1 Author's note: Okay so I wrote this sooooo long ago . But I hope it's
still okay! And yeah! So please review! Oooh or even flame it! Flames are
amusing ^.~ Anyhoo, tell me whatcha think, I have continuing parts up, I
think they're better, but I dunno, Thankies!! *strikes a pose* Oooh yeah, I
dun own Digimon (well duh) and yeah! ~*Much huggles n luv to you all!*~
2
3 Prologue
A cool breeze surrounds my body as I stare off into the sea. I feel the mist of the sea gently kissing my face, the chill of the ocean washing up on my toes. I breathe imagining his face, his arms wrapped around me, his caress against my cheek, his clear blue eyes looking deep into mine, his spiked blonde hair tousled by the wind.
I had come here trying to forget him, to let the pure beauty of the sea and the sparkle of the white sand erase my memory of him, my memory of even the mere presence of him. The salty smell of the air to wipe out the smell of his cologne, the sound of the waves to make me forget the sound of his voice, everything around was supposed to make me forget…but why was I still holding on? Still I was dreaming of him, and instead of making me forget, being here seemed to make me remember, everything reminded me of him.
"You should always be true to what you know and feel Mimi. Too much of the time we all hide behind our faces which can lie just as easily as spoken words." He told me this so long ago and at the time, I never really thought much about it. He was always known to be the one who never showed his feelings, the one who hid behind a wall. But now that all is said and done, I realize that Matt was the only one of us who really was true to him self; it was all of us who were pretending and hiding our true feelings.
I close my eyes and breathe in deeply, letting the air stream through my hair, my memory was all that was left of something so beautiful, not even the natural beauty of the sea could compare. Though unlike the undying beauty of the sea, our relationship had come to a close. I couldn't say it was end; for nothing really ends, nor does my hope that someday we'll be back together. Until then I'll go on, dreaming, till the day when I see him next, that we won't have to say goodbye, we'll be together, Yamato Ishida and Mimi Tachikawa.
3.1 Part 1
Love was always a mystery to me, like one of those shining stars you gaze up at as a child and accept that it is there, but don't know why. But when I had met him, everything seemed to make sense. Tai; my childhood sweetheart.
Every time he would look at me with his puppy brown eyes, I knew everything would be okay; there was nothing in the world that could hurt me. Like a warm blanket and the hot fudge poured over sundae, our love came just as simple and sweet. But things changed, I don't think he even fully realized it at the time, but I noticed that our relationship was turning out to be nothing more than a simple friendship. He'd kiss me sometimes, but often they were so brotherly it hurt. Maybe we were just too young, or maybe I just loved him too much. When I told him I had to go away, he suggested we ended it, that maybe we could pick up again when I returned. It hurt, but I agreed with him, the sooner the better.
He wrote me everyday after that. His letters so simple and easygoing, it made me happy and just as sad all the same. He would ramble about his day, how he and Matt had got in an argument in the middle of a department store and ended up knocking over several of the mannequins-Sora had only giggled and apologized profusely to the store manager for ever bringing them shopping with her-Tai and Matt hated shopping anyway.
I laughed as I reread the letter. I was on the plane ride home, and my heart, or maybe more like my stomach, was filled with anxiety. It had been only been a year, but from everything Sora had told me over the phone, I felt as though I had missed a whole lifetime. That wasn't the only thing that bothered me though. Even if it had been a whole year, I wasn't sure if I was over him.
I clutched my pink carry-on bag till my knuckles turned white, biting my lip as I stared around the busy terminal full of people hauling luggage, greeting their families and friends, snoozing or waiting for late flights. For one dreadful second I feared they had all forgotten, or even worse, didn't care. That was until I saw them.
I first saw Kari sitting in one of tacky orange airport chairs, letting a brightly colored paper sign dangle between her fingers reading: "Hurray! Welcome home Mimi!!!!" written in bold marker. Everyone else stood and was chatting among each other and too looked around the terminal. I held my breath and started walking over to them. Of course, it was Sora who saw me first waving her arm frantically in the air while simultaneously running in my direction. Before I knew it, I was in a warm embrace of friendship when suddenly all of them were around me. I laughed between tears listening to the jumble of voices from everyone talking at once; it was then that I realized just how much I had missed everyone. It wasn't till everyone had quieted down that I noticed Matt standing off a little to the side. He smiled at me, but he had the queerest expression on his face, I tried as hard as I could to try to read into his thoughts but alas no avail. I couldn't help wondering if he missed me while I was gone, for I had never received a letter from him, though Matt and I had never been that close. He'd always been a friend but never before had I ever talked to him much, his silent equanimity always intimidated me, for I guess I never felt that I was deep enough to try to understand.
