when I saw the others fumble around in the quests I've been completing smoothly if not with ease.

It was not easy, not by far. My limbs were heavy, I was tired and sometimes, the movements I used were awkward, my Creator obviously used to manning much more advanced Avatar than my person. I was chagrined, but he bore with me, from one level to another, his presence never leaving, ever present, even when he was absent from the game.

My three words have two meanings

but there's one thing on my mind
It's all for you

I don't know when I've begun gaining conscience of my own. In some way, I was always aware of myself, even when I had been created. This awareness gradually became sharper, as if someone had been slowly but surely sharpening my previously fuzzed-out view of myself.

I felt my limbs. I felt the wind on my face, ruffling through the hair. I felt the cold and ice of being [Outside] with my Creator smoking one of his smoke sticks, looking at his back, so lonely silhouette against the lights of the city we were in.

He didn't notice me watching him. Later on, he didn't notice me walking alongside him, the weapon he gifted me with resting in my hand, ready willing and able to defend him… not that he needed it in that strange, violence-less world.

As an Avatar, I don't need drinks or food or even have any other needs like Creators have. Thus I spent the night - and any other thereafter - sitting on the bed and watching his sleeping face, a warm, unidentifiable feeling churning in my chest.

And it's dark in a cold December,

but I've got you to keep me warm
If you're broken I will mend ya

and keep you sheltered from the storm that's raging on,

Now

My Creator, he was broken. He could be amused, exasperated and much to the ire to others, extremely shameless in his - ours, really - maneuvers, but I knew the truth. He was broken. I knew that the second he created me, the loss in his heart a tiny, endless void. When we got that strange weapon [Myriad Chances Umbrella], the previously small void yawned its maw, an old, rotten dragon coiling around his heart.

I had panicked at first, but his heartbeat was steady, even if loneliness pervading my being was akin to the ice cold bath. I swore to myself, then and there, that I will find a way to keep him sheltered from the storm that was raging in his heart, somehow. I got him to keep me warm, thus this cold loneliness was an unpleasant surprise. Did he really think he didn't have anyone to rely on? What about me?

The loneliness became even bigger and colder when I saw his former Avatar.

One Autumn Leaf. The Battle God.

No wonder we've won so many battles, both with wits and on battlefields. He had been playing Glory for ten years. Ten long years. I shivered when I saw the monster on the screen, so very beautiful and at the same time dangerous, dancing over different terrains and both fighting - and winning - against other monsters of opponents. I couldn't fathom it.

Yet, he left this glorious Avatar behind and settled out to create me to pursue that strange dream of his.

My teeth clenched. I was still weak. Looking at that montage it made me aware how pitifully weak I still was. I got my fill of victories, and I was strong, yes, but my eyes had been opened.

I… wasn't the strongest.

And if I were? If I were the strongest, could I protect him from whatever calamity haunted him?

To heal his brokenness?

If that was the price, then I will become the strongest under the heavens and above hell.

That was my oath to him, the fire in my chest raging, and burning brighter and warmer than ever.

I'm out of touch,

I'm out of love
I'll pick you up

when you're getting down
And out of all these things I've done,

I think I love you better now

The one thing that frustrated me the most when I was aware that I could materialize to the [Outer] world outside the game, was that I couldn't touch him.

Watching his lonely back as he stared into the sea of city lights was a damnation I was subjected to each and every damn time. And it didn't help that across the street, there was the building where I knew for sure his old Avatar was being detained in.

Sometimes I wondered if he regretted leaving One Autumn Leaf behind. Because like it or now, I've seen that black and golden silhouette staring at him from the top of the Excellent Era's building - it's golden eyes were not calm and kind anymore, like they used to be when my Creator manned him, but full of wrath, anger and retribution. The Battle God looked like an abused dog on a chain, despite his majestic appearance, his bond with his new minder visibly taking a toll on him.

Aside a disdainful glare, he disregarded me, fully concentrating is wrathful gaze on my Creator. If he were able to fully materialize, I didn't doubt the Creator would be this monster's first prey to be skewered on [Evil Annihilation]. This moment was just about the single moment I was grateful we were unable to be manifested in this strange world in a corporeal sense.

I 'placed' my hands on my Creator's shoulders and glared back at One Autumn Leaf. I knew that he was feeling abandoned, but he had no rights, absolutely no rights to blame my - our Creator - not when the Creator still thought fondly of him!

I'm out of sight, I'm out of mind
I'll do it all for you in time
And out of all these things I've done,

I think I love you better now,

Now

Our reputation was the kind I wanted to both laugh and cry at.

One word: Shameless. Two words: Utterly shameless.

We were taking just about any damn advantage we could get to make ourselves stronger.I was taking just about any damn advantage, not caring about being called black-belly behind by back. Why would I even care about it? If I was about to compete with that insane monster of my Creator's former Avatar, then I damn well needed any advantage I could get my hands - or umbrella - on. In my opinion, being [Unspecialized] was just more polite name for being shameless.

