"Love doesn't exist." Howard sunk on to the couch in Leonard and Sheldon's apartment, with this sordid declaration arousing the attention for all who were gathered for the gang's usual dinner.
"And you're only realizing this now? Love is just a feeling brought about by a series of chemicals in our brain that trick us into being loyal to those with whom we choose to procreate." Sheldon didn't even look up from his Chinese take-out, and as soon as he was finished speaking he resumed eating.
"What happened Howard? Bad day?" Penny asked, clearly ready to use her expertise to help.
"I've just been thinking a lot about stuff...about women and how they treat me. I don't think one woman has ever been in love with me."
"Don't worry Howard. It took me a long time before I found Penny..." Leonard drifted off, remembering his rejected 'I love you' to the woman earlier this year and he uncomfortably looked over to her. Penny shifted in her seat, also looking at Leonard but not making eye contact. "I mean, what I'm trying to say is that it took me a long time before I found a woman I really cared about, so you shouldn't give up because of a few bad experiences."
"Exactly!" Penny chimed in "Especially since you guys are geeks, it'll take a little longer to find 'the one'. Your relationship with Bernadette lasted a long time, so you should be proud of that."
"But she didn't really like me." Howard let his shoulders slump and he lifelessly reached forward for his Chinese take-out.
"She did so! She never shut up about you! What are you talking about? " Penny yelled.
"I don't know; just the feelings of a socially-retarded geek." Howard fell into the couch and opened his take-out and proceeded to dig in.
"I think I'm missing something here. What exactly brought this up?" Sheldon curiously turned his head towards Howard.
"I'm just feeling especially downtrodden today" Howard replied in between bites "Because I was turned down by a woman in a wheelchair."
"They have standards too." Penny caustically shot, internally reeling from the implication that Howard suggested that she called him socially-retarded.
"I know they're people too, but this woman was so low, and I couldn't even get her."
"And how does this segue into your assertion that love doesn't exist?" Sheldon asked, his eyes trained on Howard.
"Because this made me realize that I've only been going after women because I wanted a girlfriend. I want someone to be there for me so badly that I never even tried for compatibility. Am I so shallow that I only go for a body?"
Leonard interjected "There's nothing wrong with that-"
"But that's not love." Howard shot back. "So, I thought back to all the women that ever agreed to date me on a long term basis and I realized that all of us had nothing in common except physicality. That made me really depressed - isn't there a woman out there who I find attractive and have something in common with?" Howard stared into the take-out box on his lap during his entire speech.
"If Sheldon found someone that's his freakin' duplicate in a female body, you should be fine." Penny said after a moment.
Howard looked up and grinned."You're right Penny. Thanks." he chose to refrain from his trademark come-on for Leonard's sake.
"I love you" a soft voice whispered in his ear, and softer hands pressed against his head cupping his ear. It was from Raj on his right, a usual silent participant in the dinner conversation when Penny was present. The warm breath was a usual feeling on his ear, but the words were new.
However, without missing a beat Howard replied publicly "Thanks Raj, but that's not exactly what I mean."
"I mean it though. I really love you." Raj had collapsed his hands from the usual distant whispering pose, and now his lips were threatening to touch his ear. Suddenly, the hands left Howard's cheek, and Raj sat up straight.
"That's really not necessary Raj." Howard turned to look at Raj, who was beet red. Seeing his face, it hit Howard instantly that Raj was talking about real, romantic love. "Wait, what are you talking about-"
Raj cupped Howard's ear again and whispered softly "I realized it awhile back. I just wanted to let you know because I thought it might cheer you up."
"How would this cheer me up? I really don't understand-" Again, the hands collapsed and Raj's lips were nibbling at Howard's earlobe. Gently, the man began to suckle at Howard's ear, the intensity growing with each nibble. Howard's whole body froze up, as his mind was struggling to keep up with what was happening. However, his body betrayed his mind and the initial stiffness from Howard grew to ecstasy. His face grew hot and his palms sweaty, with the sweet feel of Raj's lips on his ear. Before he could let himself go, he realized that there was no way in hell Raj's hands were hiding what was going on from the rest of the room. A quick glance to Penny indicated his fears were true, as her incredulous look to Howard was enough to make him push Raj away. He looked to Leonard, who's jaw was slack, and once again to Penny who's eyebrow was quickly raised.
"Howard, what did Raj say?" Sheldon broke the ice. Howard couldn't believe this man. Either his vantage point of being on the same couch as the action honestly left him unable to see what happened or he honestly had no idea.
"He said that we have to go. Howard stood up, his take-out falling out of his lap, bouncing off the coffee table and hitting the floor. "I'll clean that up when I come back."
"Maybe Raj can clean it up with his mouth - it's cleaner than your ear." Leonard snorted.
"I'll have you know I'm very thorough-" Howard stomped his foot. "C'MON RAJ." he called. Raj waved to Leonard and Penny, who both waved back. Folding up his take-out box, he slowly stood up only to be grabbed by the arm by Howard on the way up. Taking Raj with him, he stormed out.
"Really, I'll never understand that man?" Sheldon said.
"Which one?" Leonard asked.
"Howard - he know full well that he has no intention of cleaning this up." Leonard and Penny shot each other a look, and both sighed. Howard and Raj's relationship would remain a mystery to Sheldon for the time-being.