There had been only one time I really sat and talked to him but it was only for a moment, not long before I went away. I had just gotten out of my make up exams and walked along the empty hallways past the gym, listening to the echo of my footsteps, when I saw him through the small window in the gym door. He was sitting all alone on the edge of the stage, his legs hanging off the edge. It was hours after school had ended, and many of the other students were getting out their clubs and heading home, but he was still there. I remember he looked so lonely I couldn't have just walked by. I crept silently across the gym to his side; I didn't even think he had noticed me until I placed a hand on his shoulder. He jerked his head up and looked at me in a disoriented way. I could have cried from the look of anguish on his face, though it quickly dissolved when he focused on me.
"Hey…" He mused, some how, managing to keep his cool composure.
"Matt…what are you doing here?" I asked, trying to keep my voice as calm as his sounded, though it faltered.
He shrugged slightly before he leaned back resting his weight on his hands and looked at me. "Just thinking about some things."
"About what?" I asked, jumping up so I could too sit on the stage next to him. He must have read something on my face that told him I was worried, for his face softened slightly.
"It's nothing for you too be worried about Mimi. Lets just say," He paused looking thoughtful then turned back to me, "I'm writing another song." He half smiled then looking somewhat wistful as if he knew some secret that I couldn't possibly understand.
"It must be sad…" I whispered looking down at my hands. "For you looked so sad Matt. I would like to hear it though. Will you play it for me?"
He nodded offhandedly, "When it's done, maybe."
I smiled at this and jumped off the stage back onto my feet. I grabbed a hold of his hand and held onto it, forcing him to look at me. "Not maybe, definitely!"
"Definitely?"
"Ah see!" I giggled teasingly, "that's better! Now you have to read it to me!"
He laughed dryly at this not saying anything more, and then he stood up to leave, leaving me with my thoughts.
I never talked him again after that. The last time I saw him was when I said goodbye to everyone; and now, here he was.
I must have stared at him too long for her caught me looking at him and our eyes locked. His eyes alone seemed to speak volumes when his mouth spoke none. Everything around me seemed to vanish but his eyes. They were like getting a glimpse of the bluest sea and just as deep. Why hadn't I ever noticed those eyes before?
Tai's voice cut into my thoughts and I watched, somewhat disappointedly, as Matt looked away fixing his gaze elsewhere.
"Man Mimi you look great!" Tai's cheerful voice rang out as he wrapped me in a warm embrace. A slight blush rose to my cheeks and I smiled brightly; though I wasn't sure whether or not he was teasing.
"Wow Tai," I laughed slightly, "your taste HAS improved, and here I thought only your looks had."
He faked a scowl at me; in return I just stuck my tongue out at him.
"It's true though Tai," I glowed leaning into him. "You have improved, you look just like a handsome prince, someone from a fairy tale."
His eyes looked amused by my remark and a sly grin creeped up on his face. "And you Mimi, as always, seem like a princess."
I laughed at this throwing my arms around him once more; even though I had missed him unbearable I could never be sad around him. I blushed slightly though when it occurred to me he'd been holding me for a little too long. I pulled away and smiled sneaking small peeks at him while everyone continued on chatting. For when I had said his looks had improved I wasn't kidding. Tai had grown up considerably since I had last seen him. Everything about him still looked very much the same but his face had grown more masculine looking, along with his shoulders and arms, and he was a great deal more handsome. He still had his wild mass of dark brown hair, but the way it just barely fell into his eyes gave him a very appealing look. I had to bite my lip to snap me back into reality. He's not mine any more remember? I shouldn't think of Tai in such a way.
"Hey Mimi!" Kari beamed. "Notice anything different about me?"
I looked down to see Kari smiling in a shy but mischievous way. I didn't notice it at first, but Kari had grown up quite a bit while I was away. Her hair curled flatteringly under her chin and long dark lashes brushed her defined cheeks. I smiled at her before answering. "Yes Kari you look lovely, you're practically all grown up now! I bet the guys can't keep away from you." She giggled at this and then I leaned in closer to her to whisper in her ear. "Has Takeru asked you out yet?"
I watched as Kari turned beet red and cast her eyes to the floor. "Not yet."
I giggled at this before I added, "maybe I can do some influencing hmm?"