I felt a pang of pity for Blue River and his Creator. Both of them were sincerely good people and it kind of pained me that I was shamelessly taking advantage of their goodness and innocent naivety. But if it was for him... Everything I've been doing, it was for him - then I didn't mind it the slightest.

The fire in my chest burned even brighter, the warmth changing into tiny pinpricks of pain clawing at the edges of my heart.

I'm gonna paint you by numbers

and colour you in
If things go right we can frame it

and put you on a wall
And it's so hard to say it

but I've been here before
Now I'll surrender up my heart

and swap it for yours.

The first time I've managed to materialize completely it was like walking through fire without any health potions. My skin burned. My muscles felt like dried out husks and my bones were probably ash-like powder, like I was being burned inside out and outside in with two different temperature settings.

This was... The worst. But seeing his eyes widen as he noticed me sitting on his bed - we've finished the Christmas challenge and both of us were dead tired - was worth all of the pain.

I managed a pained smile as he cautiously approached me, hurrying when I swayed on my feet. I would've crashed on the floor if he hadn't caught me and steered me to his bed, gently helping me to sit down, his touch trailing across my clothes as if in disbelief that I was in front of him in flesh.

He scolded me, but I didn't mind it. I could've listened to his voice, never mind his scoldings forever, if that was what it took to be with him.

Shaking his head with exasperation at my determined face, he mumbled something about me being too stubborn for my own good and carefully maneuvered me under the covers.

I was looking at his face, memorizing it so that if asked, I could've painted it's colors by numbers, so intense was my focus. Those gentle, yet sharp eyes One Autumn Leaf had before that disaster, his long, slender fingers that guided me through the challenges so confidently but always with charming gentleness, that quirk of lips when he was amused or exasperated, his hair…. His everything.

And in that moment, it felt like I swapped that warmth in my chest for his own.

Would I regret it? Probably. But right now, in his embrace, I couldn't find any reason to mind.

I'm out of touch,

I'm out of love
I'll pick you up

when you're getting down
And out of all these things I've done,

I think I love you better now

Complete materialization was a bitch and a half, but after our talk, he was more aware of my presence. I think he kind of spooked his boss what with talking to me when he was smoking outside on his breaks, but I didn't mind.

What I minded was that hunger for his touch. After I've experienced it for myself, I wanted more. And more. And even more. Being manned by him was all good, but being touched by him - a hand on my shoulder, a ruffle of my hair, or playful nudge at my ribs - were special kinds of treasures.

And this warmth in my chest trembled, curling and relaxing like a spoiled cat on its favorite sunspot.

I'm out of sight,

I'm out of mind
I'll do it all for you in time
And out of all these things I've done,

I think I love you better now

I was once again out of sight and out of mind when he was talking to Old Wei. Windward Formation was just as grumpy as his owner, and kind of amusing to needle about his 'relationship' with Old Wei.

But in Formation's eyes, there was the same hunger, and yawning loneliness I've noticed in mine when he looked at his own Creator.

I had to bite back a sardonic chuckle when I attracted his attention and he tried to behave as if everything was alright. But beneath those biting remarks and scathing quips...Wind Formation was just like me.

I looked at my Creator with undisguised affection in my eyes, and Wind Formation, who was ready to spit another bite out about Old Wei's cowardly habits, snapped his jaw shut, steel blue eyes wide.

"You too?" He asked me, his voice hushed with disbelief.

Smiling, I nodded.

He shook his head, as if having trouble computing this new tidbit of data.

"It's kind of impossible, you're too shameless."

Wow, how cruel. I didn't think I was so shameless to exceed the levels of shamelessness of my Creator.

My expression crumbled into a hurt one and I gave him a good dose of puppy eyes, causing his eyes to widen and him to backpedal at his comment and even apologizing for being rude.

After leaving him stew in his guilt for some more moments, I gifted him with my sunniest smile.

He stared, horrified, before tilting his hat deeper onto his eyes as to avoid eye contact with my person.

"I stand corrected. Too shameless by far."

Hey, that's not fair, taking your apology back after you so sincerely gave it to me!

(But he did lessen on his own denial about his feelings toward his own Creator, so I am still counting this one as a win.)

Don't hold me down,

I think the braces are breaking

and it's more than I can take

I wasn't happy when he played that...Unrivaled Super Hottie, and I was amused even less when he took up the guise of Enlightened Lord. I knew that this was all a part of strategy, but I couldn't help but feel peeved when he manned some other character than me.

Crossing over in those instances was a little bit easier, even if pain didn't lessen any.

I would've felt guilty for causing him to feel guilty seeing me out of breath and completely weak on his bed, but I was kind of preoccupied enjoying his affection.

Besides, it served him right. Who told him that he could play with others when he had me, anyway?