Later, during the drive to my home, I had secretly overheard from Izzy and T.K talking that there would be a surprise party for me later that night. And what a party it turned out to be! A giddy almost drunk feeling seemed to come over me the minute I sauntered into Sora's apartment. All of my dear friends were crammed in there including all the people I knew from school, even Jyou who wasn't the biggest fan of huge get togethers, had come just for me. It wasn't long before people welcoming me home surrounded me.
"Aren't you glad your back?" Sora giggled putting an arm around my shoulder. "Who else would throw you such a great party?"
"Oh Sora! You're the best!" I cried hugging her. I felt warm tears come to my eyes but I quickly stopped them so they wouldn't ruin the hours of preparation I had put into my looks. I didn't know of anyone who had been more vigilant then I was when it came to getting ready. I had spent all my free time between coming home and coming here, by soaking in perfumed bath water followed by delicately painting my nails, spending endless minutes painting my face with makeup and curling my pink hair eloquently. My dress was short, black with pink sheer ruffles floating down barely touching mid thigh. I don't think there was a guy in the room who didn't take notice of me almost immediately. It was Tai though who won my attention.
He was the first who broke through the crowd to get to me. He wrapped his strong arms around my waist and swung me around.
"Welcome home Mimi." He said in my ear, for the room had suddenly grown louder from music and people laughing and talking. He looked to see if I was pleased and smiled big at me in his own charming, yet goofy way, when he saw that I was giggling.
Out of habit I placed a quick kiss on his cheek and gazed coyly up at him through my long lashes. He kissed me back eagerly and then picked me and spun me some more.
"Please don't!" I giggled. "If I throw up on Sora's carpet she'll kill me!"
He laughed and put me down. "Oh yeah that's right, Sora was looking for ya!"
"Oooh, okay! I'll be back though." I said casting a quick wink over my shoulder before I disappeared into the crowd.
I searched all over but I couldn't find her anywhere. I walked around on the tips of my toes trying to get a peek above everyone's heads to see where she had gone. I should have been paying attention to where I was going, but instead I tripped and crash-landed right on top of someone.
"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry!" I cried out somewhat embarrassed, as I tried to climb off of the poor guy I fell on. Still kneeling, I watched as he sat up and to my utmost horror I realized who it was. Matt sat up shaking his head a little before finally focusing his eyes on me. I bit my bottom lip for some reason I felt more than just a little embarrassed. His gaze drifted from my face down to my dress, up to my hair, and then he stared into my eyes. I could feel myself flush bright red under his gaze, making me want to look down, but somehow I couldn't make myself look away from those intense fiery blue eyes.
A cool smile flowed across his face as he raised an eyebrow at me before he stood up and brushed himself off. Only then did he offer a hand to me.
I held my breath as I took his hand letting him slowly raise me off the ground. His fingertips just barely lingered on my hand, but I could feel the soft warmth of them. I looked up into his face and for a brief second I saw a flicker of something in his eyes. Longing? I blinked a few times feeling confused, but when I looked again whatever it was I saw, was gone.
"You alright?" He asked looking down into my face. I felt as though I had just run a marathon my heart was beating so fast.
"I-I'm fine!" I stammered, really having to force myself to look and sound casual. Unfortunately for me, I had a horrible habit of stuttering whenever I got nervous, and of course then, I was feeling incredibly nervous. "I'm actually totally glad that I ran into you! Err…that is I didn't mean to actually run into you, but I mean, well ya know right?" I ended lamely, and tried to giggle off some of my embarrassment while inwardly I kicked myself. It wouldn't have been so bad if he had stopped looking at me.
"Right," He laughed faintly. "I get the point."
I would have continued to feel stupid when it had suddenly occurred to me that I had actually made him laugh. Well, I did kind of.
"I am really glad you came though." I said, shyly smiling at him while looking through lowered lashes.
I noticed his lips curved up a little bit into a half way smile as I said this. He actually looked really cute when he smiled.
"Yeah, well actually Mimi I just wanted to…"
I took a step closer to him as he spoke for the volume in the room seemed to increase. I was close enough to him to be able to smell the cologne that drifted off him, a soft musky scent that reminded me of rain, and a chance to really study his face. His hair spiked out in every direction and cast flattering shadows on his face. Maybe I had moved a little too close or maybe I was starring at him to intently for, I wasn't sure whether or not it was my imagination, but somehow he looked a little self-conscious as his eyes met mine. Never before had I seen them look the way they did then, they actually seemed soft; I could almost see into them past the reflection of myself I could see. It could have been lights, or maybe just the atmosphere of the music playing and the din of people talking in the back round, but somehow I felt like a spell had been cast and time had frozen just for the two of us.
I never got to hear what Matt was going to say, for out of the blue, Tai appeared, breaking the spell that I never wanted to end.
"Yo Matt! Mimi!" He yelled cheerfully. He came up to me and wrapped his arms around my waist in a playful way and to my disbelief, planted a kiss on my cheek.
"This has been a great party Mimi!" He beamed. I smiled back at him glad he was happy, but Matt didn't seem to look at all too pleased.
His eyes glanced briefly at Tai and his arm around my waist, then his eyes rested back on me. I could have sworn that an angry, even jealous look seemed to play hide and seek in his eyes, for the softness they had held only moments before were gone. It was then when he reached in his pocket and took out a yellow folded piece of lined paper and tossed it at me.
"Here Mimi, this is for you." He spoke almost coldly, and no longer looked my way, "Welcome home." Then he stormed off. His words left me feeling confused and shaken. I could do nothing but cling to that paper and watch as he disappeared into the mass of people. Tai of course didn't notice that awkward feeling in that air that was so clear to me.
"So Mimi,"
I turned my attention back to Tai and painted a happy smile on my face. "Yes?"
"I've been thinking." He said hesitantly. I then took notice of how Tai actually looked a little nervous. His dark brows furrowed together in worry and his brown eyes seemed as though they were a whirlpool of emotions. "Could we possibly talk somewhere?"
I smiled at him suddenly feeling a bit relieved that we could go get some fresh air, and agreed to let him walk with me outside onto the balcony. The air felt cool, and few clouds were rolling in the sky, a perfect night indeed. I turned, leaning against the railing, to look over at Tai. He looked so unguarded and vulnerable, as if the fate of the world were on his shoulders.
"Tai, are you okay?"
"Mimi," He started as he leaned against the railing and looked off at the city lights. "I thought a lot about you while you were away."
"Oh yeah…" I murmured, a strange feeling had come over me and suddenly this whole conversation was beginning to feel too surreal.
"It just seemed that after you left," Tai continued. "Nothing was really the same. Sora had tried to keep everyone together but whenever we were, something was missing…I know it was because you weren't there."
I was really beginning to blush then, suddenly having a hard time thinking of something to say.
"Is that the only reason you missed me?"
I looked over at him and I could tell just how nervous he was; I was feeling exactly the same way.
He coughed and rubbed the back of his neck, his eyes starring down. "Well I guess that's not the only reason, I just well…Heh, I'm no good at this."
I began to fidget with my hair when I heard the sound of something falling to the ground when I remembered the note Matt had given me. I leaned down and picked it up, and slowly unfolded it to read its contents.
"He' remembered…" I whispered as my eyes scanned the folded sheet. I couldn't stop my hands from shaking; so many emotions seemed to tear at me all at once as I read the contents of it over again:
You've been alone for a long time
You wonder if things are really gonna be okay
Just how long does it take to make the pain go away?
Like being lost in the darkness
When will I see the light?
Like falling tears in the ocean
Once you loose them
You can never find them again.
Will it always be like this?
Does anyone really care?
When dreams are shattered
How does the light shine through?
You keep searching for someone
You find her
You don't know what to do
Is she sincere?
Is she the one for you?
Can her soft eyes lead you to the light?
Or are you…separated…like day and night
Like being lost in the darkness
When will I see the light?
Like falling tears in the ocean
Once you loose them
You can never find them again.
Will it always be like this?
Or will she…really care?
Mimi,
I'm sorry I never wrote you while you were gone, I just didn't know what to say. I know that's a lame excuse but it's all I got. I hope you can look past that and know that I did think of you. I know you probably don't remember this, but this is the song I wrote that I said I'd let you hear. It's not my best, and I never did finish it, but hey, I kept my word right? (Though I would prefer it if you'd keep this to yourself, I'm sure you of all people understand why.) Thanks for being an awesome friend, and even though I didn't write to you personally, you've truly inspired me to write many great things. You are a wonderful person and I'm seriously glad your back. Welcome home Mimi.
Ishida, Yamato "Matt"
It was so beautiful. No boy had ever written me anything like that before. Tiny trickles slipped down my cheeks. Matt actually thought of me? But why didn't he ever say anything before. And most of all, why me? I always thought Matt hated me.
At that moment I wanted nothing more than to run to him and wrap my arms tightly around him and never let go. That was the most he had ever said to me, and I knew, was more about himself than he's ever said to anyone. But just thinking about him caused my heart to race. My fingers shook slightly as I bit my lip and prayed Tai wasn't worrying.