And it's dark in a cold December,

but I've got you to keep me warm
If you're broken I will mend ya

and keep you sheltered from the storm

that's raging on,

Now

One Autumn Leaf's eyes were on me, dark and narrow and supremely unhappy.

My creator already got back into the cafe, but I was still standing here, seemingly enjoying the evening cold.

I knew I would have to return back soon, but luckily for me, Little Tang had distracted him with some or other question, with Chen Guo jumping into their discussion rather rashly. Old Wei was in his own corner, Windward Formation nowhere to be seen.

I flashed the monster on the roof a dark smirk. Since being proclaimed the greatest [Boss] in history, I've amassed an ample experience. It was kind of funny to see One Autumn Leaf so helpless, just across the street, so close and so far, and yet, he was not being able to do anything.

But still. I raised my umbrella, pointing the tip against the dark silhouette on the roof, the lights catching on its silvered surface in myriad shades of colors.

The gesture was unmistakable.

I was coming for him, and I was coming for him, hard.

No one - not even the godlike One Autumn Leaf - was allowed to hurt my Creator.

I'm out of touch,

I'm out of love
I'll pick you up

when you're getting down
And out of all these things I've done,

I think I love you better now

The best moments were the ones when I was materialized in this strange world, curled against him as a big spoon when he was quietly telling me of his life.

How he had a younger brother.

His family.

His friends. Su Mucheng and her brother.

All those amusing anecdotes of trouble the three of them had gotten into when they were younger, before Su Muqiu's death.

It was kind of humbling and disheartening to hear that I was kind of Su Muqiu's legacy to the world, to Glory as it used to be, as it was.

I wanted to get out of this room, to walk those streets with him. This world, so strange, so full of lights and strange, noisy boxes that served as a transport through the city.

Someday, I will. With him.

But not now. Now, I was enjoying his presence, soaking in for those times when I will be back in the game, a plaything to his will.

I'm out of sight,

I'm out of mind,
I'll do it all for you in time
And out of all these things I've done,

I think I love you better now.

Sometimes, I envied the Avatars who didn't have such close connection to their Creators like I did with mine, They didn't have to deal with this kind of strange pains in their chests, but on the other hand, they also didn't have the luxury of experiencing that soothing warmth in the self-same location either.

Looking at Windward Formation, we knew what our next move would be. My lips stretched into dangerous grin as I looked over our prey. I could almost taste their frustration and helplessness in the face of our godlike wielders, and consequently, us. Soft Mist, Dancing Rain and One Inch Ash faithfully followed us, with Steaming Bun cheerfully aggravating his own pack of opponents something fierce.

Ahh, this was the life.

A gun barked out its load.

The umbrella changed.

And the game was on.

I'm out of touch,

I'm out of love
I'll pick you up when you're getting down

The screams were deafening.

I hadn't known that the Championship could be such a big deal - even my Creator, who was already three times consecutive winner, faltered and momentarily submitted to the lure of excitement, before calming himself down and continuing sniping at Old Wei, Old Wei giving back as good as he was given.

My lips quirked with amusement as [Myriad Chances Umbrella]changed its shape from tonfa to spear again, a successful Circle Swing making my momentary opponent how with dismayed fury.

I turned around and froze.

In front of me, there was One Autumn Leaf, his cold, ruthless eyes spearing my person like thousand knives.

Creator didn't move me. Once again, I felt cold, colder than I've ever been, even when I visited Creator's world.

But I moved. I could. Lifting up my spear, I made a beckoning motion.

It was time to settle old debts and grudges.

For him. And a moment later, there was a soft exclamation in my ear, barely hearable by anyone, but I knew.

I was an insane son of a bitch and I shouldn't have done that, not without Creator's will but when did that stop me?

(Before, always. Now? Not so.)

The warmth came back, blazing like fire and comets and I felt like my chest would burst with the excess of it.

And out of all these things I've done,

I will love you better now

We've won.

Windward Formation was extremely smug, just like his owner, even if he lectured me about using that in the match.

I didn't care. Well, I knew I would be lectured like there was no tomorrow, but I was and would remain unrepentant.

It was kind of a pure dumb luck we haven't been recorded, so our little secret was still that - a secret.

Though that didn't stop me from giving my Creator another kind of heart attack when I appeared in front of him in all of my glory and insisting he takes me out to a stroll around the town.

Of course he resisted.

(What he didn't know was that I had already anticipated his protests and managed to sneak into his duffel bag another pair of clothes and shoes for my person, so his little excuse of me being too eye-catching what with my Glory outfit was steamrolled from the very beginning.)

Laughing at his dumbfounded face, I grabbed him by his right wrist and tugged him out into the hot summer sunshine and hustle and bustle of the city. Dimly, I heard One Autumn's Leaf exasperated grumble and half-hearted threat that I would be drawn and quartered if anything happened to our Creator before he subsided back into his card.

(I wonder what kind of face - and threats - would he make if he knew I intended to kiss our Creator?)

/The End/