When I finally began to calm down I noticed Tai had kneeled in front of me with a look of helplessness on his face. I began to feel bad for him, for me. For in his eyes his feelings were so evident he didn't have to tell me anything, I already knew. I love you too Tai, but please don't love me too much, I'm suddenly confused now. I should be happy Tai wants me back, but there's something about Matt. What was I going to do?
2
3 Prologue
A cool breeze surrounds my body as I stare off into the sea. I feel the mist of the sea gently kissing my face, the chill of the ocean washing up on my toes. I breathe imagining his face, his arms wrapped around me, his caress against my cheek, his clear blue eyes looking deep into mine, his spiked blonde hair tousled by the wind.
I had come here trying to forget him, to let the pure beauty of the sea and the sparkle of the white sand erase my memory of him, my memory of even the mere presence of him. The salty smell of the air to wipe out the smell of his cologne, the sound of the waves to make me forget the sound of his voice, everything around was supposed to make me forget…but why was I still holding on? Still I was dreaming of him, and instead of making me forget, being here seemed to make me remember, everything reminded me of him.
"You should always be true to what you know and feel Mimi. Too much of the time we all hide behind our faces which can lie just as easily as spoken words." He told me this so long ago and at the time, I never really thought much about it. He was always known to be the one who never showed his feelings, the one who hid behind a wall. But now that all is said and done, I realize that Matt was the only one of us who really was true to him self; it was all of us who were pretending and hiding our true feelings.
I close my eyes and breathe in deeply, letting the air stream through my hair, my memory was all that was left of something so beautiful, not even the natural beauty of the sea could compare. Though unlike the undying beauty of the sea, our relationship had come to a close. I couldn't say it was end; for nothing really ends, nor does my hope that someday we'll be back together. Until then I'll go on, dreaming, till the day when I see him next, that we won't have to say goodbye, we'll be together, Yamato Ishida and Mimi Tachikawa.
3.1 Part 1
Love was always a mystery to me, like one of those shining stars you gaze up at as a child and accept that it is there, but don't know why. But when I had met him, everything seemed to make sense. Tai; my childhood sweetheart.
Every time he would look at me with his puppy brown eyes, I knew everything would be okay; there was nothing in the world that could hurt me. Like a warm blanket and the hot fudge poured over sundae, our love came just as simple and sweet. But things changed, I don't think he even fully realized it at the time, but I noticed that our relationship was turning out to be nothing more than a simple friendship. He'd kiss me sometimes, but often they were so brotherly it hurt. Maybe we were just too young, or maybe I just loved him too much. When I told him I had to go away, he suggested we ended it, that maybe we could pick up again when I returned. It hurt, but I agreed with him, the sooner the better.
He wrote me everyday after that. His letters so simple and easygoing, it made me happy and just as sad all the same. He would ramble about his day, how he and Matt had got in an argument in the middle of a department store and ended up knocking over several of the mannequins-Sora had only giggled and apologized profusely to the store manager for ever bringing them shopping with her-Tai and Matt hated shopping anyway.
I laughed as I reread the letter. I was on the plane ride home, and my heart, or maybe more like my stomach, was filled with anxiety. It had been only been a year, but from everything Sora had told me over the phone, I felt as though I had missed a whole lifetime. That wasn't the only thing that bothered me though. Even if it had been a whole year, I wasn't sure if I was over him.
I clutched my pink carry-on bag till my knuckles turned white, biting my lip as I stared around the busy terminal full of people hauling luggage, greeting their families and friends, snoozing or waiting for late flights. For one dreadful second I feared they had all forgotten, or even worse, didn't care. That was until I saw them.
I first saw Kari sitting in one of tacky orange airport chairs, letting a brightly colored paper sign dangle between her fingers reading: "Hurray! Welcome home Mimi!!!!" written in bold marker. Everyone else stood and was chatting among each other and too looked around the terminal. I held my breath and started walking over to them. Of course, it was Sora who saw me first waving her arm frantically in the air while simultaneously running in my direction. Before I knew it, I was in a warm embrace of friendship when suddenly all of them were around me. I laughed between tears listening to the jumble of voices from everyone talking at once; it was then that I realized just how much I had missed everyone. It wasn't till everyone had quieted down that I noticed Matt standing off a little to the side. He smiled at me, but he had the queerest expression on his face, I tried as hard as I could to try to read into his thoughts but alas no avail. I couldn't help wondering if he missed me while I was gone, for I had never received a letter from him, though Matt and I had never been that close. He'd always been a friend but never before had I ever talked to him much, his silent equanimity always intimidated me, for I guess I never felt that I was deep enough to try to understand.
There had been only one time I really sat and talked to him but it was only for a moment, not long before I went away. I had just gotten out of my make up exams and walked along the empty hallways past the gym, listening to the echo of my footsteps, when I saw him through the small window in the gym door. He was sitting all alone on the edge of the stage, his legs hanging off the edge. It was hours after school had ended, and many of the other students were getting out their clubs and heading home, but he was still there. I remember he looked so lonely I couldn't have just walked by. I crept silently across the gym to his side; I didn't even think he had noticed me until I placed a hand on his shoulder. He jerked his head up and looked at me in a disoriented way. I could have cried from the look of anguish on his face, though it quickly dissolved when he focused on me.
"Hey…" He mused, some how, managing to keep his cool composure.
"Matt…what are you doing here?" I asked, trying to keep my voice as calm as his sounded, though it faltered.
He shrugged slightly before he leaned back resting his weight on his hands and looked at me. "Just thinking about some things."
"About what?" I asked, jumping up so I could too sit on the stage next to him. He must have read something on my face that told him I was worried, for his face softened slightly.
"It's nothing for you too be worried about Mimi. Lets just say," He paused looking thoughtful then turned back to me, "I'm writing another song." He half smiled then looking somewhat wistful as if he knew some secret that I couldn't possibly understand.
"It must be sad…" I whispered looking down at my hands. "For you looked so sad Matt. I would like to hear it though. Will you play it for me?"
He nodded offhandedly, "When it's done, maybe."
I smiled at this and jumped off the stage back onto my feet. I grabbed a hold of his hand and held onto it, forcing him to look at me. "Not maybe, definitely!"
"Definitely?"
"Ah see!" I giggled teasingly, "that's better! Now you have to read it to me!"
He laughed dryly at this not saying anything more, and then he stood up to leave, leaving me with my thoughts.
I never talked him again after that. The last time I saw him was when I said goodbye to everyone; and now, here he was.
I must have stared at him too long for her caught me looking at him and our eyes locked. His eyes alone seemed to speak volumes when his mouth spoke none. Everything around me seemed to vanish but his eyes. They were like getting a glimpse of the bluest sea and just as deep. Why hadn't I ever noticed those eyes before?
Tai's voice cut into my thoughts and I watched, somewhat disappointedly, as Matt looked away fixing his gaze elsewhere.
"Man Mimi you look great!" Tai's cheerful voice rang out as he wrapped me in a warm embrace. A slight blush rose to my cheeks and I smiled brightly; though I wasn't sure whether or not he was teasing.
"Wow Tai," I laughed slightly, "your taste HAS improved, and here I thought only your looks had."
He faked a scowl at me; in return I just stuck my tongue out at him.
"It's true though Tai," I glowed leaning into him. "You have improved, you look just like a handsome prince, someone from a fairy tale."
His eyes looked amused by my remark and a sly grin creeped up on his face. "And you Mimi, as always, seem like a princess."
I laughed at this throwing my arms around him once more; even though I had missed him unbearable I could never be sad around him. I blushed slightly though when it occurred to me he'd been holding me for a little too long. I pulled away and smiled sneaking small peeks at him while everyone continued on chatting. For when I had said his looks had improved I wasn't kidding. Tai had grown up considerably since I had last seen him. Everything about him still looked very much the same but his face had grown more masculine looking, along with his shoulders and arms, and he was a great deal more handsome. He still had his wild mass of dark brown hair, but the way it just barely fell into his eyes gave him a very appealing look. I had to bite my lip to snap me back into reality. He's not mine any more remember? I shouldn't think of Tai in such a way.
"Hey Mimi!" Kari beamed. "Notice anything different about me?"
I looked down to see Kari smiling in a shy but mischievous way. I didn't notice it at first, but Kari had grown up quite a bit while I was away. Her hair curled flatteringly under her chin and long dark lashes brushed her defined cheeks. I smiled at her before answering. "Yes Kari you look lovely, you're practically all grown up now! I bet the guys can't keep away from you." She giggled at this and then I leaned in closer to her to whisper in her ear. "Has Takeru asked you out yet?"
I watched as Kari turned beet red and cast her eyes to the floor. "Not yet."
I giggled at this before I added, "maybe I can do some influencing hmm?"
Later, during the drive to my home, I had secretly overheard from Izzy and T.K talking that there would be a surprise party for me later that night. And what a party it turned out to be! A giddy almost drunk feeling seemed to come over me the minute I sauntered into Sora's apartment. All of my dear friends were crammed in there including all the people I knew from school, even Jyou who wasn't the biggest fan of huge get togethers, had come just for me. It wasn't long before people welcoming me home surrounded me.
"Aren't you glad your back?" Sora giggled putting an arm around my shoulder. "Who else would throw you such a great party?"
"Oh Sora! You're the best!" I cried hugging her. I felt warm tears come to my eyes but I quickly stopped them so they wouldn't ruin the hours of preparation I had put into my looks. I didn't know of anyone who had been more vigilant then I was when it came to getting ready. I had spent all my free time between coming home and coming here, by soaking in perfumed bath water followed by delicately painting my nails, spending endless minutes painting my face with makeup and curling my pink hair eloquently. My dress was short, black with pink sheer ruffles floating down barely touching mid thigh. I don't think there was a guy in the room who didn't take notice of me almost immediately. It was Tai though who won my attention.
He was the first who broke through the crowd to get to me. He wrapped his strong arms around my waist and swung me around.
"Welcome home Mimi." He said in my ear, for the room had suddenly grown louder from music and people laughing and talking. He looked to see if I was pleased and smiled big at me in his own charming, yet goofy way, when he saw that I was giggling.
Out of habit I placed a quick kiss on his cheek and gazed coyly up at him through my long lashes. He kissed me back eagerly and then picked me and spun me some more.
"Please don't!" I giggled. "If I throw up on Sora's carpet she'll kill me!"
He laughed and put me down. "Oh yeah that's right, Sora was looking for ya!"
"Oooh, okay! I'll be back though." I said casting a quick wink over my shoulder before I disappeared into the crowd.
I searched all over but I couldn't find her anywhere. I walked around on the tips of my toes trying to get a peek above everyone's heads to see where she had gone. I should have been paying attention to where I was going, but instead I tripped and crash-landed right on top of someone.
"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry!" I cried out somewhat embarrassed, as I tried to climb off of the poor guy I fell on. Still kneeling, I watched as he sat up and to my utmost horror I realized who it was. Matt sat up shaking his head a little before finally focusing his eyes on me. I bit my bottom lip for some reason I felt more than just a little embarrassed. His gaze drifted from my face down to my dress, up to my hair, and then he stared into my eyes. I could feel myself flush bright red under his gaze, making me want to look down, but somehow I couldn't make myself look away from those intense fiery blue eyes.
A cool smile flowed across his face as he raised an eyebrow at me before he stood up and brushed himself off. Only then did he offer a hand to me.
I held my breath as I took his hand letting him slowly raise me off the ground. His fingertips just barely lingered on my hand, but I could feel the soft warmth of them. I looked up into his face and for a brief second I saw a flicker of something in his eyes. Longing? I blinked a few times feeling confused, but when I looked again whatever it was I saw, was gone.
"You alright?" He asked looking down into my face. I felt as though I had just run a marathon my heart was beating so fast.
"I-I'm fine!" I stammered, really having to force myself to look and sound casual. Unfortunately for me, I had a horrible habit of stuttering whenever I got nervous, and of course then, I was feeling incredibly nervous. "I'm actually totally glad that I ran into you! Err…that is I didn't mean to actually run into you, but I mean, well ya know right?" I ended lamely, and tried to giggle off some of my embarrassment while inwardly I kicked myself. It wouldn't have been so bad if he had stopped looking at me.
"Right," He laughed faintly. "I get the point."
I would have continued to feel stupid when it had suddenly occurred to me that I had actually made him laugh. Well, I did kind of.
"I am really glad you came though." I said, shyly smiling at him while looking through lowered lashes.
I noticed his lips curved up a little bit into a half way smile as I said this. He actually looked really cute when he smiled.
"Yeah, well actually Mimi I just wanted to…"
I took a step closer to him as he spoke for the volume in the room seemed to increase. I was close enough to him to be able to smell the cologne that drifted off him, a soft musky scent that reminded me of rain, and a chance to really study his face. His hair spiked out in every direction and cast flattering shadows on his face. Maybe I had moved a little too close or maybe I was starring at him to intently for, I wasn't sure whether or not it was my imagination, but somehow he looked a little self-conscious as his eyes met mine. Never before had I seen them look the way they did then, they actually seemed soft; I could almost see into them past the reflection of myself I could see. It could have been lights, or maybe just the atmosphere of the music playing and the din of people talking in the back round, but somehow I felt like a spell had been cast and time had frozen just for the two of us.
I never got to hear what Matt was going to say, for out of the blue, Tai appeared, breaking the spell that I never wanted to end.
"Yo Matt! Mimi!" He yelled cheerfully. He came up to me and wrapped his arms around my waist in a playful way and to my disbelief, planted a kiss on my cheek.
"This has been a great party Mimi!" He beamed. I smiled back at him glad he was happy, but Matt didn't seem to look at all too pleased.
His eyes glanced briefly at Tai and his arm around my waist, then his eyes rested back on me. I could have sworn that an angry, even jealous look seemed to play hide and seek in his eyes, for the softness they had held only moments before were gone. It was then when he reached in his pocket and took out a yellow folded piece of lined paper and tossed it at me.
"Here Mimi, this is for you." He spoke almost coldly, and no longer looked my way, "Welcome home." Then he stormed off. His words left me feeling confused and shaken. I could do nothing but cling to that paper and watch as he disappeared into the mass of people. Tai of course didn't notice that awkward feeling in that air that was so clear to me.
"So Mimi,"
I turned my attention back to Tai and painted a happy smile on my face. "Yes?"
"I've been thinking." He said hesitantly. I then took notice of how Tai actually looked a little nervous. His dark brows furrowed together in worry and his brown eyes seemed as though they were a whirlpool of emotions. "Could we possibly talk somewhere?"
I smiled at him suddenly feeling a bit relieved that we could go get some fresh air, and agreed to let him walk with me outside onto the balcony. The air felt cool, and few clouds were rolling in the sky, a perfect night indeed. I turned, leaning against the railing, to look over at Tai. He looked so unguarded and vulnerable, as if the fate of the world were on his shoulders.
"Tai, are you okay?"
"Mimi," He started as he leaned against the railing and looked off at the city lights. "I thought a lot about you while you were away."
"Oh yeah…" I murmured, a strange feeling had come over me and suddenly this whole conversation was beginning to feel too surreal.
"It just seemed that after you left," Tai continued. "Nothing was really the same. Sora had tried to keep everyone together but whenever we were, something was missing…I know it was because you weren't there."
I was really beginning to blush then, suddenly having a hard time thinking of something to say.
"Is that the only reason you missed me?"
I looked over at him and I could tell just how nervous he was; I was feeling exactly the same way.
He coughed and rubbed the back of his neck, his eyes starring down. "Well I guess that's not the only reason, I just well…Heh, I'm no good at this."
I began to fidget with my hair when I heard the sound of something falling to the ground when I remembered the note Matt had given me. I leaned down and picked it up, and slowly unfolded it to read its contents.
"He' remembered…" I whispered as my eyes scanned the folded sheet. I couldn't stop my hands from shaking; so many emotions seemed to tear at me all at once as I read the contents of it over again:
You've been alone for a long time
You wonder if things are really gonna be okay
Just how long does it take to make the pain go away?
Like being lost in the darkness
When will I see the light?
Like falling tears in the ocean
Once you loose them
You can never find them again.
Will it always be like this?
Does anyone really care?
When dreams are shattered
How does the light shine through?
You keep searching for someone
You find her
You don't know what to do
Is she sincere?
Is she the one for you?
Can her soft eyes lead you to the light?
Or are you…separated…like day and night
Like being lost in the darkness
When will I see the light?
Like falling tears in the ocean
Once you loose them
You can never find them again.
Will it always be like this?
Or will she…really care?
Mimi,
I'm sorry I never wrote you while you were gone, I just didn't know what to say. I know that's a lame excuse but it's all I got. I hope you can look past that and know that I did think of you. I know you probably don't remember this, but this is the song I wrote that I said I'd let you hear. It's not my best, and I never did finish it, but hey, I kept my word right? (Though I would prefer it if you'd keep this to yourself, I'm sure you of all people understand why.) Thanks for being an awesome friend, and even though I didn't write to you personally, you've truly inspired me to write many great things. You are a wonderful person and I'm seriously glad your back. Welcome home Mimi.
Ishida, Yamato "Matt"
It was so beautiful. No boy had ever written me anything like that before. Tiny trickles slipped down my cheeks. Matt actually thought of me? But why didn't he ever say anything before. And most of all, why me? I always thought Matt hated me.
At that moment I wanted nothing more than to run to him and wrap my arms tightly around him and never let go. That was the most he had ever said to me, and I knew, was more about himself than he's ever said to anyone. But just thinking about him caused my heart to race. My fingers shook slightly as I bit my lip and prayed Tai wasn't worrying.
When I finally began to calm down I noticed Tai had kneeled in front of me with a look of helplessness on his face. I began to feel bad for him, for me. For in his eyes his feelings were so evident he didn't have to tell me anything, I already knew. I love you too Tai, but please don't love me too much, I'm suddenly confused now. I should be happy Tai wants me back, but there's something about Matt. What was I going to do?